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    Hi,

    For a while now I have noticed that I am different to other people. I am quite socially awkward, and I find it really hard to keep a conversation going. Most of the time when people talk to me my mind is blank and don't really know what to say back to people. With people I know really well or get along really well with it is much easier.
    My face is pretty blank all the time aswell. Even if there is nothing wrong people ask me if I am OK and sometimes people think I don't like them... which all really bothers me because I don't want to seem like I don't like others or in a bad mood.
    I have struggle to find things I like which also makes it hard to build relationships. I used to do a few things but recently all I do is work and occasionally hang out with some friends.

    I hate my personality and the way I am. I wish I was bubbly and confident and chatty and outgoing but I am none of those things and don't know if I will ever change. I worry about other people seeing me the same as I see myself. I can't tell whether it is paranoia or the truth that people don't like me or find me interesting or fun. I also get jealous all the time of people I would like to be like. I have had jobs and been to Uni so think If I was going to be more confident etc it would have happened by now.

    This whole thing affects my social life aswell as my worklife and I don't know what to do or what to think anymore I don't like myself so can't accept myself for who I am but I can't change my personality either.
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    I feel the same. Like some people are straight up bubbly and even if u start a new school its like im going to try to be like that force yourself to be someone else but it doesnt happen but theres nothing we can do about it if someone doesnt like you cuz of it who cares
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,

    For a while now I have noticed that I am different to other people. I am quite socially awkward, and I find it really hard to keep a conversation going. Most of the time when people talk to me my mind is blank and don't really know what to say back to people. With people I know really well or get along really well with it is much easier.
    My face is pretty blank all the time aswell. Even if there is nothing wrong people ask me if I am OK and sometimes people think I don't like them... which all really bothers me because I don't want to seem like I don't like others or in a bad mood.
    I have struggle to find things I like which also makes it hard to build relationships. I used to do a few things but recently all I do is work and occasionally hang out with some friends.
    This is quite hard to do but you need to try and learn how to not be so awkward and how to keep the conversation going. Observe others and maybe even watch things online. It does not come naturally to a lot of people but as you put yourself in more social situations with people you are completely unfamiliar with you will slowly learn to relax a little so you don't feel so tense and so things don't seem so awkward. Try to focus on what they are telling you, don't let your mind wander, and see if you can become interested in what they are saying or at least find questions to ask them. As for facial expressions they are quite difficult to change but you could always throw in a smile now and then (although don't over do it). Also possibly looking in the mirror and analysing your natural expression/ looking at what makes it appear blank and trying to make it look more interested could help. Yeah you need to try and balance it a little. Work always comes first but by hanging out with more people (i.e. not just friends but others as well) it will really help. Also with friends you are in your comfort zone so you need to try and mingle a little with people that you are not so close to. It is scary and can make you feel anxious etc etc but even if it is just one person who seems nice it is essential that you do that just to get more experience of interacting with people out of your comfort zone


    I hate my personality and the way I am. I wish I was bubbly and confident and chatty and outgoing but I am none of those things and don't know if I will ever change. I worry about other people seeing me the same as I see myself. I can't tell whether it is paranoia or the truth that people don't like me or find me interesting or fun. I also get jealous all the time of people I would like to be like. I have had jobs and been to Uni so think If I was going to be more confident etc it would have happened by now.
    You can't feel that way. I completely understand the way you feel but you need to try so hard to not hate yourself. It is detrimental because you will never be able to be happy. When you excessively compare yourself to others you cannot be happy because a lot of the tine you set yourself a standard that is impossible to meet: you can strive to be better but you can never be someone else. Please just learn to accept yourself.
    SO WHAT IF YOU ARE AWKWARD?

    SO WHAT IF YOU FACE APPEARS BLANK FROM TIME TO TIME?

    SO WHAT IF YOU ARE NOT AS BUBBLY AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE?

    ARE YOU HONESTLY SAYING THOSE ARE GOOD ENOUGH REASONS

    TO HATE YOURSELF????
    OF COURSE THEY ARE NOT!!!


