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Boyfriend talks a LOT about another girl watch

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    A brief summary.

    I have a boyfriend, we've known each other for over two years, were really good friends at first, we are now dating and we have been dating for the past year. I'm 19 (first year) he is 20 (second year). He is extremelly dorky (in a good way), very sensitive, loves me a lot and I know it, does nice things for me, always listens to me, more importantly, we've NEVER EVER EVER had a single fight. I'm not exaggerating.
    His family really love me too. We are at different universities (not very far away) so we see each other every second weekend. And everything seems to be working, except for lately I've noticed that he's been talking a lot about another girl.

    Look, before you start going all crazy at me, for being irrational, yes I admit maybe it is a bit irrational, but I am NOT one of those constantly jealous girls who completely isolate their partners from other people. I don't have a problem with him having friends, hanging out with other girls, because I trust him.
    But he seems to bring her up in almost every single conversation!!! I mean, C'mon!
    They are doing the same course, and I think they see each other quite a lot. I've never met her, so I don't really know what's she like. But I'm just worried you know...

    I don't want to start an argument with him about it, because that woud be idiotic on my behalf, but I'm just really quite worried...
    He had the same thing last year with another girl , I remember him talking to me about her all the time, but nowdays he doesn't even mention her. I'm just no longer sure, is he just...being friendly? or does he just suddenly become obsessed?

    I kind of want him to know that I'm not a fan of this, but I feel like there is not much I can saying without sounding like a complete *****.

    Please help, no nasty comments-would be appreciated.

    Thanks.
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    You can easily have a discussion with him about it without it being an argument. I don't think you're being a ***** about it either. You should feel like you're able to tell each other when things bother you. Even if you DO argue about it, that's okay. Every couple argues sometimes and the couples that don't usually are bottling everything up.

    When you see him next, just bring up basically what you've said here - you notice he's talking about this girl a lot and it makes you feel uncomfortable, especially as he did the same with another girl last year that now he never mentions.
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    (Original post by lizlaz350)
    You can easily have a discussion with him about it without it being an argument. I don't think you're being a ***** about it either. You should feel like you're able to tell each other when things bother you. Even if you DO argue about it, that's okay. Every couple argues sometimes and the couples that don't usually are bottling everything up.

    When you see him next, just bring up basically what you've said here - you notice he's talking about this girl a lot and it makes you feel uncomfortable, especially as he did the same with another girl last year that now he never mentions.
    The thing is I'm seeing him tomorrow (it's out anniversary) and I don't exactly want to bring it up on our anniversary.
    Knowing me, I just know that it will end up in a massive fight, and I will probaby do something stupid like break up with him or something... And I don't want to do that over some stupid girl.

    I'm just scared you know... :s
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    (Original post by seeking_prudence)
    The thing is I'm seeing him tomorrow (it's out anniversary) and I don't exactly want to bring it up on our anniversary.
    Knowing me, I just know that it will end up in a massive fight, and I will probaby do something stupid like break up with him or something... And I don't want to do that over some stupid girl.

    I'm just scared you know... :s
    Then don't bring it up tomorrow. Maybe sneak it into a conversation one day by saying in a jokey way that you're obsessed with her.
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    (Original post by seeking_prudence)
    The thing is I'm seeing him tomorrow (it's out anniversary) and I don't exactly want to bring it up on our anniversary.
    Knowing me, I just know that it will end up in a massive fight, and I will probaby do something stupid like break up with him or something... And I don't want to do that over some stupid girl.

    I'm just scared you know... :s
    Don't mention it tomorrow if you don't want to ruin the day. Instead, write down what you want to say and the points you want to make.

    If he mentions her tomorrow, then bring it up then. Just say something like "I've noticed you talking about her a lot. I'm not trying to be rude or mean, but it does make me quite uncomfortable when you mention her all the time... I'd rather just think about us, ok?" Something non-confrontational that gets across that it bothers you.
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    (Original post by seeking_prudence)
    The thing is I'm seeing him tomorrow (it's out anniversary) and I don't exactly want to bring it up on our anniversary.
    Knowing me, I just know that it will end up in a massive fight, and I will probaby do something stupid like break up with him or something... And I don't want to do that over some stupid girl.

    I'm just scared you know... :s
    Just because it's an anniversary doesn't mean it's not a good time to talk. At the end of the day, if he talks about her, you're going to go to bed with it on your mind. If you talk to him about it and resolve this issue, you'll go to bed with a massive smile on your face. Let him know that whilst you trust him, that he talks about her often just makes you feel a little insecure. With any luck, he'll understand and will try to show you just how much you mean to him.

    If it backfires and he admits to liking this girl, then you're not spending your anniversary with a façade. I'd rather be unhappy with the truth than happy with a lie in a relationship. What about you?

    Lastly, he could turn up with a bunch of flowers and a day organised which reminds you just how special you are to him and all these insecurities may be cast aside!
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    (Original post by desdemonata)
    Don't mention it tomorrow if you don't want to ruin the day. Instead, write down what you want to say and the points you want to make.

