I am depressed, zero motivation to find work and no direction in life. Advice? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
I am 25 years old and I have no idea what to do with my life. Because of this, I am depressed, lacking motivation and have no direction in life.

I just feel so down at the moment, it's hard to focus properly right now. I have no one to turn to for advice, no one understands and just thinks I am lazy etc.

I live with my parents, but I don't want to be living with my parents, I would much rather be out in the real world on my own living an independent life. I feel like a ****ing loser to be 25, living at home with parents and unemployed, it's a **** situation to be in but people don't understand when you have a mental illness how hard it is on a person.

Sometimes I just feel like crying. I am a grown 25 year old guy and I want to cry. I have almost zero social life, very few friends because I have grown apart and distanced myself from people, so I pretty much live in solitude 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Do I want this life? Of course I don't, but I don't know how to change. Each day, week, month seems to pass so fast and next thing I am a year older with still no direction.

I am frustrated and annoyed at myself too for not changing, but it's hard when you have nothing worthwhile or good in your life. Very little family, hardly any friends, no girlfriend or even female acquaintances, no job, no career or life goals etc.

What do I do? All I can do is ask questions on here to a bunch of strangers who don't really know, nor care too much, but I have no one else to turn to, so...
0
reply
username1084946
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#2
Report 5 years ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I am 25 years old and I have no idea what to do with my life. Because of this, I am depressed, lacking motivation and have no direction in life.

I just feel so down at the moment, it's hard to focus properly right now. I have no one to turn to for advice, no one understands and just thinks I am lazy etc.

I live with my parents, but I don't want to be living with my parents, I would much rather be out in the real world on my own living an independent life. I feel like a ****ing loser to be 25, living at home with parents and unemployed, it's a **** situation to be in but people don't understand when you have a mental illness how hard it is on a person.

Sometimes I just feel like crying. I am a grown 25 year old guy and I want to cry. I have almost zero social life, very few friends because I have grown apart and distanced myself from people, so I pretty much live in solitude 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Do I want this life? Of course I don't, but I don't know how to change. Each day, week, month seems to pass so fast and next thing I am a year older with still no direction.

I am frustrated and annoyed at myself too for not changing, but it's hard when you have nothing worthwhile or good in your life. Very little family, hardly any friends, no girlfriend or even female acquaintances, no job, no career or life goals etc.

What do I do? All I can do is ask questions on here to a bunch of strangers who don't really know, nor care too much, but I have no one else to turn to, so...
I understand your situation all too well.
Well done by the way, you've just taken the first step to recovery by writing this post!

As much as it may sound cliché, you NEED to do something now.
I found an awesome personal development course on YouTube, in it's entirety that in my opinion is incredibly inspiring and motivating and has done me a world of good.
Go on to YouTube and just watch the video: "How to figure out your mission in life by Brian Johnson". It's great, since I was 17 I have been keeping a journal that documents my thoughts and feelings but mainly works as a sort of exercise book, because these are effectively lessons on how to live your life and put words into action!

May I also reccomend that you subscribe to him for more videos, there's a massive crash course on what he calls "Optimal Living 101" which will guide you through, as it has me, how to get places, do things and just be yourself. Also, you may find that watching videos from another YouTuber Qaadir Howard very useful and funny in exploring life and acheiving your goals and dreams!

Trust me, if you do not take action now then things will only get worse.
Just speaking from experience, do it for yourself!

I am nearly always on here to help people, I love to do it so if you need to speak or would like to talk about anything really then you can get in touch with me on either here, or through my XBox gamertag (if you have one yourself?), so yeah.

Please, I know that I can't "play God" but you need help.

Don't give up now. Think of it as a New Year's incentive!

Hope this helps you, if not let me know!
6
reply
beachbecky
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#3
Report 5 years ago
#3
Dear Anon,

Hi! I'm not just a random stranger, my name is Becky and I'm interested in you and how you feel. I'd like to help you so here goes.

You say you have 'little family, hardly any friends, no girlfriend, no job or life goals'. I'd say you HAVE family, you HAVE friends, and you have the goal of increasing your social circle and in improving how you feel. If you had no goals you wouldn't even be looking to fix things, which I take as a very good sign!

