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    This is related to two other threads I've recently made, on fears she will leave and stigma of men expressing emotion or asking for help.

    Basically, my lady has a guy friend. She met him earlier this year, and she sees him a lot since he is doing her subject.

    He's called 'Superman'. This nickname gets to me. He doesn't quite look like Clark Kent, but it feels very flirty and he's quite good-looking. Personally I think better-looking than me.

    Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy. He seems smart, confident, funny, down to earth, up for a laugh, we're into a lot of the same things (I feel like he knows more). I don't want to hold anything against him, but yesterday when we were in his company, it felt like
    a) she talked much more to him (and they're both bubbly so bounce off each other, whereas I'm slow-witted, some might say stupid at times)
    b) she seemed to enjoy his company more, again whether this is true or not I again do not know
    c) She laughed a lot at his jokes. A lot. I didn't even bother competing, I just joined in.
    He is a naturally funny guy. Again I think, he must be more fun to be around then, she'll enjoy his company more etc.
    I've never felt very funny even though my dad (LOL) says I am and so does she

    One which really riles me (besides her glee when 'Superman! ' texts) is when we were playing Mario Kart in the pub. She had a really great time, so perhaps I shouldn't complain. But they said 'it was gettig hotter and hotter in there', she said 'I never knew I had so much power in me!' (first time playing videogames, got competitive etc.) and she then talked to him about this girl at a party who asked him out and said 'did they know you were taken?'
    This was all said as we all walked to the bus stop together. I didn't say much.

    He is currently seeing someone else as inferred, but I can tell that my girlfriend likes him. Whether as a friend or more, I don't know. I sensed sexual tension between the two of them and possible flirting, that I don't feel on quite the same level when I'm with her (but then I'm basing this off one incident).
    On principle my girlfriend should not get with him regardless of cheating on me, because she is religious and believes in the sanctity of love and marriage. I would hope she sticks to those principles because her integrity is one of the reasons I love her

    Despite this, when I left them there for two hours while I had to attend a lecture-I had a gnawing sensation I was going to come back to the pub and find them on top of each other on the pub sofa, hands all over each other. (I didn't, but who knows what went on in those last two hours?) This was before she said these things (it wasn't all flirty, some friendly, but I picked out the three most memorable moments

    I told my girlfriend how I felt (about the feeling awkward with Superman, not her cheating on me) and she reassured me that I'm a cool guy too etc,. I've already asked about him before and she said 'she's just a friend' (like they all say)




    edit: I should add that I am a certified paranoid. TSR knows me too well now, might as well et it out of the blue, I have an anxiety disorder in case you didn't guess already.
    I shouldn't let this consume and define me but unfortunately that's not always easy. Especially when my anxiety interferes with things like socialising (can't drink much for example, and get a bit nervous clubbing in town or walking through the city at night)

    Since this incident my girlfriend has talked to me, texted I Love Yous, cuddled me and told me I smell great and I'm not losing her anytime soon, and has excitedly requested we go on many planned dates such as upcoming concert tickets for both of us.


    I personally fearthat they
    . She likes my company, affection and the presents I give her, but she's waiting to go off with him when he breaks up.
    However there's no proof of this and I do have a history of severe anxiety of the tinfoil hat variety :P
    For example my 'gut instinct' has told me that

    -I will have a heart attack for going to bed at 2AM or eating a pizza
    -The police are going to come and arrest me one day, usually around 11 in the morning, as I'm chilling in my jimmies eating Weetabix, oh what a clumsy fool I am for chilling
    -There is a massive conspiracy in school where everyone knows I'm now 'crazy' (after my diagnosis of GAD) and is a bit scared but have all been told in an assembly that they should be nice to me and not let me in on it
    -Everyone in work is talking about me, laughing behind my back, and my boss is looking for ways to humiliate me and give me the sack
    -At my worst I suspected the Illuminati were watching

    I'm not sure how to feel, it's her choice who she socialises with, not mine. But in my partanoia-ridden and not necessarily true thoughtsit feels as if they will grow closer day by day, until she finally breaks it off with me. It makes me question who she's thinking of when she cuddles me.

