Why do guys have to be "insensitive" to be attractive? Watch

slackerbeeatch
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#21
Report 12 years ago
#21
you seem to think that women are a whole different species. maybe that is your problem. its not that hard to control how you act around someone (girls really like people too you know). im not saying dont tell them anything about how you feel, im jus saying dont bombard them with texts/phone calls/touching them the whole time/staring deep into their eyes all the time/full on "i really really really like you" or "i think im getting addicted to you". its not pretty.

you have to save that stuff until you know they are gonna take it in a romantic way rather than a creepy, freaky, obsessvie way. in the same you way you wouldnt tell risque jokes till you knew how they would be taken, don't say realy full on stuff till you know how they'd take it.

anything that you would find freaky from someone you didnt know that well, is gonna seem freaky to someone who doesn't know you that well. And that applies even if you've known them as a friend for a while... they dont know the "romantic" you so when it turns out not to be the same as the cool friend they had it freaks them out.

oh. by the way. all this is from personal experience. all of theses people have been told politely but firmly that "we" will not be continuing, because its all far too much. BUT i refuse to be treated like ****. i give people respect and i expect it back. i just dont want a guy to drool all over me all the time
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Schmokie Dragon
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#22
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#22
simple answer - if a guy gets emotional and needy on us before we do, then we question his emotional stability... bad stereotype, but guys are not percieved as emotional. Therefore, when one does get needy and emotional, and seems to be into us in a "I like you" rather than a "ur cute, lets have sex", then it can be a bit worrying. And silly stereotypes aside, someone getting too enthusiastic at the seduction phase makes me feel trapped and I worry about hurting him... so I don't like it.
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Anonymous #1
#23
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#23
(Original post by more adventurous)
Maybe girls don't like you because you're constantly saying things like "that's what you girls think!" and "girls aren't attracted to guys with feelings" and "well you're a girl, you're bound to contradict yourself," showing that you obviously view the female gender as a single entity instead of individuals with their own thoughts and feelings.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe most girls don't like being treated as objects? Gee, and you act surprised when they don't like you...
No, I said that's what you think, not what girls think. You're the one placing people into groups, very badly interpreting my comments as complete generalisations. In addition to badly interpreting, you haven't been reading the thread. Did I ever say that girls don't like me?! Did I not say that the girls who like me, are simply girls I'm not crazy about and who I end up having relationships with? If I were to talk to people in general and not make a difference between girls/guys, you wouldn't be making such comments. You're just getting offended because for some reason talking about girls, describing what they like, seems to bother you.

The fact is, and I think some people would agree with me, there are noticeable differences in what guys look for and what girls look for. Sorry if we can't cater for every single woman out of the 3 billion on this planet so as to avoid these generalisations that you hate but they're inevitable to understand.
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Anonymous #1
#24
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#24
(Original post by Pretty Boy)
If a dude is truly confident then he wouldn't get those sorta feelings for one single girl because he's confident enough to know he can get another if he wants to.
Good point but that doesn't have to be the only reason. people can just have a different attitude to their relationships with people: some people don't want to just see people as replaceable commodities and only decide to place their focus on someone if they think they're worth it. Still good point.
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Anonymous #1
#25
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#25
(Original post by Schmokie Dragon)
and seems to be into us in a "I like you" rather than a "ur cute, lets have sex", then it can be a bit worrying.
You see, that's what surprises me most. Why should someone be more attracted to a person who sees them as a piece of meat rather than someone they want to get to know?
Of course, extreme neediness is unattractive, whether you're a guy or a girl but, on the other end of the scale, why is complete superficiality attractive?
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Anonymous #2
#26
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#26
(Original post by Schmokie Dragon)
Therefore, when one does get needy and emotional, and seems to be into us in a "I like you" rather than a "ur cute, lets have sex", then it can be a bit worrying.
So you would rather have prefer it when they just want you for sex? I think this is because a lot of women expect all guys to be like this.
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la fille danse
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#27
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#27
No, I said that's what you think, not what girls think.
No you said, "that's what YOU GIRLS think." I even quoted you, FFS.

You're the one placing people into groups
What groups have I placed people into, then?

very badly interpreting my comments as complete generalisations.
So, "girls aren't attracted to guys with feelings" isn't a generalisation?

Go look up the word "generalisation" and then we'll talk.
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Anonymous #1
#28
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#28
(Original post by more adventurous)
No you said, "that's what YOU GIRLS think." I even quoted you, FFS.
What groups have I placed people into, then?
You totally misinterpret what's written. You made the assumption that I don't attract girls i.e. just placing people into groups. You just jump to a conclusion without taking the time to think...

(Original post by more adventurous)
So, "girls aren't attracted to guys with feelings" isn't a generalisation?

