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    Hey,
    Im 20 years old and my loving boyfriend is 21 years old,
    Im size 18-20 and my boyfriend is honestly like a skeleton.
    but we eat the exact SAME things! !
    I'm not losing weight.....im even gaining weight!!
    He doesn't gain an ounce.

    I dont understand.
    whenever i try to starve myself or diet, he tells me i need to eat and he worries that im purging. Im so upset, i hate my body, but he tells me im fine. but i can see in his eyes that he understands im overweight,
    He even lightly touched on he'd be happy losing weight, but he then changed the subject.

    Its such a tabboo subject, my weight is soo embarassing to talk about but i NEED to lose,

    Would being away from him for a month help me?
    or would i gain, the second i see him again? lol
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    Its in your metabolism. Some people gain fat quicker than others. You neednto work out harder
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    It's probably just a difference in metabolism.
    There probably isn't much you can do, unless you dedicate an inordinate amount of time/effort to it.
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    Maybe he has a faster metabolism. It may not be "fair" but whining about it is not going to help. Don't do stupid diets, exercise is the way to go. Also, being with him has nothing to do with you being overweight. Eat sensibly and exercise and you'll lose the fat in no time.
    • Welcome Squad
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    Welcome Squad
    (Original post by Sherlock-05)
    Hey,
    Im 20 years old and my loving boyfriend is 21 years old,
    Im size 18-20 and my boyfriend is honestly like a skeleton.
    but we eat the exact SAME things! !
    I'm not losing weight.....im even gaining weight!!
    He doesn't gain an ounce.

    I dont understand.
    whenever i try to starve myself or diet, he tells me i need to eat and he worries that im purging. Im so upset, i hate my body, but he tells me im fine. but i can see in his eyes that he understands im overweight,
    He even lightly touched on he'd be happy losing weight, but he then changed the subject.

    Its such a tabboo subject, my weight is soo embarassing to talk about but i NEED to lose,

    Would being away from him for a month help me?
    or would i gain, the second i see him again? lol
    Aww, well, your boyfriend must love you for who you are, and your size! so that's good.
    if you want to lose weight, then I'd suggest eating less and exercising more. Well, this worked for me, and I'm not qualified etc, but I just cut down on sugary stuff and didn't eat after like 5pm, and I exercised everyday on the treadmill and i lost a lot of weight. But, since being obsessed with my weight and wanting to be skinny forever I realised that I look fine the way I was. So i gained the weight back, and I'm happy being my current size. So long as your healthy then you don't need to lose it me thinks x (and don't stay away from him for a month, he should be able to accept that you want to eat less etc)
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    (Original post by Sherlock-05)
    whenever i try to starve myself
    Never do that. It doesn't work.

    Why don't you just do some exercise?
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    Some people just have faster metabolisms than others and it sounds like he's in the former category.

    The worst thing you can do is not eat anything or go on ridiculous diets. You should eat healthily, 3 meals a day but make sure you're not eating excess sugars or fats.

    The best thing to do is eat healthily and do a moderate amount of exercise, 3-5 times a week. Try and have more faith in your boyfriend, if he says he thinks you're ok you probably are. If you were really overweight and not appealing to him, would he still be going out with you?

    It sounds like you have low body confidence which is something you maybe need to work on. Being 'skeletal' as you describe your boyfriend is not a good thing. Try and have more confidence in your own body.
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    Exerciseeeeeeeee
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    Welcome Squad
    (Original post by james1211)
    Never do that. It doesn't work.