    Again this is despite us having proclaimed love, she's told me such things as 'you'd be a great dad ', various dreams about us which I'm not at liberty to say, and having been together for 7 months. Throughout the whole time she has been aware of my anxiety and helped me with it.
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    Ouch. Here is how the future of this relationship will pan out:

    She will become more and more distant.
    You question her and she says they are 'just friends'.
    Eventually she tells you she is 'confused' and will refuse to elaborate.
    She becomes even more distant and closed off.
    She breaks up with you because she 'needs space'.
    Two weeks later she announces she is with her superman.

    Enjoy those feels when they come, for they are coming. A monkey never lets go of a branch until it is holding on to another. Every man has this sixth sense about relationships. If you feel as though something isn't right in your gut, you're probably correct. You can feel her slipping between your fingers.

    In reality, what she is doing is actually quite disrespectful towards you. My honest suggestion would be that you chuck her before she inevitably does the above. It will be less painful for you in the future.
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    (Original post by shiggydiggy)
    Ouch.

    Here is how the future of this relationship will pan out:
    She will become more and more distant.
    You question her and she says they are 'just friends'.
    Eventually she tells you she is 'confused' and will refuse to elaborate.
    She becomes even more distant and closed off.
    She breaks up with you because she 'needs space'.
    Two weeks later she announces she is with her superman.

    enjoy those feels when they come, for they are coming. A monkey never lets go of a branch until it is holding on to another.
    She said 'you're not losing me anytime soon ' to me on the bus as we cuddled last night
    I don't know whether she's telling the truth
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    (Original post by Riku)
    She said 'you're not losing me anytime soon ' to me on the bus as we cuddled last night
    I don't know whether she's telling the truth
    (I've edited my post, refresh to see).

    But yes, she will tell you this because she knows that you're aware something is up. She is probably keeping you chill while she firmly establishes a relationship with this other guy, enough so that she feels confident enough to dump you.

    Women do this without even realising it.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    She said 'you're not losing me anytime soon ' to me on the bus as we cuddled last night
    I don't know whether she's telling the truth
    Anytime soon....hmmm could be 1 or 2 month time...

    If you still trust her, stay. If not, you should have that difficult talk with her and I agree with the first poster..especially the confusion/break part..seen it before :yawn:
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    (Original post by shiggydiggy)
    Ouch. Here is how the future of this relationship will pan out:

    She will become more and more distant.
    You question her and she says they are 'just friends'.
    Eventually she tells you she is 'confused' and will refuse to elaborate.
    She becomes even more distant and closed off.
    She breaks up with you because she 'needs space'.
    Two weeks later she announces she is with her superman.

    Enjoy those feels when they come, for they are coming. A monkey never lets go of a branch until it is holding on to another. Every man has this sixth sense about relationships. If you feel as though something isn't right in your gut, you're probably correct. You can feel her slipping between your fingers.

    In reality, what she is doing is actually quite disrespectful towards you. My honest suggestion would be that you chuck her before she inevitably does the above. It will be less painful for you in the future.
    You know what?...





















































    You might actually be right.
    Op, enjoy it while it lasts.
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    (Original post by shiggydiggy)
    (I've edited my post, refresh to see).

    But yes, she will tell you this because she knows that you're aware something is up. She is probably keeping you chill while she firmly establishes a relationship with this other guy, enough so that she feels confident enough to dump you.

    Women do this without even realising it.
    If she does this she will know she is setting me up for even worse anxiety issues than I already have (and she knows about)
    she will destroy my faith in love for a long time (I come from a divorced family)
    and she will betray her own faith, which she strongly upholds

    If shebreaks up with me, that would be OK. But if she cheats on me then all the above.
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    (Original post by shiggydiggy)
    Ouch. Here is how the future of this relationship will pan out:

    She will become more and more distant.
    You question her and she says they are 'just friends'.
    Eventually she tells you she is 'confused' and will refuse to elaborate.
    She becomes even more distant and closed off.
    She breaks up with you because she 'needs space'.
    Two weeks later she announces she is with her superman.

