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Deteriorating relationship due to boyfriend's cannabis addiction - what should I do?
(sorry this is really long - needed to get off my chest i guess!)
So i've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, and he's smoked weed since he was 16 (he's 22 now, im 18) - but when our relationship started he completely cut down - once every 3 weeks or so, not much, with his friends etc. He said that he'd never do it in front of me, not cause i didn't like it particularly (I really didn't care then), i think it was just because i dont do it so he didn't want to exclude me.
Recently, however, he's started to do a lot more, every day, and started making excuses not to see me because he wants to smoke without the 'guilt' of me being there and not liking it. His friend who is completely addicted dropped out of uni and came home, so he spends all his time smoking with him - even when I'm round he'll invite him over so he can smoke, which means we don't get that much time alone together.
I didn't say anything at first, but then i started suggesting that we maybe could do some things alone, as he's moving away, and I'm going to uni, so i feel like we should value the time we have. At first he agreed, even saying that he wouldn't smoke as his avoidance of me because of it was hurting so much - but now he's developed an 'I mayaswell smoke loads before i move as i won't be doing it there' attitude so I feel even more pushed away.
I am aware that it's an addiction, and so I can't just expect him to stop, but I'm finding it really hard to be supportive as he doesn't really want to try.
Basically my dilemma is this - I'm meant to be going to live with him in his new house this summer, but now we're really not getting on. Does his unwillingness to compromise with me show that he's not worth going to live with, and being really serious about, or will it all change when he stops smoking, and go back to the way things were (amazing).
Apart from all the class C drugs stuff he really is a lovely guy, his addiction just seems to have taken over. I really need advice - do I stay with him or get out of the relationship before it turns long-distance, although I love him, is he worth the effort?
So i've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, and he's smoked weed since he was 16 (he's 22 now, im 18) - but when our relationship started he completely cut down - once every 3 weeks or so, not much, with his friends etc. He said that he'd never do it in front of me, not cause i didn't like it particularly (I really didn't care then), i think it was just because i dont do it so he didn't want to exclude me.
Recently, however, he's started to do a lot more, every day, and started making excuses not to see me because he wants to smoke without the 'guilt' of me being there and not liking it. His friend who is completely addicted dropped out of uni and came home, so he spends all his time smoking with him - even when I'm round he'll invite him over so he can smoke, which means we don't get that much time alone together.
I didn't say anything at first, but then i started suggesting that we maybe could do some things alone, as he's moving away, and I'm going to uni, so i feel like we should value the time we have. At first he agreed, even saying that he wouldn't smoke as his avoidance of me because of it was hurting so much - but now he's developed an 'I mayaswell smoke loads before i move as i won't be doing it there' attitude so I feel even more pushed away.
I am aware that it's an addiction, and so I can't just expect him to stop, but I'm finding it really hard to be supportive as he doesn't really want to try.
Basically my dilemma is this - I'm meant to be going to live with him in his new house this summer, but now we're really not getting on. Does his unwillingness to compromise with me show that he's not worth going to live with, and being really serious about, or will it all change when he stops smoking, and go back to the way things were (amazing).
Apart from all the class C drugs stuff he really is a lovely guy, his addiction just seems to have taken over. I really need advice - do I stay with him or get out of the relationship before it turns long-distance, although I love him, is he worth the effort?
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flowergirl
(sorry this is really long - needed to get off my chest i guess!)
So i've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, and he's smoked weed since he was 16 (he's 22 now, im 18) - but when our relationship started he completely cut down - once every 3 weeks or so, not much, with his friends etc. He said that he'd never do it in front of me, not cause i didn't like it particularly (I really didn't care then), i think it was just because i dont do it so he didn't want to exclude me.
Recently, however, he's started to do a lot more, every day, and started making excuses not to see me because he wants to smoke without the 'guilt' of me being there and not liking it. His friend who is completely addicted dropped out of uni and came home, so he spends all his time smoking with him - even when I'm round he'll invite him over so he can smoke, which means we don't get that much time alone together.
I didn't say anything at first, but then i started suggesting that we maybe could do some things alone, as he's moving away, and I'm going to uni, so i feel like we should value the time we have. At first he agreed, even saying that he wouldn't smoke as his avoidance of me because of it was hurting so much - but now he's developed an 'I mayaswell smoke loads before i move as i won't be doing it there' attitude so I feel even more pushed away.
