Girlfriend moody, tired and depressed Watch

Lax Wendroff
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Me and my girlfriend have been together for 7 months now.

Recently though she's always tired, she's disinterested in going out and doing things, she doesn't want to see me as often. She's got zero sex drive. It feels like she's pulling away from me.

She continually tells me she's just tired and that it's ok. I do everything I can to make her happy and to please her.

I am kind of worried she might be depressed. She won't listen to anything I have to say, she just thinks I'm trying to cause an argument to annoy her. She's continually annoyed at someone: me or family or colleagues. She isn't interested in the fact that it's affecting us, how her moodiness makes me feel and she just says it's me.

It's very frustrating for me, I care about her a lot and I'm genuinely concerned for her. I just don't know what I can physically do. I've tried to very gently express that I think she might be a bit depressed. But that just wound her up even more.

It's a recent thing and she says work is more intense. She thinks it's normal to come home from work everyday exhausted and not wanting to do anything. She works in customer services.


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theorangebox
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Unfortunately there is no simple cure for depression. Especially not from people on the outside. Even professional help can be very ineffective. She's the only one who can get herself out of this pit. And if she is depressed, she probably knows that. I'd hazard a guess that telling her wound her up because she already knows. She knows she's depressed. She just doesn't know how to deal with it.

All I can suggest is lots of compassion, encouragement, and helping to make her life easier. It really is something she has to do on her own.
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Lax Wendroff
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When I told her though I was made to feel like I was being ridiculous. Several of my family members have suffered with depression. She has all the classic symptoms: she's always tired, withdrawn, can't make decisions, isn't interested in anything, irritable, easily wound up, zero sex drive, stubborn etc.

I'm made to feel like it's me with problem. She says I always do things to pee her off but if she's not annoyed at me she's annoyed at someone else and is moaning about them to me


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Lax Wendroff
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Thanks for the advice. I try to make her life easier all the time, I help with chores, help her when she's skint, do little things to try and cheer her up. I love her to pieces but it's very difficult to keep doing things when 5 minutes after she's either pushing me away or having a go.


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doodle_333
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(Original post by Lax Wendroff)
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 7 months now.

Recently though she's always tired, she's disinterested in going out and doing things, she doesn't want to see me as often. She's got zero sex drive. It feels like she's pulling away from me.

She continually tells me she's just tired and that it's ok. I do everything I can to make her happy and to please her.

I am kind of worried she might be depressed. She won't listen to anything I have to say, she just thinks I'm trying to cause an argument to annoy her. She's continually annoyed at someone: me or family or colleagues. She isn't interested in the fact that it's affecting us, how her moodiness makes me feel and she just says it's me.

It's very frustrating for me, I care about her a lot and I'm genuinely concerned for her. I just don't know what I can physically do. I've tried to very gently express that I think she might be a bit depressed. But that just wound her up even more.

It's a recent thing and she says work is more intense. She thinks it's normal to come home from work everyday exhausted and not wanting to do anything. She works in customer services.


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maybe try and have a chat with her about how you feel like she's just not as energetic and happy and you want to see if you can help or if there's anything she can do, don't talk about labels or have a go at her... but there may be some things which can help, I recently got into a similar ditch and my partner was very supporting to encourage me to start doing more even when I didn't feel like it, to exercise more, eat more healthily (lots of fruit and veg) and get into a good sleep pattern, also to to more with my hobbies - all of which helped a lot

it might be that she needs something more professional, but tbh I've been in treatment for depression, taken antidepressants etc in the past but I think lifestyle changes can make a huge impact... just try and approach it from a supportive point of view rather than telling her she has a mental illness and putting her under more strain
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Lax Wendroff
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Previously I told her that I love her and want to support her, that I just want her to be happy and energetic again. She keeps saying that she goes to work all day and it's normal to be like this, though she never used to be. At first I tried to go down the path of saying work should not make you feel like this and she asked shall I quit my job to make you happy. I said it's not normal to be continually exhausted and moody, have zero sex drive and have no interest in going out or seeing each other apart from at times when she's the only one home.

There was then a long discussion about how it's me not listening to her and that I try to do too much for her and that I care too much. Then I said I think she might be depressed and that was the end of the conversation, she said I wasn't helping and that I should leave her be so she could try enjoy rest of the day so I reluctantly left.


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Lax Wendroff
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Whenever I try to say anything to her, it somehow gets turned around on to me. For example, I'm the one trying to think about her and trying to help her all the time and plan nice thing for us to so together. At the minute I'm concerned about her but then she'll say that by bringing these things up the last thing I'm doing is thinking about her and that if I cared I'd just let her do what she wants. Then in the next minute she'll say I need to think about her more. But then she has zero interest in how she makes me feel and says she doesn't actually care how I feel.