    Enjoy those feels when they come, for they are coming. A monkey never lets go of a branch until it is holding on to another. Every man has this sixth sense about relationships. If you feel as though something isn't right in your gut, you're probably correct. You can feel her slipping between your fingers.

    In reality, what she is doing is actually quite disrespectful towards you. My honest suggestion would be that you chuck her before she inevitably does the above. It will be less painful for you in the future.
    Put so delicately :rolleyes: Ever thought of being a relationship counsellor?
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    She knows she's making you feel awkward but she carries on acting this way.
    She might like this guy, but she's probably getting weird signals such as if he mentions the girl he's seeing.
    I'd talk to her about it more, I'd expect her to continue saying "we're just friends" ect. If she were at least honest and admitted her attraction I'd be less likely to break up with her on the spot.
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    maybe they're just really close? don't make assumptions just yet, give her a chance. it's hard to put distance on friendship when one gets into a relationship with someone else.

    my best guy friend and me are extremely close and when I used to date other guys, they felt jealous but I reassured them it's just friendship. my husband still gets jealous of him from time to time but he knows I'm with him for a reason.

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    (Original post by Riku)
    If she does this she will know she is setting me up for even worse anxiety issues than I already have (and she knows about)
    she will destroy my faith in love for a long time (I come from a divorced family)
    and she will betray her own faith, which she strongly upholds
    This is why I suggest that you make the move. Take some control back for your own self-preservation.

    I speak from seeing this countless times in other relationships and from going through it myself. Never again.
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    Don't question her too much because you'll just push her away - if she does like him she'd never own up to it. You can tell if someone is guilty if they're overly defensive and indignant. If she laughs it off it's more likely she likes you and thinks your jealously is cute/endearing.

    Whatever happens, you sound like a nice guy and breaking up would not be the end of the world.
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    Right OP, it is crystal clear, and backed up by a lot of your threads, that you have an insecurity issue. Insecurity is normal in a relationship and, in my experience, it can increase when one goes to university. But I need to be clear, if you keep questioning her and making her feel untrustworthy, she WILL begin to resent the relationship and possibly END it if she feels she has to constantly tip-toe around you all of the time due to the fear of being unnecessarily held to account.

    You seem to think that every guy is better than you and your reasons for this are always to do with physical things. Your girlfriend picked you in the first place when she could have picked a load of different guys, why are you so worried? Trust me, I've been in your situation and I know how you feel. But there comes a time when you have to deal with your problems YOURSELF rather than seeking constant reassurance from your girlfriend or on TSR. I'm not criticising you, I generally want to help. But you have to be more confident with yourself. You need to do your own thing and be your own person for a while without resting your life on your girlfriend. You seriously need to take some space I think, and give her a little too, it may help.

    By doing your own thing and improving some of your insecurities you can increase your self worth, which will have a positive effect on your relationship and the way your girlfriend feels about you (Not saying she feels negatively towards you, but she may start to if you continue to have no confidence). I used to do similar things with my girlfriend and was also insecure. One day I just decided to put myself first and deal with my problems. You have to trust her and realise that you're neglecting yourself by CHOOSING to feel like **** all of the time. You may say it's not a choice BUT IT IS!

    Only you can choose to say '**** it, I need to stop thinking of what is going to happen in the future and focus on my life now'. What is dwelling on all this negativity going to achieve? NOTHING! So start doing things to deal with your problems rather than feeling sorry for yourself all of the time. Things will get better only if you choose to make them better.

