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Boyfriend's muslim parents don't approve of our relationship?

So, I've known a guy for about 3 years now and until we became really close (the past year or so) I had no idea of his family's religion as he doesn't abide by certain Islamic rules- ie he drinks, has slept around etc.

We basically both established that we really like each other and have been practically together for months, but only became official when I came to uni in London in September (was long distance before). He's never had a girlfriend before and spoke to his dad about it, said he had fallen for me and basically asked for permission. His dad told him to make sure I knew upfront that I wouldn't be able to meet them or anything unless everything went fantastically and we ended up getting engaged, and that as long as I was okay with that, that he should go for it.

We've had the most fantastic couple of months, and then on thursday he received a phone call from his dad saying we shouldn't be together, with no explanation as to why the change of heart. I don't know what this means for us... my boyfriend has said he doesn't want to go behind his parent's backs, which I respect completely, but it just seems so unfair. His parents have said they don't mind him being with a white non-muslim (which I am) so it seems so strange for them to change their minds when they haven't even met me. I feel like if they did meet me they'd realise that I'm not going to lead their son astray (I rarely drink, have never slept around, am studying law etc) and that I really am serious about him, but I can't see it happening.

I just really really don't want to lose him, we're both devastated. He's home this weekend and is speaking to them about it, but I'm not holding out much hope :frown:

If anyone can offer any advice I would really appreciate it- I know very little about Islam and the research I've done hasn't helped much. I just don't know what to do or if there's even anything that I can do.

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Well Muslim parents generally want their offspring to follow the same religion & their son/daughters to marry a Muslim so the fact that you're non Muslim can provide a barrier (are you not Christian/Jewish either?) they might want you to convert/revert if you want to be with him, otherwise they'll think you aren't compatible, he shouldn't really be having a GF either. At the end of the day it's his life though so if he wants to be with you that's fine but that's dependent on how strong his beliefs are & if he can cope with the potential backlash of his family. Looks very much like he's just going to listen to his parents though which doesn't look that great for you, sorry :console:
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 2
I have a feeling he'll end up marrying a Muslim girl. Parents like that can be very overbearing, whatever religion they follow. Unfortunately they care more about their views than those of their child.

If you're happy being in a secret relationship that probably won't go anywhere, then that's ok. But bare in mind that it's likely to end eventually.
Too right they shouldn't. They're Muslims.


Do what you want.
TSR has only about 500 threads like this one...
I'm afraid there's no way out of your sticky sitch except if you convert to Islam. Which isn't as bad as it sounds... :u:
Reply 5
Why not try converting?
Reply 6
ok basically this-------->>> you dont convert unless you feel 100% you want to convert and you'll be able to raise ya kids with islamic values etc if you do get married or get married and divorced also if he tries braking it off with you confront him and say to him you should be given a chance and his parents should meet you and decide then where ya "relationship is heading" obvs if ya do meet his parents dress conservatively so no skirt etc prob just wear full length loose jeans and a shirt and blazer, but tbh muslim are allowed to marry christian or jews says so in islam that you have to marry "people who are believers in the books basically the torah and bible" so you wouldn't have to convert if ya jewish or christian and if your an athiest or spirtualist just say to him and ya parents you respect their beliefs and you feel that it appeals in some way to you <<<<<-- so thats what ya do good luck hopefully it will work out for you too i know all this **** cause im from a british-pakistani muslim family but my family isnt backwards their really open i wish other families were aswell good luck again :smile:
Reply 7
Original post by originaltitle
TSR has only about 500 threads like this one...
I'm afraid there's no way out of your sticky sitch except if you convert to Islam. Which isn't as bad as it sounds... :u:


Makes me physically sick to read this. Seems like all Muslims are truly interested in is increasing membership.

Don't convert to anything you don't want to, OP.

Look OP. Think of the future. Think of children, think of families. How do you plan to consolidate two VERY, VERY different cultures and traditions? It's going to rear its ugly head and may even tear you apart.
If being accepted into the family means so much to you, fake conversion. I had a friend in secondary school whose brother married his white girlfriend and everyone except his siblings and a couple of us friends at school knew the truth -- they both wanted to be together and parents wouldn't accept it because their pride was being threatened so she decided to pretend to convert. All she had to do was learn about the religion and that was it. I think they've been married for about 7 years now.

Find out why the dad suddenly changed his mind. It seems so random, considering he was accepting before. See what went wrong and find out if there's anything you can do to help the situation.
Original post by Ggmu!
Makes me physically sick to read this. Seems like all Muslims are truly interested in is increasing membership.

Don't convert to anything you don't want to, OP.

Look OP. Think of the future. Think of children, think of families. How do you plan to consolidate two VERY, VERY different cultures and traditions? It's going to rear its ugly head and may even tear you apart.

Lmao seriously? I don't usually get involved in petty debates like this one you've started but your assault is so entirely unwarranted that I'm forced to say this: No, Muslims are not 'truly interested in only increasing membership'. They've got plenty of membership as it is and it doesn't seem to have done them much good so far. Rather, they're interesting in guiding people to what they consider to be the truth, as are most other human beings; it's only natural. You do the same with your Hinduism.
As an aside, OP asked for advice having said that she/he would not like to leave their current partner because of their religion. The only sound advice is that you cannot properly stay with your partner if he/she is Muslim and you're not. If you must stay, the only proper thing for you to do is to revert to Islam.
Reply 10
Original post by originaltitle
Lmao seriously? I don't usually get involved in petty debates like this one you've started but your assault is so entirely unwarranted that I'm forced to say this: No, Muslims are not 'truly interested in only increasing membership'. They've got plenty of membership as it is and it doesn't seem to have done them much good so far. Rather, they're interesting in guiding people to what they consider to be the truth, as are most other human beings; it's only natural. You do the same with your Hinduism.
As an aside, OP asked for advice having said that she/he would not like to leave their current partner because of their religion. The only sound advice is that you cannot properly stay with your partner if he/she is Muslim and you're not. If you must stay, the only proper thing for you to do is to revert to Islam.