Go look up the word "generalisation" and then we'll talk.
Again read the post: I said that you get upset because of this generalisation in particular. If I'd said "People like attractive women", it would be a complete generalisation but you wouldn't get all defensive. Yet as soon as someone tries to find strong common traits among women, you get all worked up. Your refusal to actually accept that there are characteristics which are more common among women than among men, explains why you don't actually understand what other people here do.
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Amnesia
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#29
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#29
(Original post by Anonymous)
Again read the post: I said that you get upset because of this generalisation in particular. If I'd said "People like attractive women", it would be a complete generalisation but you wouldn't get all defensive. Yet as soon as someone tries to find strong common traits among women, you get all worked up. Your refusal to actually accept that there are characteristics which are more common among women than among men, explains why you don't actually understand what other people here do.
If I were you I would forget debating the issue with women. They rarely tell the truth about what they really want or do. Just go on what you see around you and the experiences you have had.
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Laika
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#30
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#30
(Original post by Amnesia)
If I were you I would forget debating the issue with women. They rarely tell the truth about what they really want or do. Just go on what you see around you and the experiences you have had.
True.
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bunthulhu
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#31
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#31
I don't have time to read all the posts before I go to bed lol! But from the first message, I don't agree with that at all, I love it when my boyfriend tells me how much he loves me and cares about me, he never really used to but it makes a real big difference to me, and makes me feel much more secure
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la fille danse
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#32
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You made the assumption that I don't attract girls i.e. just placing people into groups.
So what groups did I place people into?

I don't think you understand what "placing people into groups" means, dear. Good try though.

You obviously made this thread because you've had experience with women not being attracted to you. And you made the assumption that it was because you have feelings. Why would you have made this thread if it wasn't something you have personally experienced? I didn't make the assumption that you don't attract girls, I made the assumption that there are some girls that you have not attracted, which is undeniably true.

Yet as soon as someone tries to find strong common traits among women, you get all worked up.
Except "not liking guys with feelings" is not a "strong common trait among women" and you've offered absolutely no evidence in support of that statement...

Try again.
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Anonymous #1
#33
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#33
(Original post by more adventurous)
So what groups did I place people into?
I didn't make the assumption that you don't attract girls, I made the assumption that there are some girls that you have not attracted, which is undeniably true.
[/quote]

Maybe girls don't like you because you're constantly saying things like
Contradiction...

Except "not liking guys with feelings" is not a "strong common trait among women" and you've offered absolutely no evidence in support of that statement...
We're not talking about liking, we're talking about attraction. Of course people like other people to have feelings for them. Nobody disagrees with that. The funny thing is that you've gone talking totally off-topic. Not even sure you understand what we're talking about.
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la fille danse
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#34
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#34
You've offered absolutely no evidence in support of the statement that "women aren't attracted to guys with feelings." Go ahead, now...

I'm not sure you entirely understand what you're talking about, tbh.

Contradiction...
That's not a contradiction. Obviously when I said "Maybe girls don't like you because you're constantly saying things," I meant "Maybe the girls who don't like you don't like you because you're constantly saying things like"

I didn't think I needed to spell it out for you that much. Apparently, I overestimated you. Sorry, my bad.

PS. You've yet to tell me what groups I have placed people into.
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frappuccino
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#35
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#35
Hmm...it's true....basically I think you just can't open up too soon or become clingy....it's really unattractive when a guy just say how much they like you and then get emotional, the worst I've heard is "I can't believe you said yes, I'm so happy" - NEVER ever say that!! Yes I'd always thought I'd be flattered by a guy who says that to me...and it is kinda...but you know how when you really fancy someone, you think they're so great and kind of place them on a pedestal...you can neeever make it seem like you do.
I personally think it's best to just GET ON with things rather than spend time saying how much you like them etc...i.e. I'd be happy with a guy who was fun to be around and flirted with me and made me laugh, rather than a guy who told me how much he liked me. I mean it's obvious that we both like each other and I would be freaked out if he sudednly just opened up. I just think it's unnecessary and I hate emotional feelings kinda stuff.
But having said all that, some girls do love that kind of stuff :P
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asiangcfan
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#36
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#36
(Original post by Anonymous)
Why do so many girls hate it when a guy shows feelings for them? It seems that they much prefer a guy to treat them decently but not to actually care about them or be interested in them too much. Every time a girl has become crazy about me, I was acting distant (simply because I wasn't crazy about her). It's like girls don't want guys to need or want them.

As a guy, it seems that I should only care about having sex. Anything else, i.e. feelings for someone, just isn't attractive.
OPTION 2
I think they probably do but they might not know how to react because its so breath taking, so they put on this expression on their face like they do not like it; to prevent you seeing how easily they fall for you (maybe)
plus it depends ...
if the girls you are describing or generalising about go for popularity then .. ofcourse they would like a tough lad that is insensitive... but if not,,, then girls love to be treated right and taken of.......
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Ron Stoppable
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#37
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#37
(Original post by Anonymous)
Why do so many girls hate it when a guy shows feelings for them? It seems that they much prefer a guy to treat them decently but not to actually care about them or be interested in them too much. Every time a girl has become crazy about me, I was acting distant (simply because I wasn't crazy about her). It's like girls don't want guys to need or want them.

As a guy, it seems that I should only care about having sex. Anything else, i.e. feelings for someone, just isn't attractive.
Who cares?

Find out what kinda balance works, from experience. And keep doing it.
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asiangcfan
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#38
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#38
(Original post by Ron Stoppable)
Who cares?

Find out what kinda balance works, from experience. And keep doing it.
I agree.. just work out the balance as ' ron stoppable ' says ...
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tan_tom93
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#39
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#39
i think its cos most girls like the chase, the whole process of playing hard to get etc, however im the complete opposite im trying to find a guy who is sensitive and does show feelings but failing miserably
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