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Should I dump my bf or work on the relationship? :(

I need advice about what to do about my relationship and life in general!

This is gonna be a long post.. sorry!

So I am 21, been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and we have been living together for 4 months.

I have been having thought for a while worrying that my boyfriend is not 'the one'. I used to think it before we moved in together but now I think it even more. I really do care about him and really enjoy spending time with him etc but a part of me thinks that we have turned into bestfriends instead of boyfriend & girlfriend. But when I think about splitting up with him it does upset me as obviously I do love him and am attached to him.

Since moving in together, money has been tight. I only work part time and he works full time so he pays for a lot more things than I do and he also has his own loans to pay off too. We don't have much money to do fun things or go on dates etc. It gets so boring staying in. I don't have enough money to go on nights out with my friends anymore which I really love doing.

To make matters worse, I cheated on him a few weeks ago. It makes me feel like such a **** and I wish it never happened, but it did happen and If you really loved someone then you wouldn't cheat on them but I have :confused:

There's noway my boyfriend would ever find out so I don't plan on telling him even if we did split up.

I really don't know what to do. So many mixed emotions. A part of me just thinks I should be single and having fun with no stress. But I don;t have enough money to move out and my mum lives 4 hours away so if I went to live with her I would have no friends and be even more bored.

when i think about being single and possible going back to a new university I feel half excited but half sad that I wouldn't get to be with my bf. And I know I will feel guilty by even posting this thread but then later on I will get the same feeling of wanting to be single again...

I am thinking of either going back to uni next year or saving up to go travelling if I do end up being single!!! If I manage to work things out with my boyfriend then I would stay where I am and try to find full time work.

Any advice would be appreciated! Sorry for longggg post.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 1

21angel

OP

anyone?

Reply 2

VeniViciVidi

18

You cheated on him. Time to call it a day.

Reply 3

Gjaykay

11

You cheated. That says it all, doesn't it?

Reply 4

1219269

3

Original post by VeniViciVidi

You cheated on him. Time to call it a day.

This, I mean you sound like you've had enough and don't want to break the habit of going out with him but seriously why stay? :/ if you were happy you wouldn't have cheated on him?

Reply 5

Blazinq

14

Sounds like you're only with him because you have nowhere else to live.
Disgraceful

Reply 6

21angel

OP

Original post by VeniViciVidi

You cheated on him. Time to call it a day.

Original post by Gjaykay

You cheated. That says it all, doesn't it?

I know I did and Im a horrible person for doing that but it just isn't as easy to walk away when you live with someone and have a joint housing contract. Its so much hassle and its stressing me out so much.

Reply 7

21angel

OP

Original post by Audi

This, I mean you sound like you've had enough and don't want to break the habit of going out with him but seriously why stay? :/ if you were happy you wouldn't have cheated on him?

I know I will miss him so so so much if we split up though thats what makes it so hard

Reply 8

FireGarden

14

You love your boyfriend? ..Are you sure? I mean, you sound like you're trying to decide if it's "worth it" to break up with him, stringing him along as you're unsure, and have cheated on him.

How the hell does that count for love?

Reply 9

Gjaykay

11

Original post by 21angel

I know I did and Im a horrible person for doing that but it just isn't as easy to walk away when you live with someone and have a joint housing contract. Its so much hassle and its stressing me out so much.

If I made this exact thread and gave that exact reply, but it was about a girlfriend, rather than a boyfriend, I'd get ripped to shreds. :rolleyes:

Do what you want, you don't love him, so you have two choices, stay or leave. Both are a pain in the arse, but it's the corner you've got yourself into. Do what'll make you happiest.

Reply 10

emski

11

I feel sorry for the guy :frown:

Reply 11

FlavaFavourFruit

Lol at this relationship.
You cheated on him and don't plan to tell him , you don't deserve him

Reply 12

1219269

3

Original post by 21angel

I know I will miss him so so so much if we split up though thats what makes it so hard

Well have you told him you cheated on him? If the answer is no then you're probably going to be driven apart anyway as it'll eat you up over time

Reply 13

21angel

OP

Original post by Huskaris

So you sit around working part time and cheat on him while he works full time?

Wow. He needs to grow some balls, and yeah to quote yourself, you are a c***

I obviously agree I'm a **** but how does he need to grow some balls? I was working part time due to be at uni and have only recently left uni & looking for full time work. Too much to explain in the first post

Original post by Blazinq

Sounds like you're only with him because you have nowhere else to live.
Disgraceful

I know it sounds like that and if I had somewhere else to live it would be alot easier to have a trial seperation or something. But thats not the reason I'm still with him and I would miss him SO much if we split up and probably be really regretting my decision

Reply 14

Spongebob'sPants

14

You aren't vested in him. You are more afraid of the change that will take place than actually being away from him.

Theres not a single thing that you've said that would convince me this relationship as a long term future. Sorry to sound harsh, but a lot of what you said is "I, i, i, i"...

I dont think you're at the stage to settle down with him, or anyone.

Reply 15

VeniViciVidi

18

Original post by 21angel

I know I did and Im a horrible person for doing that but it just isn't as easy to walk away when you live with someone and have a joint housing contract. Its so much hassle and its stressing me out so much.

Yep, that is called the consequences of actions.

The sooner you realize the options available to you aren't easy, the better.

Reply 16

alis-volatpropriis

15

I feel sorry for your boyfriend. It seems as if you're only staying with him, because it would be too much hassle to move out and "go it alone". You've already cheated on him, so clearly you're not satisfied with the relationship. Leave him, you're only stringing him along. Do some soul searching, you don't know what you have until its gone.

Reply 17

Lethorio

11

He works full time and pays the majority of the bills, but you're only with him because you think you'd miss him if you broke up, plus you had the audacity to cheat on him.

I feel terribly sorry for your boyfriend.

Reply 18

anonymouspie227

20

Aw, I think you have commitment issues... Also I don't think your reasons are fair, you dont have enough money etc so you're bored. Honey please, that's not a reason to break up. However you did cheat and will not tell your partner this, what is the right thing to do? Tell him, say sorry, end it, move in with your mum. Or somewhere else...

Reply 19

21angel

OP

Original post by FireGarden

You love your boyfriend? ..Are you sure? I mean, you sound like you're trying to decide if it's "worth it" to break up with him, stringing him along as you're unsure, and have cheated on him.

How the hell does that count for love?

Well I do love and care about him. He is literally my bestest friend I've ever have. But that was the whole point of this thread for advice about what I should do so I do really appreciate all these answers they are actually making me think hard. Thanks

Original post by emski

I feel sorry for the guy :frown:

Me too

Original post by FlavaFavourFruit

Lol at this relationship.
You cheated on him and don't plan to tell him , you don't deserve him