Is my dad cheating on my mum? Watch

chinnyboyy
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So my parents were married for 21 years, but split up earlier this year as "it wasn't working" according to my mum, however as the market is shocking, my parents cannot sell the house so we are all still living together. I have a 17 year old sister and I myself am 13.

Anyways, today i was out shopping, and I came back to find my sister quite upset on the couch. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me that my mum was having a bad day as she had growing suspicions that my dad was cheating on her. The reasons my sister listed were that my dad had been away from home for way longer than expected, he couldn't tell my mum an exact date of his return, and that he was the only one going to York from his firm, even though apparently the reason he was there was to buy a company, and my mum thinks that they would send more than one person to buy a whole company.

I myself have had thoughts that my dad was cheating on my mum for 2 years now, but I disregarded them as my only piece of evidence involved him coming home late from work. My mum explained to my sister that she has had these suspicions for around 3-5 years, and that this caused relationship problems. Thing is, we don't exactly have solid evidence. Also, I can't look at my dad the same anymore as I think all cheats are scum (just an opinion). I can't confront him about it as I am waaaay too scared for that. Please take this seriously, I don't really know what to think anymore.
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Words
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Forgive me for asking but, just to clarify, how can your dad be cheating on your mum if they are no longer together?
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Holby_fanatic
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If they are separated it's not exactly cheating.
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chinnyboyy
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(Original post by Words)
Forgive me for asking but, just to clarify, how can your dad be cheating on your mum if they are no longer together?
They technically aren't split up yet as we all still live in the same house, and the divorce has not been made official yet ( as in papers signed and everything). And seeing as my mum has had suspicions for 5 years, and they only decided to get divorced this year, if he has been sleeping with another women it would be cheating.

Sorry for not clarifying, I'm only 13 so I'm not very good at explaining this sort of stuff.
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DorianGrayism
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(Original post by chinnyboyy)
They technically aren't split up yet as we all still live in the same house, and the divorce has not been made official yet ( as in papers signed and everything). And seeing as my mum has had suspicions for 5 years, and they only decided to get divorced this year, if he has been sleeping with another women it would be cheating.

Sorry for not clarifying, I'm only 13 so I'm not very good at explaining this sort of stuff.
Well….maybe it is happening? You cannot really say anything without any evidence

At the end of the day, you just need to get on with your own life and move on. There is no point harbouring resentment over something that you cannot control.
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Ronove
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(Original post by Words)
Forgive me for asking but, just to clarify, how can your dad be cheating on your mum if they are no longer together?
This.

Who cares about it possibly having gone on before they split up - that's your parents' collective problem and not relevant to the current situation.

Anything since they split up has very little to do with your mum, unless they actually decided to have an arrangement whereby they wouldn't see other people and would see if it could still work out or whatever. It doesn't sound like they have such an arrangement.

Them not yet having divorce papers through means nothing at all. If it's over, it's over. Your mum is having trouble accepting this because they still share a house. Admittedly it's not the most healthy way to go through a divorce.
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Words
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(Original post by chinnyboyy)
They technically aren't split up yet as we all still live in the same house, and the divorce has not been made official yet ( as in papers signed and everything). And seeing as my mum has had suspicions for 5 years, and they only decided to get divorced this year, if he has been sleeping with another women it would be cheating.

Sorry for not clarifying, I'm only 13 so I'm not very good at explaining this sort of stuff.
Mm, I see what you mean.. They're separated but living together. If your dad was seeing another woman now, I personally wouldn't class it as cheating as your parents aren't together.. But, and I hate to sound patronising but, I would say whether your dad was/wasn't cheating on your mum when they were together shouldn't be something for you to worry about as your only 13. Leave it for your parents to sort out and don't get too dragged up in it as you don't know whether your dad has/hasn't done anything wrong
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chinnyboyy
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(Original post by DorianGrayism)
Well….maybe it is happening? You cannot really say anything without any evidence

At the end of the day, you just need to get on with your own life and move on. There is no point harbouring resentment over something that you cannot control.
Fair point. It just upsets me as things have been pretty messed up recently and this would only make things worse. The only reason i would hold a grudge toward my dad if he was cheating is that I think cheating is vile.

It is hard to get on with life when your divorcing parents still live in the same house and are going to live in the same house for a couple of years, when they fight quite often. Not trying to say i have a hard life, because I understand I really don't, but I am bad with feelings and when I see or hear them fight I see no other way to process these feelings but to take it out on myself, which I realise is pointless but i cannot help it.

Anyways, you have shown me a new outlook on this, so for that I thank you and I take your words into consideration.
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chinnyboyy
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(Original post by Words)
Mm, I see what you mean.. They're separated but living together. If your dad was seeing another woman now, I personally wouldn't class it as cheating as your parents aren't together.. But, and I hate to sound patronising but, I would say whether your dad was/wasn't cheating on your mum when they were together shouldn't be something for you to worry about as your only 13. Leave it for your parents to sort out and don't get too dragged up in it as you don't know whether your dad has/hasn't done anything wrong
I guess it isn't really my problem. Thanks, I think you've made my decision to leave the situation alone and get on with whatever I was doing before worrying about my dad being a **** >.<
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chinnyboyy
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(Original post by Ronove)
This.

Who cares about it possibly having gone on before they split up - that's your parents' collective problem and not relevant to the current situation.

Anything since they split up has very little to do with your mum, unless they actually decided to have an arrangement whereby they wouldn't see other people and would see if it could still work out or whatever. It doesn't sound like they have such an arrangement.

Them not yet having divorce papers through means nothing at all. If it's over, it's over. Your mum is having trouble accepting this because they still share a house. Admittedly it's not the most healthy way to go through a divorce.
You nailed it in one. I think this is a stupid way to go through a divorce myself, but what can I do, I'm not getting divorced :P

I think that's exactly how I need to look over this situation, as in, I need to accept my parents problems should not really concern me, as it is their problems. You are right on guessing that they have no such agreement, as my mum wants to find another partner, but my dad just feels like he wants to be divorced.

Thank you for the help c:
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Ronove
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(Original post by chinnyboyy)
You nailed it in one. I think this is a stupid way to go through a divorce myself, but what can I do, I'm not getting divorced :P

I think that's exactly how I need to look over this situation, as in, I need to accept my parents problems should not really concern me, as it is their problems. You are right on guessing that they have no such agreement, as my mum wants to find another partner, but my dad just feels like he wants to be divorced.

Thank you for the help c:
You're very welcome.

My parents divorced when I was about three or four and it was all custody and visitation drama and parent battles for years and years. Then when my half-sister was a pre-teen or very young teen (it happened on more than one occasion actually) my mum and stepdad split up, so I got to see how it affected someone nearer your age too.

There will always be a certain amount of emotions and drama involved in these things, but your parents will sort it out eventually and you don't need to bother yourself about them in the slightest. It's not the kind of thing that you can help with, not even by being a shoulder to cry on or anything like that - they'll have people their own age who will be much better suited for that. There's no need to allow yourself to get involved, either emotionally or practically. Your parents might occasionally be stupid and allow themselves to involve you a bit - don't bother though. They won't really be hurt or offended if you act uninterested. Or they shouldn't, anyway. It'd be very selfish of them to push you to be involved.
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Miguel47
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You do not need to think about this. Let you parents decide who is right and who is wrong. Just love them both.
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gr8wizard10
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If your dad is sleeping with other women, you have to understand it's his life aswell. If they're broken up, don't use that as an excuse to say 'It's going to stunt my personal development'. Of-course everyone has problems growing up, hell realtionships are problem galore. Just love them equally and let them sort it out in their own time, focus on your life and don't let it bother you.
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