I cannot get over being betrayed - please advise me Watch

Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 5 years ago
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Hey guys,
If you're reading this, then thanks - I need some help.

I am in my second year of uni, currently on my year abroad.
I initially made friends with a guy, and our friendship started of great. We always had a laugh, got on so well. I supported him throughout medical problems he had, as well as when people made horrible comments about him, that to be honest made him cry like a baby.
Then, he a got a girlfriend, or should I say '**** buddy' - a clingy little virgin girl, who took a dislike that we were so close and that would whore herself out and spread gossip to spend time with him. They got together, me and him stayed friends, but he'd let me down and cancel plans to spend time with her, even though he basically used her for sex. He even asked me to write up a break up letter when decided he had enough, and I told I was fed up of being treat like rubbish.
He said he'd never see her again, but continued to meet her in secret, lie about where he was and just let me down again and again. Now I get what people may think, that he is entitled to, see what ever he wants. And I get it, but I was there for him. His only friend, helping him when no-one else would, clearing his sick when he got so drunk, rescuing him in bad weather when blooded and again drunk. Helping him when taunted. Only for this cow to destroy my friendship and lie again when I tried to end the tension between me and her and offer an olive branch.
He said to me, back in June (the last time we spoke) that I was too clingy and didn't want a best friend, which yes I wanted. But he was happy taking from me when it suited, I was always considerate to him and cared.
I'm socially shy, I don't trust people easily, and this drama made me ill. I always wanted a best friend and its gone.
6 months on nearly, I hate him - and I went revenge. I cannot drop this in my mind, the betrayal the fact that he gets away treating his family, the girl he used for sex and me like rubbish. He uses people, and likes it. I feel awful and angry, and I'm not like that. But I cannot let this drop. I've tried.
I'm back home in January and ready for revenge. For my say.
WHAT DO I DO?! Please help
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Anonymous #2
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I think you just need to forget about it to be honest. Move on with your life, if he has really used you then you are just wasting more time you wont get back trying to seek revenge on him. Hes already treated you bad but honestly, spending time pondering over what can be done or making him regret things is only going to get you agitated (possibly rise in blood pressure lol) and sick. So let go, your time was wasted by an ungrateful little "thing" don't let him take anymore of it.
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Anonymous #1
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Thank you so much for you reply, means a lot. And I completely get your point of view and to be honest, it is completely the right road to take. The moral highground. And do you know what, other times I've been let down I have done this, just ignored them. But this is so much different, I'm still so angry - I just feel that he has got away with treating terribly, why should I just take that? I lived through his problems. He had anorexia, and people made vile comments, but I stuck with him. I don't know, I just don't think I can not have my say on this, especially as we share the same friendship group generally. And the blood pressure is already seering sky high haha
Once again thank you! I do take your point on board, it's just this has been a long running thing and being alone in a foreign country makes you think and I really want and feel I need revenge. Even though I know it's wrong...


(Original post by Anonymous)
I think you just need to forget about it to be honest. Move on with your life, if he has really used you then you are just wasting more time you wont get back trying to seek revenge on him. Hes already treated you bad but honestly, spending time pondering over what can be done or making him regret things is only going to get you agitated (possibly rise in blood pressure lol) and sick. So let go, your time was wasted by an ungrateful little "thing" don't let him take anymore of it.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you so much for you reply, means a lot. And I completely get your point of view and to be honest, it is completely the right road to take. The moral highground. And do you know what, other times I've been let down I have done this, just ignored them. But this is so much different, I'm still so angry - I just feel that he has got away with treating terribly, why should I just take that? I lived through his problems. He had anorexia, and people made vile comments, but I stuck with him. I don't know, I just don't think I can not have my say on this, especially as we share the same friendship group generally. And the blood pressure is already seering sky high haha
Once again thank you! I do take your point on board, it's just this has been a long running thing and being alone in a foreign country makes you think and I really want and feel I need revenge. Even though I know it's wrong...
No worries

