2 months in and hating uni - sorry for the rant!! Watch

Anonymous #1
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I have a feeling this is going to be quite a long post so I apologize in advance, I just feel like I need to get this off my chest. I started uni two months ago and I moved into halls, on campus. Since then I just feel like I've messed up everything.
I was quite shy when I was at school but I came out of my shell a bit when I went to college and made a really good group of friends. But I haven't really made friends at uni and I don't really get on with any of the people in my flat.They're all quite loud and some of them are quite immature and childish. I think I was quite quiet at the start of uni and now they see me as 'the quiet one' or 'the loner'. I try really hard to have conversations with them but I have no idea what to say and it feels really forced and awkward and I can see that they want to leave. At first they invited me out with them but they have stopped the past couple of weeks. All the social skills I learnt in the past two years of college have just gone, I feel quiet and awkward again and I get really really anxious whenever I have to talk to anyone. I do have people I talk to on my course but they've shown no interest in getting together outside of lectures except when we have to do a project and they've already made other friends in their flats. I've tried going to societies and volunteering but people are already in groups now and they tend to think you're weird if you turn up alone.
Although I enjoy my course, I'm getting more and more disorganised and a lot of my work is being done last minute. On top of that I'm not eating properly, I don't make healthy meals and I just end up comfort eating junk food and I've noticed I'm drinking more and more to try and get rid of my anxiety around people, even though it makes me do stupid things I regret later. I'm getting bad at managing my money and how much I'm spending and I can't seem to shake this attitude of 'today doesn't matter, I'll start sorting my life out tomorrow'.
Even though I don't like my flatmates, I feel left out, they're always going into eachother's rooms and I can here them laughing and talking but I would feel like I was imposing if I went and knocked on one of their doors and I would have no idea what to say and it would just be awkward. On top of that they're really noisy and night after night I find myself kept awake by someone screaming or singing until midnight or 1am, but I don't want to be the killjoy that asks them to be quiet.
I just have no idea where to start, I'm always so tired and at the moment I'm just counting the days til I can go home for christmas, which I feel awful about because I should be enjoying uni. I just feel like I'm under so much pressure to be sociable and have things to say and to be organised and do well at my course, and I'm just getting more and depressed every day. I looked at dropping out but I've already paid for my accomodation and club memberships etc so I would lose a lot of money. What I'm thinking of at the moment is getting through my first year then transferring to another uni and making a fresh start, but I don't know that it won't just turn out the same there. I have a counselling appoinment on Tuesday but I'm worried that they'll just tell me to join some societies and try harder, or that I'll be too scared to tell them what's wrong.
To anyone who's actually still reading, thank you, I really just needed to tell someone this, even if it is just random strangers on the internet.
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jtbteddy
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I'm sorry But don't worry, things will get better! But try talking to your flatmates, you need to put in the effort or the problems might just get worse. I know it's hard but it will get easier- give it time. And if their noise bothers you, you really need to speak to them about it because that's just disrespectful- they can't be up till late night making it impossible for you to sleep. Good luck, hope things get better. Keep me informed! xx
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member841230
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Going to uni is a major change and inevitably takes some adjustment. Transferring is not a bad last resort if thing don't get better. In the meantime I'd say control what you can (organisation and diet) and try not to worry about the other stuff. Try to stay positive; I'm sure your situation will improve with time
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demiroux
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Well, i do apologise for your current state (Nobody should feel bad at UNI) but what you need to do now is take a huge leap.
1) Join a weird society. Definitely not a mainstream one. Eg- Assassins Society, Sky Diving Society, Lion Dancing society, African Drums society. Maybe not any of these, but every UNI has that select few societies that are just downright weird and silly. Probably invented as a stress release club. There should be at least one that has just a little connection to any of your interests/hobbies. The good thing about joining these clubs is that everyone is there to have a good time so they are absolutely more than welcoming. Check your Union's website and find out the unorthodox clubs. It will be fun. Promise.

Another option will be to tag the hell along when your flatmates are going out. You must find a way to ease back into their circle. After all, you are living with them. Invite a bulk of them out so everyone is together. Or just call them out on it. Tell them you want to hang out with them. (Although, worth it, this takes a lot of balls, so if you can't, stick to number 1)

