Since the age of 13 I and my family both went through a life changing experience. It effected us both mentally and ever since then I have lost that connection with my family.
I used to be really close with my mum and because of the events that occured, it was all lost and although my mum made efforts till this day, I still can never be as close with her again.
I lost allot of myself since that age and became a very emotionless person.
It was only 2 years back that I slowly started to care again and that care went to a female. She became my best friend and I put 110% into keeping her happy even if it meant my own happiness.
I ended up loveing her dearly and it filled an empty place in my heart which was needed for some 1s love and care (she became my g/f). Within a year of the relationship I became more emotional in terms of expressing. She was able to open me up and got me to talk about stuff from the past.
Just when I thought she was the one I would marry and be happy with for the rest of my life, she ends up finishing with me.
Through my relationship with her she had lied about many things and one of them was that she wanted to marry me and she would always be there for me.
It took me many months to get over her and I have finally managed to get on with my life. I have found some one new and really different. Some 1 who is genuine, but I $itll find myself suffering from that gap left in me.
I dont know why I feel I need a g/f to make me feel better about myself.
I am very clingy at times because of what I lost and sometimes I would get cautious because mayb my gf would not call when she said she will.
I feel I have become a person I could never imagine being and I dont like it one bit. I just want to be happy without being over protective or over caring.
Because of my past I find it very easy to get attracted to some 1 who may seem genuine and show some love/care, then even if I find bad stuff along the line with that person because I found some 1 willing to share their love I may put myself in a situation that is not fair for me.
Some days I can be myself and otherdays I feel like im just some 1 totaly different.
How can I better myself?