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Death of my true love, and my dilemma.
My boyfriend died in a car crash last month. He was on his way to see me, and was hit by a driver on drugs. I'm finding it so hard to cope. I loved him with everything i had. Before the accident i couldn't imagine my future without him. He was the one. The last 2 years have been the best 2 years of my life, sure there were bad times but we helped each other through. He was my lover and my best friend. Our worlds revolved around each other. Now he's gone, i feel like i have too, not just part of me but all of me. I'm not going to go into detail about my feelings and emotions though as i'm trying to stay strong.
A few days ago i realised that my period was 2 weeks late, i shrugged it off thinking the reason was because of my complete lifestyle change in the last month and having not eaten much. This morning however, i got my friend to bring round a pregnancy test, it was positive.
I'm 18, was planning on uni next year but as you can imagine exams didn't go to plan, so i won't get in. The thought of abortion is almost unthinkable for me because this baby is a part of my boyfriend, i've never been a believer in God, but i feel like this baby is a gift, someone for me to love in place of him. I feel like this baby is coming to protect me or something. I bet people think i'm weird, if i was reading this before everything had happened i would think so. Basically I'm very confused, does anyone have any rational advice for me?
A few days ago i realised that my period was 2 weeks late, i shrugged it off thinking the reason was because of my complete lifestyle change in the last month and having not eaten much. This morning however, i got my friend to bring round a pregnancy test, it was positive.
I'm 18, was planning on uni next year but as you can imagine exams didn't go to plan, so i won't get in. The thought of abortion is almost unthinkable for me because this baby is a part of my boyfriend, i've never been a believer in God, but i feel like this baby is a gift, someone for me to love in place of him. I feel like this baby is coming to protect me or something. I bet people think i'm weird, if i was reading this before everything had happened i would think so. Basically I'm very confused, does anyone have any rational advice for me?
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That's an incredible situation to be in. I have no idea what i'd do (other than wonder how a male got pregnant) and I feel for you incredibly, genuinely. I hope others can give you some more practical advice, for all I can offer is my condalnces.
I was talking to this guy last night. Some kids in his area were jealous of him because he was big (muscle wise, broad shoulders etc) and constantly taunted him. So one day he got mad at them and hurled abuse at them, called them thick cu*** and generally went schitzo. But because he was so big the 'bullies' didnt do anything to him, instead they hurt the next best thing. So the bullies raped and murdered his gf and best friend.
I asked him how he coped and he said he didnt, he just turned his anger on other things. Whether this advice is good for you or not, thats what this bloke did and works for him.
I asked him how he coped and he said he didnt, he just turned his anger on other things. Whether this advice is good for you or not, thats what this bloke did and works for him.
Im so sorry for what you have had to go through but i agree with kirstinx i think you should have the child. it's the only child he will have and not just that you did love him loads so the child would be brought up loved and wanted. as for the uni thing take a yr out if ur exams results are not what u hoped and go to uni ina yr time. i hope it works out 4 u xx
well i think if you love this baby very much then you should keep him/her
howver you can start uni late like someone already suggested or you can get home turtoring because of your situation try it out
and good luck in the furture :-)
howver you can start uni late like someone already suggested or you can get home turtoring because of your situation try it out
and good luck in the furture :-)
You don't sound weird. I've (thankfully) never had any sort of problem like yours, but I'd be thinking exactly what you are, if I was in your position.
Talk to your parents about it all, talk to your boyfriend's parents about it (if they live in the area).
Don't rush into anything. Talk to a doctor or counellor about it. It sounds like you've already decided to have the baby, so you need to start planning your future. 18 is young to have a child, but it's not too young. Uni can be delayed until later, and there's always things like the open university. I think the most important thing to do is to start planning how things are going to work, whether you'll continue to live at home etc. Best of luck with it all. xxxx
Talk to your parents about it all, talk to your boyfriend's parents about it (if they live in the area).
Don't rush into anything. Talk to a doctor or counellor about it. It sounds like you've already decided to have the baby, so you need to start planning your future. 18 is young to have a child, but it's not too young. Uni can be delayed until later, and there's always things like the open university. I think the most important thing to do is to start planning how things are going to work, whether you'll continue to live at home etc. Best of luck with it all. xxxx
Errm, I wouldn't advise turning any anger you have on anyone or anything (besides a punchbag) around you, thats bad advice.