    I don't care what anyone else thinks about or whatever standard you are comparing yourself with but you are who you are. Like you say you cannot swap who you are for someone else so you need to learn to love yourself. Remind yourself of the things you do well rather than the things you don't do well Don't waste time wishing you were more like someone else because no matter how hard you wish you are not going to be like them. Plus you will seriously regret thinking like this when you look back on your life and realised that you never really lived or appreciated yourself because you spent the entire time looking at somone elses life and longing to be someone else whilst your own life passed you by. No. Stop that:fuhrer:!


    This whole thing affects my social life aswell as my worklife and I don't know what to do or what to think anymore I don't like myself so can't accept myself for who I am but I can't change my personality either.
    You say you do not know what to do. You need to spend time just going over your thought process. Okay so I have been in the exact same situation but the truth is when you hate yourself so much it is very difficult for other people to connect with you and like you. This is because you become so fixated on yourself and feel that you are so inferior to everyone else. In your head because you hate yourself so much you wonder how people can possibly like you and so begin distancing yourself due to feeling awkward around others and that you are not as good as them. However, in reality others interpret this as you not liking them or feel that you do not like their company as would rather be alone. This is also why it is so important to not hate yourself because doing so can put you in a really dark and lonely place which can be difficult to get out from.

    If you just learn to love yourself not only do you feel happier but people cannot bring you down as much. You can change your way of thinking and you can change areas of your personality if you are genuinely determined to do so, it is not impossible. You just need to start with trying to love yourself again or if not love at least start by trying to like yourself. It is so easy to become your own worst enemy but honestly you just need to learn to start accepting yourself because I can guarantee that you are not as bad as you think you are...
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    (Original post by CasualSoul)
    e
    My eyes...! :eek:
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    (Original post by BWV1007)
    My eyes...! :eek:
    sorry LOL

    would you like me to change the colour?
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    (Original post by CasualSoul)
    sorry LOL

    would you like me to change the colour?
    I guess not. Your message wasn't meant for me anyway.
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    (Original post by BWV1007)
    I guess not. Your message wasn't meant for me anyway.
    LOL hmm I think you have a point though. Black it is
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    (Original post by CasualSoul)
    but honestly you just need to learn to start accepting yourself because I can guarantee that you are not as bad as you think you are...

    You Sir, are a genius! Honestly! Some really good advice in your post.
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    (Original post by bluemax)
    You Sir, are a genius! Honestly! Some really good advice in your post.
    haa

    aww thank you
    • #1
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    (Original post by CasualSoul)
    This is quite hard to do but you need to try and learn how to not be so awkward and how to keep the conversation going. Observe others and maybe even watch things online. It does not come naturally to a lot of people but as you put yourself in more social situations with people you are completely unfamiliar with you will slowly learn to relax a little so you don't feel so tense and so things don't seem so awkward. Try to focus on what they are telling you, don't let your mind wander, and see if you can become interested in what they are saying or at least find questions to ask them. As for facial expressions they are quite difficult to change but you could always throw in a smile now and then (although don't over do it). Also possibly looking in the mirror and analysing your natural expression/ looking at what makes it appear blank and trying to make it look more interested could help. Yeah you need to try and balance it a little. Work always comes first but by hanging out with more people (i.e. not just friends but others as well) it will really help. Also with friends you are in your comfort zone so you need to try and mingle a little with people that you are not so close to. It is scary and can make you feel anxious etc etc but even if it is just one person who seems nice it is essential that you do that just to get more experience of interacting with people out of your comfort zone

    It is confusing to explain.. I do care about what people say but my mind goes blank and I don't know what to say to make them feel better. I work with vulnerable people so I deal with very difficult things and am worried about saying the wrong thing as that could have very bad consquences. I am trying to watch people and sort of copy them but everyone is so different it just makes it harder. Also, I feel like I am trying to be someone else but trying to do things they would.



    You can't feel that way. I completely understand the way you feel but you need to try so hard to not hate yourself. It is detrimental because you will never be able to be happy. When you excessively compare yourself to others you cannot be happy because a lot of the tine you set yourself a standard that is impossible to meet: you can strive to be better but you can never be someone else. Please just learn to accept yourself.
    SO WHAT IF YOU ARE AWKWARD?