I completely understand that you've been through this in both thick and thin with the man, and hes just turned around and gone .. "I don't really need you" ... it hurts and its a bit of a punch to take. However just let it go, you are in a new country, you want to look back in a years time and say "well that wasn't too bad" not come home with horrible memories of the place - its hard but do forget it, at the same time revenge here would be to make it obvious to him that you are not a walk over. cut contact, if he tries to call you, don't pick it up.. if u get a text don't reply, a facebook message delete. I think that's the most painful way to get a person back as you are slowly getting under their skin and giving them a bit of a reality check. I've been in both positions of trying to get revenge and unattaching. The latter is the most painful when someone thinks you are the clingy one and they have no one to turn to.

Breath and get a nandos, forget and enjoy your time there, focus on the reason you are there and do well for yourself x
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MrsSheldonCooper
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey guys,
If you're reading this, then thanks - I need some help.

I am in my second year of uni, currently on my year abroad.
I initially made friends with a guy, and our friendship started of great. We always had a laugh, got on so well. I supported him throughout medical problems he had, as well as when people made horrible comments about him, that to be honest made him cry like a baby.
Then, he a got a girlfriend, or should I say '**** buddy' - a clingy little virgin girl, who took a dislike that we were so close and that would whore herself out and spread gossip to spend time with him. They got together, me and him stayed friends, but he'd let me down and cancel plans to spend time with her, even though he basically used her for sex. He even asked me to write up a break up letter when decided he had enough, and I told I was fed up of being treat like rubbish.
He said he'd never see her again, but continued to meet her in secret, lie about where he was and just let me down again and again. Now I get what people may think, that he is entitled to, see what ever he wants. And I get it, but I was there for him. His only friend, helping him when no-one else would, clearing his sick when he got so drunk, rescuing him in bad weather when blooded and again drunk. Helping him when taunted. Only for this cow to destroy my friendship and lie again when I tried to end the tension between me and her and offer an olive branch.
He said to me, back in June (the last time we spoke) that I was too clingy and didn't want a best friend, which yes I wanted. But he was happy taking from me when it suited, I was always considerate to him and cared.
I'm socially shy, I don't trust people easily, and this drama made me ill. I always wanted a best friend and its gone.
6 months on nearly, I hate him - and I went revenge. I cannot drop this in my mind, the betrayal the fact that he gets away treating his family, the girl he used for sex and me like rubbish. He uses people, and likes it. I feel awful and angry, and I'm not like that. But I cannot let this drop. I've tried.
I'm back home in January and ready for revenge. For my say.
WHAT DO I DO?! Please help
To hell with him. You have your whole life ahead of you and there'll be so many potential relationship victims. You're lovely and all so consider him betraying you one of the biggest mistakes of his life. No girl deserves a prick like him! If you're feeling upset still,feel free to PM me or something because I went through the same thing so I know too well how you feel xx
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Anonymous #1
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Thank you so much both of you for your kind words and useful advice
I completely agree I should just let this go, I'm going to try, but I cannot guarantee it.
But for now it will be put to the back of my mind.
@MrsSheldonCooper (love the name) - I'm so sorry that you went through the same/similar situation as me. I'll be honest, I hated the lying ***** as she helped ruin this friendship. But I also feel sorry for her, because I know the truth - that he used her for what he could get, took her virginity but then wouldn't speak to her for days. The guy uses people, and so far gets away with it. Whether it be me, or someone else I hope that someone gets him back, and karma comes around. Because even though I really despise her as well, she was like me, used. I just think it's sick and cowardly that he asked me to help him break up with her knowing I didn't like her - gives men a bad name.
Like I said, I'm socially quite shy, loud when I'm familiar with people but this experience has really dented my confidence and pride.
I don't think I'll ever fully recover even 6-8 months on...

(Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
To hell with him. You have your whole life ahead of you and there'll be so many potential relationship victims. You're lovely and all so consider him betraying you one of the biggest mistakes of his life. No girl deserves a prick like him! If you're feeling upset still,feel free to PM me or something because I went through the same thing so I know too well how you feel xx

(Original post by Anonymous)
No worries

I completely understand that you've been through this in both thick and thin with the man, and hes just turned around and gone .. "I don't really need you" ... it hurts and its a bit of a punch to take. However just let it go, you are in a new country, you want to look back in a years time and say "well that wasn't too bad" not come home with horrible memories of the place - its hard but do forget it, at the same time revenge here would be to make it obvious to him that you are not a walk over. cut contact, if he tries to call you, don't pick it up.. if u get a text don't reply, a facebook message delete. I think that's the most painful way to get a person back as you are slowly getting under their skin and giving them a bit of a reality check. I've been in both positions of trying to get revenge and unattaching. The latter is the most painful when someone thinks you are the clingy one and they have no one to turn to.

Breath and get a nandos, forget and enjoy your time there, focus on the reason you are there and do well for yourself x
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MrsSheldonCooper
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you so much both of you for your kind words and useful advice
I completely agree I should just let this go, I'm going to try, but I cannot guarantee it.
But for now it will be put to the back of my mind.
@MrsSheldonCooper (love the name) - I'm so sorry that you went through the same/similar situation as me. I'll be honest, I hated the lying ***** as she helped ruin this friendship. But I also feel sorry for her, because I know the truth - that he used her for what he could get, took her virginity but then wouldn't speak to her for days. The guy uses people, and so far gets away with it. Whether it be me, or someone else I hope that someone gets him back, and karma comes around. Because even though I really despise her as well, she was like me, used. I just think it's sick and cowardly that he asked me to help him break up with her knowing I didn't like her - gives men a bad name.
Like I said, I'm socially quite shy, loud when I'm familiar with people but this experience has really dented my confidence and pride.
I don't think I'll ever fully recover even 6-8 months on...
Like I said before,feel free to PM me if you're upset. And thanks I thought of the username meself
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Richycush
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Don't let your **** of a friend change what a good friend you are. Move on and forget
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Saaaammm
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I get exactly where you're coming from and trust me nothing feels worse than being treated like a total idiot, it's happened to me one too many times (I'm way too generous)
What I've learnt to do is when someone is treating you like a doormat do exactly the same to them, and when they bring it up to you say something like "you made me feel crap so I thought I'd return the favour"
Never let anyone treat you like your second best because you come first
If you need to chat pm me


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Miguel47
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Forget about him! Don't waste your time for revenge. You do not need a friend who does not appreciate your good attitude.
Move on with your life! Your real best friend is waiting for you, I'm sure!!!
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Viva Emptiness
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I always feel better once I've signed people up for free Tena Lady samples.

Maybe if you have this pent up anger you could try writing a letter? I mean, don't send it, but I find that getting my thoughts down helps me to organise and deal with them
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Fashion Girl
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Are you jealous of this girl ? I would be, hypothetically speaking, if I were you because she has a guy I think I'm close to's attention all the time, except I have nothing to be jealous of because I think I'm worth more than battling it out for the attention of another human being of all things :lolwut: if the prize was a chocolate trifle cup from Tesco I could get it, I would go to the ends of the Earth to seek that delicious goodness' attention :gah: !

But more importantly, I think you just need to try to figure out if your former friend is worth all the trouble. I mean, maybe he's never had sex before and the prospects of getting to have sex all the time has really gotten to his head. I actually have a mate who behaves that way, and after I *drop-load* analysed the ***k out of him I realised that the reason that he does that is because he was a virgin up until that point and now can't get sex out of his mind, and might even be a borderline sex-addict case :eek: !

I still haven't forgiven him for leaving me for a girl at pubs sometimes, and I was stuck there on my own with a drink and no one to talk to after having spend hours studying and hoping to get to hang out with my mates at the pub. I never got invited to his birthdays after he met this girl either and he promised me some lasagne and its been four years and I'm still waiting for the lasagne to turn up, now would be an excellent time for the lasagne actually... :drools:

You seem conflicted over what to think about this girl! I guess you can feel sorry for her in the sense that she was used as well, so you have something of a common emotion there with her, but she did try to break up your friendship with a former mate!