    Why don't you just do some exercise?
    Whilst I don't support starvation at all and i defo agree with your exercise comment. I kinda find it odd when people say starvation doesn't make you lose weight. I guess it depends on the person of course but for me, when I had eating problems a few years ago, I found I lost a lot of weight through not eating. It was bad of course and I was very ill as a result but it did work. Im not saying its a good thing because its not its awful and seriously damaging. But I dont see why people say it doesn't work when it kinda does.
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    (Original post by anonymouspie227)
    Whilst I don't support starvation at all and i defo agree with your exercise comment. I kinda find it odd when people say starvation doesn't make you lose weight. I guess it depends on the person of course but for me, when I had eating problems a few years ago, I found I lost a lot of weight through not eating. It was bad of course and I was very ill as a result but it did work. Im not saying its a good thing because its not its awful and seriously damaging. But I dont see why people say it doesn't work when it kinda does.
    It makes you lose weight but it isn't healthy, and what happens when you stop starving yourself at your desired weight? Do you go back to eating as you did and put it all back on again?
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    Well, first of all hi, am new here and this is ma first day! anyway, lsn, being on an extreme diet will let u lose weight, but once u stop that diet, you'll b extremely fat again! Gym also isn't a gd idea after all , unless u have the ability to manage ur tym to b able to go to gym daily , cz once u stop going to gym, all the muscles in ur body will turn into fats! so its not helping. the best thing is having a proper diet, I once read a thing which is actually useful: "eat breakfast like a king, your lunch as a prince and ur dinner as a beggar". some ppl used to think dat stop having breakfast will let dem lose weight, but its de way opposite, so eat well in breakfast, and never eat any things with high carbs between meals, instead eat fruits and vegetables! and day by day, try to reduce the amount of ur food, like for instance try reducing ur intake of rice, or bread, and high fat cheese, instead eat low fat cheese and etc. also try to register for swimming. as its considered to b the highest burning fats sport!!! and try drinking a large amount of water before u eat lunch or eating any meal, cz it will make u feel that u cant eat anymore , also try extending the ur eating time, take ur tym, and eat in 30 min, as it will make u feel dat u r full! and never do any sports or go sleeping after u eat directly ! no! w8 for abt 1 hr and then go to sleep and try avoiding watching a lot tv while eating as this will make u not knowing wat u r actually eating and may results in getting u fatter .. hope wat I said was helpful
    • Welcome Squad
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    (Original post by james1211)
    It makes you lose weight but it isn't healthy, and what happens when you stop starving yourself at your desired weight? Do you go back to eating as you did and put it all back on again?
    Like I said before, I'm not advocating it, but it does make you lose weight. Maybe not long term if you go back to eating as normal, which can happen even with sensible weightloss but it does make you lose weight. I don't support it no, but I dont support pretending like it doesn't make you lose weight. Like I said before its unhealthy and having been through it Its definitely damaging, but people should have control over their own lives and understand consequences etc. Also your questions at the end were a bit odd, I wasn't advocating starvation I was just trying to highlight that it's not true to say it won't make you lose weight.
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    (Original post by Sherlock-05)
    Hey,
    Im 20 years old and my loving boyfriend is 21 years old,
    Im size 18-20 and my boyfriend is honestly like a skeleton.
    but we eat the exact SAME things! !
    I'm not losing weight.....im even gaining weight!!
    He doesn't gain an ounce.

    I dont understand.
    whenever i try to starve myself or diet, he tells me i need to eat and he worries that im purging. Im so upset, i hate my body, but he tells me im fine. but i can see in his eyes that he understands im overweight,
    He even lightly touched on he'd be happy losing weight, but he then changed the subject.

    Its such a tabboo subject, my weight is soo embarassing to talk about but i NEED to lose,

    Would being away from him for a month help me?
    or would i gain, the second i see him again? lol

    I highlighted your problems. The thing about you eating the same as him jumped right out at me because a women will most often have a slower metabolism than a guy, and because you're apparently eating the same things as him your body isn't handling that amount of calories in the same way his body handles it.

    Read the stickies, join myfitnesspal (that website is a godsend), calorie count, but don't starve yourself. Judging by your dress size size, I'm not going to assume your weight because weight is just so unreliable, I am going to assume that the least amount of calories you should be having is ~1400 calories, if not, more.

    I'm currently a size 8-10 and with calorie counting and some exercise, I went down from a size 18. Looking back, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. The least you need to do is consume less calories than you're currently consuming. That doesn't mean starve yourself or go from diet to diet, it just means eat less. Or in your case, eat the "normal" amount for a girl of your height/weight. I'm wording this terribly, so make sure you read the stickies, specifically the one that says "for the girls"! That will tell you the most important things you need to know.
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    You will lose weight starving yourself, but then you will put it back on, once you pig out again.
    Just eat healthy, protein/vegetables and do exercise.
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    (Original post by Sherlock-05)
    Hey,
    Im 20 years old and my loving boyfriend is 21 years old,
    Im size 18-20 and my boyfriend is honestly like a skeleton.
    but we eat the exact SAME things! !
    I'm not losing weight.....im even gaining weight!!
    He doesn't gain an ounce.

    I dont understand.
    whenever i try to starve myself or diet, he tells me i need to eat and he worries that im purging. Im so upset, i hate my body, but he tells me im fine. but i can see in his eyes that he understands im overweight,
    He even lightly touched on he'd be happy losing weight, but he then changed the subject.