    SO WHAT IF YOU FACE APPEARS BLANK FROM TIME TO TIME?

    SO WHAT IF YOU ARE NOT AS BUBBLY AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE?

    ARE YOU HONESTLY SAYING THOSE ARE GOOD ENOUGH REASONS

    TO HATE YOURSELF????
    OF COURSE THEY ARE NOT!!!


    I don't care what anyone else thinks about or whatever standard you are comparing yourself with but you are who you are. Like you say you cannot swap who you are for someone else so you need to learn to love yourself. Remind yourself of the things you do well rather than the things you don't do well Don't waste time wishing you were more like someone else because no matter how hard you wish you are not going to be like them. Plus you will seriously regret thinking like this when you look back on your life and realised that you never really lived or appreciated yourself because you spent the entire time looking at somone elses life and longing to be someone else whilst your own life passed you by. No. Stop that:fuhrer:!


    I think those are good enough reasons to be unhappy with myself. If people didn't care about what others thought of them how would they ever realise things about themself or what they could improve on?
    I know it sounds a bit ridiculous but I don't think I am good at anything,

    You say you do not know what to do. You need to spend time just going over your thought process. Okay so I have been in the exact same situation but the truth is when you hate yourself so much it is very difficult for other people to connect with you and like you. This is because you become so fixated on yourself and feel that you are so inferior to everyone else. In your head because you hate yourself so much you wonder how people can possibly like you and so begin distancing yourself due to feeling awkward around others and that you are not as good as them. However, in reality others interpret this as you not liking them or feel that you do not like their company as would rather be alone. This is also why it is so important to not hate yourself because doing so can put you in a really dark and lonely place which can be difficult to get out from.

    If you just learn to love yourself not only do you feel happier but people cannot bring you down as much. You can change your way of thinking and you can change areas of your personality if you are genuinely determined to do so, it is not impossible. You just need to start with trying to love yourself again or if not love at least start by trying to like yourself. It is so easy to become your own worst enemy but honestly you just need to learn to start accepting yourself because I can guarantee that you are not as bad as you think you are...
    I understand what you say about how I may come across to others when I am this way. But by knowing it is better to like myself doesn't make it any easier to.
    I can't really tell if someone likes me or not, if I made loads of effort with someone and ignored negative thoughts I may be being naive thinking that person likes me when in fact they just put up with me and find me annoying and I end up thinking I have a great relationship/friendship but it is all fake.
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    I used to be like this, but now I am the one that always strikes up the conversation. The thing that helped me was CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). Basically you have a tutor kinda thing and they help you look at what you have done well, how you could improve in that situation and discussing how people might view you in these situations that you get upset about.

    I highly recommend it as it helped me greatly.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I understand what you say about how I may come across to others when I am this way But by knowing it is better to like myself doesn't make it any easier to
    Yeah I agree it is difficult to put it into practice That is the challenging part. I feel it does start from ones head though. In other words the way of thinking needs to be reanalaysed. Like you say it is by no means easy at all but if you just start to think about yourself in a different light. I am not saying that you should lie to yourself or anything like that but rather than always focusing and reminding yourself of your 'weakness' e.g. being awkward and not be chatty you should try and address these things and you should try not to let these things hold you back e.g. yes you maybe awkward but don't just lock yourself away because of the awkwardness or but don't allow yourself to use it to justify why you should be alone, do not deserve to have friends or it somehow makes you not good enough. Again, I know it is not easy to like yourself when you have spent a lot of time despising who you are and just wishing you were someone else but you've got to start somewhere. It is not easy and it does not just happen overnight but just slowly starting to step back and try to see the bigger picture. A lot of people with this spend so much time just reflecting on the bad things about them and they will home in on all their imperfections but they will forget about the things which they actually do good. When you really really hare yourself it is very hard to even remember the good things about yourself as the hate just sort of overshadows all the things which you liked. It is not easy at all and you might be able to do it alone or you might need look for help from someone who is a professional (e.g. the poster above advises cognitive behavioural therapy) but yeah it is not a quick fix thing and refinding the love and learning to like oneself really takes a lot of time but it can be done.


