Eng Lit - Short story Watch

ellekknight
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Hi, I'm currently studying AS English Lit in my 6form. For our creative reading coursework we had to chose a book, read it and then use themes/techniques etc from it to write a short story. I chose Love in the time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
I'm terrible at short stories! I can never fit my ideas into 800 words and I find it increasingly difficult to make it flow well.
Here is my story so far! Looking for any constructive criticism and some advice! My target grade is an A and I really want this. Is this A grade standard? If not how do I get it to an A?
Thanks!
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Reiss64
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I'm totally gonna plagiarise this
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benplumley
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The large majority of it seems very maturely written, and there are some great subtle elements to it, like the tense change on line 37. Small parts of it seem awkward and clunky. I've highlighted these bits. Also, make sure you double check your grammar before you hand it in - I think there are a couple of places where you forgot to close your quotation marks.
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