I love my girlfriend but don't find her sexually attractive

You're an absolute saint, world needs more like you bro.

Why the sarcasm? I dumped the her for someone prettier whom I ended up marrying. The right choice it seems.

I actually feel quite frustrated most of the time. I feel like my life mission has always been finding a cute girlfriend and I have failed at it. I feel like I have so much love to give to someone but just cannot fully give it to my girlfriend because I don't find her attractive enough. I really wish I did though, that would make things so easy.

It's very upsetting though, seeing that she really loves me and does so much for me, which makes me feel guilty.

Why haven't you done anything about it yet? This thread is at least a week old.

Because If I would dump her now I would end up being alone for a long time.

She would be upset and I would be upset, it doesn't seem rational.

I'm in a life situation where I'm not meeting much girls at all. For instance in the past 6 months I haven't met any interesting girls here so I doubt I would find anyone new.

In a year I'm moving back to where I came from and then things will be different, there will be plenty of people to go out with and chances to meet new people.

Look at what you just wrote. Now imagine you had a super hot girlfriend you were crazy about and then found her making a thread about your looks turning her off, and this post was hers about you instead.

You really need to get over yourself, you do not deserve any pity and quite frankly I think you deserve to be lonely because you're selfishly stringing someone along and had somehow convinced yourself you're doing her a "favor". Really ****ty dude, if you really cared for her and like her personality then you should have even an ounce of respect for her and be honest with her. You are treating her like an old toy you're only going to play with until you get a new cooler one. You probably don't get it now, but one day this might be you when one of your prettier girlfriends dump you for a more handsome guy, and then you might understand just how selfish this is of you.

Because If I would dump her now I would end up being alone for a long time.

Selfish? You should see everything I do to keep her happy even though I'm not that happy myself.

I see where you are coming from though and do understand you, but you are only looking at that from a girls perspective and not my perspective. By being with her I'm stopping her chances of meeting the guy who would love every part of her - that is selfish, I agree.

I treat her very well and I'm always respectful to her. I know posting stuff like this is far from respectful, but that's the whole point of posting behind anonymity to get answers to sensitive issues.

I posted about this because I wanted to see if any other people have been in the same situation and then eventually started finding the person more attractive. It seems that some have and some haven't.

I doubt this relationship will work in the long run but we might just both enjoy what we have till it lasts.

I am not looking at this from a girls perspective, I'm looking at it from MY perspective. If you were a girl doing this to your boyfriend I'd think you were a vicious b*tch. You have convinced yourself that you are treating her well but you are only keeping up appearances, fantasizing about other women and probably killing her self esteem because you don't find her sexually attractive and don't want to be intimate with her. Trust me, she has noticed, people who are insecure to begin with will not only notice when something's off, they will also blow it up in their heads and think it's all their fault.
From my perspective, if I found out someone had done this to me, I would not only be broken down and paranoid, I would be furious and I would loathe that person with a passion. You say breaking up with her now would only hurt her feelings and you'd be lonely. Won't it hurt her feelings more when you dump her for someone prettier, or because you suddenly have the opportunity to meet someone prettier? I'll answer it for you, it will hurt her as much, if not more. So whose feelings are you sparing?
- Yours. And yours only.

Don't get me wrong I'm not insulting you because you like a girl's personality but don't find her sexually appealing. I am insulting you because you are manipulating her in a selfish and cruel manner. You are serving yourself and doing her a disservice because the sooner she's rid of you the sooner SHE can find someone who wants HER, and not be with someone who doesn't want to touch her or see her naked.

I've always been known as a very nice and honest guy but after reading all these I realise I'm actually a horrible person! I've been just convincing myself I'm doing the right thing but subconciously I'm being selfish.

I swear it hasn't always been like this, I genuinely like her personality and always wanted to make things work. I was hoping that eventually I'll start being more sexually attracted to her as I like her as a person. All this time I've been always trying to look at the positive sides of her and keep convicing myself that she is the one for me.

I think I have given the wrong image to many of you about this though. I don't find her looks disgusting or anything, I still have sex with her out of my own initiative too. It can be ok sometimes but just most of the time doesn't feel too good to me or any better than masturbating. I can find many pretty features about her, but she just isn't what turns me on.

Aww OP I didn't mean to make it sound like you are a horrible person. I mentioned this in my post as well and I apologize for calling you a complete jerk. (your posts about going home and finding someone 'better' is what made me feel that way).To be honest while I still think what you are doing with her right now is pretty selfish (just in this case) I wouldn't label you as a whole as a selfish or horrible person at all! You haven't given us any reasons to make us feel that way about you to be honest. How a person acts in one situation doesn't mean people can judge them right? If you kept doing this then yes people will judge.

I think what has happened here is:

1. it is a sensitive topic that is going to come across very negatively no matter how you put it.

2. it is a topic that needs to be conversed face to face as a lot of the emotions can get lost or hugely misrepresented in text which is what I really believe has happened here.

3. I think most people sympathize with you but your post about going back home and finding someone better makes it look like you are just hanging on to her until you find someone better which is not at all the right thing to do.


So yes, while there are things people could justifiably criticize about what you are doing, please don't go around feeling like you are a bad person. I think we just got the wrong impression. But my point still stands. You thought you would end up finding her sexually attractive which is completely fair, but you are not no matter how hard you try. So now is the time to let her go gently before any real damage is done. I'm really sorry for being so judgemental before. I think I was just focusing on some things that you said too much and ignoring the rest. But at the same time, I think for you to continue this relationship just so that you don't feel lonely would be incredibly selfish but you know that already. Message me if you feel the need to

You sound like such a nice girl. I realise I probably sounded like quite a jerk there!

I didn't literally mean I would simply dump her for a prettier girl. But I think that because this issue the relationship probably wouldn't last very long in the future.

I think if I would meet a pretty girl I really liked, it would probably make me realise there is no need for both of us to be in a relationship that isn't so great. However, I wouldn't just tell her one day that now it's over I have someone else, as I would never want anyone do that to me.

To be honest I'm not that scared of being lonely, but rather losing her from my life because she is important to me regardless of the issue.

I talked with her face to face and tried explaning how I like her but how certain things don't feel to be working out very well. I would never actually tell her that I don't find her attractive, but I explained that I just sometimes feels that she is more like a friend to me.

It was very upsetting for both of us, but to be fair she had realised some things were wrong. She likes me regardless and wants to continue seeing me, but now she knows that it probably won't last long in the future.

Maybe it isn't quite fair on her anyway, as I know she is more into our relationship than I am, but at least I was being more honest with her and I think that is better.