    I can't really tell if someone likes me or not, if I made loads of effort with someone and ignored negative thoughts I may be being naive thinking that person likes me when in fact they just put up with me and find me annoying and I end up thinking I have a great relationship/friendship but it is all fake.
    hmmm. I would say the main thing is to like yourself. Yes this is incredibly cheesy and you have heard it a 1000 times probably but once you like yourself and accept yourself then whether or not someone else likes you is irrelevant. Yes it is nice to be liked but if they decide that they do not like you you will be able to get over it and just move on to find someone who does like you. However, if you also agree with the person who does not like you due to hating yourself it can make things a lot harder. In other words, it will be very difficult to move on as you will just keep wondering what is wrong with you and asking yourself whether you are just made to be alone etc etc

    ermm nooo I'm not saying to ignore the negative thoughts. Sorry I am not really explaining it that well. Okay so sometimes it is obvious that someone does not like you e.g. might give you a dirty look or just blank you when you try to speak to them etc. However, with people like you who sometimes feel a little
    'paranoid paranoia or the truth that people don't like me or find me interesting or fun'
    and those with social anxiety it can be 90% in their head and only like 10% in reality. For example in the head they will think nobody likes them, everyone is staring at them and scrutinising them, everyone is comparing them to so and so and how all those around them see them as inferior etc so the problem with these people is that a lot of it is in their head which causes them to worry excessively, panic and become anxious because it genuienly feels like everyone is watching them.

    Yeah so basically what I was saying to you before was that just make sure it is not in your head. Obviously if you try and start a convo with someone and they just snigger and walk off then no they do not like you but anyway who cares..why would you want to be friends with this kind of person anyway. However, if you try and start a convo with someone and they do not reply. It is easy to think "omg they hate me. They do not want to speak to me because they would rather speak to so and so. Ohh why did I even try to speak to them. Next time i will just remain a lone and keep quiet so I am not embarassed again". However, this kind of think is irrational and the reason that they did not reply could simply be because they did not hear you. So if you think that someone is just putting up with you then no do NOT ignore this negative thought and maybe just leave that person and try and start a friendship with someone who seems genuienly interested in you and is not just fake/putting up with you. However it is important that you are aware that sometimes it might just be negative thinking and although you feel they are just putting up with you they might look a bit tired/ worn out for other reasons which are not connected to you speaking to them.
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    (Original post by CasualSoul)
    Yeah I agree it is difficult to put it into practice That is the challenging part. I feel it does start from ones head though. In other words the way of thinking needs to be reanalaysed. Like you say it is by no means easy at all but if you just start to think about yourself in a different light. I am not saying that you should lie to yourself or anything like that but rather than always focusing and reminding yourself of your 'weakness' e.g. being awkward and not be chatty you should try and address these things and you should try not to let these things hold you back e.g. yes you maybe awkward but don't just lock yourself away because of the awkwardness or but don't allow yourself to use it to justify why you should be alone, do not deserve to have friends or it somehow makes you not good enough. Again, I know it is not easy to like yourself when you have spent a lot of time despising who you are and just wishing you were someone else but you've got to start somewhere. It is not easy and it does not just happen overnight but just slowly starting to step back and try to see the bigger picture. A lot of people with this spend so much time just reflecting on the bad things about them and they will home in on all their imperfections but they will forget about the things which they actually do good. When you really really hare yourself it is very hard to even remember the good things about yourself as the hate just sort of overshadows all the things which you liked. It is not easy at all and you might be able to do it alone or you might need look for help from someone who is a professional (e.g. the poster above advises cognitive behavioural therapy) but yeah it is not a quick fix thing and refinding the love and learning to like oneself really takes a lot of time but it can be done.