But yeah, for revenge, it seems like you have still left things high-and-dry. so it might be a good idea to have a good yelling battle first, you could like meet up somewhere, and just clearing your mind out! It could also be a good way to end things really nicely and you could get your revenge by telling him all kinds of **** to.his.face :yy: !
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Fashion Girl)
Are you jealous of this girl ? I would be, hypothetically speaking, if I were you because she has a guy I think I'm close to's attention all the time, except I have nothing to be jealous of because I think I'm worth more than battling it out for the attention of another human being of all things :lolwut: if the prize was a chocolate trifle cup from Tesco I could get it, I would go to the ends of the Earth to seek that delicious goodness' attention :gah: !

But more importantly, I think you just need to try to figure out if your former friend is worth all the trouble. I mean, maybe he's never had sex before and the prospects of getting to have sex all the time has really gotten to his head. I actually have a mate who behaves that way, and after I *drop-load* analysed the ***k out of him I realised that the reason that he does that is because he was a virgin up until that point and now can't get sex out of his mind, and might even be a borderline sex-addict case :eek: !

I still haven't forgiven him for leaving me for a girl at pubs sometimes, and I was stuck there on my own with a drink and no one to talk to after having spend hours studying and hoping to get to hang out with my mates at the pub. I never got invited to his birthdays after he met this girl either and he promised me some lasagne and its been four years and I'm still waiting for the lasagne to turn up, now would be an excellent time for the lasagne actually... :drools:

You seem conflicted over what to think about this girl! I guess you can feel sorry for her in the sense that she was used as well, so you have something of a common emotion there with her, but she did try to break up your friendship with a former mate!

But yeah, for revenge, it seems like you have still left things high-and-dry. so it might be a good idea to have a good yelling battle first, you could like meet up somewhere, and just clearing your mind out! It could also be a good way to end things really nicely and you could get your revenge by telling him all kinds of **** to.his.face :yy: !
Thank so much for your reply
Well like I say he used her for sex, he's no virgin he's slept with a few girls - she was a virgin, basically just gave it up to get her claws into him. But then when he wasn't interested in her, he asked me to write a break up letter (I said no) - how twisted is that knowing I hate girl!! One day I tried to fix it with her, I was a little tipsy, but I remember everything, I just said I don't like you but I want you to feel comfortable being here at our house (we were prinking) She went downstairs crying saying I'd bullied her, hence massive, massive fallout - friendship gone.
6 months on, he's not bothered, not tried to contact me, when we finsihed uni for the summer he didn't say goodbye. I'm just annoyed because I take it so personally that I put my all into a very tough friendship that has left me so self-lacking, unconfident and I am unable to move on.
I miss him so much, he was my best friend. But he said I was too clingy, I don't think I was I just think the amount of times I was there demanded to be treated better than what I was. Anyway, he's not bothered about this friendship anymore, but I can't ever move on
Ironically as well, I was tucking into some lasange whilst reading this.
If I could send you some, I would
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Fashion Girl
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank so much for your reply
Well like I say he used her for sex, he's no virgin he's slept with a few girls - she was a virgin, basically just gave it up to get her claws into him. But then when he wasn't interested in her, he asked me to write a break up letter (I said no) - how twisted is that knowing I hate girl!! One day I tried to fix it with her, I was a little tipsy, but I remember everything, I just said I don't like you but I want you to feel comfortable being here at our house (we were prinking) She went downstairs crying saying I'd bullied her, hence massive, massive fallout - friendship gone.
6 months on, he's not bothered, not tried to contact me, when we finsihed uni for the summer he didn't say goodbye. I'm just annoyed because I take it so personally that I put my all into a very tough friendship that has left me so self-lacking, unconfident and I am unable to move on.
I miss him so much, he was my best friend. But he said I was too clingy, I don't think I was I just think the amount of times I was there demanded to be treated better than what I was. Anyway, he's not bothered about this friendship anymore, but I can't ever move on
Ironically as well, I was tucking into some lasange whilst reading this.
If I could send you some, I would
Were you having lasagne ? Just looking at the word lasagne is sufficient to me :drools: ! Cheers for the tht! Send me some later maybe, yeah :party2: ?

