The Student Room Group

Worthless

Since my exams ended, I've just been sleeping and going out, sleeping and going out, and today it hit me really hard that I haven't been dealing with any of my issues. I have really, really low self-esteem. I feel like I'm not good at anything; literally anything. I've not achieved anything with my life. Nothing. If I died tomorrow there would be nothing to show for it. Everything I've ever wanted to be decent at I've failed miserably at: sport, maths, languages, creative stuff, relationships. I've never travelled anywhere, can't play any instruments and feel positively uncomfortable in anything other than a t-shirt and jeans. I don't know how those things are related but they seemed to fit in my head. I'm argumentative about things that don't matter and apathetic about things that do and so unappealing to the opposite sex that I think my Dad still believes I'm lesbian. I'm now on a gap year (blatantly not going to get into my firm and insurance unis anyway) and I have nothing to do but work my arse off because my parents are in £100,000+ worth of debt, baliffs threatening left, right and centre and nobody can help me but myself. I'm even too scared to apply for a job because of such low self-confidence; I'm not particularly shy at parties with random young people but I have a complex about talking to adults in formal situations like a job interview would entail. The one thing I used to take solace in, writing, has just been even more of a burden in recent times. Yesterday I tore up and threw away a month's worth of writing because it read like complete crap. My writing is nothing more than the penmanship of an angsty 'teenager', or worse than that. I write like a 2-year-old scribbles in colouring books; it's not skilful, it's not thought-provoking and it's just not good.

So what am I left?
Reply 1
Clarity.
Reply 2
it doesnt matter if you havent achieved anything with your life, you have got plenty of time for that! you dont know that you wont get in to uni, and if you are taking a gap year anyway you can always reapply. Getting a job wont be nearly as scary as you think it is, the apprehension is probarbly much worse than the reality. Basically you wont know how thing will turn out if you dont even try!
So what if your writings not good? if you enjoy it, then it sounds like you really need it right now, and practise is the only way it will get better. Also, at stressfull/unhappy times, it can be really theraputic to write things down, clarify your feelings etc.
Esquire
Clarity.


Clarity?
Are you too nice to everyone? Do you let people walk all over you? Do you say and do what you feel?

Whenver I have low self esteem I ask myself these questions and then try to be more true to myself . When i am, my confidence tends to grow.

Hope that helps....
Whatever you say about "not achieving anything", you have 1069 posts in TSR, and there must have been at least 1 (but probably like 500) which helped someone or cheered someone up - this is an achievement. Many people I'm sure are this way too, but never think about it - you have analysed your life and deserve praise for that.

I don't do sports, I don't play musical instruments. I don't do arts either.
I have achieved a lot academically, but does it really matter? It does to me, because I know how hard I;ve worked. My biggest achievement is making many friends in new schools and adapting well to this new life in England (I'm from Russia). As you can see, there is no piece of paper to prove I'm worth anything, but the smiles of people who are dear to me remind me that I'm here for a reason, and if I made someones life better today there is a point to my life.

So try to think of it this way - I'm sure you have positively touched lives of many people, and have yet to touch many other souls. You just need some time to sort it out for yourself first :smile: