No Close Friends in University Watch

bsuted
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Hi everyone, I'm in my first year of university and almost finishing my first semester. The problem is (as well stated in title) I have no close friends even though it's been 10 weeks now.

I can't say that my uni experience has been hell. There has been nights that I really had fun, experiences that I really enjoyed. I also made a lot of acquaintances and a few nice friends. I've met a french exchange student who likes the same music as me and we decided to go to gigs together. I've made friends in tutorials and had lunch with them. I've gone out with people from my floor and a floor below. I even met a friend from a weird volunteering thingy and stayed in her flat after a drunken night. These things are not the type of things that I'm very used to. I'm international and in my home country high school is rather quiet. I also have to say I have wonderful friends and family in my country.
But there is something else. It feels like I am the only person who is trying in almost all of my relationships. I make plans. I make appointments. I sometime remind people that I'm alive by sending them questions about stuff that I actually don't need any help of. I am shy when I feel outpowered in social means but I always take the initiative and introduce myself to people.

I have missed the fresher's week (not intentionally) and still kept my faith offered cookies to people and stuff. I made everyone to think that I'm a nice girl (which I am). I first was anxious around them but now it's resolving too. My problem is that I've never got the spent a lot of time with them and they started getting clicky. The only group of people that I thought I could be close friends kinda got so much closer. I kinda get ditched on getting a flat thingy but they also always say that they like spending time with me, compliment me and I have lived through so many social problems to understand if they were not honest. It's just that they get to see each other somehow a lot and arrange stuff and forget about me. I'm their friend but not a part of their group. I realized it just now. Because now I am writing this all ready to go out but sitting alone in my room. Here's how that happened:
I haven't seen anyone all day because of lectures asked the one of the girls to say if they are going out. She said she will text me, let me know if she did go out. Asked another one too she didn't answered. I reckoned they are not going out. But I heard the girl who never answered me in halls preparing to go. I felt really bad sitting in my room. I went to pantry faking a coffee session saw people going out and decide to join them, I got dressed and called the girl to see what she's up to. She said that she's going out, her phone was not working and more importantly she was going with the girl who told me she would text me. I felt so bad but worse when I go back to pantry there was absolutely no one. These people invited me to go out and then left without me, the girls told me they will let me know then left without me. I am feeling so weird. I don't even understand anymore. I really am able to understand if I annoy people because I was from a very clique-y high school so I am pretty sure that's not the case. I'm not bragging, most of these people think that I am a nice person and especially with the girls we had so much fun when we went out and shopping and stuff. I had very close friends back at home but I remember doing nothing special for weeks. It's easy when you know there's always people when you know you want to do stuff. It's hard to calculate everything you do because you want to get close but don't wanna be clingy. I have found myself a quite flatmate from one of my tutorials, I arrange stuff with people. I am holding on, probably gonna continue having nice times once in a while but will I ever be comfortable and at ease? I just am too tired of trying..
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lozzielizzie
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Am exactly in same position, know loads of people at uni. Get invited to things but don't really have any close friends. Which kind of sucks, I want a few close friends but realise it may not happen this year. Things went against me as I moved course after induction week so missed a week with people on my course. Plus because I had too study for certain test too get on course during freshers week, I missed most of it. Oh well, my main thing is getting invited to do stuff and going out with people having fun.


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shawn_o1
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I got through a whole year of uni without having any friends. I talk to my adviser if I have any problems. I treat uni as a place to study, not a big social gathering of any sort. (Oh, and I still live at home)
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Anonymous #1
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10 weeks? Try 3 years in my case. I made no good friends at all during my time at university, and in fact came across some pretty nasty people. A real shame, as I never did anything wrong. At least now I get some consolation from the fact it was not my fault, but theirs.
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Knighted
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I'm in my third year.

First of all I currently live with 5 people. One of which is my best mate at university. I only met this dude on new years eve in the first year, before that I hadn't made any close friends.

My other best mate I only made mates with in the 2nd year as he lived with a mate. This guy I knew, saw and talked with at halls (awkward short talks) our flat considered him to be a bit of a ****er without really knowing him. I started chatting to him more when he lived with my mate. Now he's a best mate our sense of humor/backgrounds are very similar and aren't afraid (like a lot of students) to reveal our geeky sides.

Anyway my advice from this is to just keep putting yourself out there. If people don't like you/your personality thats their problem not yours.

Also please take note that the first half of year one and sometimes all of it is people trying to get the people they consider the coolest to like them. Personalities/being a genuine person just isn't noticeable till people start realizing how *****sh the "cool" people really are.
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confuddled2011
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First, when I went to uni I met a great bunch of people, with only 1 that I keep contact with and am close to, then when I took a gap year then returned, the opposite, I was completely on a different planet and actually really disliked the new year, so far still have no good friends, just people that I put up with.

Join a society that meets your criteria int he type of people you want to be surrounded and understand your in the same boat as many, some times you will click other you won't, and I really do understand why that would suck.

But if you want a change, you going to need to do something, it could be bad or good, but just get up, do something, a class, a society, an art class, I don't know something you like, be friendly and open minded and always remember if things don't work out 1/10, if you keep trying at some point you will meet some good friends.
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phunky_fresh
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I didn't have any close friends at uni for a whole 3 years. It was a little lonely at times. There were people I hung around with but we didn't really have that bond. Now I've left uni I'm close to one guy I met randomly and I don't talk to anyone else. I'm sure as time goes by you will have a group of people to hang with. I think you need to take a step back from those girls though, I don't know why they are acting like that towards you. Continue to put yourself out there. I spent the first week of uni going to the uni bar and mingling with people. Then after that I just did modules within other course and there I met other people.
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Crumpet1
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Go and look at the list of clubs & societies at your university. Find a society that you're interested in, and which ideally 'does stuff' as a group (for example the conservation society probably goes out and rebuilds footpaths etc). Join it. Meet people.
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bsuted
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(Original post by phunky_fresh)
I didn't have any close friends at uni for a whole 3 years. It was a little lonely at times. There were people I hung around with but we didn't really have that bond. Now I've left uni I'm close to one guy I met randomly and I don't talk to anyone else. I'm sure as time goes by you will have a group of people to hang with. I think you need to take a step back from those girls though, I don't know why they are acting like that towards you. Continue to put yourself out there. I spent the first week of uni going to the uni bar and mingling with people. Then after that I just did modules within other course and there I met other people.
wow guys really you all helped me a lot.:o:o I think I am a bit hard on myself I am always expecting that kinky but nice group of people that I had back at home or at least someone I can depend on and someone who depends on me. I hope everything will be better in second year when I don't have lots of people around I might end being so worried. I sometimes feel everybody is hanging out without me even though I know it's not true I am so moody but thanks for helping.
I thought I should let you know. The girls both texted me now. The one who never texted back apologized for making me feel ignored and she had no money to contact me. They are very nice to me which makes it so much more complicated ugghh. But I feel the same way I should start seeking new people, I kept so focused in getting close with them I ignored the many possibilities of uni socialization!
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Sazh
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You've made a MUCH better start than me, and also than people that I know as well. I wouldn't necessarily be worried about 'close' friends. Friends only become 'close' over time really.
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