    Good luck.
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    By sitting back and letting the flirting go on you basically asked for it.
    You shouldve intervened and started flirting with your girlfriend in the first place rather than letting the other guy become the alpha male.
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    you just need to look at yourself mate. look where you find yourself right now, or for a while it sounds like. your scared of confronting your girlfriend. get a handle on it. do something about it. ask her, be sincere don't make a scene, or leave it.. take a look at yourself have some dignity, don't feel threatened by other men either for gods sake. your only competing against yourself at the end of the day.
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    (Original post by eagleclawsan)
    Right OP, it is crystal clear, and backed up by a lot of your threads, that you have an insecurity issue. Insecurity is normal in a relationship and, in my experience, it can increase when one goes to university. But I need to be clear, if you keep questioning her and making her feel untrustworthy, she WILL begin to resent the relationship and possibly END it if she feels she has to constantly tip-toe around you all of the time due to the fear of being unnecessarily held to account.

    You seem to think that every guy is better than you and your reasons for this are always to do with physical things. Your girlfriend picked you in the first place when she could have picked a load of different guys, why are you so worried? Trust me, I've been in your situation and I know how you feel. But there comes a time when you have to deal with your problems YOURSELF rather than seeking constant reassurance from your girlfriend or on TSR. I'm not criticising you, I generally want to help. But you have to be more confident with yourself. You need to do your own thing and be your own person for a while without resting your life on your girlfriend. You seriously need to take some space I think, and give her a little too, it may help.

    By doing your own thing and improving some of your insecurities you can increase your self worth, which will have a positive effect on your relationship and the way your girlfriend feels about you (Not saying she feels negatively towards you, but she may start to if you continue to have no confidence). I used to do similar things with my girlfriend and was also insecure. One day I just decided to put myself first and deal with my problems. You have to trust her and realise that you're neglecting yourself by CHOOSING to feel like **** all of the time. You may say it's not a choice BUT IT IS!

    Only you can choose to say '**** it, I need to stop thinking of what is going to happen in the future and focus on my life now'. What is dwelling on all this negativity going to achieve? NOTHING! So start doing things to deal with your problems rather than feeling sorry for yourself all of the time. Things will get better only if you choose to make them better.

    Good luck.
    It's not all to do with physical things

    a) I felt he was funnier
    b) He seemed more knowledgeable
    c) Yes the looks thing came into play (naturally good-looking, I don't think he worked out or anything, in fact he was admitted to being involved in some dare with his younger sister to give up chocolate for a week, which he was struggling with :P
    d) This is going to sound silly, but...I may sleep worse than him, which means less energy, which is due to anxiety putting me in a constant state of fatigue, and I seem to think it's a weakness
    e) As I already mentioned, basically I feel weak and inferior for having been diagnosed with a mental illness and a learning disability. Dyspraxia from a young age, anxiety for 3 years.
    She knows all of this and is supportive!

    She's still texting I Love Yous and Do you want to go do X thing?
    I'm very confused.
    I am trying to give her space

    I'm hoping I don't really neglect myself all the time. I'm also hoping I'm not being self-piteous
    I'm wondering whether my logic even makes sense, it's like I'm weighing me and Superman up.
    'Good Looking+Funny; with someone else' vs 'Sweet, Smart, Caring and Kinda Cute and Funny Tbh; think I'm In Love'

    Here's a question: do people say I Love You (not 'love ya') when they don't really mean and are planning to dump you any day? Or am I applying the lowest common denominator of society as the general rule?
    After 7 months together, I think I should start trusting her more.
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    (Original post by Nomes89)
    Don't question her too much because you'll just push her away - if she does like him she'd never own up to it. You can tell if someone is guilty if they're overly defensive and indignant. If she laughs it off it's more likely she likes you and thinks your jealously is cute/endearing.