It's important to remember to appreciate the people who are in your life. Sure, everyone has annoying habits but you should be grateful that these people are in your life. You're not alone and if you keep a positive relationship with these people you never will be.

I wouldn't worry at all about the lack of a girlfriend. If you sort out the other aspects of your life, that will come in time. Just remember that girlfriends aren't everything. I feel a lot more stressed when I'm in a relationship than when I'm not. You get to do whatever you want, you're free! You could go travelling or work every hour of the day and there'd be nobody else you'd have to consider. Make the most of it before you do get tied down. Plenty of time for that later

With your career, that's the thing that is probably holding you down the most. If you don't feel you're achieving things on a day to day basis, of course you're gonna end up feeling down. So, you don't know what you want to do? That's fine. I'm sure most people fall into their jobs accidentally. Look around on the internet, you'll find loads of current vacancies advertised. Find a handful that you could do (hours wise and qualification wise) even if they don't necessarily appeal to you at first. Apply for them all and see what happens. Even if you don't enjoy the job, you can still learn from it and you can still get an income in the mean time. Then after a trial period, you can always try a different job. Just keep doing that and eventually you'll fall into something that suits you and inspires you. Realistically, are you gonna find a job building rockets or directing movies? Probably not, but you can find something that gets you up in the morning and really, that's all you'll need to start feeling positive again.

So, what with spending time with your current family and friends and job hunting/working you'll already be busy and feeling happier! Now all that's left to do is find a hobby to come home to. Maybe research online courses that could help lead to a job you'd like to try, or find a local dance class. Doing something that improves you as a person, outside of work, gives you a great sense of achievement and something you can use to make yourself more mysterious when meeting new people! Of course, you'll also be able to meet people who share your interests so go for it!

That pretty much wraps up what I had to say. Spend time getting closer to your current friends and family, research job vacancies and try a couple just to see if you can learn something new, find a new hobby that you can try out and hopefully meet people who share the same interests as you. And don't worry about having a relationship, that'll come when the rest slots into place. So, good luck getting you back to you. I hope these thoughts help you to feel more positive and let you be more confident and happier in your life.

Best wishes and a big hug!
3
reply
Anonymous #2
#4
Report 5 years ago
#4
Although 2 years younger I feel I mirror you almost exactly, I too have no friends and just sit by myself alone practically all day everyday. I find it difficult to even get up of a morning. I think the key is that you want to change, and change doesn't happen without us actually doing something about it. Little steps are the key, and although you may not see any change by doing little things e.g. applying for a job a day, going out for a walk...they will actually be helping you.
My question to you, is if you could have/be/do anything in life, what would it be?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#5
I appreciate the answers I have gotten so far but the thing is, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. If i knew this then it would be so much like a big weight off my shoulders. while it seems everyone else is doing something they enjoy or going to university to study, i am stuck with no idea what to do. it makes me even more depressed because i am 25 and feeling like this. everything costs money to study, i don't have that money as i don't have a job, and i don't have the motivation to get one.

i have very little self confidence/self esteem at the moment and my motivation is at a real low. I am just frustrated that i am not moving anywhere, i am stagnant and it frustrates me so much. i have no social life, apart from 1 or 2 friends i see occasionally. i then see people going out and having a great time, having fun and socialising and i am doing nothing. but i have zero motivation and it's making me feel lazy. i just feel comfortable in my bed doing nothing each day, but i don't enjoy doing this as i want to be amongst people. i hate the way my life is at the moment. i just need motivation from somewhere.
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#6
Report 5 years ago
#6
That's very interesting that you say that, because i have just finished university, but also have no idea really what i wish to do...everyone else is following their chosen career paths but i just feel lost and muddled. I think the key is to try alot of different things...I am trying to volunteer at different places, really research career options and try different paths...if they aren't for you then atleast you can say you've tried it, and in doing so have narrowed down your search for what you want to do. It may take some time but there is no time limit on life, and it's more important to finally find something that makes you happy, than be stuck doing something which doesn't. I am going to try travling also as I think you will learn alot about yourself as a person, find new things which excite you and change your outlook in life
0
reply
Kentucky_Avenue
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#7
Report 5 years ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
I am 25 years old and I have no idea what to do with my life. Because of this, I am depressed, lacking motivation and have no direction in life.