I would support your decision to have your baby, they will be the most ideal object for you to pour all your love into.
Also, if the exams turn out to have been better than you thought I'm sure most Unis provide support for young, studying mothers.
I would support your decision to have your baby, they will be the most ideal object for you to pour all your love into.
Also, if the exams turn out to have been better than you thought I'm sure most Unis provide support for young, studying mothers.
I am so sorry, that's incredibly sad and I really don't know what to say. On the subject of the child, again I don't know what to say, but I think you've answered your own question really by not being able to have an abortion. If you really felt towards the end that you couldn't cope with having a child then you could always ask to have them fostered or adopted? I'm not sure how the system works, but it keeps it slightly more open than abortion.
Plus people cope in academia with children, so if you want the child then don't let that put you off. There are people in sixth form with children, and one of the girls at mine is going to do an Open University course to get a degree, and you can get family rooms in university accomodation too. Or is there somewhere you could study at and stay at home, so you'd have the support of your family? But it's such a personal decision that I don't think anyone's advice on here would be completely useful because, well, nobody knows you and I think very few people could understand that situation. I'm so sorry that you have to
Plus people cope in academia with children, so if you want the child then don't let that put you off. There are people in sixth form with children, and one of the girls at mine is going to do an Open University course to get a degree, and you can get family rooms in university accomodation too. Or is there somewhere you could study at and stay at home, so you'd have the support of your family? But it's such a personal decision that I don't think anyone's advice on here would be completely useful because, well, nobody knows you and I think very few people could understand that situation. I'm so sorry that you have to
What's happened to you is unbelievable, and I hope you stay strong, try and take each day as it comes. I'm sure you've got lots of support from friends and family all around you, who'll also help if you decide to keep your baby.
You have to sit down calmly and imagine what your life would be like with and without your baby.
If you decided to have it, would you regret not having continued your education? (Remember, you can study late in life as a postgrad). If you didn't have the baby, would you forever regret not continuing with the last traces of your boyfriend's life?
I think, deep in your heart, you would like to keep your baby and if that's what you want to do then follow your heart. Remember, there's lots of support out there for you.
Good luck with your decision and remember to keep your spirits up
You have to sit down calmly and imagine what your life would be like with and without your baby.
If you decided to have it, would you regret not having continued your education? (Remember, you can study late in life as a postgrad). If you didn't have the baby, would you forever regret not continuing with the last traces of your boyfriend's life?
I think, deep in your heart, you would like to keep your baby and if that's what you want to do then follow your heart. Remember, there's lots of support out there for you.
Good luck with your decision and remember to keep your spirits up
My opinions mixed. Of course u have my deepest sympathies and a baby is always a blessing. However if u have this baby it will be a constant reminder of your boyfriend. You will be a single parent and it could hinder any near future relationships u might have. Im not saying you will never find a life partner at but at the age of 18 you might have trouble finding someone your age who is intrested. Sorry to be the pessimist but this is just my opinion, however im irresonsible and male so a child would be out of the question for me right now anyway.
Keep it. Sounds like it will be the most loved and adored baby ever!! Oh and if I was ever in the position of being a possible future bf of yours a baby wouldn't put me off, though I do think of myself as being quite mature! So don't think having it will kill your love life for ever!
Your life has already been changed around by what happened, and I think keeping the baby is a way to start fresh and the best way for you to cope with your loss. This child will have the most important thing, your love.
Don't know if you will find it relevant, but my Dad died in a car accident when I was 4 and my brother was 3 (a drunked driver crashed into him), and my mum was devastated. Obviously she didn't have to make the decision that you have to make, but looking back having the two of us was the only thing that got her through this difficult time. And although we didn't have a Dad anymore we were much loved and grew to love the memory of him even though we don' remember him. I think this is what every person who is no longer here should have - someone to love him.
