BF said i could sleep around - how to make less tempting Watch

nic-nac
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
My boyfriend said he didn't mind if I slept around a bit at uni during our long distance relationship as long as I didn't turn into a complete slut, or get pregnant/diseased. I wouldn't do any of those, but I don't think I could sleep with anyone else. But now I've gone nearly a month without seeing him and at least another couple of weeks, it is getting tempting. I know I'm not very pretty, and so far only two (desperate) guys have come onto me. One was easy to say no to, the other one was really tempting though. It turned out he had a girlfriend and wasn't in such an open relationship with her, so changed his mind. Although I have ended up flirting with a couple of guys, whom I thought might be interested in me, but it turned out they aren't .... Anyway ... considering I don't think I could sleep with anyone else, how do I make it less tempting to try to, or to flirt with guys at all ? Luckily the guys I have flirted with didn't pick up on it.............................. ................................ ..... By the way, my boyfriend said he wouldn't do anything with anyone else. I trust him, he has really low confidence levels and wouldn't pick up on flirting anyway. Plus he's petrified of him getting me pregnant, especially what his catholic mum would say, let alone if he got random girl pregnant. ...... so what do you suggest? ...... inb4 someone suggests 'masturbate' ....................
0
reply
Christotheb
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#2
Report 5 years ago
#2
I'd really say that it depends on a lot of things.
Is this a mutual thing, is he in a different uni for example?

How to make it less tempting... If it's not a mutual thing, then no matter what he says, I'd imagine he would be hurt if you did. That would keep those thoughts at bay for me.
0
reply
desdemonata
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#3
Report 5 years ago
#3
So he's really insecure, and his way of making sure he doesn't lose you from the LDR is by removing the exclusivity of your relationship on your side :indiff:

How often are you going to be seeing him? When's the next time you plan on seeing him? Is he too far away to have a weekend visit?
0
reply
Naami
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#4
Report 5 years ago
#4
It's sounds to me that he 'wants' you to have sex with other people because he feels bad that he can't have sex with you himself, because of both the LDR and for personal/religious reasons. In which case, he IS insecure about the relationship and thinks he will lose you because you aren't sexually satisfied. In which case, being in open relationship would just shatter his self esteem even more, especially because it's essentially just you who will be in an open relationship whereas he will be exclusive to you.

Tbh I sort of understand how your boyfriend is feeling. The right thing would to obviously not go through with it and reassure him that you are willing to wait/discuss it with him further to see if he would 100% be happy with it.
3
reply
nic-nac
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#5
(Original post by Christotheb)
I'd really say that it depends on a lot of things.
Is this a mutual thing, is he in a different uni for example?

How to make it less tempting... If it's not a mutual thing, then no matter what he says, I'd imagine he would be hurt if you did. That would keep those thoughts at bay for me.
He's about 100 miles away and see each other every few weeks. He's the one that first said I could. I didn't mention it and he didn't use it as an excuse for him to do it.

(Original post by desdemonata)
So he's really insecure, and his way of making sure he doesn't lose you from the LDR is by removing the exclusivity of your relationship on your side :indiff:

How often are you going to be seeing him? When's the next time you plan on seeing him? Is he too far away to have a weekend visit?
I think this might be it. I've seen him twice since the middle of September and will see him again in 2-3 weeks. We don't have set times for seeing each other such as every 3 weekends, we just see each other when we can, but I'm guessing we'll be able to visit even less as we get busier, especially if he gets a job, which he needs to get. We can have weekend visits, but we can't afford it every weekend.
0
reply
WGR
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#6
Report 5 years ago
#6
He's basically given up on trying to keep you faithful to him. In his unconfident mind it's only a matter of time before you cheat so may as well "allow" it so that it's easier for him to come to terms with. I wouldn't validate his beliefs by actually sleeping with someone else.
5
reply
nic-nac
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#7
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#7
(Original post by Naami)
It's sounds to me that he 'wants' you to have sex with other people because he feels bad that he can't have sex with you himself, because of both the LDR and for personal/religious reasons. In which case, he IS insecure about the relationship and thinks he will lose you because you aren't sexually satisfied. In which case, being in open relationship would just shatter his self esteem even more, especially because it's essentially just you who will be in an open relationship whereas he will be exclusive to you.

