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Foo's Five Fundamentals: Tips for GIRLS ~ Handling Dating/Early Stage Relationships watch

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    Following on from my equivalent thread for GUYS..

    ..here are my top 5 Do's and Don'ts (basic rules of thumb) when it comes to dating/early stage relationships - primarily aimed at young women:


    1) Select appealing men ~ For longevity, only agree to dates with guys you genuinely want to date, and ideally find rather attractive

    2) Make an effort to look nice ~ Sensible, moderate use of makeup, hair, nails (not porn star talons), plus respectable, if flattering, attire *

    3) Present your 'best self' ~ Do be yourself but focus on ‘ladylike’ behaviour,** plus independence and strength of character from the outset ***

    4) Be passionate ~ Relax and ignore PDA issues. Have sex when you are comfortable and want it, but be wary of certain perceptions

    5) Be considerate ~ If you sense you are dominating, or that your date is nervous, don’t just carry on regardless, provide encouragement

    * Don't overdo makeup or under do flesh coverage, equally don’t turn up looking like you just threw on a cardi if you suspect the guy is going to make an effort – even if the date goes well how you present yourself may influence what he assumes about you (if you don't know him well) e.g. ‘casual’ attitude/bit slutty

    ** This means demonstrating excellent decorum, grace and charming femininity (careful not to confuse this with acting particularly ignorant, unintelligent or submissive). Few guys want a girl who is masculine or LADish, and fewer still will make much of an effort when it comes to dating if they think of you more as a friend/one of the guys than as a lady worthy of being revered/cherished, wined and dined etc

    *** Young/unwise/selfish men ‘treat people as they find them’, and a sea change later on in a relationship invariably meets with friction/break up. Best to send strong signals from the outset that make it implicitly clear that a guy would be foolish to attempt any funny business

    1) Never be too blokey ~ A little sarcastic wit/’banter’ is perfectly fine but always try to keep it light and slightly coy/flirtatious

    2) Never give the impression that the other person is of higher 'value' ~ See above re: men ‘treating you as they find you’

    3) Never do the # dates rule ~ Arbitrary 'number of dates before sex' makes you look infantile/insecure ~ go with what feels right

    4) Never dwell on ex’s ~ Really one shouldn’t talk about ex’s at all in the early stages of dating but if they do come up try to keep it brief/upbeat

    5) Never abuse the words 'love' or 'hate' ~ This turns things into a game and makes you look childish; can also be a bit awky

    Note that absolute adherence is NOT necessary to thrive and survive in relationships, however if you stray to far you may well run into difficulty

    Please note this is general, subjective advice - based on a fair bit of personal experience plus fairly elemental pop-behavioural psychology

    I post these in the hope that fewer girls will wind up coming on here moping about how they've had crap dates/been taken for used/abused

    Hopefully the threads in this series will provide (particularly the least experienced) readers with a fair few ideas on how best to approach dating


    ED: I welcome discussion, feedback, constructive criticism and extra thoughts/ideas :borat:
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    My opinion about all dating rules is that they are reductive and based on questionable gender stereotypes.

    However, yours is one of the more sensible I've ever read. I have to admit, if someone has been having problems dating, they could do a lot worse than follow your advice (likewise with the rules for men). Some of your advice seems a bit old-fashioned but I suspect it still resonates with a lot of people.

    I guess ideally we'd all create our own individual rules based on our own preferences and strengths, but in practice that's often difficult (and if someone could do that they probably wouldn't need any rules in the first place).

    The one caveat I'd add onto the end is that, on occasion, all rules are made to be broken.

    Thanks for this, I think even if people passionately disagree with individual rules, that in itself is a useful experience to figure out what we think about dating.
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    This isn't actually bad advice :hmmmm2:
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    Great advice uncle foo!
    The points you've made make a lot of sense and are realistic.what do you mean by 'don't under do flesh coverage? Care to elaborate ...


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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    Great advice uncle foo!
    The points you've made make a lot of sense and are realistic.what do you mean by 'don't under do flesh coverage? Care to elaborate ...


