Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So basically, my boyfriend of almost 2 years and I moved into the same flat of the same halls in September. Against my better judgement (vodka is the worst) I cheated on him a couple of days ago, and now I don't know what to do. I absolutely hate myself for it and if I could go back and change things I would, but whats done is done and now I know I have to deal with the consequences.

    I would like to tell him about it and give him the opportunity to end things as he deserves better than a someone like me, but we're living in the same flat and I don't want to make things awkward for everyone else (as well as for us). The only option would be for me to move out, its not fair on him to leave when I'm the one in the wrong, but I don't have anywhere else to go.

    I'm a terrible person.

    Any advice out there?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Yes move out.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Tell him and then move out. You have to face the consequences of your action.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Tell him, he deserves to know, but it seems like you feel really bad and know what you did was wrong. You shouldn't have to move out too, I'm sure that 2 years of a relationship can get past one mistake
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Tell him, hopefully he will understand that you truly love him.
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    Youre asking for advice yet youve pretty much made your mind up.
    You dont seem exactly sorry, just willing to give up on your relationship as soon as you can..
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    I would say tell him and be prepared to move out if it ends between you two.

    I wouldn't advice that you actually do though if you have nowhere else to go, if he ever loved you at any point in your relationship, he wouldn't let you go homeless.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Shazzarr)
    Youre asking for advice yet youve pretty much made your mind up.
    You dont seem exactly sorry, just willing to give up on your relationship as soon as you can..
    Does it really come across that way?
    I don't want to give up on it, but I don't see why he'd want to stay with me after this. It's not like he'll be able to trust me again.
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Does it really come across that way?
    I don't want to give up on it, but I don't see why he'd want to stay with me after this. It's not like he'll be able to trust me again.
    It does, yes.
    Then dont give up then? I dont condone cheating but if you're willing to fight for your guy then there you have it!

    sitting back and letting your guy go after a mistake isnt going to help, he'll just think you want out like you came across in this post.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Cheat, like have sex with another person cheat? Or less?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Does it really come across that way?
    I don't want to give up on it, but I don't see why he'd want to stay with me after this. It's not like he'll be able to trust me again.
    It'll take him a while but he will eventually trust you again, it's worth a shot


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Shazzarr)
    Youre asking for advice yet youve pretty much made your mind up.
    You dont seem exactly sorry, just willing to give up on your relationship as soon as you can..
    I have to side with this post!
    Are you sure you really like this guy? Cause it seems you just want to get out of the relationship.
    If you've been together for 2 years, then you should be getting ready to apologise deeply but you're talking like it's been a week and you feel bad, but still can't wait to end it!
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Does it really come across that way?
    I don't want to give up on it, but I don't see why he'd want to stay with me after this. It's not like he'll be able to trust me again.
    If it was just a one-off which you've very sorry for... well.. does he really have to know?

    Telling him might just be to assuage your guilt rather than because it's a particularly constructive act. The consequences of disclosing this will be significant and I think (as unpopular as this will make me) you should maybe explore keeping it a secret.

    If there are underlying problems in the relationship then parting amicably would be much better than the acrimony entailed by the revelation of an affair. But if this really was entirely fuelled by vodka then the lesser evil might be keeping schtum.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Lotus_Eater)
    If it was just a one-off which you've very sorry for... well.. does he really have to know?

    Telling him might just be to assuage your guilt rather than because it's a particularly constructive act. The consequences of disclosing this will be significant and I think (as unpopular as this will make me) you should maybe explore keeping it a secret.

    If there are underlying problems in the relationship then parting amicably would be much better than the acrimony entailed by the revelation of an affair. But if this really was entirely fuelled by vodka then the lesser evil might be keeping schtum.

    I disagree with this simply because cheating is always found out. I would honest with him from the start and leave the ball in his court. You cannot assume how he will act, so better to tell him and take it from there.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by vickyhunt)
    It'll take him a while but he will eventually trust you again, it's worth a shot


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Hello my frend, im tall arab in uk, my ex just leave me, im lots sad.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Always blame the vodka...

    Anyway, tell him OP. He has a right to know. Until then, you can't make an assumption about what will happen after.
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by musketeer)
    I disagree with this simply because cheating is always found out.
    I'm not so sure that's true. Obviously in this particularly case there's no point covering up something that will inevitably be exposed but if the OP's chances of discovery are remote then that could be worth bearing in mind before taking an enormous decision. At least not to rush the eventual confession.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Lotus_Eater)
    I'm not so sure that's true. Obviously in this particularly case there's no point covering up something that will inevitably be exposed but if the OP's chances of discovery are remote then that could be worth bearing in mind before taking an enormous decision. At least not to rush the eventual confession.

    Yes I agree with not rushing into it, but surely the fella has a right to know? Not least because every time you kiss a person their saliva remains in your mouth for at least a week (for some reason I have in my head three?).
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So basically, my boyfriend of almost 2 years and I moved into the same flat of the same halls in September. Against my better judgement (vodka is the worst) I cheated on him a couple of days ago, and now I don't know what to do. I absolutely hate myself for it and if I could go back and change things I would, but whats done is done and now I know I have to deal with the consequences.

    I would like to tell him about it and give him the opportunity to end things as he deserves better than a someone like me, but we're living in the same flat and I don't want to make things awkward for everyone else (as well as for us). The only option would be for me to move out, its not fair on him to leave when I'm the one in the wrong, but I don't have anywhere else to go.

    I'm a terrible person.

    Any advice out there?
    If you really love him and you are genuinely sorry and 100% sure it won't happen again then I don't think he has to know. Is there anyway he could find out?

    If you do love him and want to save the relationship then you could learn a lot from your mistake.

    All the people saying you HAVE to tell him have probably not been in a similar situation to yours so are not really giving the best advice.

    BUT on the other hand.. why on earth did you move in the same halls, let alone the same flat as your boyfriend?? That is a disaster waiting to happen! I went to the same uni for a year with my ex boyfriend, wasn't silly enough to live in same halls though.. but we inevitably split up and I had to see him around uni all the time it was horrible.

    Uni is so much more fun when you are single, so maybe you do secretly want to be single and that's why you cheated?

    Anyway goodluck with whatever you decide to do!!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by glitterpink)
    If you really love him and you are genuinely sorry and 100% sure it won't happen again then I don't think he has to know. Is there anyway he could find out?

    If you do love him and want to save the relationship then you could learn a lot from your mistake.

    All the people saying you HAVE to tell him have probably not been in a similar situation to yours so are not really giving the best advice.

    BUT on the other hand.. why on earth did you move in the same halls, let alone the same flat as your boyfriend?? That is a disaster waiting to happen! I went to the same uni for a year with my ex boyfriend, wasn't silly enough to live in same halls though.. but we inevitably split up and I had to see him around uni all the time it was horrible.

    Anyway goodluck with whatever you decide to do!!

    To be fair, I lived in the same halls as my boyfriend, we're now engaged and expecting a baby. We met at uni though, as opposed to meeting before and then moving in together, which might have been what made the difference. Different people cope with different things really.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 19, 2013
Poll
Black Friday: Yay or Nay?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.