How to stop being so needy/clingy? Watch

Riku
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OK, I've realised I get jealous about my gf basically having a life. This is a bit sad. It begs the question, do I have a life?
Of course I do. When we met many years ago she thought I was the ****. But it's been put on my hold by my anxiety problem (I'm not a troll for the lat time).

Before the relationship started I was already becoming clingy.
I'd force myself to drink alcohol despite it causing me problems to fit in
I'd stay up late so that people wouldn't think I was a bore despite the fact I'd be stressed out and function poorly the next day
I nearly quit my degree because I decided people in work thought it was pretentious to do an Arts degree (as it turned out they found it quite interesting)
and I'd have to ask my mum's permission to work out. In fact I became so afraid to be myself and do my own thing, that I ended up lurking behind the computer and doing not quite absolutely nothing, but mostly worrying about what people think of me.

(The last problem is interesting because it was justified to a degree, I have had a mild eating disorder as a result of my anxiety. So naturally it was OK for a time to ask people close to me if they thought I was being sensible. However the need to gym points out yet another thing; I was driven to that level because to some degree, I wanted someone else's approval-girls being attracted to me, guys respecting me, whatever. So it was still a needy behaviour.
However I can go to the gym just because I want to which isn't. Not going because I don't think my mum will like it (she has said she's OK with it tbh since it became quite obsessive) )

I don't know when this behaviour started, perhaps it started when I panicked I was going to die, perhaps when my dad left home after my parent's divorce. Perhaps it doesn't matter. All I know is it's got to stop before I ruin my life with worries.
Plus TSR must be getting annoyed with my incessant posting. The last few months questions have started to get a bit silly.

Can people give me tips on how to be less needy, so I'm not being paranoid and obsessing that my gf is actually texting another guy when she doesn't respond?
I know I have potential and she got with me for a reason, so I must be a cool and exciting person inside somewhere. I just need to unlock it by giving less of a **** what people think.
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lucaf
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you clearly need professional help, not the advice of random people on the internet. see a counselor or something.
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Maid Marian
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You need to find other things to do in your life that will distract you from her Find a new TV programme to watch, get a pet to look after, take up a new hobby.

Acting clingy probably isn't going to endear you to her. She's with you for a reason. You need to place your trust in her: if a relationship isn't based on trust, then it's not really a relationship.

Don't force yourself to drink (nobody should feel forced to drink, imo) and make sure you get a good night's sleep every night. Improve your diet. All these little things should hopefully add up and make you into a better, more confident person - someone your girlfriend will want to be with!
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Riku
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(Original post by Maid Marian)
You need to find other things to do in your life that will distract you from her Find a new TV programme to watch, get a pet to look after, take up a new hobby.

Acting clingy probably isn't going to endear you to her. She's with you for a reason. You need to place your trust in her: if a relationship isn't based on trust, then it's not really a relationship.

Don't force yourself to drink (nobody should feel forced to drink, imo) and make sure you get a good night's sleep every night. Improve your diet. All these little things should hopefully add up and make you into a better, more confident person - someone your girlfriend will want to be with!
Thanks Maid Marian
The problem is the depth of my neediness has grown to epic proportions.
Basically I made one quite bad mistake (I started focussing too much on gym and nutrition and, in my head, made my parents and family really upset). Now I'm terrified to do anything they disapprove of.

I keep feeling a need to 'ask permission' for really stupid things like

-drinking green tea
-going to bed early
-going to the gym
-improving my diet? I try but they take it as an insecurity issue, even though I find that it can be good for my mental health too
-not drinking as you say
-wherever I do work or watch X (e.g. my dad will want to watch something, ask me to join in, I have coursework too, I might force myself to watch it with him)
-(this is really the most embarrassing) I think they get to decide when I have sexytime, my testosterone levels, and you get the idea

I trust her and I want to be be the best version of myself for her. But, I can't do that because I feel that that's out of line with what my parents think is good for me.
I'm really worried about getting their approval because I fear they\'ll abandon me if they don't support me.
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heyznothazy
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(Original post by Riku)
OK, I've realised I get jealous about my gf basically having a life. This is a bit sad. It begs the question, do I have a life?
Of course I do. When we met many years ago she thought I was the ****. But it's been put on my hold by my anxiety problem (I'm not a troll for the lat time).