    hmmm. I would say the main thing is to like yourself. Yes this is incredibly cheesy and you have heard it a 1000 times probably but once you like yourself and accept yourself then whether or not someone else likes you is irrelevant. Yes it is nice to be liked but if they decide that they do not like you you will be able to get over it and just move on to find someone who does like you. However, if you also agree with the person who does not like you due to hating yourself it can make things a lot harder. In other words, it will be very difficult to move on as you will just keep wondering what is wrong with you and asking yourself whether you are just made to be alone etc etc

    ermm nooo I'm not saying to ignore the negative thoughts. Sorry I am not really explaining it that well. Okay so sometimes it is obvious that someone does not like you e.g. might give you a dirty look or just blank you when you try to speak to them etc. However, with people like you who sometimes feel a little and those with social anxiety it can be 90% in their head and only like 10% in reality. For example in the head they will think nobody likes them, everyone is staring at them and scrutinising them, everyone is comparing them to so and so and how all those around them see them as inferior etc so the problem with these people is that a lot of it is in their head which causes them to worry excessively, panic and become anxious because it genuienly feels like everyone is watching them.

    Yeah so basically what I was saying to you before was that just make sure it is not in your head. Obviously if you try and start a convo with someone and they just snigger and walk off then no they do not like you but anyway who cares..why would you want to be friends with this kind of person anyway. However, if you try and start a convo with someone and they do not reply. It is easy to think "omg they hate me. They do not want to speak to me because they would rather speak to so and so. Ohh why did I even try to speak to them. Next time i will just remain a lone and keep quiet so I am not embarassed again". However, this kind of think is irrational and the reason that they did not reply could simply be because they did not hear you. So if you think that someone is just putting up with you then no do NOT ignore this negative thought and maybe just leave that person and try and start a friendship with someone who seems genuienly interested in you and is not just fake/putting up with you. However it is important that you are aware that sometimes it might just be negative thinking and although you feel they are just putting up with you they might look a bit tired/ worn out for other reasons which are not connected to you speaking to them.
    Aww, Beautiful CasualSoul answering this post but really you're just answering yourself
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    (Original post by MouldingMercury)
    Aww, Beautiful CasualSoul answering this post but really you're just answering yourself
    Man, that sucks . I was genuienly trying to help the OP out LOL
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    (Original post by CasualSoul)
    Man, that sucks . I was genuienly trying to help the OP out LOL
    Yes and I'm sure you are!
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    (Original post by MouldingMercury)
    Yes and I'm sure you are!
    lol :tong:
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by CasualSoul)
    Yeah I agree it is difficult to put it into practice That is the challenging part. I feel it does start from ones head though. In other words the way of thinking needs to be reanalaysed. Like you say it is by no means easy at all but if you just start to think about yourself in a different light. I am not saying that you should lie to yourself or anything like that but rather than always focusing and reminding yourself of your 'weakness' e.g. being awkward and not be chatty you should try and address these things and you should try not to let these things hold you back e.g. yes you maybe awkward but don't just lock yourself away because of the awkwardness or but don't allow yourself to use it to justify why you should be alone, do not deserve to have friends or it somehow makes you not good enough. Again, I know it is not easy to like yourself when you have spent a lot of time despising who you are and just wishing you were someone else but you've got to start somewhere. It is not easy and it does not just happen overnight but just slowly starting to step back and try to see the bigger picture. A lot of people with this spend so much time just reflecting on the bad things about them and they will home in on all their imperfections but they will forget about the things which they actually do good. When you really really hare yourself it is very hard to even remember the good things about yourself as the hate just sort of overshadows all the things which you liked. It is not easy at all and you might be able to do it alone or you might need look for help from someone who is a professional (e.g. the poster above advises cognitive behavioural therapy) but yeah it is not a quick fix thing and refinding the love and learning to like oneself really takes a lot of time but it can be done.




    hmmm. I would say the main thing is to like yourself. Yes this is incredibly cheesy and you have heard it a 1000 times probably but once you like yourself and accept yourself then whether or not someone else likes you is irrelevant. Yes it is nice to be liked but if they decide that they do not like you you will be able to get over it and just move on to find someone who does like you. However, if you also agree with the person who does not like you due to hating yourself it can make things a lot harder. In other words, it will be very difficult to move on as you will just keep wondering what is wrong with you and asking yourself whether you are just made to be alone etc etc

    ermm nooo I'm not saying to ignore the negative thoughts. Sorry I am not really explaining it that well. Okay so sometimes it is obvious that someone does not like you e.g. might give you a dirty look or just blank you when you try to speak to them etc. However, with people like you who sometimes feel a little and those with social anxiety it can be 90% in their head and only like 10% in reality. For example in the head they will think nobody likes them, everyone is staring at them and scrutinising them, everyone is comparing them to so and so and how all those around them see them as inferior etc so the problem with these people is that a lot of it is in their head which causes them to worry excessively, panic and become anxious because it genuienly feels like everyone is watching them.