Oh, so I get the situation better now! He just left you for a girl ! Oh God, that is horrible :mad: !

If you still feel this way about him, then maybe try meeting up just to find out why he placed SEX over a friendship, that was clearly going places. Maybe he was just angry that you weren't trying to get along with this girl, and was expecting you to be more mature about the situation because as a guy and his mate, you should know how difficult it is to get a girl these days who would be open to just having sex and I'm guessing knowingly :confused: be treated this way !

I know its not difficult to get girls in the sense that they you just buy them some presents and promise to put a roof over their head for forever = finance their lifestyle, basically, but you know all that comes with the ability to hold a bank balance and if you were legally that rich, which nice guy would waste their time with these, when they can have a loving relationship with a woman you can actually hold a conversation with over dinner, you know :albertein: ?

So maybe he just expected you to be more understanding of the situation! If your bright enough to understand and admit, because believe me, many men just don't seem to to be able to grasp the concept that the "relationship" they have with this girl is just for sex, but not really for sex, they are just like bent on making it a "happily ever after" :argh: - maybe all the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson fairytales went to their head or something ! And its so annoying when people run away from the truth, even tho they are embroiled in it :fisheye: !

So I can kind of understand you mate's tht process here, assuming he was thinking along those lines ! Meetup and just ask him, what went wrong and say how hurt you were when this girl complained about you to him, and then how horrible you felt when you someone you tht your best mate just discarded you for a woman who was so nasty to begin with and he was only ever having a sexual relationship with :hmpf: !

I'm guessing it will go well because he doesn't seem like a bad dude, your best mate ! Maybe he just made some bad choices, and maybe days rolled out into months and now he thinks its too late to pursue it anymore! So just nip all the uncertainty, frustration & anger in the bud and just meet up somewhere and find out what really happened and what the issue is rather than just hanging it all out in the air !

He could just be joking bout the clingy party, and if your too sensitive you can take it the wrong way, but it could just be a joke, you know! Also, maybe he just felt awful with how a girl he is just sleeping with treated you and he continued to sleep with her, because hey! its sex! and didn't know how to deal with this situation that have erupted! As far from an ideal approach to the situation, as can ever be, yeah, but that's why just meet and see where it goes perhaps :yy: !
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gustavus
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This happened to me.... Once.... It's hurtful, nasty and pointless...Still can make me annoyed years later.

I had a socially 'difficult' 'best friend', who initially felt a bit sorry for..... So 18 months, bailing out, study help, listening to their woes/ introducing them to all my friends .... And a whole load of meals cooked and supplied by me-eaten by them.

I had a road to damascus moment when I was seriously ill in hospital.. I then realised that the friendship was only one way...... The other few times I needed ex best friend to be there, I realise now they'd only turn up of they didn't have anything better, or there were other of MY friends that they could leach off/use. Realise now why they were so hopeless at gaining and sustaining their own friends. I honestly thought to that point they'd been dealt a rough hand!

My revenge - basically to go on and have a fun successful life without them......

I stopped all contact after an argument to end all arguments - they were in no doubt what a complete sh** I thought they were! They made a half hearted attempt to renew contact - I ignored.

I gradually let it be known when people started asking questions... The said decent friends were quite put out and they let it be known to others he started manipulating.

Some years on - I'm having a good life with lovely friends!!

I have seen him at distance on Facebook (happily I no longer bump into him - he's 200miles away!) sadly he deserves his loneliness... He's a first class w****r!

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2
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