    Its such a tabboo subject, my weight is soo embarassing to talk about but i NEED to lose,

    Would being away from him for a month help me?
    or would i gain, the second i see him again? lol
    Public knowledge on weight loss/gain is generally pretty ****. Individual differences in metabolism due to uncontrollable factors are almost invariably negligible. The problem here is actually very obvious when you step back and look at it clearly:

    You are a 5'3" female eating the same amount as a 5'10" male.

    Couple that with the way you refer to starving yourself as if it is similar to dieting, and your problem is evident. Of course I don't know that you are 5'3" and he 5'10", but it seems rather likely that he is taller.

    Firstly, you need to eat significantly less than your boyfriend in order be as slim as him.
    Secondly, dieting is not starving; it is creating a small and manageable decrease in the amount of energy you consume in food and maintaining that for a long period of time. It really is that simple.

    With regard to your boyfriend, I would suggest that he is right to try and stop you when you starve yourself or try extreme diets. But I would also suggest he should support you in the following of a healthy weight loss diet as I just described (i.e. a small decrease in calories that you maintain). Doctors and NHS resources are available for advice on how to lose weight healthily and I don't think your boyfriend could object to this.

    Honestly, it is quite possible (even probable) that he wants you to lose weight but doesn't say so because he doesn't want you to be self conscious. I am sure he will be supportive if you go about this in a healthy and controlled manner.

    http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/weight-lo...oss-guide.aspx
    http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Documents/WE.../all-weeks.pdf
    • Study Helper
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    Study Helper
    (Original post by Implication)
    Public knowledge on weight loss/gain is generally pretty ****. Individual differences in metabolism are almost invariably negligible. The problem here is actually very obvious when you step back and look at it clearly:

    You are a 5'3" female eating the same amount as a 5'10" male.
    Individual differences in metabolism are minor between people of similar sex, age, height, ethnicity, fat-free mass, and fat mass. Important addition. Especially when the problem you go on to cite is a difference in BMR due to these things.
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    (Original post by Hype en Ecosse)
    Individual differences in metabolism are minor between people of similar sex, age, height, ethnicity, fat-free mass, and fat mass. Important addition. Especially when the problem you go on to cite is a difference in BMR due to these things.
    I think the confusion is due to the vagueness of the word "metabolism". In the context of some of the posts in this thread I assumed it was being referred to as some kind of genetic and unchangeable property of one's body that means one gets more energy from food.

    The male-female difference I was referring to is primarily the result of differences in body composition (muscle, bone etc.) and not due to metabolism in that sense of the word. But if by "fast metabolism" we just mean a higher BMR then of course this includes differences due to body composition. In this sense you can increase your own metabolism by gaining muscle, fat etc.

    Hope that clears up what I meant somewhat :dontknow:
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    Are you dating a feeder?
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    (Original post by Implication)

    You are a 5'3" female eating the same amount as a 5'10" male.
    This is what I was going to say. Whenever you read packaging on food it always states that a man's daily recommendation is 2,500 calories and a woman's is 2,000. Immediately, you can see that if you DO eat the same amount, you're eating at least 500 calories more than you need, which will lead to a pound a week weight gain (looking at it completely blankly, without taking into account other things, of course).

    Then you have activity levels. I assume the two of you don't walk together and remain synchronised all day. He might walk around more, at a faster pace, he might have a habit of taking the stairs or walking when you might get the bus.

    And then there's the question of whether you ARE really eating the same things. You cannot be together all day every day. Are you ALWAYS together for EVERY single meal? Do you know that he has as much mayonnaise on his sandwiches as you do? Do you always finish what's on your plate while he'll leave some when he's full? Will you reach for a sixth biscuit when he stops at two?

    Ultimately, there's no way the two of you are exactly the same. And the truth is that everybody needs a different amount of calories per day to maintain weight, that's just life.

    To lose weight, try eating a little less and doing some more exercise. At size 18-20 you should find it quite easy at the beginning, which will motivate you to carry on.

    But in order to be successful, you have to stop making excuses, and stop lying to yourself. It doesn't make an ounce of difference to your own weight and health whether your boyfriend can eat the same as you and stay skinny. Knowing that this is the case (if it even is) will not stop you from feeling down about yourself, or experiencing future problems due to your weight. Making excuses won't make you lose weight. Taking action will.

    Apologies if that sounds harsh, but I wish someone had told me years ago. True or not, fair or unfair, it's life, and you just have to deal with it.

    (Original post by Sherlock-05)
    Hey.
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    You're fat and lazy, that's the honest truth.

    No point in sugar-coating it.

    You could lose weight if you want, but you're too lazy to make it up happen.
 
 
 
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