Tbh I sort of understand how your boyfriend is feeling. The right thing would to obviously not go through with it and reassure him that you are willing to wait/discuss it with him further to see if he would 100% be happy with it.
He does joke about whenever I mention any guys at my house/uni. But he's the kind of person that likes winding me up. Have you heard of the "don't think of a white polar bear" psychology test !?!? Basically, if you tell someone not to think of something, it's all they can think of, well yeah, he told me to think about something I really don't want to think about doing with other guys His mums catholic, but he isn't He said he would be ok with it, but doesn't know how he would feel if I actually told him I had slept with someone else.
0
reply
desdemonata
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#8
Report 5 years ago
#8
(Original post by nic-nac)
I think this might be it. I've seen him twice since the middle of September and will see him again in 2-3 weeks. We don't have set times for seeing each other such as every 3 weekends, we just see each other when we can, but I'm guessing we'll be able to visit even less as we get busier, especially if he gets a job, which he needs to get. We can have weekend visits, but we can't afford it every weekend.
Fair enough. I feel your pain; quite a bit of my money goes on train tickets to see my boyfriend on weekends. And in my previous relationship we were in different countries

What about near Christmas time when the holidays start? Could you maybe plan something for then so you have something to look forward to?

As for how to avoid temptation, avoid situations where you are tempted. If you're going to go out, go out in a pack with friends, don't get so drunk you forget where you live, etc. You could also Skype together in the evenings if you're missing each other/want to hear each others' voices and whatnot.
0
reply
bethanychoo
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#9
Report 5 years ago
#9
(Original post by WGR)
He's basically given up on trying to keep you faithful to him. In his unconfident mind it's only a matter of time before you cheat so may as well "allow" it so that it's easier for him to come to terms with. I wouldn't validate his beliefs by actually sleeping with someone else.
This.


Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
Christotheb
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#10
Report 5 years ago
#10
(Original post by nic-nac)
He's about 100 miles away and see each other every few weeks. He's the one that first said I could. I didn't mention it and he didn't use it as an excuse for him to do it.
Hm, I don't think he would actually be comfortable with it.
Skype and phonecalls sounds like a good idea, I know it's not like having their physical presence, but it's nice to chat, something that IM misses.
0
reply
nic-nac
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#11
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#11
(Original post by WGR)
He's basically given up on trying to keep you faithful to him. In his unconfident mind it's only a matter of time before you cheat so may as well "allow" it so that it's easier for him to come to terms with. I wouldn't validate his beliefs by actually sleeping with someone else.
I thought it might be some kind of test when he first mentioned it. I admitted it has been tempting, he said it would be too, if he thought any girls had been flirting with him. He thinks I'm well out of his league (I'm seriously not) and has even said that I am to my parents.
0
reply
nic-nac
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#12
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#12
(Original post by desdemonata)
Fair enough. I feel your pain; quite a bit of my money goes on train tickets to see my boyfriend on weekends. And in my previous relationship we were in different countries

What about near Christmas time when the holidays start? Could you maybe plan something for then so you have something to look forward to?

As for how to avoid temptation, avoid situations where you are tempted. If you're going to go out, go out in a pack with friends, don't get so drunk you forget where you live, etc. You could also Skype together in the evenings if you're missing each other/want to hear each others' voices and whatnot.
I decided to spend Christmas with him rather than my parents, so i'll be spending about 2 weeks with him. Plus I'll se him a couple of times in the week before then as well. But that doesn't solve the issue of my temptations in the mean time.

(Original post by bethanychoo)
This.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Do you think ??