I just feel so down at the moment, it's hard to focus properly right now. I have no one to turn to for advice, no one understands and just thinks I am lazy etc.

I live with my parents, but I don't want to be living with my parents, I would much rather be out in the real world on my own living an independent life. I feel like a ****ing loser to be 25, living at home with parents and unemployed, it's a **** situation to be in but people don't understand when you have a mental illness how hard it is on a person.

Sometimes I just feel like crying. I am a grown 25 year old guy and I want to cry. I have almost zero social life, very few friends because I have grown apart and distanced myself from people, so I pretty much live in solitude 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Do I want this life? Of course I don't, but I don't know how to change. Each day, week, month seems to pass so fast and next thing I am a year older with still no direction.

I am frustrated and annoyed at myself too for not changing, but it's hard when you have nothing worthwhile or good in your life. Very little family, hardly any friends, no girlfriend or even female acquaintances, no job, no career or life goals etc.

What do I do? All I can do is ask questions on here to a bunch of strangers who don't really know, nor care too much, but I have no one else to turn to, so...
I'm in almost exactly the same situation as you and can relate to what you say so much. My life has just been a big mess for the last couple of years but I completely lack the motivation to change it. PM me if you ever want to chat.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
That's very interesting that you say that, because i have just finished university, but also have no idea really what i wish to do...everyone else is following their chosen career paths but i just feel lost and muddled. I think the key is to try alot of different things...I am trying to volunteer at different places, really research career options and try different paths...if they aren't for you then atleast you can say you've tried it, and in doing so have narrowed down your search for what you want to do. It may take some time but there is no time limit on life, and it's more important to finally find something that makes you happy, than be stuck doing something which doesn't. I am going to try travling also as I think you will learn alot about yourself as a person, find new things which excite you and change your outlook in life
I wish I had a degree to fall back on, but i have nothing. I have a college BTEC diploma, which is equivalent to A-levels, but apart from that i have nothing else. Even the BTEC i have is useless and i regret even studying for it.

I really enjoy science and would like to study medicine, but the main issue for me is that i'm horrible at maths. I always have been bad at maths and it's been my downfall, because a lot of the subjects i would enjoy studying involve a good level of maths.

It really frustrates me and makes me depressed about the situation. I wish i knew what career path to take, because if i did, i would be a very happy and content person. Right now i don't feel happy with life. At the end of the day, a career is a big part of a person's life, so i want to make the right decision. But i worry that at 25 all my options are pretty limited.

I just don't want to be another lower class worker on below average salary for my adult life. I want to be fulfilled and successful. I don't want a ton of money, i just want a job/career i will enjoy and what will make me happy, confident and content with life.
0
reply
xox_em
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#9
Report 5 years ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
I am 25 years old and I have no idea what to do with my life. Because of this, I am depressed, lacking motivation and have no direction in life.

I just feel so down at the moment, it's hard to focus properly right now. I have no one to turn to for advice, no one understands and just thinks I am lazy etc.

I live with my parents, but I don't want to be living with my parents, I would much rather be out in the real world on my own living an independent life. I feel like a ****ing loser to be 25, living at home with parents and unemployed, it's a **** situation to be in but people don't understand when you have a mental illness how hard it is on a person.

Sometimes I just feel like crying. I am a grown 25 year old guy and I want to cry. I have almost zero social life, very few friends because I have grown apart and distanced myself from people, so I pretty much live in solitude 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Do I want this life? Of course I don't, but I don't know how to change. Each day, week, month seems to pass so fast and next thing I am a year older with still no direction.

I am frustrated and annoyed at myself too for not changing, but it's hard when you have nothing worthwhile or good in your life. Very little family, hardly any friends, no girlfriend or even female acquaintances, no job, no career or life goals etc.

