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am i in the wrong here?
sorry for the length of this, i would just like to paint a picture of the situation!!
my boyfriend and i have been an item since february 06. we've known each other for a long time so you could say there has always been a good friendship though (of three years or so).
he has a tendency to get quite angry with his family members/car/anything and recently he has started to get angry with me, though it's not like he would ever get violent or anything. anyway, this anger that he has over stupid things, (often something as trivial as "can you pass me the tv remote please?" can make him go mad, he is never wrong.. and gets rather angry if someone suggests it) has made me doubt whether or not i want to be with him, but as it's usually fine i haven't thought much of it.
anyway, on saturday night we went out with some friends and had quite a lot to drink. i clearly was quite drunk and said "yeah sure come over on tuesday night after work". monday night he says to me "so i'll see you tomorrow then?", i have no recollection of saying this to him and say no because i was planning on not doing anything because i had work earlier this (wednesday) morning.
tuesday happened to be my last exam and so i thought it'd be nice to go for a few drinks with my friends to celebrate (it wouldn't have been appropriate for him to join us as he's 4 years older than me and wouldn't have been part of the exam celebrations and had infact said he didn't particularly want to be part of it on a seperate occasion), so we do and it lasts a bit longer than it should have but nothing too extreme. anyway, i get a text while i'm out "mailed you, read it when you get in if you aren't too wasted" very cold...
so when i get in, i read the mail:
i thought i'd email you as i didnt think possibly spoiling your night by texting you this would be fair. i'm annoyed you effectively blew me off tonight to go and get pissed with your friends. i'm not gonna see you for over a week but you'd rather go out with your friends. you did say to me on saturday that tuesday was the only day you could see me, as the others you were working early, but then you told me you're working early tommorow so i couldnt come over, but you're getting pissed anyway. i'm not impressed.
immediately i ask him to come online to discuss this, i wasn't exactly drunk and he simply greeted me with " i don't want to speak to a raving pisshead thanks, i'm not staying long" so i can see his anger is coming through and decide to leave it.
this morning i get a text telling me to "drop it" and just make up with him... firstly, *I* never fell out with him in the first place, secondly, his message was just another cold text which hardly made me think i wanted to talk to him.
where i need your help is..
a) am i right to be a bit pissed off by this?
b) how should i deal with him when we finally discuss this?
c) is now a good time for me to confront him about his anger?
my boyfriend and i have been an item since february 06. we've known each other for a long time so you could say there has always been a good friendship though (of three years or so).
he has a tendency to get quite angry with his family members/car/anything and recently he has started to get angry with me, though it's not like he would ever get violent or anything. anyway, this anger that he has over stupid things, (often something as trivial as "can you pass me the tv remote please?" can make him go mad, he is never wrong.. and gets rather angry if someone suggests it) has made me doubt whether or not i want to be with him, but as it's usually fine i haven't thought much of it.
anyway, on saturday night we went out with some friends and had quite a lot to drink. i clearly was quite drunk and said "yeah sure come over on tuesday night after work". monday night he says to me "so i'll see you tomorrow then?", i have no recollection of saying this to him and say no because i was planning on not doing anything because i had work earlier this (wednesday) morning.
tuesday happened to be my last exam and so i thought it'd be nice to go for a few drinks with my friends to celebrate (it wouldn't have been appropriate for him to join us as he's 4 years older than me and wouldn't have been part of the exam celebrations and had infact said he didn't particularly want to be part of it on a seperate occasion), so we do and it lasts a bit longer than it should have but nothing too extreme. anyway, i get a text while i'm out "mailed you, read it when you get in if you aren't too wasted" very cold...
so when i get in, i read the mail:
i thought i'd email you as i didnt think possibly spoiling your night by texting you this would be fair. i'm annoyed you effectively blew me off tonight to go and get pissed with your friends. i'm not gonna see you for over a week but you'd rather go out with your friends. you did say to me on saturday that tuesday was the only day you could see me, as the others you were working early, but then you told me you're working early tommorow so i couldnt come over, but you're getting pissed anyway. i'm not impressed.
immediately i ask him to come online to discuss this, i wasn't exactly drunk and he simply greeted me with " i don't want to speak to a raving pisshead thanks, i'm not staying long" so i can see his anger is coming through and decide to leave it.
this morning i get a text telling me to "drop it" and just make up with him... firstly, *I* never fell out with him in the first place, secondly, his message was just another cold text which hardly made me think i wanted to talk to him.
where i need your help is..
a) am i right to be a bit pissed off by this?
b) how should i deal with him when we finally discuss this?
c) is now a good time for me to confront him about his anger?
thanks for any help guys!
