I feel so stupid

I've recently started sixth form at a grammar school and never in my life have I felt so low.

Before this I went to a comprehensive school where they teach you to pass and get your C grade and no more as anything above a C is 'the icing on a cake'. I don't think I could have worked any harder at GCSE - I spent everyday after school until 5 or 6 to get an A in additional science as it was my most favourite subject! I attended all my other revision classes there ever was for all my subjects. However, on results day, I felt like nothing. I achieved:

1 A, 6 B's and half a C. And that A wasn't in science but dance which I didn't enjoy near the end.

The results for my year group, 52% of us came out with a 5 a*-c grades.

I felt so gutted to work so hard to be faced with a B. A B is a good grade but when I spent so much time (and my own money from my part time to pay for extra tuition) I felt like nothing.

Where I was being at top of the class as my old school, I'm now the lowest of the low at the new one.

I chose biology, chemistry, geography and English literature for a-levels because I really do enjoy them! And I want to go into medicine. I was excited to start a new sixth form and friends but none of this is happening. I cannot click in with anyone, I spent my lunchtimes wondering around school pretending I was busy or sitting in the study area doing homework and just be lonely. After that I stopped having contact from my old friends making me even more lonely. It hurts coming home from school and my parents asking me 'Have you made any friends' to realise that I really don't have any.

I really have my eye on the Univeristy of Malta as I know that my GCSE's won't get me anywhere when applying to uni in the UK - but being surrounded by people who has 4 or more A*'s has put me off to applying to uni next year as I will feel embarrassed and looked down for attempting to apply to any science-based course.

The new sixth form recommended me to drop chemistry as I only managed to get a B within Additional Science - despite being the entry requirement being a B at GCSE to take the a-level and I felt like back in square 1, trying again to get dropped.

The workload is becoming immense and it's almost like I can't find enough hours in the day and enough days in the week. I really feel that I can't talk to anyone as I have no friends and I find it so hard to get along with the teachers and being surrounded by people that are looking forward to their lesson because they're capable of getting A's when I could barely get an A at GCSE.

I may sound really moany and stuck up but I feel gutted, lonely and a failure at everything I try to do and achieve.

Reply 1

Okkefac

Hello! I don't think you sound moany or stuck up, I'm not in your position but I totally get what you mean. At my old school they only cared for us to get Cs, I did do better than you but I got the feeling my school didn't care as long as we passed. I'm in year 12 doing my AS as well (:

I also now go to a Grammar school where most people I know got 4+ A* (so it seems the situations are similar). There are plenty of people at my school with grades similar to yours.

At the beginning of the year I was like you, just having nothing to do at lunch and frees, doing all my work and then being bored out of my mind and not talking to anyone. (I somehow ended up making friends though...) Try talking to people in your lessons? I know it would suck to be distracted but at least if you take the same subject you'd have that interest as a talking point. But there are bonuses to not having many friends, it allows you to focus more on your studying and homework and not have the distractions more students get. (At GCSE and most of my life I had had that, it was good because at lunch times you'd get more stuff done). But seriously you'll probably find friends eventually, even if not at first, at least at my school everyone seems really polite here, I bet they are there too :smile:

Don't think of your GCSE grades when it comes to your A levels. From what I've seen so far they don't really correlate. At GCSE I had to work really hard for an A in Biology, and now it's coming a lot easier to me. If you're stuck you really should talk to your teachers, I bet they'd be more than happy to help, as they're a grammar school so they're going to be aiming for these top grades and their teaching is probably really good. The teachers are there to help, also are there are online resources? Both from the school or outside the school website, you can also try and read revision guides if you're stuck.

If you really can't handle it all, then maybe drop a subject and only do 3AS levels, and then maybe next year pick up a 4th if you become more confident in your subjects. Chemistry is completely different at A level and GCSE, and trust me, you're not alone with thinking you're bad at it. Even the A* kids here are getting like Ds/Es in their Chemistry paper. Don't listen to your teacher unless you yourself want to drop it. It's half term now, maybe use this week to get your homework done and study a little bit, go over your classwork and try and make sure you understand it?

It seems like things are quite rough for you right now, but just stay positive and try and work hard, if it gets too much just ask the teachers for advice and help. As for friends I'm sure they'll come soon, if not then they just might not be right, and that's not bad either, being a loner has its advantages.
I wish you all the luck in your AS levels *hugs*

Reply 2

whisperingtears

Aw honestly I feel exactly the same sometimes although I don't attend a grammar school so I can see how hard it must be for you. To be surrounded by intelligent people must be such a daunting feeling because you feel like you're lower than everyone! I completely understand you.

Don't think of yourself as a failure though, passing every gcse subject makes you above the national average and I even got lower grades than I expected at gcse but hey ho, we move on.

About the whole friend situation, I understand how hard it can be to be make new friends. All of my best friends went to other colleges and so I had to make new friends. Luckily, every body was super friendly and me being awkward and shy, I did find it quite hard first but I clicked with a couple of people. I found it so hard to believe I came over my shyness and awkwardness hahaha!

You should join a club or something that goes on at college. You could easily make a friend that way. There's tons of people out there who wouldn't look down on you just because you achieved lower GCSE grades and I'm sure they'd befriend you. Maybe try small talking with the people sitting next to you in class and talk to them about their hobbies and interests so you can get close to them just by having similar interests. You can then ask if you can have lunch with them etc. I remember when I started they were a couple of people just like you who couldn't make friends and they were in my lessons .. They just asked if they could sit with me at break and I was more than happy to let them, it just makes them feel more at ease.

Find out if there's any extra circular activities going on and then you can meet some awesome people that way!

Best of luck and if you ever feel lonely, drop me a PM. We can be virtual buddies, haha.

Xo

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Reply 3

Miracle Day

I have similar GCSEs to you, and also similar circumstances. The same problem on my school's part transcended through to A Level's ofcourse, but I managed to turn it around by having to self-teach everything. This shouldn't be the case, and certainly is an unrealistic expectation for a 15-16 year old from a working class background, and people from good schools don't realise how easy they have it.

Anyway I'm in Cardiff Uni studying Law, which requires AAA-AAB, got an offfer from Exeter for Law too (think that's top 10) which I would have gottnen into.

Good Luck OP, you can do it.

Reply 4

MayoN

Im exactly where you are, except i have this one friend who came with me. Im trying to become a medical researcher of some sort too, but with my GCSE's im going to struggle just the tiniest bit :P my last school was really laid back too and were very happy as long you got above C's in most of your GCSE's. I was thus considered one of the smart ones in my last school but now at this 6th form im surrounded by people who got 4+ A*. Also im getting really bad grades in my chemistry and biology as for one my teachers arent too great, and two im losing the will to do anything. Ive always been lazy but now when i really do need to study 3 hours a day, i fail to. Im always tired now which is why im so thankful for the half term holidays in which im in at the moment :wink:

The only help i can give you from this message, however, is to talk to the people in your class. Complain about the homework or just outright tell them youre making polite awkward conversation. They laugh for a second or two and then yay! you just shared a joke ;P Smile at the people that are in your class when you walk by them. Dont pretend you dont know them. Makes you look up yourself. I should know. done that enough times myself ;P

Anyways, hope i helped! Goodluck! Focus on your studies! If all else fails, this is only for 2 years. And then UNI!! Thats whats keeping me through xx

Reply 5

ejaneh

i go to a grammar school and it is completely crushing they push you very hard with GCSE questions for year 7.you used to be the best with out trying but now you are at the bottom even though you are putting everything in. in short: i feel your pain.