Goodluck! It'll get better!
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emski
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have a feeling this is going to be quite a long post so I apologize in advance, I just feel like I need to get this off my chest. I started uni two months ago and I moved into halls, on campus. Since then I just feel like I've messed up everything.
I was quite shy when I was at school but I came out of my shell a bit when I went to college and made a really good group of friends. But I haven't really made friends at uni and I don't really get on with any of the people in my flat.They're all quite loud and some of them are quite immature and childish. I think I was quite quiet at the start of uni and now they see me as 'the quiet one' or 'the loner'. I try really hard to have conversations with them but I have no idea what to say and it feels really forced and awkward and I can see that they want to leave. At first they invited me out with them but they have stopped the past couple of weeks. All the social skills I learnt in the past two years of college have just gone, I feel quiet and awkward again and I get really really anxious whenever I have to talk to anyone. I do have people I talk to on my course but they've shown no interest in getting together outside of lectures except when we have to do a project and they've already made other friends in their flats. I've tried going to societies and volunteering but people are already in groups now and they tend to think you're weird if you turn up alone.
Although I enjoy my course, I'm getting more and more disorganised and a lot of my work is being done last minute. On top of that I'm not eating properly, I don't make healthy meals and I just end up comfort eating junk food and I've noticed I'm drinking more and more to try and get rid of my anxiety around people, even though it makes me do stupid things I regret later. I'm getting bad at managing my money and how much I'm spending and I can't seem to shake this attitude of 'today doesn't matter, I'll start sorting my life out tomorrow'.
Even though I don't like my flatmates, I feel left out, they're always going into eachother's rooms and I can here them laughing and talking but I would feel like I was imposing if I went and knocked on one of their doors and I would have no idea what to say and it would just be awkward. On top of that they're really noisy and night after night I find myself kept awake by someone screaming or singing until midnight or 1am, but I don't want to be the killjoy that asks them to be quiet.
I just have no idea where to start, I'm always so tired and at the moment I'm just counting the days til I can go home for christmas, which I feel awful about because I should be enjoying uni. I just feel like I'm under so much pressure to be sociable and have things to say and to be organised and do well at my course, and I'm just getting more and depressed every day. I looked at dropping out but I've already paid for my accomodation and club memberships etc so I would lose a lot of money. What I'm thinking of at the moment is getting through my first year then transferring to another uni and making a fresh start, but I don't know that it won't just turn out the same there. I have a counselling appoinment on Tuesday but I'm worried that they'll just tell me to join some societies and try harder, or that I'll be too scared to tell them what's wrong.
To anyone who's actually still reading, thank you, I really just needed to tell someone this, even if it is just random strangers on the internet.

You know I felt exactly how you did and I have only recently stopped feeling like that. Do you like your course? My workload is increasing quite rapidly until christmas so I'm more busy and more focused. If you can try and do more work for your course and make yourself busy. Feel free to PM if you want someone to talk to
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The-Dream
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Eat healthily and excercise. Easy but makes a big difference on your general outlook.

Spend more time in the kitchen in your halls and just chill and talk to your flatmates!

Don't overthink things, your problems are very trivial and not even really problems! Just chill out, put things into perspective and get focused. Start with your lifestyle (ie eating, sleeping, excercising), then get your course sorted and on top of your work, then once you're feeling a bit better about yourself, the social stuff will come a lot more naturally so you can focus on that! But yeah, just sort out the fundamentals and make the most of your situation, which is very favourable for what you're trying to achieve.
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Tresco93
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i know you don't want to hear it but really do join a club, i run the boxing team and we're still getting new people this late into the year. it depends how much you enjoy going out but i NEVER go out with my housemates, only ever the boxers, maybe every two months or so! but i always know there'll be new people and we'll have a blast. you dont have to join 'a society' we joke with my friend because she does boxing, football, hockey and dance- its not because shes great at the sports its because she just joins in their socials- sorry if this is highly drink/sports orientated. however i almost dropped out in first year but instead the boxing club was my saviour and i swapped course. I moved back into halls and now i hate it but the thing you realise after first year is you can actually change it all, a contract is a contract but people can take it over, just keep looking- im moving out in 2 weeks time.

check facebook groups of the societies you think you'd like to join and quickly message them saying you're a bit lonely and want some fun. any decent society will say 'of course you're welcome! see you at this time, did you want to meet halfway so you know where to go?' then you have someone to talk to. and if they ignore you then thats one bad society skipped. i understand how frustrating it is to just be told 'go to a society' but dont think you should have to put in all the effort- if theyre worth it they'll put in the effort with you.

one other thing i'd stress is you're obviously lonely but take some time to really consider what makes you happy. you definitely need some more company but i know my worst nightmare is watch other people be all chliche and tight knit and be screaming and laughing- without me. i learnt that actually i rather enjoy chilling infront of the tv with a cuppa and watching dr who by myself with a big snuggly blanky. but if im living with vibrant, clubbing, joking people it makes me really insecure and fee like im boring and pathetic. so i took some time to say actually they arent my friends, ive known them 8 weeks so instead i think i'll move somewhwre clean, tranquil and cosy. if you like your own space then get on the net and find a replacement (postgrads usually work) and find somehwere where you go home and think 'this is so nice and cosy'. then you can invite people over for predrinks if you go out together or even suggest a film night.


sorry for how long it is!!! i hope it helps you even a little, uni can be one of the lonliest places x
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Classical Liberal
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It's worth getting on with your housemates and the like. Just hang around in communal areas and forgodsake engage in conversation with them. People like you can often be seen as rude because you don't engage with others, when really you are just shy. Just ask them about how their courses are going, where they went out etc.