What do I do? All I can do is ask questions on here to a bunch of strangers who don't really know, nor care too much, but I have no one else to turn to, so...
Hey dude, I just want to say that your writing this made me cry a little. I know you deserve so much more!!
While I've been in the same situation, and I do find myself thinking this still, I am much better. What changed? Well, time passed. And I found little things to give me a sense of accomplishment. And I told other people how I felt, even though that was really, really hard. Trust me, once you tell someone, (and I told them on facebook, never to their face) I felt much better knowing that when I felt bad, I could tell them (they felt similarily) So tell someone, and next find something to feel accomplished about. Ex. do you like running etc? Painting? Pursue that. Everytime you get better, you will feel a bit better. At the start it seems impossible, bu tit's not. Then you will feel like sharing your accomplishment. Eventually u will become more open and feel like u have soemthing to share with the world and be happier. it took me 2 years, but I have gone from feeling like my life is completely pointless to life is sometimes pointless, but sometimes it's just so great to be alive.
I am sorry taht you don't have the $$ to go to school. That is really, really unfortunate, while I can afford to go school, I am not rich, so I have to limit my passions to free ones.
As for girlfriends, those definitely will not come until yo have picked yourself up the floor. Unless you find another depressed girla nd u pick yourselves up together.
Please don't feel bad that you are 25 and doing nothing. I know people who are 35 who are like that. They don't feel bad about themselves. Some people are late bloomers. X) Life is long.
Also the other problem is black and white thinking.
U think, "Im 25 and useless.s..therefore I will be useless forever."
Just an example but if you really think abou tit, its totally untrue!!
Just because you are X or Y now, it does NOT mean you will be X or Y forever!
Good luck. Please tell us how you are doing!!
1
reply
jvc95
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#10
Report 5 years ago
#10
Get into an apprenticeship or something you'll get the chance to train, earn a bit and make friends with others who are also doing the apprenticeship. If you want to make things happen you have to make it happen and not just sit home all day.

Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
Sarah Parker
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#11
Report 4 years ago
#11
I am in the same boat as you but I am 38 year old female.I am so depressed myself and unemployed life is hard. I have 2 wonderful kids tho. Hope thinks get better for you.
1
reply
Brandon8751
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#12
Report 2 years ago
#12
Hello there, not sure if you're gonna see this or not, but I would like to thank you. You see, I was feeling exactly like you, almost perfectly identical. That's how I found this, am deathly knowing that I'm not alone in this struggle was a huge help for me, I even kept this page to remind me "hey that guy is/was going through it too" and that helped me overlook a lot of the thing she I wasn't so critical on myself about, and instead start to focus on everything good that makes who I am, just as there's plenty of good whatever it may be to make you who you are. Another thing that I miss not sure if you've ever committed to, is getting out and under the sun, it was amazingly how much better I felt when I started forcing myself to get out somewhere, anywhere. Breathing the fresh air was amazing! Anyways thank you very much for the inspiration in a weird way, and I hope you've overcome a lot to be in a better place with your depression, because it will all get better, trust me. Just gotta stick out the hard times and life will pay its dividends, best of luck brother👍🏻🤘🏻
1
reply
Suresh810419
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#13
Report 1 year ago
#13
I’m 36 and in the same position as you, except that I’ve never had a girlfriend and have no friends. When you get to my age, employment sector is hard because employers look for young people like yourself to invest in and Train. I’ve been doing dead end jobs since 1997 and now I’m unemployed and don’t know where to turn because I’m getting old. I’m in severe debt due to being silly with my credit cards and now being punished.My advice would be to see your doctor and refer yourself to see a counsellor. Write down things that you like and also your hobbies. Work from there. Small steps leads you to your goal! For anyone reading, please don’t end up like me.
0
reply
Hirsty97
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 year ago
#14
Thank the baby boomers for this mess yeah, but seriously, I don't know your situation but don't use your mental illness as a crutch, you say you're bad at maths, but I see a course for biomedical sciences at Leeds Beckett and you only need a C at maths GCSE, there are probably other science courses like that if you look at different universities and courses.

Good luck.
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#15
Report 1 year ago
#15
You should buy a call girl to revive you
0
reply
Anonymous #4
#16
Report 1 year ago
#16
I can relate to this. A bit older than you (at the time of posting and now), living at home still, unemployed.

When I left college I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

After 5 years of working a dead end job I realised that I wasn't going anywhere anymore and had hit a glass ceiling. I loved working with my colleagues but needed a new challenge.

