The Student Room Group

In a relationship but am I missing out?

Lately, I’ve been having a little wonder about things. I’m in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years. I love him, and all is great at the moment. Before him, I was in another (long-ish) relationship, which lasted just over a year and a half. I’ve recently started a new job, where I work with a load of girls all they go on about is getting dressed up to go out on a Saturday or Friday night, and generally have a laugh, they try to ‘pull’ guys they like as well. And it got me thinking, I can’t do that. The whole guy thing I mean. I mean, I don’t want to exactly it’s just…hard to describe, Im missing that feeling, of liking someone, having little looks with them, wondering if they like you (wow, that sounds like what I used to when I was 13 lol) or so , I miss the excitement of it all .I feel I have missed/am missing out on that ‘fun young’ part of my life.

Does anyone feel like this? And if so, how do you get over it?

Does any of this make sense? I’m not too good at putting my feelings into words when it comes to relationship matters.

xxx
I know what you mean .. I feel like that sometimes but I just remember that what I've got is great and they're probably jealous of me sometimes.

(posting as anonymous as my boyfriend knows I come on here)
Reply 2
Unfortunately you can't have it both ways. When I was with my bf I felt like that a bit, was part of the reason we split up. Now sometimes its great to go out & flirt etc but other times its rubbish, cos no-one is there for you. Sometimes I really miss being in a long-term stable relationship where you know the person is always there for you. IMO its a bit like when you are in a relationship things are more stable, when you are single there are highs of excitement when someone is interested or whatever but also lows when you feel a bit lonely.
Reply 3
yeah, you can't have it both ways. if you're happy in your relationship then this shouldn't even come in to it. maybe suggest to your boyfriend that you go out and do something new together? that'd be fun and make you realise that you like what you've got.

i have to say though, i'm single and have been for a long time through choice. i absolutely love it and basically i'm just not a relationship person. but this goes onto the 'pulling' thing to - that's totally not me. i do not go looking for people like that. if a relationship happens, it happens, but i'm not going to go searching for it or trying out every man until i find the right one (this is not to say that if i fancy someone i wont have some sort of fling).
i'm sure i'm being far from coherent.. but its 10pm on a tuesday so what can you expect?
Reply 4
Again, if you're resentful and if your boyfriend isn't everything you would want him to be then it's time to seriously consider your relationship.
Reply 5
The grass is always greener on the other side.
Reply 6
It sounds like you love your boyfriend, but the lust stage is just starting to fade?
know exactly what yuo mean. i miss the thrill of the chase. i love my bf and would never leave him but i do miss being single and it would drive me mad if my mates were out enjoying it when i couldnt.
Reply 8
I recently finished my BF of 6 months because I felt I should be out "experimenting with boys". It's now turned out that me and him are closer than ever and I've now stopped trying to find other boys. Ok, if they flirt with me, il flirt back, but i would have done that anyway. I feel really bad for my decision 'cause I know i love him and that he loves me, but he won't have me back because there's the posibility that i'll break his heart again.

I wouldn't say this is defo the same for you, but it's the way it's happened with me. If you do decide to finish you BF, make sure you think long and hard about it, 'cause these decisions can't be reversed very easily.
Reply 9
I completely agree with you - I'm engaged to my other half, and living with him, and I wouldn't swap it for anything. My point was though that there is a danger, when one has been in a relationship for a long time, to wonder whether one is missing out and whether other people are having more fun. I don't personally think I'm missing out on anything, but I think that "the grass is always greener" thing applies to a lot of people, and I guess I mentioned it as a warning, because if you act on it you can end up really regretting it.
(edited 4 years ago)
Off-topic slightly, but I think 22 is a perfectly reasonable age to be thinking about spending the rest of your life with someone, and it's something to be excited, not scared, about. :smile:
(edited 4 years ago)
Well everyone wants what they haven't got. If you wasn't in a relationship and you had the single life, I'm pretty sure that you'd admire those people in a relationship and wonder why you don't have a long-term boyfriend. Pulling and everything is fun, but being in a stable relationship is much more important. Just try to do different things, go out more often with your boyfriend and make everything more enjoyable for yourselves. See how it goes with your boyfriend, not all relationships last forever anyway.
Well to be honest as alot of people have said you cannot have both if your gonnna go off and go out pulling least dump your boyfriend, and also as i said if you go out for the night you also run the risk of not getting any guy at all, i'd say its best to stick with your current boyfriend least that is a stable relationship unless you two are really having problems.
Reply 13
I think alot of people feel like that when they've been in a relationship for a long time, but it's like anything, sometimes you always want what other people have got. But at the end of the day theres probably plenty of people out there that are jealose of you, and of the fact that you have someone to go to when you need them and someone you can rely on to be there for you. Fair enough going in "the pull" might be a laugh, but theres only so much fun you can have before really wanting something that means something...i think that made sense:p:
Reply 14
it's true u miss ur freedom after bein in a relationship for so long..um with my bf for 3 and half yrs whereas i see some of my gfs switchin bfs on monthly basis.. not like i appreciate that but at tyms i feel maybe um kinda missin out on fun.... but when i consider our relationship on a serious note i feel apologetic for even ponderin like that n value the love we share...i think it's all about how much u love ur guy n the extent to which u are ready to give up in order to be with him.

As for the OP,i think u should consider ur relationship since u r drifting towards things that matter far too little than your precious relationship..
Reply 15
I don't think the OP is saying that shes tempted to cheat on her boyfriend for a bit of "fun", i just think she's asking if it's normal to feel like your missing out on something and miss that "excitment" when you first feel that something between you and someone else.....forgive me if i'm wrong. :redface:
Reply 16
What your feeling is definitely normal, maybe your boyfriend might feel like it sometimes too.
However, if these feelings are leaving you tempted to flirt with other men, go out with your friends in this manner or treat your boyfriend disrespectfully at all, then id take the feelings slightly more seriously.