Gcse English Watch

Poll: What grade is it?
A* (0)
0%
A (0)
0%
B (3)
75%
C (1)
25%
D (0)
0%
E (0)
0%
F (0)
0%
U (0)
0%
Shamx2020
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#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
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iWillWalker23
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#2
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#2
Hmm, I'd give it a B. It's good and only needs a bit of tweeking to get a better grade. It's got potential. *Were among the suggestions.

Overall, there is a lack of direction. It is simply description. I'd slim down a tad on the description and talk more about the beggar or even the drunken grizzled man. There is no focus so you could make the beggar the focus and how the beggar is unnoticed by the crowds who are too interested in christmas shopping. It should be about 800 words long so write another 400 words bring the focus in on this beggar who is not enjoying the shopping because he's cold and desperate.
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Jeeves CP
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#3
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#3
well as a reader im lovin it and i see very few faults. perhaps focus more on the character, not on the description. B
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Shamx2020
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#4
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#4
ok cheers
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