He sounds very very controlling. Please tread carefully. You're right to be upset by this, but in doing so I feel it will just annoy him further. You should tell him that you are not owned by him and although it's nice for you both to spend time together you are your own person too.
well this is hard but i think you be right to get pissed with him however not totaly as you might have said it however would have forgotton it, why dont you call him or go to his house when hes at home and tell him that you coulnt help it as you coundt remember and both of you can go out to make up for the last time u missed with him
thanks guys, do you think now is a good time to confront him about the anger issue? sadly, there is also the "do we split up for uni" debate going round at the moment. it does feel like there is a time bomb on our relationship and i wonder if i should just leave it.
a) am i right to be a bit pissed off by this?
Yes you certainley are, there is no reason for him to be that way with you, it seems for being older than you he is quite immature. If when he said he would see you tomorrow (On Monday) and you apologised and said you were sorry but you were going out already then there is no reason why he should be annoyed. It seems very weird to me that although he said he didnt want to ruin your evening but then sent you a text saying he had mailed you. Weird
b) how should i deal with him when we finally discuss this?
Tell him that you are worried that he is taking things the wrong way, and that you apologised for getting your wires crossed but there was no reason for him to get mad.
c) is now a good time for me to confront him about his anger?
I think that the longer you leave it the harder it will get, simply tell him that you are starting to worry about his anger, as its such trivial things that he gets Angry about.
- Hope that Helps in some way, thats what i would do in that situation. (Well if i was a Girl anyway lol)
Yes you certainley are, there is no reason for him to be that way with you, it seems for being older than you he is quite immature. If when he said he would see you tomorrow (On Monday) and you apologised and said you were sorry but you were going out already then there is no reason why he should be annoyed. It seems very weird to me that although he said he didnt want to ruin your evening but then sent you a text saying he had mailed you. Weird
b) how should i deal with him when we finally discuss this?
Tell him that you are worried that he is taking things the wrong way, and that you apologised for getting your wires crossed but there was no reason for him to get mad.
c) is now a good time for me to confront him about his anger?
I think that the longer you leave it the harder it will get, simply tell him that you are starting to worry about his anger, as its such trivial things that he gets Angry about.
- Hope that Helps in some way, thats what i would do in that situation. (Well if i was a Girl anyway lol)
cano234, thanks. much appreciated. it sounds stupid but i am worried about him getting angry when i talk to him about his anger 
i think he's either very controlling (and in addition to the anger thing i would say stay away), or he's insecure about the relationship or how you feel about him - could be because of the uni thing. You're obviously angry with eachother over the situation so sit down and talk about it, if the right moment comes up then bring up the anger thing (if you're planning on staying together that is) x
He probably takes the relationship more seriously than you do, and so is more annoyed at the scenario of you 'choosing your friends over him' than perhaps you would be-so it is easy to see why he was annoyed. Also, if you are able to go out with your friends when you're working early, yet you can't see him because of it, it does seem as if you don't care about him that much - maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship before uni. The way he acted, however was fairly foolish and a bit mean - but he's only doing it because he wants to see you, which is hardly a selfish proposition.
He certainly has a problem 1 way or another, he needs to sort his anger out because it is becoming more of an issue and 2 he is very possessive of you, tell him your concerns and if he doesn't start growing up, Ditch him and find someone who appreciates you afterall he doesn't own your life.
Am I the only person that feels the OP is in the wrong??
You told him on Saturday night you would see him Tuesday, and then I presume you told him you couldn't do Tuesday because you were working early Wednesday morning, and yet you *then* spend Tuesday getting pissed with your mates until late!! Ofcourse he's gonna be upset - I mean, you blew him off for a night with your mates like you said.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have time on your own with your friends, and I'm not saying he didn't go a bit OTT, but it's wrong you did that.
You need to confront him about his anger, not about Tuesday. His anger is a bigger issue, and he has more control of that than what happened on Tuesday.
You told him on Saturday night you would see him Tuesday, and then I presume you told him you couldn't do Tuesday because you were working early Wednesday morning, and yet you *then* spend Tuesday getting pissed with your mates until late!! Ofcourse he's gonna be upset - I mean, you blew him off for a night with your mates like you said.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have time on your own with your friends, and I'm not saying he didn't go a bit OTT, but it's wrong you did that.
