Lying bf

My bf n i have been going out for 3 yrz 10 months nw bt tings r going way down hill nw. he keeps lyin 2 me. we made an agreement dat since im goin away for uni in sept. he'll spend his summa wid me and not wid his annoyin m8s, all of who i hate! they're such *******s, honestly, n wen i tel him not 2 hang round wid dem, he tells me he wont bt evri time i fone him, he doesnt pik up, txts me dat hes wid his family or his sista or brova, so he cnt pik up, den i cl his m8s n i find out hes wid his m8s. dis is the 5th time its happnd, no exaggeration. each time i find out hes lied, i burst in2 tears n he sayz he wont do it agen bt he doeznt stoP! he keeps lyin..i feel so used..shud i end the long term relationship? m i in the rong 4 demandin him to spend da summer with me and not b wid his m8s at all?

Reply 1

subterfuge

1

you shouldn't be forcing him to stay away from his mates.

Reply 2

randum_nandom

^^^^^^^^ what i say he loves u n u do 2 dnt let his mates separte you 2

Reply 3

randum_nandom

^^^^^^^^ what i say he loves u n u do 2 dnt let his mates separte you 2

Reply 4

ruthiepoothie

11

Anonymous

My bf n i have been going out for 3 yrz 10 months nw bt tings r going way down hill nw. he keeps lyin 2 me. we made an agreement dat since im goin away for uni in sept. he'll spend his summa wid me and not wid his annoyin m8s, all of who i hate! they're such *******s, honestly, n wen i tel him not 2 hang round wid dem, he tells me he wont bt evri time i fone him, he doesnt pik up, txts me dat hes wid his family or his sista or brova, so he cnt pik up, den i cl his m8s n i find out hes wid his m8s. dis is the 5th time its happnd, no exaggeration. each time i find out hes lied, i burst in2 tears n he sayz he wont do it agen bt he doeznt stoP! he keeps lyin..i feel so used..shud i end the long term relationship? m i in the rong 4 demandin him to spend da summer with me and not b wid his m8s at all?

Firstly, it would make it much easier if you wrote in full sentences and not in text speak, makes it a little hard to follow otherwise.

Secondly, you don't own your boyfriend. You have no right to tell him he can't see his friends at all. Yes, you have a right to say you want to spend time with him, wouldn't be much good having a relationship with him if you didn't want to spend time with him, but who is his friends with is ultimately up to him.

It sounds like you need to tell him why you don't like his friends, is there actually a reason, or just because they take him away from you? Listen to what he says and why he wants to see them, and see where it goes from there. If the lying is a problem then perhaps he doesn't want you to be upset with him for seeing his friends, in a way you didn't give him much option.

Comprimise on both sides is probably required.

Ruthie xx

Reply 5

.:fluff:.

1

If my boyfriend told me i wasn't allowed to see my mates I would probably do the same thing. Fair enough, you don't like them but they're his mates, do you just expect him to be with you 24 hours a day? give the guy some time off and stop trying to control him, and while you're at it learn how to type in proper english.

Reply 6

lauraxxx88

hey i have a byfr of 1 yr and 10months and i think u r been quite unfair im going away too uni too in the sept and hes retaking the year sure im going to miss him like mad but i accept he has his mates too so balance his time in the summer between me and them. Im not keen on his mates either lots sleepa round but im even letting him go on holiday next week to tenerife with 16 other guys! xlearn to accept his friends

Reply 7

Whistle_1989

u havent really given us much to go on here...
such as what his friends have done to deserve your immense dislike.
Going on what u have given i would say you are being extremely unreasonable..just because you are his long term girlfriend doesn't mean you are the only person in his life.

Reply 8

cinder

10

If I did this my boyfriend would dump me in an instant.
You can't choose his friends and you definatly can't stop him from seeing them. If you're going to be that controlling in a relationship you should be lucky it only goes as far as lying about his mates.
Honestly, I don't know how he could have put up with that for three years.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Sorry for writing in "text speak." Thanks for all your responses. Ruthiepoothie- I have told him why I don't like his friends. First of all, I think they are a bad influence on him. He's started smoking because of them and last year, he broke up with me and spent all his time with his friends...for three whole months...! Also, they don't like me, i can imagine them gunning me most of the time...Sorry if that seems childish...I just want to spend time with him before I go off to uni...and it feels like he's taking them away from me.

Fluff, thanks for your response too. I don't expect him to be with me 24 hours a day but I don't see why it is mandatory for him to see his mates all the time. They r a bunch of *******s! I just want time alone with him.

How do I make him stop lying to me?

