Shall I end it?

Sorry it’s long.
I’ve been friends with this guy for 3+ years. We were in a relationship for a relatively short time (couple of months), which ended in Feb and we went back to being friends.

It seemed to me a couple of weeks ago that I was putting more into the friendship than he was (maybe I was all along), which is why I decided to take a back seat and watch. I was usually the one to call (he is unemployed and won’t buy credit but yet he can afford to buy an external hard disk drive, keyboard and dvds) and travel to see him. I haven’t been calling him as regularly as I used to and haven’t been online as much.

I feel drained from this friendship, I’ve tried to help him with his job hunt but yet I’ve come to realise after 18 months that he just doesn’t want to find a job, doesn’t want to move out from his mum’s (he is 30) and is content with doing nothing but be on his computer. Yet, he felt the need to make “jokes” that at least I didn’t get a 3rd when I found out my uni results last week (I got a 2.2). Aren’t friends supposed to be supportive? Due to his insincere comments and attitude, we left on bad terms. I called him the same day but he didn’t answer. 3 days later, he texts me from the net to say, he saw my missed call and what I was calling about. I didn’t reply because I didn’t understand why it took so long to ask such a question.

He even told me last month that “I thought I was better than everyone else.” I don’t understand how someone who has known me for 3+ years would say something like that. Anyone who knows me wouldn’t put me and that comment in the same sentence.

I can’t deal with his negative energy anymore and putting much more into this than him. Though, he has just txt me to wish me happy birthday. Am I expecting too much? I want to be friends with someone who can call me, make the effort to meet up and seem genuinely interested in keeping a friendship. I keep making excuses for him (I did the same with another guy) that he can’t call and see me because he doesn’t have the money, but now I think it’s because I’m not that important.

Shall I not bother getting in contact with him again or call and tell him that it would be best if we weren’t friends anymore.

Reply 1

Glory

1

sounds like a lazy slob who is extremely selfish and childish. Move on, get shut etc.

Reply 2

Angelic Sarah

It would be stupid to end a long friendship like this so easily

Try talking to him first and see how things go, see if he puts more of an effort in.

Friends of 3+ years should be able to tell each other how your feeling, so dont rush into anything when it might be an issue you can resolve.

Good luckx

Reply 3

sahsum

13

I'm in a similar situation to you. although I've only known the person a year. Maybe men are just in a world of their own, but even so this is a harsh realisation. Do what you think will be best for you in the long run. Although its simple enough for you to phone him etc, how do you feel about your relationship still being like this 3 more years down the line? It might be better to cut ties now than in the future. Maybe your friend will realise your missing from his life and make more of an effort. Follow your gut feeling.

Reply 4

Dragon24

17

My friends knew a 34 year old virgin who worked as rubbish collector at McDonalds for 15 years. He was the same, you had to chase and he would cancel plans at the last minute which he has arranged. One by one he sent nasty messages to us all so we gave up. I gave up a year ago - don't need hassle. He sent the last nasty message to my friend the other day - she was upset. I've had many 'friends' like these and these people aren't worth it, they got issues and you don't need the hassle. I think jealousy is the main thing as you have got a good life ahead. Make friends at uni and forget lazy layabouts who don't care and will only drag you down. Getting a good degree is more important.

Reply 5

sidi

1

I can't believe you even have to ask! Get shot immediately. If this is a friend I'd hate to know your enemies...Don't allow yourself to be treated like this, you're worth better, much, much better.

Reply 6

username47781

20

I'd drop him, i know its hard after 3 years but he is being so mean to you, you got a degree yet hes bumming around doing nothing in his life, i'd get get rid of him before you lose more of your self esteem, and well done on getting a 2.2 by the way.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanx guys for the replies. I actually tried calling the guy yesterday to talk, and to cut the story short it was not pretty. I asked him twice if he valued the friendship and he couldn’t answer the question. Well, that’s saying a lot. He couldn’t even lie. He must have mentally checked out a long time ago. I just don’t understand why you would treat a friend like this and someone you were in a relationship with until recently.

He didn’t seem interested in the slightest of wanting to make it work. It felt like he was mentally sparring with me. He wasn’t willing to see it from my point of view (about his unsupportive comments), and the fact that he has that “I am always right” attitude sure doesn’t help. He called me a nit-picker because I was slightly upset that he sent me a happy birthday message via text at 8.30 in the evening. In his eyes, I would only have been happy if I received it at midnight. No, it just shows that I’m not a priority or have any importance in his life. I went out of my way to buy him a b’day pressie and arrange to see him the day after to give it to him, even though I was busy in my final year at uni.

I ended up telling him a few home truths (in hindsight I prob shouldn’t have but he seemed adamant in winding me up with his stubbornness), he called me some names and he cut the phone on me! I must really get to him, and I don’t even know what I have done. He’s done me a favour though.

It’s going to be hard to walk away from this 3 year+ friendship (reason why I have tried to hold on to it and give him numerous chances) but it has to be done. He was the only person I could call at any time, arrange to meet up at short notice and I felt closest to. His actions yesterday showed he doesn’t really care and neither do I now.

Reply 8

username47781

20

I'd say you've done the right thing yes it will be hard and there will be times you want him back but in the long run you will feel so much better trust me, as you say he clearly dont value the effort you put in so he is not worth spending any more time with.

Reply 9

PlayboyBunny

Get a proper boyfriend, yo!

Shall I end it?

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