How do I bring this up? (18+)

My girlfriend and I have been going out for about 4 months now. We are both 18 and neither of us have any experience with sex and we've done a lot of kissing, caressing, etc but I hadnt ever touched her 'down there' until a few nights ago. It was just for a bit, and i had to leave soon after but she wouldn't meet my eyes and looked very embarassed. It certainly wasnt unwelcome, she was facilitating my touching rather than trying to stop it so I'm a bit confused. Is this embarassment normal? I guess it probably isnt totally unheard of.

So now I"m thinking that the best way to clear this up would be to discuss it with her, but what I really dont want to do is sound like a sex-crazy stereotypical guy. She has been away for about a week since then and we've kept in touch and she hasnt seemed embarassed any more or anything.

What really complicates matters for me is that I fully intended to tell her that I love her the night this happened, but didn't because I didnt want her to think it was because of the physical aspects of the moment. I've wanted to tell her for a couple weeks now, but it never seems like the right moment, either because there are other people around, or one of us has had a couple drinks, etc.

To the extent that I have a plan, I'd like to tell her that I love her when she comes back in a couple days. Then maybe discuss her feelings about sex later, or a couple days afterwards. (I don't want the two conversations to be too close together, lest she think they are mixed in my mind, because they really arent, except that they are both things that I'd like to say to her.)

I've just realised that there isn't really a question here, but any thoughts you have on this would be appreciated. Sorry this is so long!

Reply 1

Tarts_n_Vicars

13

She was probably just a little shy and embarassed after, I doubt it's anything to do with regrets! Does there actually need to be a "when shall we have sex" conversation? You sound like you're gradually making your way towards it anyway and telling her you love her then asking when you can have sex might ruin the moment don't you think?

Reply 2

coldfusion

2

Blimey

She was probably just a little shy and embarassed after, I doubt it's anything to do with regrets! Does there actually need to be a "when shall we have sex" conversation? You sound like you're gradually making your way towards it anyway and telling her you love her then asking when you can have sex might ruin the moment don't you think?

yeah most probably

Reply 3

zav

14

You don't need to plan it let it happen its sooo much better as you both want it then.

I am sure she is fine if she has not been touched there by somebody else before she is bound to be shy or even if it is the first time with you as she will wonder what you think.

Carry on as normal and it will progress naturally, hope it goes well have fun and stay safe :wink:

Reply 4

Unregistered

Anonymous

My girlfriend and I have been going out for about 4 months now. We are both 18 and neither of us have any experience with sex and we've done a lot of kissing, caressing, etc but I hadnt ever touched her 'down there' until a few nights ago. It was just for a bit, and i had to leave soon after but she wouldn't meet my eyes and looked very embarassed. It certainly wasnt unwelcome, she was facilitating my touching rather than trying to stop it so I'm a bit confused. Is this embarassment normal? I guess it probably isnt totally unheard of.

So now I"m thinking that the best way to clear this up would be to discuss it with her, but what I really dont want to do is sound like a sex-crazy stereotypical guy. She has been away for about a week since then and we've kept in touch and she hasnt seemed embarassed any more or anything.

What really complicates matters for me is that I fully intended to tell her that I love her the night this happened, but didn't because I didnt want her to think it was because of the physical aspects of the moment. I've wanted to tell her for a couple weeks now, but it never seems like the right moment, either because there are other people around, or one of us has had a couple drinks, etc.

To the extent that I have a plan, I'd like to tell her that I love her when she comes back in a couple days. Then maybe discuss her feelings about sex later, or a couple days afterwards. (I don't want the two conversations to be too close together, lest she think they are mixed in my mind, because they really arent, except that they are both things that I'd like to say to her.)

I've just realised that there isn't really a question here, but any thoughts you have on this would be appreciated. Sorry this is so long!

Take her out somewhere nice and tell her you love her and bring up the sexual side of your relationship maybe a week later at an appropriate time, it happens naturally just like things so far have done. But tell her you love her first.

Reply 5

Glory

1

Blimey

She was probably just a little shy and embarassed after, I doubt it's anything to do with regrets! Does there actually need to be a "when shall we have sex" conversation? You sound like you're gradually making your way towards it anyway and telling her you love her then asking when you can have sex might ruin the moment don't you think?

i agree, couldnt of put it better than myself. I know i personally would rather let sex happen, than plan its down to the littlest detail. Although saying that, if you happen to get the house to yourself for a week or so, saying maybe trying it out then is less pressure. Couple of hours may be to short, may take a long time to get the moment right.

It will happen, just dont bring sex up as soon as she gets home. It will come accross as the only thing youve been thinking about since shes been gone. Although saying you love her and have missed her would be really lovely.

Reply 6

1013

1

I think the love converstation is always welcome - it would be nice done in a romantic setting like a picnic or something.

However, the afct that she was embarassed after you touched her shows that she isn't really ready for a physical realtionship yet, so why not leave that stuff alone for a little while? Even if it was her that instigated it, if she couldn't look you in the eye after, then it kind of suggests that she's not quite mature enough to handle it. This is nothing bad against your girlfriend! I just think you need to wait for a bit.

Reply 7

hippieglitter

19

for when to tell her you love her, just do it, don't wait for the right moment to come up cos you will be waiting forever. Don't even bother with a when shall we have sex conversation, in my own experience it doesn't work , we would plana tiem and something would come up making it impossible , it will happen when it happens, let it be spontaneous.

Reply 8

Zoecb

11

I think what you've said is very sensible OP. Sounds like a plan.

Reply 9

notsoperfect

1

i have to say: THIS IS SO SWEET! you seem really clued up.
just proceed with your plan, you sound like you care a lot. she'll stop getting embarrassed as she gets more used to sex.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Thank you all for your responses, they have helped me think this through a bit. I'll definitely proceed with the first conversation, and see where that leaves us before I bring up the other. Thanks again for the help!

How do I bring this up? (18+)

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