Advice needed: constant discord with an emotionally abusive parent Watch

SaintAndy
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
Hello,

I am a bloke who is 25 years old. I completed my postgraduate degree from one of the well-known universities in the UK a couple of years ago, and decided to return home. Although my ethnic is Asian, I consider myself westernised due to having been educated in the Commonwealth since 10 years of age.


Below are some of the past incidents I have had with my dad:

  • My dad has had an affair with other women since I was very young. He still chats with other women and disappears from the house presumably to meet them when my mum is not around. She is tolerating his behaviour.
  • He used to almost on a daily basis verbally abuse me when my predicted GCSE grades were poor.
  • I then decided to prove him wrong by doing very well during my time as an undergrad; I had the best grades in my class.
  • Upon graduation, he then said he might even love me more if I had not done as well.
  • When I completed my master's degree with the highest honour, my dad did not show the slightest happiness but instead told me not to think that I am 'smart'.
  • I mistakenly decided to return home after graduation to take care of the family business.
  • Without expecting anything in return, the deals that I have helped negotiated benefited my dad, but whenever there is a discord he would always say that it is his money and he can do whatever he wants - and he can simply get rid of the assets that I have helped secured at any time.


Due to his manipulation, I am financially tied to his business. If I choose to move out - which would mean relocating to another country or going back to the UK - I would struggle to be financially independent.

I have confronted him many times in the past about how his words had emotionally abused me, but he has denied any wrongdoing.

Any thoughts?

P.S. Thank you for taking the time to read this rather long post.
0
reply
heyznothazy
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#2
Report 5 years ago
#2
Your dad, is your dad... He won't change even if you really wanted to. You Just have to accept that. On the grounds of what I have heard he cares about you... apathy is what you have to look out for. And since you cares enough about you to argue, it shows he's not indifferent. You have to just accept his views on the matter are already set and you have just find ways on your own to get on to your own two feet. This can be done along side helping your father but just don't be to emotional about it. See it as away to make you father proud, which is every child's job anyway to make their parents proud. In your case you seem to have that under control. Even if he doesn't seem to show much pride in you, he does inside. Just relax, and love him for who he is... if he wants to claim he'll take all the assets and do whatever to them, let him say that he wants to get it out of he system ( in your mind just smile, and love him). Once again, I'll remind you, you have to get your own job now, that is his, and now find yours.

Good Luck... Hopefully you want dispute any longer !!!
1
reply
SaintAndy
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#3
(Original post by heyznothazy)
Your dad, is your dad... He won't change even if you really wanted to. You Just have to accept that. On the grounds of what I have heard he cares about you... apathy is what you have to look out for. And since you cares enough about you to argue, it shows he's not indifferent. You have to just accept his views on the matter are already set and you have just find ways on your own to get on to your own two feet. This can be done along side helping your father but just don't be to emotional about it. See it as away to make you father proud, which is every child's job anyway to make their parents proud. In your case you seem to have that under control. Even if he doesn't seem to show much pride in you, he does inside. Just relax, and love him for who he is... if he wants to claim he'll take all the assets and do whatever to them, let him say that he wants to get it out of he system ( in your mind just smile, and love him). Once again, I'll remind you, you have to get your own job now, that is his, and now find yours.

Good Luck... Hopefully you want dispute any longer !!!

Thank you very much, heyznothazy. Your response certainly has made me feel better.
0
reply
chocolatesauce
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#4
Report 5 years ago
#4
people like him only make you work harder, prove him wrong, don't let a person like him get you down, at the end of the day you have done very well for yourself and keep doing what your doing
1
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How did your AQA A-level Business Paper 1 go?

Loved the paper - Feeling positive (222)
22.72%
The paper was reasonable (441)
45.14%
Not feeling great about that exam... (176)
18.01%
It was TERRIBLE (138)
14.12%

Watched Threads

View All