    Whatever happens, you sound like a nice guy and breaking up would not be the end of the world.
    When I asked she sort of laughed and smiled at me before . She teased me about it the second time I asked before cuddling up to me.
    I would hope this is a sign she finds it endearing rather than has feelings for him
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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    maybe they're just really close? don't make assumptions just yet, give her a chance. it's hard to put distance on friendship when one gets into a relationship with someone else.

    my best guy friend and me are extremely close and when I used to date other guys, they felt jealous but I reassured them it's just friendship. my husband still gets jealous of him from time to time but he knows I'm with him for a reason.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Maybe I still need to give her, and myself, a chance

    The most confusing thing is, why text and say to my face 'I Love You' if she's hitting on another guy?
    Chances are this is all in my head
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    (Original post by shiggydiggy)
    She will become more and more distant.
    You question her and she says they are 'just friends'.
    Eventually she tells you she is 'confused' and will refuse to elaborate.
    She becomes even more distant and closed off.
    She breaks up with you because she 'needs space'.
    Two weeks later she announces she is with her superman.
    I like those stages that you made. I broke up with my boyfriend at the third stage, the "confused" one. He said he wasn't sure about the relationship and I thought this was the right moment to break it off.

    It took a lot of courage for me to break it off but I feel better knowing I did it early rather than suffering another year of anxiety and uncertainty. I have exactly the same thing as OP: my boyfriend had a female friend who he just seemed to have a chemistry with and I was incredibly uncomfortable with it, but they only got closer and closer.

    Anyway I broke up with him 3 days ago and I'm sure that soon he'll start dating her instead. She actually has a long term boyfriend but I think she'll break up with her boyfriend for him (or cheat on her boyfriend with him).
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    (Original post by eagleclawsan)
    Right OP, it is crystal clear, and backed up by a lot of your threads, that you have an insecurity issue. Insecurity is normal in a relationship and, in my experience, it can increase when one goes to university. But I need to be clear, if you keep questioning her and making her feel untrustworthy, she WILL begin to resent the relationship and possibly END it if she feels she has to constantly tip-toe around you all of the time due to the fear of being unnecessarily held to account.

    You seem to think that every guy is better than you and your reasons for this are always to do with physical things. Your girlfriend picked you in the first place when she could have picked a load of different guys, why are you so worried? Trust me, I've been in your situation and I know how you feel. But there comes a time when you have to deal with your problems YOURSELF rather than seeking constant reassurance from your girlfriend or on TSR. I'm not criticising you, I generally want to help. But you have to be more confident with yourself. You need to do your own thing and be your own person for a while without resting your life on your girlfriend. You seriously need to take some space I think, and give her a little too, it may help.

    By doing your own thing and improving some of your insecurities you can increase your self worth, which will have a positive effect on your relationship and the way your girlfriend feels about you (Not saying she feels negatively towards you, but she may start to if you continue to have no confidence). I used to do similar things with my girlfriend and was also insecure. One day I just decided to put myself first and deal with my problems. You have to trust her and realise that you're neglecting yourself by CHOOSING to feel like **** all of the time. You may say it's not a choice BUT IT IS!

    Only you can choose to say '**** it, I need to stop thinking of what is going to happen in the future and focus on my life now'. What is dwelling on all this negativity going to achieve? NOTHING! So start doing things to deal with your problems rather than feeling sorry for yourself all of the time. Things will get better only if you choose to make them better.

    Good luck.
    This. This this this this.

    OP stop worrying about your girlfriend leaving you! That kind of insecurity is so self-destructive, you need to sort it out for your own sake, stop trying to defend what you do. Stop putting yourself down and bigging other people up and stop just wallowing in insecure and negative thoughts.

    Don't make excuses for yourself. You've made how many threads now about problems in your relationship... that only you see? You're creating imaginary issues that might actually come back to haunt you if you continue to be so needy for reassurance.

    Chin up. She's with you... you're really insulting her by always doubting her, and her motives, and her trustworthiness. Has she actually ever done anything tangible to make you doubt her or suspect that in those two hours she had that guy's hands "all over her"? If I found out my boyfriend was doubting me for no real reason other than I'm friends with a guy (and this IS the only reason - all the differences you see between you and him you've created in your head, highlighting and cherry picking the parts that allow you to get all worried about how amazing he is and you aren't), I'd be pretty upset with him.
 
 
 
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