And one day (and it won't be soon and it won't seem possible right now) will be the right time for you to love someone else who will love you with all his heart and who will be willing to offer his love to your child, and I'm sure that there you will never regret keeping this baby.
best wishes
Tania
EDIT: if you truly love your child, you will never think of it as of something that destroys your love life. So I don't think that the OP would ever face this thought. She wouldn't want someone immature anyway, things like death of someone you loved make you mature pretty quickly.
Don't know if you will find it relevant, but my Dad died in a car accident when I was 4 and my brother was 3 (a drunked driver crashed into him), and my mum was devastated. Obviously she didn't have to make the decision that you have to make, but looking back having the two of us was the only thing that got her through this difficult time. And although we didn't have a Dad anymore we were much loved and grew to love the memory of him even though we don' remember him. I think this is what every person who is no longer here should have - someone to love him.
And one day (and it won't be soon and it won't seem possible right now) will be the right time for you to love someone else who will love you with all his heart and who will be willing to offer his love to your child, and I'm sure that there you will never regret keeping this baby.
best wishes
Tania
EDIT: if you truly love your child, you will never think of it as of something that destroys your love life. So I don't think that the OP would ever face this thought. She wouldn't want someone immature anyway, things like death of someone you loved make you mature pretty quickly.
I'm so sorry for you. That is a terrible thing to have to go through. I would talk it over with your parents, friends and doctors and then decide what to do. I would suggest that you don't make snap decisions though. I have never been in a situation like this so I can't honestly give you much help but I would say that think about what you are going to do very carefully, both about the baby and about moving on with university stuff. Good luck and I hope things get easier for you.
Thankyou for all your advice and support, i really appreciate it.
I'm scared that i'm in the wrong frame of mind emotionally to make this decision, and that i only feel i want to keep it because i'm not even close to being over the death of my boyfriend. I know this is awful but i'm the kind of person that walks past teenage mothers in the street and kind of rolls my eyes.
Also, I know my parents will advise me to have an abortion, my boyfriends parents on the other hand i'm sure will be very passionate for me to keep it, he was their only child, therefore only chance of grandchildren. I don't want to start a big fued between parents, as that's the last thing i need.
I'm scared that i'm in the wrong frame of mind emotionally to make this decision, and that i only feel i want to keep it because i'm not even close to being over the death of my boyfriend. I know this is awful but i'm the kind of person that walks past teenage mothers in the street and kind of rolls my eyes.
Also, I know my parents will advise me to have an abortion, my boyfriends parents on the other hand i'm sure will be very passionate for me to keep it, he was their only child, therefore only chance of grandchildren. I don't want to start a big fued between parents, as that's the last thing i need.
No, you are right about getting impartial advice. You need to make this decision yourself. Whatever people think, your situation is so different, and although I too, admittedly, roll my eyes at sight of teenage mums, if I met you with a baby and heard your story I would have nothing but admiration for you.
What a terrible situation to be in. I do sympathise.It's horrendous to have to make a decision of this kind when of course you are not going to be in the right frame of mind. I suggest you do not tell your boyfriend's parents you are pregnant just yet. If you did decide to have an abortion it would be a hurt they could do without. I really feel you need to talk things over with someone who is not involved so they can give you impartial advice. Or just for you to have a bloody good rant about the injustices in the world. Being a mother at 18 was never part of the plan when your boyfriend was alive. You could of course claim extenuating circumstances for your presumably poor exam results.
You've got time. Think very carefully about how you want your life to be. I know it sounds impoosible to hear but you are very young and it is conceivable that you wouldn't have ended up with this boyfriend as your life partner. We do change and university opens your eyes. Perhaps by not having the baby it may make it easier for you to move on. I don't mean that in a cruel way. What I mean is your boyfriend loved you and would want you to go on and fulfill your dreams and ambitions.
My love and thoughts are with you.
You've got time. Think very carefully about how you want your life to be. I know it sounds impoosible to hear but you are very young and it is conceivable that you wouldn't have ended up with this boyfriend as your life partner. We do change and university opens your eyes. Perhaps by not having the baby it may make it easier for you to move on. I don't mean that in a cruel way. What I mean is your boyfriend loved you and would want you to go on and fulfill your dreams and ambitions.
My love and thoughts are with you.
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