    If he mentions her tomorrow, then bring it up then. Just say something like "I've noticed you talking about her a lot. I'm not trying to be rude or mean, but it does make me quite uncomfortable when you mention her all the time... I'd rather just think about us, ok?" Something non-confrontational that gets across that it bothers you.
    Yeah I think I might do that at some point, good advice thank you

    I just don't want to come across as whiny, you know...
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    (Original post by mikeyd85)
    Just because it's an anniversary doesn't mean it's not a good time to talk. At the end of the day, if he talks about her, you're going to go to bed with it on your mind. If you talk to him about it and resolve this issue, you'll go to bed with a massive smile on your face. Let him know that whilst you trust him, that he talks about her often just makes you feel a little insecure. With any luck, he'll understand and will try to show you just how much you mean to him.

    If it backfires and he admits to liking this girl, then you're not spending your anniversary with a façade. I'd rather be unhappy with the truth than happy with a lie in a relationship. What about you?

    Lastly, he could turn up with a bunch of flowers and a day organised which reminds you just how special you are to him and all these insecurities may be cast aside!
    You are right about being unhappy with the truth is definitely better than pretending that everything is fine.

    To be honest he's only every given me flowers once so I doubt that tomorrow will be any different.
    Still good advice though
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    (Original post by seeking_prudence)
    You are right about being unhappy with the truth is definitely better than pretending that everything is fine.

    To be honest he's only every given me flowers once so I doubt that tomorrow will be any different.
    Still good advice though
    Ah, he'll do his own thing in his own way. Flowers or not, it's the thought that counts.
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    (Original post by seeking_prudence)
    Yeah I think I might do that at some point, good advice thank you

    I just don't want to come across as whiny, you know...
    You're welcome

    To be fair if he's talking about her on your anniversary, he'd have to be pretty unreasonable to dismiss you as whiny.

    Anyone gets fed up if someone just goes on and on about the same thing, it's the same if they go on and on about one person, and if it's someone of the opposite sex, well yeah it's going to bother you. Nothing unreasonable there.
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    If he constantly mentions her on your anniversary then just make it jokey and say something like "you speak about her a lot" but sort of chuckle as you say it. This way it's not confrontational but also gets your point across. Keep us updated! xxx
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    If he mentions her a lot, it's highly likely that they're just good friends! I'd be more worried if he didn't mention her at all, to be honest!
    He probably mentions you a lot around her, too!
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    (Original post by hattiemcbinky)
    If he constantly mentions her on your anniversary then just make it jokey and say something like "you speak about her a lot" but sort of chuckle as you say it. This way it's not confrontational but also gets your point across. Keep us updated! xxx
    Will keep you updated guys.

    The thing is, as bad as it sounds, my bf has very little common sense, hence I think it might just be one of those times when he is being a bit of a tool.

    But yes, I will be rather p*ssed off if he starts talking about her on our anniversary. :mad:
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    (Original post by Kat12395)
    If he mentions her a lot, it's highly likely that they're just good friends! I'd be more worried if he didn't mention her at all, to be honest!
    He probably mentions you a lot around her, too!
    That's kind of what I was thinking to be honest..
    I mean surely if there was something between them he would want to keep it quiet and secret...? :confused:
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    (Original post by seeking_prudence)
    That's kind of what I was thinking to be honest..
    I mean surely if there was something between them he would want to keep it quiet and secret...? :confused:
    Exactly! If you discussed it with him, he might just stop talking about her all together- you might actually feel worse about it that way
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    Honestly, you need to just be open and ask. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years now and to stop any jealously or insecurity we just ask each other about new people who are mentioned. It's not controlling or crazy. I am currently spending a volunteer year in Spain so if I mention a guy's name a little too often, my boyfriend will just ask oh who's this? Then I can tell him all about it. If i have nothing to hide, then I can share it with him. That's the way we see it. No one tells the other to not see that person, nothing it controlling about it. But if someone comes up a little too often, yeah we just ask!
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    When I was 19 in 2nd year... I was briefly seeing a guy who said I remind him of his ex because of the curly hair and kept going on about her... Was well awks, it didn't last into officially being a relationship or dates. Unsure what to call it but everyone thought we were an item. Usually they do it when they can't get over the past or expect you to take over the ex's shoes. If they talk about it too much unreasonably, isn't worth it
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    A small update guys. Our anniversary went really well, I think I was over-reacting quite a bit to be honest.
    Although I'm still a bit uncomfortable whenever he mentions her name.

    I did sort of confront him in a jokey way about her, and he simply reassured me that she is one of his best mates at uni.

    Given how he tends to quickly move from one person to another in terms of friendships, I really hope that he doesn't do the same thing to me at some point soon.

    I know how quickly "good mates" turns into "friends with benefits" and "boyfriend and girlfriend" so I might as well try and meet her at some point. :/
    Either way we'll see...
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    God, what's his problem? is he that oblivious?
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    Another update, it's all been going fine so far, I still hadn't talked to him about it, our relationship doesn't seem any different to what it was before, but this afternoon I received a text from him saying that he is going out for a coffee with her.
    Which I must say confuses me very much, because in my books " a coffee" is usually a date.

    At this point I geniunely feel like I need to talk to him about all this. I'm begining to feel seriously uncomfortable and it's killing me.

    Seriously, what the hell do I do? What's the most tactic way to approach the matter?
    I'm staying over at his house (with his family) this weekend, do you think it would be a good idea to talk then?

    I feel like he is just being incredibly oblivious and doesn't seem to understand that it's making me horribly scared and sad... :/
 
 
 
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