Reply 10

subterfuge

1

Anonymous

How do I make him stop lying to me?

you not liking his friend's isnt going to make much difference. Just tell him you're ok with him seeing his friends sometimes and don't let it upset you too much.
When he's with his friends you can find something else to do, like being with your friends who you'll also be leaving soon.

he's only lying as an attempt to avoid a big confrontation & argument with you.

Reply 11

.:fluff:.

1

Fluff, thanks for your response too. I don't expect him to be with me 24 hours a day but I don't see why it is mandatory for him to see his mates all the time. They r a bunch of *******s! I just want time alone with him.

I can understand why you want time alone with him, and you've got to have time alone together. Why don't you explain to him that you know he has to spend time with his mates, but arrange one day of the week where it's just you two and go out and have fun together? That way you get to spend time alone with him and you both get to do your own thing, you'll probably find that once he feels like he's "allowed" to see his mates he won't lie to you about it. It seems like he knows it upsets you so doesn't tell you, so doesn't that tell you something? Just speak to him, after nearly 4 years I'm sure you can work something out :smile:

Reply 12

kitty12

1

Firstly i can see where your coming from. I'm kinda guessing but wen you say your off to uni u mean u wont see him at all?? If this is the case i can see ehy you want him to spend the summer with you, as for the time your at uni he'sgot all the time in the world with them If i hadn't seen by boyf in months and i got home and he's with his mates all the time i'd be pissed too. However if you will see him whhile your away at uni (weekend etc) then I'd say your being unreasonable. I know how it is wen u feel like you get no time alone.

Tell how you feel, prehaps explain its not his being with his mates that gets u but his constant lying about it. He may think your just being awkward u need to explain how you feel. Hope this helps.

Reply 13

El Scotto

15

Anonymous

My bf n i have been going out for 3 yrz 10 months nw bt tings r going way down hill nw. he keeps lyin 2 me. we made an agreement dat since im goin away for uni in sept. he'll spend his summa wid me and not wid his annoyin m8s, all of who i hate! they're such *******s, honestly, n wen i tel him not 2 hang round wid dem, he tells me he wont bt evri time i fone him, he doesnt pik up, txts me dat hes wid his family or his sista or brova, so he cnt pik up, den i cl his m8s n i find out hes wid his m8s. dis is the 5th time its happnd, no exaggeration. each time i find out hes lied, i burst in2 tears n he sayz he wont do it agen bt he doeznt stoP! he keeps lyin..i feel so used..shud i end the long term relationship? m i in the rong 4 demandin him to spend da summer with me and not b wid his m8s at all?

I had an annoying psycho girlfriend like you once, who wanted to stop me seeing her friends... so I'd lie to her, to see my friends.... and then she'd get upset. If I told the truth about seeing my friends, she'd get upset so I lied to delay the upset and stress untill later.

best thing I've ever done is get rid of that annyoing hoe.

You're screwed now, as hes gonna be in the habit of lying to you.
also, I suspect your suspicious all the time and trying to catch him out all the time even when he hasnt been lying. and that wont help.

Reply 14

cinder

10

El Scotto

I had an annoying psycho girlfriend like you once, who wanted to stop me seeing her friends... so I'd lie to her, to see my friends.... and then she'd get upset. If I told the truth about seeing my friends, she'd get upset so I lied to delay the upset and stress untill later.

best thing I've ever done is get rid of that annyoing hoe.

You're screwed now, as hes gonna be in the habit of lying to you.
also, I suspect your suspicious all the time and trying to catch him out all the time even when he hasnt been lying. and that wont help.

haha...so blunt.

Reply 15

jointhedots

16

Anonymous

he keeps lyin..i feel so used..shud i end the long term relationship? m i in the rong 4 demandin him to spend da summer with me and not b wid his m8s at all?

Yes because you're trying to control him and it's not really on. If my boyfriend started trying to do that to me I'd split up with him ASAP and I'm surprised yours hasn't TBH, it's a really selfish and nasty thing to try and do.

His friends are part of his life, you should accept that.

Reply 16

*Claire*

1

Just let him see his mates, don't get over dramatic about it. If he feels he can see his mates & tell u without hassle then he won't have to lie to you & won't resent you. Just cos you're going away doesn't mean he can't see his friends, they are going to be important to him as well. I wouldn't be happy if 1 of my friends didn't see me all summer then expected to fit right back in. Why don't u comprimise, instead of saying he can't see his friends, why don't u arrange u will see him sometimes, his mates others. If he isn't forced to lie it will prob work out better. If he continues to not want to see you then think about how things are going