When have I advised somebody to convert to Hinduism? I'd never say such a thing.

It's true. So many Muslims are interested in membership, the ones who say they aren't are the ones who are. Don't think i've ever heard a story of a Muslim converting out of his religion for the person he/she loves. It's always the other way.
Original post by jennaleeah
So, I've known a guy for about 3 years now and until we became really close (the past year or so) I had no idea of his family's religion as he doesn't abide by certain Islamic rules- ie he drinks, has slept around etc.

We basically both established that we really like each other and have been practically together for months, but only became official when I came to uni in London in September (was long distance before). He's never had a girlfriend before and spoke to his dad about it, said he had fallen for me and basically asked for permission. His dad told him to make sure I knew upfront that I wouldn't be able to meet them or anything unless everything went fantastically and we ended up getting engaged, and that as long as I was okay with that, that he should go for it.

We've had the most fantastic couple of months, and then on thursday he received a phone call from his dad saying we shouldn't be together, with no explanation as to why the change of heart. I don't know what this means for us... my boyfriend has said he doesn't want to go behind his parent's backs, which I respect completely, but it just seems so unfair. His parents have said they don't mind him being with a white non-muslim (which I am) so it seems so strange for them to change their minds when they haven't even met me. I feel like if they did meet me they'd realise that I'm not going to lead their son astray (I rarely drink, have never slept around, am studying law etc) and that I really am serious about him, but I can't see it happening.

I just really really don't want to lose him, we're both devastated. He's home this weekend and is speaking to them about it, but I'm not holding out much hope :frown:

If anyone can offer any advice I would really appreciate it- I know very little about Islam and the research I've done hasn't helped much. I just don't know what to do or if there's even anything that I can do.

I know this was posted some time ago and maybe the issue has been resolved but.....
Maybe you should call his parents and talk to them personally. Make your case. Say that you love their son and he loves you so could they at least meet you before making any decisions. Is it just the dad? You could call up his mum seperately and talk to her then perhaps she'll make a case for you infont of the dad.
Reply 12
Original post by originaltitle
Lmao seriously? I don't usually get involved in petty debates like this one you've started but your assault is so entirely unwarranted that I'm forced to say this: No, Muslims are not 'truly interested in only increasing membership'. They've got plenty of membership as it is and it doesn't seem to have done them much good so far. Rather, they're interesting in guiding people to what they consider to be the truth, as are most other human beings; it's only natural. You do the same with your Hinduism.
As an aside, OP asked for advice having said that she/he would not like to leave their current partner because of their religion. The only sound advice is that you cannot properly stay with your partner if he/she is Muslim and you're not. If you must stay, the only proper thing for you to do is to revert to Islam.


I've never seen him try to convert someone to Hinduism.
In fact, I didn't even know he was Hindu, which is why I've met many more Muslims I didn't like than Hindus.
Original post by CJKay
I've never seen him try to convert someone to Hinduism.

If presenting facts about one's religion and attempting to clear a few misconceptions about it count as 'trying to convert', then he certainly 'tried to convert' me. :smile:
Original post by CJKay
In fact, I didn't even know he was Hindu, which is why I've met many more Muslims I didn't like than Hindus.

Er, just shows how much you know about Hindus and Hinduism. Perhaps if you meet some more Hindus and acquaint yourself more with Hinduism you'll adjust your opinions of them and it.
Reply 14
Original post by originaltitle
If presenting facts about one's religion and attempting to clear a few misconceptions about it count as 'trying to convert', then he certainly 'tried to convert' me. :smile:

There we go, you now hold an unreasonable position.

In that case, Muslims are trying to convert virtually ever posted in the religion section, every day. Right?
If he doesn't have the balls to stand up to his parents for what he believes in, then he sounds quite pathetic.
it all comes down to the dude. If he cares about you enough to realise that his parents are being crazy, good for you guys and i wish you all the best.

Try to stay strong with him, but if he tries to cut you off then i would be pretty pissed off with him...
Original post by Ggmu!
There we go, you now hold an unreasonable position.

In that case, Muslims are trying to convert virtually ever posted in the religion section, every day. Right?

My point exactly. Where do you get the idea that all Muslims care about is increasing numbers? Because they attempt to enlighten the general public about Islam and what it actually is. You assume that just because they want to dispel disagreeable delusions surrounding Islam they're only interested in more people joining their ranks, and that isn't true.
Reply 18
Original post by originaltitle
My point exactly. Where do you get the idea that all Muslims care about is increasing numbers? Because they attempt to enlighten the general public about Islam and what it actually is. You assume that just because they want to dispel disagreeable delusions surrounding Islam they're only interested in more people joining their ranks, and that isn't true.


I never had anything against Muslims clearing up misconceptions.

It's just when I see threads of Muslims wanting to leave Islam or a boy/girlfriend being a Muslim. Most Muslim posters say to believe in Islam. Rarely do I see 'do whatever feels right'.

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Reply 19
Technically it is halal (legal) for him to marry you despite you not being a Muslim, as long as you are a devoted Christian.

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