Also try and do favours for people. Clean up their stuff for them - make sure they know you aren't getting shirty with them and that you are just being helpful, offer them cups of tea (make whatever drinks they like for them and pretend that is the drink you like as well), make them cakes - those kinds of techniques are great ways to get into their rooms.

Also, definitely get involved with a couple of societies, they are a place where people can come together.

People will be understanding that at first you were shy and now you want to be a bit more friendly because you have settled in.
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Jessca
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had a little bit of a problem with friends last year but this year I joined the assassins and the zoological society (I study psychology but they were offering free zoo trips so I thought why not) and it was actually alright after that. So many of the zoosoc people study animal related subjects but I invited some of the society round to mine for pre-drinks on the second social and from there it was easy! assassins seem to be a crazy bunch and also wildly popular (At my uni atleast) so if theres something like that try it out! prehaps offer to hold some pre-drinks at yours like I did and then people shall come and they're bound to talk to the host...

no one says you have to like your flatmates and if they're not bothering with you just don't bother with them!
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demiroux
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(Original post by Jessca)
had a little bit of a problem with friends last year but this year I joined the assassins and the zoological society (I study psychology but they were offering free zoo trips so I thought why not) and it was actually alright after that. So many of the zoosoc people study animal related subjects but I invited some of the society round to mine for pre-drinks on the second social and from there it was easy! assassins seem to be a crazy bunch and also wildly popular (At my uni atleast) so if theres something like that try it out! prehaps offer to hold some pre-drinks at yours like I did and then people shall come and they're bound to talk to the host...

no one says you have to like your flatmates and if they're not bothering with you just don't bother with them!
Okay, i know this is someone's rant page, but I have to ask, how awesome is the Assassins's Society? I'm starting at Leeds next year, and I saw that they have one and it sounded so good. The concept is very fun. I've heard great things about the Society! Is it really amazing? Thanks!
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Jessca
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(Original post by demiroux)
Okay, i know this is someone's rant page, but I have to ask, how awesome is the Assassins's Society? I'm starting at Leeds next year, and I saw that they have one and it sounded so good. The concept is very fun. I've heard great things about the Society! Is it really amazing? Thanks!
haha it really is amazing, didn't join last year as it didn't seem my thing but I know the umpire and thought this year I'd give it a go.. its great to meet other people as it is popular but then the games are also fun as well and good to get involved in, I can no longer even trust my post when a game is on because I got poisoned via post a few weeks ago haha
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dild0
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(Original post by Jessca)
haha it really is amazing, didn't join last year as it didn't seem my thing but I know the umpire and thought this year I'd give it a go.. its great to meet other people as it is popular but then the games are also fun as well and good to get involved in, I can no longer even trust my post when a game is on because I got poisoned via post a few weeks ago haha
bra size?
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demiroux
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(Original post by Jessca)
haha it really is amazing, didn't join last year as it didn't seem my thing but I know the umpire and thought this year I'd give it a go.. its great to meet other people as it is popular but then the games are also fun as well and good to get involved in, I can no longer even trust my post when a game is on because I got poisoned via post a few weeks ago haha
Wow! Thanks so much. All the more excited! I like the feeling of paranoia everyone gets! Sounds really fun.
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Anonymous #2
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it is accounts like this that people should read when they keep telling shy people 'you'll be fiiine' before you go. Terrified, I am, terrified.
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0le
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OP, university is like that for some people. Regarding the noise, ring the security guard and complain. They won't know its you. . Regarding your living accommodation, just tough it out til second year and then live with some friends or alone. Living alone is great, lots of peace of mind .

(Original post by Anonymous)
it is accounts like this that people should read when they keep telling shy people 'you'll be fiiine' before you go. Terrified, I am, terrified.
Don't be. You can't let others intimidate you.
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Flexa
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Everything I was going to say, has been said above, don't drop out, stick with it, and if you do, have a long serious think about it before you do.

I dropped out once, and regretted it.
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ilikemycorner
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As the president of a society, I just want to say we genuinely do not find people weird who turn up alone, and personally I would do my best to make them feel included (but not in a patronising way).

I remember in my first year, I lost my closest friend (and consequently the friendship group associated with her) to quite a petty argument and a clash of two obstinate personalities, but managed to rebuild myself anew by attending the society which I'm now president of. I must say, the society is excellent because it meets up 3 times a week, which really gives you room to get to know people. I know most societies aren't anywhere as frequent as that, but societies are still a really good bet.

In any case, as a final word, I'd probably just point out that by the end of the first semester of first year, I didn't feel particularly close to anybody either, and it's a myth that needs to be destroyed that says you should. First semester is spent getting to used to people, laying foundations. After Christmas, semester 2, is when you should be expecting to realise which people you mesh well with on a more profound level (i.e not surface level niceties).

So I say stick it out. Know that this isn't particularly your fault, though. There's an element of luck in forming any kind of human relationship, i.e whether you cross the right people at the right time. All you can do is keep trying to improve yourself as a person, while at the same time trying not to put all your value in something that is essentially rooted in chance.
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