Before the relationship started I was already becoming clingy.
I'd force myself to drink alcohol despite it causing me problems to fit in
I'd stay up late so that people wouldn't think I was a bore despite the fact I'd be stressed out and function poorly the next day
I nearly quit my degree because I decided people in work thought it was pretentious to do an Arts degree (as it turned out they found it quite interesting)
and I'd have to ask my mum's permission to work out. In fact I became so afraid to be myself and do my own thing, that I ended up lurking behind the computer and doing not quite absolutely nothing, but mostly worrying about what people think of me.

(The last problem is interesting because it was justified to a degree, I have had a mild eating disorder as a result of my anxiety. So naturally it was OK for a time to ask people close to me if they thought I was being sensible. However the need to gym points out yet another thing; I was driven to that level because to some degree, I wanted someone else's approval-girls being attracted to me, guys respecting me, whatever. So it was still a needy behaviour.
However I can go to the gym just because I want to which isn't. Not going because I don't think my mum will like it (she has said she's OK with it tbh since it became quite obsessive) )

I don't know when this behaviour started, perhaps it started when I panicked I was going to die, perhaps when my dad left home after my parent's divorce. Perhaps it doesn't matter. All I know is it's got to stop before I ruin my life with worries.
Plus TSR must be getting annoyed with my incessant posting. The last few months questions have started to get a bit silly.

Can people give me tips on how to be less needy, so I'm not being paranoid and obsessing that my gf is actually texting another guy when she doesn't respond?
I know I have potential and she got with me for a reason, so I must be a cool and exciting person inside somewhere. I just need to unlock it by giving less of a **** what people think.


I know a lot of people in a similar situation as you and the best thing is to just accept yourself as you are. There is no use spending months making this perfect model image of yourself and doing anything just to appease the needs of you girl-friend. First of all it is your life, and you only have one life to live so make sure you are completely role that has been set for you.

Media puts a great pressure on society, to have the perfect body shape and beauty as you already now, but the fact is we all age/bald etc and if you want the relationship to last long-term it has to be with someone that you know you connect on a mental/spiritual level.

Connecting a person on that level would be difficult if your life at the moment centres totally on solving you anxiety problem and you physical state. So move on, find something that interests you : hobbies, your work, maybe a life long ambition/goal. The determination to get someone in life will give you a direction , rather than just struggling in one place with same issue, everyday, girl- problems and anxiety etc.

As soon as you delve into your passion, your life purpose you will find your one and only that will share your view and enjoyment. And it wont matter then if you have the perfect body shape or not because that isn't fixed. We go eat excessively on holiday and that's it, beautiful body shape gone, and all you are left with is the inner you.

Open up the inner you, develop it, what does it want? ( only positive things though, no wishing for NO anxiety) Examples, you want to be a business man, you want your own yacht, you want to perform on a stage, or have a pet dog.... Just anything will do .... go to into your life and go after it....

Become the person you want to be, by listening to you inner self ( not your material/ physical needs)... health is important as well, but exercising to excess and obsessing is not.....


Good luck, I hope you find you other half
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Riku
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#6
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(Original post by heyznothazy)
I know a lot of people in a similar situation as you and the best thing is to just accept yourself as you are. There is no use spending months making this perfect model image of yourself and doing anything just to appease the needs of you girl-friend. First of all it is your life, and you only have one life to live so make sure you are completely role that has been set for you.

Media puts a great pressure on society, to have the perfect body shape and beauty as you already now, but the fact is we all age/bald etc and if you want the relationship to last long-term it has to be with someone that you know you connect on a mental/spiritual level.

Connecting a person on that level would be difficult if your life at the moment centres totally on solving you anxiety problem and you physical state. So move on, find something that interests you : hobbies, your work, maybe a life long ambition/goal. The determination to get someone in life will give you a direction , rather than just struggling in one place with same issue, everyday, girl- problems and anxiety etc.

As soon as you delve into your passion, your life purpose you will find your one and only that will share your view and enjoyment. And it wont matter then if you have the perfect body shape or not because that isn't fixed. We go eat excessively on holiday and that's it, beautiful body shape gone, and all you are left with is the inner you.

Open up the inner you, develop it, what does it want? ( only positive things though, no wishing for NO anxiety) Examples, you want to be a business man, you want your own yacht, you want to perform on a stage, or have a pet dog.... Just anything will do .... go to into your life and go after it....

Become the person you want to be, by listening to you inner self ( not your material/ physical needs)... health is important as well, but exercising to excess and obsessing is not.....


Good luck, I hope you find you other half
Thanks for this are you saying I should break up with her? Everyone keeps saying this. I'm finding it hard to do because she still seems interested
and she does share it, I just keep feeling like she's growing beyond me (which is painful but happens)
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Riku
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I have a real approval addiction :./

Has anybody else been here?
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