HELP!!! Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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Okay so now I've got your attention I have a dilemma to address with you and hopefully you can give me some advice :/

I met this boy on my way to school and he goes to a different school across town but we have the same route until I turn at a different place. He chatted to me and asked what subjects i was doing and he told me what he was doing. I've estimated that I said about 15 words to him in person. (sounds weird that i actually tried to work it out i know, but you'll understand why soon. maybe. hopefully.)

So anyway, he found me on facebook, I guess its because we have a few mutual friends. Then he messaged me on the day he added me and wrote huge lengthy paragraphs.

When he started to tell me he was depressed I became worried and concerned for him and told my mum. He messaged me over the next few days mentioning how he was depressed, I tried to tell him to see the positives or find a hobby or talk to his friends, teacher, mum whatever.
I was really confused at first as to why he was confiding in me, but I have an idea that maybe its because its because he doesn't know me that he can tell me these things. But the thing is he was making me feel quite uncomfortable with what he was telling me, my mum and my friends weren't much help.

Recently he messaged me to tell me that he was depressed because of me!! You can see, surely, that I was utterly flabbergasted! I spoked very few words to him so how can he be depressed over me and didn't say much on facebook and certainly didn't try to encourage him. But apparently he really likes me and he sent me a song on youtube and a greek poem. I was getting really uncomfortable, I told him (on fb) that I didn't understand how he can feel this way when i don't know him vice versa. So after this conversation he said that he thought it would be best to ignore/avoid me so he didn't get his hopes up. But since then he's been messaging me on fb, still telling me about his feelings for me.

Please help, I don't know what to do. I feel uncomfortable because i don't like him that way, I've barely spoken to him before and I've told him that I accept his decision to avoid me or whatever. Do I sound really nasty? Should i just try and be friends with him anyway (even though I don't think I would have been friends with him before the depression+confession). I sometimes wonder if I should tell a teacher at my school or ask for advice from them?

Ahyeeeeeeeeee....i'm utterly frustrated and I don't know what to do!!! I feel like it would be maybe morally right to not encourage him by answering to his fb messages but at the same time it seems like I can't not reply to him now that he's told me he's depressed.

I hope this huge amount of writing doesn't put you off because I need your help
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chocolatesauce
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#2
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long story short, you met this guy, he fb you that he was depressed, you've said about 15 words to him, then he said he was depressed because of you, you don't know what to do, right?
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Treeroy
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Unfriend him. It's you that matters, not him. He can sort his own issues out.

I'm depressed, and if I did that to someone they should feel ok with blocking me, and I'm pretty sure I would be understanding.

He's depressed, not autistic; he will understand why you unfriended him if you do.
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Orthonym
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It sounds like at first he was confiding in you because he wanted you to accept his personality and not be weirded out at him. And now he is quite infatuated with you because you helped him, and he feels lonely. Despite him knowing nothing about you, he has built up a really really good image of you, and he's infatuated with it. He is begging you to say "no, don't avoid me, I really like you, I accept you, you are a lovely person" ect. he is insecure and wants to feel accepted. Being in a relationship with him is out of the question, because he seems very dependent, and not like he would have a very healthy relationship with anyone right now.

I think you should strongly encourage him to find help elsewhere, because you are actually quite a random stranger to him, but in his head you are some amazing saviour and he wants your attention. It's not healthy. He is not depressed about you, he just associates all his problems with you, and thinks everything will be better if you accept and care for him.
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Lotus_Eater
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Well, he's obviously a guy with problems who, for whatever reason, has built up a personality for you in his head and projected the traits of his ideal woman on to you. As you say, he can't really know anything about you.

Hopefully this is an intense infatuation that will wear off soon. Since he seems a very sensitive guy then dealing with this as kindly and discreetly as possible would be a smart move.

It's perfectly acceptable to say that you're sorry he has depression but you're out of your depth and that if he needs support he should speak to someone - either a professional like his GP or tutor, or else a family member or friend. You could also add that whilst you are concerned about him, it's difficult for you to deal with so you would appreciate it if he avoided sending you such highly wrought messages.

A polite, kind but-not-too-warm response that firmly points him in the direction of people in a position of responsibility for him is more than enough. You aren't obliged to do much more than this.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Treeroy)
Unfriend him. It's you that matters, not him. He can sort his own issues out.

I'm depressed, and if I did that to someone they should feel ok with blocking me, and I'm pretty sure I would be understanding.

He's depressed, not autistic; he will understand why you unfriended him if you do.
I did actually unfriend him a few weeks ago but he messaged me to ask me why :/ so I felt guilty and covered it up
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Orthonym)
It sounds like at first he was confiding in you because he wanted you to accept his personality and not be weirded out at him. And now he is quite infatuated with you because you helped him, and he feels lonely. Despite him knowing nothing about you, he has built up a really really good image of you, and he's infatuated with it. He is begging you to say "no, don't avoid me, I really like you, I accept you, you are a lovely person" ect. he is insecure and wants to feel accepted. Being in a relationship with him is out of the question, because he seems very dependent, and not like he would have a very healthy relationship with anyone right now.

I think you should strongly encourage him to find help elsewhere, because you are actually quite a random stranger to him, but in his head you are some amazing saviour and he wants your attention. It's not healthy. He is not depressed about you, he just associates all his problems with you, and thinks everything will be better if you accept and care for him.

This makes so much sense, I did think that it wasn't really me that he liked because he didn't know me. But because I have tried to help him, like you say he seems to have his own image of what I'm like, or what he wasn't me to be. So do you think I should ignore what the other person said about unfriending him?

Thanks
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Lotus_Eater)
Well, he's obviously a guy with problems who, for whatever reason, has built up a personality for you in his head and projected the traits of his ideal woman on to you. As you say, he can't really know anything about you.

Hopefully this is an intense infatuation that will wear off soon. Since he seems a very sensitive guy then dealing with this as kindly and discreetly as possible would be a smart move.

It's perfectly acceptable to say that you're sorry he has depression but you're out of your depth and that if he needs support he should speak to someone - either a professional like his GP or tutor, or else a family member or friend. You could also add that whilst you are concerned about him, it's difficult for you to deal with so you would appreciate it if he avoided sending you such highly wrought messages.

A polite, kind but-not-too-warm response that firmly points him in the direction of people in a position of responsibility for him is more than enough. You aren't obliged to do much more than this.
Thanks so much for the reply you've really been helpful and have confirmed my thoughts that he was just projecting what he wanted onto me, even though he doesn't really know me. I have tried previously to encourage him to talk to a teacher, friend, parent etc, he seems to ignore my suggestions. So would you just say I should carry on encouraging him more? thanks again
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Orthonym
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This makes so much sense, I did think that it wasn't really me that he liked because he didn't know me. But because I have tried to help him, like you say he seems to have his own image of what I'm like, or what he wasn't me to be. So do you think I should ignore what the other person said about unfriending him?

Thanks
Unfriending him is up to you. It might make him sad at first, but it might make him more likely to stop obsessing over you and actually get help. I'd say just keep encouraging him to find help elsewhere, but if you think he's annoying and you feel like not going onto facebook because you want to avoid him, then I would remove him. If he asked why, I'd probably tell the truth and say that you feel pestered/harrassed because he seems to think you're the answer to all his problems, then just cut contact. I know it feels mean but being friends with him won't actually help him.
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Anonymous #1
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Oh thank you all so much!! It's sorted now! I feel much happier and I've urged him again to find help elsewhere.
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