If I didn't love her I'd be gone but I just don't feel like this is the real her at the moment and I want to support her!


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Lax Wendroff
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Bump


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Dragonfly07
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It sounds like you might be making her feel suffocated.
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rockrunride
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If you feel like you can't do anything right, the best thing to do is lay low for a while. If she's asking you to leave her be, do it for a while and see if she continues taking your support for granted.
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Simonion
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(Original post by rockrunride)
If you feel like you can't do anything right, the best thing to do is lay low for a while. If she's asking you to leave her be, do it for a while and see if she continues taking your support for granted.
I agree with this. You have done what would ordinarily be expected of you as a partner. It's time to lay off a bit and let her do her own thing. To be honest with you, it sounds like that's what she wants - whether that's for the time being or a permanent arrangement, I'm sure you'll find out.

You're at risk of losing her if you push her too much. You'll find out how she really feels and what she wants from you and life if you put some space between you.

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thoyub
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It could be depression but then you have to figure out what's causing it. Is she getting everything she wants? Try moving away from her for a few days and allow her some space, see if she adjusts back to normal? If you continue having problems, it would be wise to talk to a doctor about her and see if they can help.
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DuncanMono
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Just be supportive, but be honest with her if you don't think you can keep it going for much longer if she won't try and get help. Maybe youcould try and plan a nice little surprise for her, a box of her favourite chocolates, or a love box (something with a mushy message in and a "plaster to heal you when you're hurt.." etc. That might cheer her up, so might asking her if you can earn your brown wings. who knows?
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dkdeath
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Sounds like a hormonal imbalance (depression, tiredness, lack of sexual drive). Unfortunately you can't really talk her way out of a depression like this, you should get her visit a doctor, maybe do blood tests as well.
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hattiemcbinky
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To be honest, I have had this same experience, and I was the moody girlfriend. It was mainly during my Highers in High School, I was really stressed out and trying to get into university, and I had just started on the implant which also made me more moody and hormonal. However, I got over this. Now I'm back to my loving self, but my boyfriend was a bit confused and pushed away during the time, but he let me know how he felt and I began to change. You just need to wait it out, and it should get better.
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Journeyzap
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Perhaps she has SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) - it usually kicks in during the Winter months, makes you feel exhausted and very tired, which in combination with a demanding job would probably leave her feeling that way (even if she denies it) - or she could just be depressed about some work-related subject...

It seems like you both need to talk, letting her know you are on her side and not trying to go against her, and perhaps try and see what is bugging her and if it is something she might benefit with therapy or making a few small changes. If she does have SAD, supposedly using just a special light for 30mins-1 hour each day should be fine to restore energy levels.
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Lax Wendroff
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Thanks there's some good advice here. I think she refuses to accept that there is a problem. She has the attitude that everything is for me to deal with. She just seems so destructive and out of sorts.

I'm giving her a lot of space. I hope she'll perhaps think about what I've said. The tough part is that she was on antidepressants when we met but not anymore. Since then works got tougher, her parents have separated and a few other things have happened. She's also on the injection and I hear that can also cause problems. She categorically says it's normal to be how she is though.


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Lax Wendroff
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She's asked me to stop tonight. From some of her texts I think she's been thinking things over and has maybe started to realise. I think it'll take some time though for her to fully realise and admit that there's an issue. We're both mid twenties and for a couple of months have both been saying that we want to go the distance and eventually have a family together. I know she's worth it, so I think what I need to do is just go along with her for a while and be supportive, hopefully she'll come to her own conclusions and will try and get some help. Guess I've just got to be there for her.
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Damianhar
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It seems to me females can't cope with stress and being on the go as much as males can maybe if she has a lot goin on in her life such as uni work problems with family, friends. Goin out trying to socialise it's possible it's all to much and isn't copeing as well as you would be able to just a thought but maybe try insted of asking her just try and lift the burdens by eg saying lets just stay in tonight go to bed early, run her a bath with candles help her relax ask about her uni work then with out saying do you need help go print some work out that may help her , cook her a nice dinner, let her stay in bed on days possible, go to the shop and get her a treat eg bring back a costa for when she wakes up or a bacon butty for lunch, flowers , chic also vitamins can help and other energy and supplements hope this helps I'm a man with 4 kids and one very grumpy and tired wife and I do all this and it does help
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Mattyr201
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Hi im in the same boat as this guy bit i think maybe a little bit worse and i dont k ow what to do its pretty much the same as what this guy sorry i cant remember his username i forgot bit i really need advice we both live together and have done for about 4 years and have a 1 year old son but since around 8 months old she cant seem to get him to go to bed nor does she want to so i have to do everything with him also same as seems moody grumpy down always tired and no sex drive and when i want it she pishes me away with different excuses she seems to be about everything that concerns her but says i dont love her which i do i do everything for her and anything she wants please help.
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