You need to confront him about his anger, not about Tuesday. His anger is a bigger issue, and he has more control of that than what happened on Tuesday.
SilverWings
You told him on Saturday night you would see him Tuesday, and then I presume you told him you couldn't do Tuesday because you were working early Wednesday morning, and yet you *then* spend Tuesday getting pissed with your mates until late!! Ofcourse he's gonna be upset - I mean, you blew him off for a night with your mates like you said.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have time on your own with your friends, and I'm not saying he didn't go a bit OTT, but it's wrong you did that.
You need to confront him about his anger, not about Tuesday. His anger is a bigger issue, and he has more control of that than what happened on Tuesday.
You told him on Saturday night you would see him Tuesday, and then I presume you told him you couldn't do Tuesday because you were working early Wednesday morning, and yet you *then* spend Tuesday getting pissed with your mates until late!! Ofcourse he's gonna be upset - I mean, you blew him off for a night with your mates like you said.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have time on your own with your friends, and I'm not saying he didn't go a bit OTT, but it's wrong you did that.
You need to confront him about his anger, not about Tuesday. His anger is a bigger issue, and he has more control of that than what happened on Tuesday.
I must agree with this. I would be annoyed to be blown off like that after you had said you'd meet him however he is acting like a bit of a baby.
SilverWings
Am I the only person that feels the OP is in the wrong??
You told him on Saturday night you would see him Tuesday, and then I presume you told him you couldn't do Tuesday because you were working early Wednesday morning, and yet you *then* spend Tuesday getting pissed with your mates until late!! Ofcourse he's gonna be upset - I mean, you blew him off for a night with your mates like you said.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have time on your own with your friends, and I'm not saying he didn't go a bit OTT, but it's wrong you did that.
You told him on Saturday night you would see him Tuesday, and then I presume you told him you couldn't do Tuesday because you were working early Wednesday morning, and yet you *then* spend Tuesday getting pissed with your mates until late!! Ofcourse he's gonna be upset - I mean, you blew him off for a night with your mates like you said.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have time on your own with your friends, and I'm not saying he didn't go a bit OTT, but it's wrong you did that.
SilverWings
Am I the only person that feels the OP is in the wrong??
You told him on Saturday night you would see him Tuesday, and then I presume you told him you couldn't do Tuesday because you were working early Wednesday morning, and yet you *then* spend Tuesday getting pissed with your mates until late!! Ofcourse he's gonna be upset - I mean, you blew him off for a night with your mates like you said.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have time on your own with your friends, and I'm not saying he didn't go a bit OTT, but it's wrong you did that.
You need to confront him about his anger, not about Tuesday. His anger is a bigger issue, and he has more control of that than what happened on Tuesday.
You told him on Saturday night you would see him Tuesday, and then I presume you told him you couldn't do Tuesday because you were working early Wednesday morning, and yet you *then* spend Tuesday getting pissed with your mates until late!! Ofcourse he's gonna be upset - I mean, you blew him off for a night with your mates like you said.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have time on your own with your friends, and I'm not saying he didn't go a bit OTT, but it's wrong you did that.
You need to confront him about his anger, not about Tuesday. His anger is a bigger issue, and he has more control of that than what happened on Tuesday.
No, I think the OP is in the wrong too. Infact, I agree with all of the above ^.
SilverWings
Am I the only person that feels the OP is in the wrong??
You told him on Saturday night you would see him Tuesday, and then I presume you told him you couldn't do Tuesday because you were working early Wednesday morning, and yet you *then* spend Tuesday getting pissed with your mates until late!! Ofcourse he's gonna be upset - I mean, you blew him off for a night with your mates like you said.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have time on your own with your friends, and I'm not saying he didn't go a bit OTT, but it's wrong you did that.
You need to confront him about his anger, not about Tuesday. His anger is a bigger issue, and he has more control of that than what happened on Tuesday.
You told him on Saturday night you would see him Tuesday, and then I presume you told him you couldn't do Tuesday because you were working early Wednesday morning, and yet you *then* spend Tuesday getting pissed with your mates until late!! Ofcourse he's gonna be upset - I mean, you blew him off for a night with your mates like you said.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have time on your own with your friends, and I'm not saying he didn't go a bit OTT, but it's wrong you did that.
You need to confront him about his anger, not about Tuesday. His anger is a bigger issue, and he has more control of that than what happened on Tuesday.
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