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    I think he uses "flesh coverage" to mean the amount of skin covered by clothes, and "don't under-do" to mean "don't do too little [of.]" So overall the suggestion is not to show too much bare skin. I suspect the idea is to dress classily and enticingly - showing enough skin to be alluring, but not so much as to be "slutty."
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    (Original post by Lotus_Eater)
    yours is one of the more sensible I've ever read
    Cheers

    Some of your advice seems a bit old-fashioned but I suspect it still resonates with a lot of people
    The thing is, that the goal posts have moved in a social sense post 'GIRLPOWER'/Skins era etc, it's about individual preferences re: the target brackets e.g.

    GUYS generally seek: Attractive (hence in demand) girls ~ who expect both 'a man to be a man' and to be 'treated right'

    GIRLS generally seek: Attractive, mature (hence in demand and highly discerning) guys ~ who expect their girl to be sensible and respectable

    There is now something of a post-feminist counter-culture emerging, as more and more young men and women realise that many women have ostensibly abused the women's lib feminists won for them and devalued their own brand. There is now a reversion to more ladylike ideals - fewer astute young women aspire to exercise their 'freedom' in dubious ways e.g. the 'slutty spice' image/ideal of yesteryear, because they've seen that if you try to play guys at their own game and present yourself as a dumb/party girl, that's all you'll ever get treated as (a bit of fun/piece of meat)

    Immodesty, slutty behaviour, sexting, shagging about, trying to be LADs, abusing their bodies, using their bodies to gain leverage/manipulate/make money, etc etc ~ these young women have become their own worst enemy in the 'being taken seriously'/'being treated right' stakes :facepalm2:

    Also, once a girl has a reputation it has the potential to destroy her dating life, and make her social life awkward (at least until she's able to change her social circles or move away from an institution, workplace, or area)

    if someone could do that they probably wouldn't need any rules in the first place
    Aye, after a while self confidence, social skills, and disassociation from certain hampering emotions (pride/embarrassment etc) tend to improve to a point at which one is very much a duck in water in virtually any dating scenario :bath: Once you're that experienced/adept not only do you not need rules but you can indeed actually break rules like these fairly fundamental ones from time to time and get away with it :mmm: / 'style it out' :bandit:

    The one caveat I'd add onto the end is that, on occasion, all rules are made to be broken
    Sure, but for those starting out in their young dating lives frameworks such as the ones I propose are far better adhered to than not!

    Thanks for this, I think even if people passionately disagree with individual rules, that in itself is a useful experience to figure out what we think about dating
    No worries - hopefully 'food for thought' at any rate aye
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    now all I need to do is follow these rules!
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    It's awesome to hear from a guy's perspective, even though I may not agree with everything. But then again it's just there for me to take it or leave it, right?

    Thank you! ;D
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Following on from my equivalent thread for GUYS..

    ..here are my top 5 Do's and Don'ts (basic rules of thumb) when it comes to dating/early stage relationships - primarily aimed at young women:


    1) Select appealing men ~ For longevity, and fairness on the guy, only agree to dates with guys you genuinely want to date, and ideally find rather attractive

    2) Make an effort to look nice ~ Sensible, moderate use of makeup, hair, nails (not porn star talons), plus respectable, if flattering, attire *

    3) Present your 'best self' ~ Do be yourself but focus on ‘ladylike’ behaviour,** plus independence and strength of character from the outset ***

    4) Be passionate ~ Relax and try to ignore/let go any PDA issues. Have sex when you are comfortable and want it, but be wary of perceptions re: 1st date coitus

    5) Be considerate ~ If you sense you are dominating, or that your date is nervous, don’t just carry on and expect him to fix the situation, it takes two to tango

    * Don't overdo makeup or under do flesh coverage, equally don’t turn up looking like you just threw on a cardi if you suspect the guy is going to make an effort – even if the date goes well how you present yourself may influence what he assumes about you (if you don't know him well) e.g. ‘casual’ attitude/bit slutty

    ** This means demonstrating excellent decorum, grace and charming femininity (careful not to confuse this with acting particularly ignorant, unintelligent or submissive). Few guys want a girl who is masculine or LADish, and fewer still will make much of an effort when it comes to dating if they think of you more as a friend/one of the guys than as a lady worthy of being revered/cherished, wined and dined etc

