2nd year very lonely at uni Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
Hi, anon please.

I'm writing this alone in my room, surfing the internet by myself as most of my nights turn into. I'm a 2nd year at an oxbridge uni, and achingly lonely. In first year, I made a group of friends, but steadily the group fell apart, and now of them there's only 2 I talk to regularly. My apparent friend is too good for me now.

I only realized how friendless I was when I realized I hadn't actually hung out/chilled out/gone out with friends in a casual way at all this term. I have a varied life outside my course, involved in lots of societies, president of a few, and I have acquaintances there, but none really I can call friends. Running them almost takes up a lot of my time, so I never get the chance for casual socializing. I love my course, and I have mates on it, but not friends you can talk too.

What I really want is a friend I can talk to at a deep level, but even though I think I'm interesting person, I seem to repel people by coming across as cold. I'm also not confident as I am very plain-looking, and after my ex dumped me in first year, haven't got off with or gone out with anyone since. My days and nights are busy with work and society stuff, but I feel like I'm just filling time to stop me from the loneliness of going back to my room. How do I change an acquaintance into a friend?

Do I just need to be brave and ask them to hang out?

I am dreading the rest of uni if I am this lonely for it.
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Miguel47
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#2
Report 5 years ago
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Why your group of friends fall apart on the first place?
Maybe you told something offensive to them? Or did something wrong?
Try to make friends with some of your course mates. You know, same interests will help you to spart the dialogue.
Anyway, I wish you to become brave enough and find your best friend as soon as possible!
Cheers!
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amp3rsand
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Hi op,

I've never actually posted on TSR before, but I felt I could offer some insight/advise on your situation.

Firstly, please understand that you are in no way alone in this. Many, many university students find themselves in this position at some stage in their time at uni.

I would presume to state that you may be in a better position than most due to your roles in societies. This may be good place to start. Having gone through the same issue of people perceiving me as cold, the best way to overcome that is to make the first move - so to speak. Putting yourself out there by way of striking up a conversation, making a joke, implicitly makes you appear vulnerable, and this often puts people at ease.

I also really appreciate your search for someone to have meaningful and profound conversations with. Frankly, some people are just not very good with those and would rather stick to more menial subjects. For the few that are, again I would suggest that you be the first to broach this. The best way I've found to do this is to start of talking about something non-contentious like music perhaps, and then extend that into the music industry, and even further into the extent that one might view music as being reflective of societal trends, and voila! There you have a meaningful conversation going on (if they're still there that is )

Lastly I would really recommend joining the Philosophy Society at your university (if you're not already) you'll be surprised how often these conversations carry on outside society events

I wish you every success in overcoming this xx
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