By then I was older and had a better idea as to what sort of things interested me. So I took the plunge, left full time work and went to uni. After 4 years of study I left with a first class honours. Oh the future looked so rosy. That dream job was around the corner.

When I returned...sure enough, I landed that dream job...or so I thought.

All optimism sure soon faded however and it wouldn't take me long to realise that this awesome job title wasn't everything I had hoped for.

The working environment was awful, atmosphere... non existent, project objectives...sketchy and vague. Management knew nothing about my line of work and were not very approachable at all, training...never materialised.

The last project I worked on was a disaster due to many factors hindering progress, with limited knowledge compared with co-workers in my department it mean't I could only contribute so much.
All this had a degrading effect on my mental health that still effects me to this day in terms of lack of confidence, self doubt, lack of faith in my own abilities and all that good stuff.
In the end I had enough, i had to get out, so I left and went back to uni to do a masters degree in the same industry and in a similar line of work to what I studied before. Enjoyed that and got through with a distinction towards the end of last year.

Now it starts again, when it comes to looking for a job, I read what employers are looking for and the way they word their person specifications. I continuously doubt myself and my own abilities compared to what they are looking for which puts me off applying at all (silly as I have 2 great qualifications I know). I am so afraid of walking into another stagnant environment where I dread going in each day and sit there watching the clock. Do I even want to work in this industry any more? If I don't then all my prior study and work experience was a waste. So I to am a bit lost again at the moment.

Like you, I don't have a girlfriend but not that I am making an effort to find one either. I do have a small circle of friends whom I see fairly regularly and a very supportive family which I am very grateful for and have been a great help to me when trying to find my way. It is a process that many of us go through in life. You are very lucky if you know what you want to do from an early age and manage to achieve it.

I don't know what the answer is but we need to do what makes us happy. We are at work for most of our waking hours so it is extremely important to be doing something we enjoy with people we get enjoy being around....in my opinion
0
reply
Rebecca Sanders
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#17
Report 1 year ago
#17
During sixth form I felt quite low, had little confidence and no idea what I wanted to do in my life. I started volunteering for the Brownies just to be helpful and do something new. I started really anxious and put on a brave face powering through and hour and a half a week. Prior to starting I had just received treatment for anxiety at CAMHS.

Eventually this got easier and I gained confidence as I realised I am capable of many things. I became much happier knowing I am making a difference and concentrating less on my own personal problems.

With volunteering there is no pressure like there is with paid employment so you just relax and have fun.

I suggest volunteering as a great way to improve well-being and help you find out what you like doing without having to make a commitment. Just pick anything and see where you end up. You have nothing to loose.
0
reply
TravisfOreman
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#18
Report 1 year ago
#18
Find true love
0
reply
Michael Lyons
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#19
Report 1 year ago
#19
Have you heard of Maslow's hierarchy? Link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow...archy_of_needs It basically states that to fulfil your life, you need to reach self-actualisation. This is achieved by fulfilling the other levels of the pyramid first. Only then can you find purpose. At the base, you have your physiological needs, your basics, such as food, water, shelter, warmth, ect. Which are fulfilled as you stated you are living with your parents. The next stage is security which comes with owning/living in property or feeling safe about your surroundings. At the third level is where we truly begin the steps towards self-actualisation, this is where your sense of love/belonging comes in, where bonds with friends are apparent. After this stage there is your esteem level which can be fulfilled through profession, owning material objects such as watches or cars, or other things such as being at the top of a social structure or having 1000 instagram followers. After this stage you are able to reach what Maslow defines as 'ones potential'. It is when you have achieved all you can and are living life to the fullest; however, this can only be achieved if the other levels are fulfilled as well. So, work your way up there and eventually you will be able to live a happy and motivated life.
0
reply
Marchis
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#20
Report 1 year ago
#20
Get a part time job☺. You feel better knowing you have something to do that day. It will make you more independent financially and you might meet some cool coworkers.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Are you tempted to change your firm university choice now or on A-level results day?

Yes, I'll try and go to a uni higher up the league tables (125)
19.72%
Yes, there is a uni that I prefer and I'll fit in better (59)
9.31%
No I am happy with my course choice (357)
56.31%
I'm using Clearing when I have my exam results (93)
14.67%

Watched Threads

View All