    *** Young/unwise/selfish men ‘treat people as they find them’, and a sea change later on in a relationship invariably meets with friction/break up. Best to send strong signals from the outset that make it implicitly clear that a guy would be foolish to attempt any funny business

    1) Never be too blokey ~ A little sarcastic wit/’banter’ is perfectly fine but always try to keep it light and slightly coy/flirtatious

    2) Never give the impression that the other person is of higher 'value' ~ See above re: men ‘treating you as they find you’

    3) Never do the # dates rule ~ Arbitrary 'number of dates before we have nookie' makes you look infantile/insecure ~ listen to instinct/go with what's comfortable

    4) Never dwell on ex’s ~ Really one shouldn’t talk about ex’s at all in the early stages of dating but if they do come up try to keep it brief and light/constructive

    5) Never abuse the words 'love' or 'hate' ~ This turns things into a game and makes you look childish; also risks making someone feel too comfortable

    Note that absolute adherence is NOT necessary to thrive and survive in relationships, however if you stray to far you may well run into difficulty

    Please note this is general, subjective advice - based on a fair bit of personal experience plus fairly elemental pop-behavioural psychology

    I post these in the hope that fewer girls will wind up coming on here moping about how they've had crap dates/been taken for granted/used/abused by men

    Hopefully the threads in this series will provide (particularly the least experienced) readers with a fair few ideas on how best to approach dating


    ED: I welcome discussion, feedback, constructive criticism and extra thoughts/ideas :borat:
    whew, dating sounds like a lot of work, don't think I'll ever go on one
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    (Original post by sosadsosad)
    This isn't actually bad advice :hmmmm2:
    Haha, shock horror! :eek: (thanks)
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Haha, shock horror! :eek: (thanks)
    Hehe, you're welcome
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    Sheesh, these tips are GREAT but I am not gonna date until I turn 23 so maybe they become outdated by then.
    Although they seem suitable for all times.
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    Great advice uncle foo!
    Thanks, your majestbee! :awesome:

    (Original post by Musie Suzie)
    I think he uses "flesh coverage" to mean the amount of skin covered by clothes, and "don't under-do" to mean "don't do too little [of.]" So overall the suggestion is not to show too much bare skin. I suspect the idea is to dress classily and enticingly - showing enough skin to be alluring, but not so much as to be "slutty."
    Correctamundo!
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    (Original post by chocolatesauce)
    now all I need to do is follow these rules!
    Heh, not a complete guide!- but does help to get the fundamentals right eh, certainly increases your chances of achieving 'take off', and at the right 'trajectory' :awesome:
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    (Original post by xsindy)
    it's just there for me to take it or leave it, right?

    Thank you! ;D
    Yes ma'am, some elements are more important in certain situations, for certain girls, with certain guys, than others. You're welcome
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    x:
    It'll be of little surprise to you that the lady you describe in the OP sounds fantastic.

    You already know to ignore that oh so pleasant critic - she probably views being told her shoelaces are untied as an infringement of her newly found rights.

    Stay strong Mr. Foo.
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    As a man it's certainly important that the girl i'm with acts like a girl (feminine), there are few things more off putting than a girl being aggressive or acting like a lad.

    Good advice for them.
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    (Original post by summer26)
    whew, dating sounds like a lot of work, don't think I'll ever go on one
    Many of these lessons come fairly organically, with experience, provided one keeps ones eyes open and learns from experience

    What makes you think you'll never go on one? Life's an adventure yo!
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Many of these lessons come fairly organically, with experience, provided one keeps ones eyes open and learns from experience

    What makes you think you'll never go on one? Life's an adventure yo!
    Well, it's definitely a lot more work than fun, and while I've never been on a date before, a lot of my friends who did, always said it's better if i don't go on one, because it always ends with a lot of fights, arguments and heart break, so.... wouldn't want to experience any of that.....
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    (Original post by sosadsosad)
    Hehe, you're welcome
    Ha, thanks. Was your original comment reflective of my post history/persona, or just the fact that I'm a guy conjecturing on girl matters?.. :holmes:
 
 
 
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