    Yeah so basically what I was saying to you before was that just make sure it is not in your head. Obviously if you try and start a convo with someone and they just snigger and walk off then no they do not like you but anyway who cares..why would you want to be friends with this kind of person anyway. However, if you try and start a convo with someone and they do not reply. It is easy to think "omg they hate me. They do not want to speak to me because they would rather speak to so and so. Ohh why did I even try to speak to them. Next time i will just remain a lone and keep quiet so I am not embarassed again". However, this kind of think is irrational and the reason that they did not reply could simply be because they did not hear you. So if you think that someone is just putting up with you then no do NOT ignore this negative thought and maybe just leave that person and try and start a friendship with someone who seems genuienly interested in you and is not just fake/putting up with you. However it is important that you are aware that sometimes it might just be negative thinking and although you feel they are just putting up with you they might look a bit tired/ worn out for other reasons which are not connected to you speaking to them.
    Hello very sorry for being late in responding, I do really appreciate your reply so thank you. You have provided a lot of useful advice and insight. I will try and take into account the things you have said.. I suppose I got to start with doing things to like myself better. It is difficult to explain but I lack alot of interest in people but I really want to better socially or I WANT TO WANT to be better.
    Have you ever felt the way I have explained? Did your suggestions work on yourself if so?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,

    For a while now I have noticed that I am different to other people. I am quite socially awkward, and I find it really hard to keep a conversation going. Most of the time when people talk to me my mind is blank and don't really know what to say back to people. With people I know really well or get along really well with it is much easier.
    My face is pretty blank all the time aswell. Even if there is nothing wrong people ask me if I am OK and sometimes people think I don't like them... which all really bothers me because I don't want to seem like I don't like others or in a bad mood.
    I have struggle to find things I like which also makes it hard to build relationships. I used to do a few things but recently all I do is work and occasionally hang out with some friends.

    I hate my personality and the way I am. I wish I was bubbly and confident and chatty and outgoing but I am none of those things and don't know if I will ever change. I worry about other people seeing me the same as I see myself. I can't tell whether it is paranoia or the truth that people don't like me or find me interesting or fun. I also get jealous all the time of people I would like to be like. I have had jobs and been to Uni so think If I was going to be more confident etc it would have happened by now.

    This whole thing affects my social life aswell as my worklife and I don't know what to do or what to think anymore I don't like myself so can't accept myself for who I am but I can't change my personality either.
    We'll judge, BRING ON THE NUDES
    • #3
    #3

    Never hate yourself.. God created you the way it is, never think that 'i wish I was like that or something' be happy with the way you are. and if you are open with people you then stay with rather than people with whom you cannot chat! If you are not able to chat with them and they don't like that it means that they can never be your friends. and even if you feel socially awkward it's normal for many people you'll slowly open up!! You know I used to think the same what you are thinking right now. I've changed a lot you won't believe!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello very sorry for being late in responding, I do really appreciate your reply so thank you. You have provided a lot of useful advice and insight. I will try and take into account the things you have said.. I suppose I got to start with doing things to like myself better. It is difficult to explain but I lack a lot of interest in people but I really want to better socially or I WANT TO WANT to be better.
    Have you ever felt the way I have explained? Did your suggestions work on yourself if so?
    Hey it's fine :crown: and you're welcome

    hmm I do understand what you're saying when you say you lack interest in other people.Is it sort of like a lot of the time you don't mind being alone and just sort of engrossed in your own thoughts and are not too bothered about what others are getting up to but you are realise that it is important to be interested in others and not just doing things alone even if that is what you prefer? Is that what you mean?

    yeah I have :ninja: It has definitely worked though. There are still occasions where those things things occasionally crop up but it has help me a lot.
 
 
 
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