(Original post by Christotheb)
Hm, I don't think he would actually be comfortable with it.
Skype and phonecalls sounds like a good idea, I know it's not like having their physical presence, but it's nice to chat, something that IM misses.
I facetime him most days which is nice, but it doesn't satisfy my 'needs'.
0
reply
WGR
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#13
Report 5 years ago
#13
(Original post by nic-nac)
I thought it might be some kind of test when he first mentioned it. I admitted it has been tempting, he said it would be too, if he thought any girls had been flirting with him. He thinks I'm well out of his league (I'm seriously not) and has even said that I am to my parents.
Why is it tempting? Does he not satisfy you? Sounds like you're better off splitting up if you are tempted.
0
reply
littlesmurfette
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#14
Report 5 years ago
#14
I'm sorry to state what I see as the obvious here- but im 99.9% sure he is sleeping with someone else.
0
reply
Willum Infanta
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#15
Report 5 years ago
#15
Aaargh, why would you ever want your girlfriend to sleep with some other guy :noway:

I bet if you did sleep with someone he'd ask you loads of questions like did you enjoy it? And details about the guy like some proper cuckold.
0
reply
nic-nac
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#16
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#16
(Original post by WGR)
Why is it tempting? Does he not satisfy you? Sounds like you're better off splitting up if you are tempted.
He does satisfy me when I see him, it's just I've never been this long without sex, the 3 weeks at the start of the term before our first visit was bad enough and this is going to be double that ! Luckily I don't go out clubbing and/or get really drunk. And when I do, I'm usually in a state to realise its a good idea not to start texting guys. Although one texted me, so I did reply, and ended up being quite flirty, but only because in my tipsiness, decided he was being flirty (his message could easily be construed as being flirty, but it was a joke) !
0
reply
nic-nac
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#17
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#17
(Original post by littlesmurfette)
I'm sorry to state what I see as the obvious here- but im 99.9% sure he is sleeping with someone else.
He said I could do it before we even left. I've rarely met a guy with such low confidence levels - after 2 and a half years he still wonders why I'm sexually attracted to him. And like I said, his mum would kill him if he got me pregnant, let alone anyone else - have you ever seen an angry Irish catholic woman !?!?

(Original post by Willum Infanta)
Aaargh, why would you ever want your girlfriend to sleep with some other guy :noway:

I bet if you did sleep with someone he'd ask you loads of questions like did you enjoy it? And details about the guy like some proper cuckold.
I don't understand it either. He said that he knows I have 'needs', which for several weeks at a time, he won't be able to satisfy. And if I come back to him, then it shows that I love him and the other guy(s) don't mean anything to me. I couldn't bare to tell him I had slept with someone else, but I couldn't keep it a secret from him either. He possibly would ask loads of questions to as he thinks he's probably rubbish at sex, but I've not got much else to compare him to so don't realise what I'm missing out on.
0
reply
Crumpet1
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#18
Report 5 years ago
#18
If you sleep with someone else then, no matter what he might have said, your relationship will be over. It will be a question of when, not if. So if you want your relationship to last, don't do as he's suggested.
0
reply
nic-nac
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#19
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#19
(Original post by Crumpet1)
If you sleep with someone else then, no matter what he might have said, your relationship will be over. It will be a question of when, not if. So if you want your relationship to last, don't do as he's suggested.
But if he would dump me for it, why would he say I can, unless it is a test.
0
reply
littlesmurfette
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#20
Report 5 years ago
#20
(Original post by nic-nac)
He said I could do it before we even left. I've rarely met a guy with such low confidence levels - after 2 and a half years he still wonders why I'm sexually attracted to him. And like I said, his mum would kill him if he got me pregnant, let alone anyone else - have you ever seen an angry Irish catholic woman !?!?

I don't understand it either. He said that he knows I have 'needs', which for several weeks at a time, he won't be able to satisfy. And if I come back to him, then it shows that I love him and the other guy(s) don't mean anything to me.
Maybe I am wrong- but I cannot fathom why someone who wants to be in a serious relationship would give their significant other permission to sleep with other people. Especially if he has low self confidence. I really am finding it impossible to join up the dots here?

Either: a) he isn't taking your relationship seriously or b) he is sleeping around with someone else
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How did your AQA GCSE Physics Paper 1 go?

Loved the paper - Feeling positive (300)
31.02%
The paper was reasonable (390)
40.33%
Not feeling great about that exam... (156)
16.13%
It was TERRIBLE (121)
12.51%

Watched Threads

View All