I am aware that it's an addiction, and so I can't just expect him to stop, but I'm finding it really hard to be supportive as he doesn't really want to try.
Basically my dilemma is this - I'm meant to be going to live with him in his new house this summer, but now we're really not getting on. Does his unwillingness to compromise with me show that he's not worth going to live with, and being really serious about, or will it all change when he stops smoking, and go back to the way things were (amazing).
Apart from all the class C drugs stuff he really is a lovely guy, his addiction just seems to have taken over. I really need advice - do I stay with him or get out of the relationship before it turns long-distance, although I love him, is he worth the effort?
So i've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, and he's smoked weed since he was 16 (he's 22 now, im 18) - but when our relationship started he completely cut down - once every 3 weeks or so, not much, with his friends etc. He said that he'd never do it in front of me, not cause i didn't like it particularly (I really didn't care then), i think it was just because i dont do it so he didn't want to exclude me.
Recently, however, he's started to do a lot more, every day, and started making excuses not to see me because he wants to smoke without the 'guilt' of me being there and not liking it. His friend who is completely addicted dropped out of uni and came home, so he spends all his time smoking with him - even when I'm round he'll invite him over so he can smoke, which means we don't get that much time alone together.
I didn't say anything at first, but then i started suggesting that we maybe could do some things alone, as he's moving away, and I'm going to uni, so i feel like we should value the time we have. At first he agreed, even saying that he wouldn't smoke as his avoidance of me because of it was hurting so much - but now he's developed an 'I mayaswell smoke loads before i move as i won't be doing it there' attitude so I feel even more pushed away.
I am aware that it's an addiction, and so I can't just expect him to stop, but I'm finding it really hard to be supportive as he doesn't really want to try.
Basically my dilemma is this - I'm meant to be going to live with him in his new house this summer, but now we're really not getting on. Does his unwillingness to compromise with me show that he's not worth going to live with, and being really serious about, or will it all change when he stops smoking, and go back to the way things were (amazing).
Apart from all the class C drugs stuff he really is a lovely guy, his addiction just seems to have taken over. I really need advice - do I stay with him or get out of the relationship before it turns long-distance, although I love him, is he worth the effort?
Its only a psycological addiction as appose to a genuine one, tell him how you feel and see how it goes, as its only psycological he should be able to stop. To me a 22 year old who smokes weed all the time sounds like a waster?
lol hes got a good career and stuff, more of a leisure time waster i guess.
Good point about it being a psychological condition, i suppose if he actually wanted to stop he could.
I did talk to him about it a few times but after a while it didnt really make an impression. argh. im confused.
Good point about it being a psychological condition, i suppose if he actually wanted to stop he could.
I did talk to him about it a few times but after a while it didnt really make an impression. argh. im confused.
First off, he's not addicted like you can get addicted to alcohol or nicotine, so there is physical reason why if it's a real problem for you and he really wants to stay with you, (more than he wants to smoke) he won't drop the weed and jump into your arms.
So bluntly, he doesn't need to be "supported" because he's deciding to do it, if it's a problem and you tell him why you don't like it and he won't stop then he's choosing drugs over you so maybe you don't have the best relationship in the world...
So bluntly, he doesn't need to be "supported" because he's deciding to do it, if it's a problem and you tell him why you don't like it and he won't stop then he's choosing drugs over you so maybe you don't have the best relationship in the world...
Babe! Get out of there as soon as poss! I have been there done that and got the emotional scars from the ****e relationship which refuses to leave me!
Weed smokers are on a different wave length to those of us who don't, they don't see it as a problem until they get so paranoid and broken inside that they realise how far they have pushed you away. (and as for those who say it isn't a 'real' addiction, that changes NOTHING!)
You will feel guilty and maybe like me even two/three years down the line think about it still, that's what he will want. Not to hurt you, but because it will make him feel needed and 'normal'. He probably isn't a bad person but if you are feeling this way you need to get out of there.
I'm so sorry.
Weed smokers are on a different wave length to those of us who don't, they don't see it as a problem until they get so paranoid and broken inside that they realise how far they have pushed you away. (and as for those who say it isn't a 'real' addiction, that changes NOTHING!)
You will feel guilty and maybe like me even two/three years down the line think about it still, that's what he will want. Not to hurt you, but because it will make him feel needed and 'normal'. He probably isn't a bad person but if you are feeling this way you need to get out of there.
I'm so sorry.
if he does it that often he will be addicted to the nicotine.
and weed smokers are on a different wavelength?? weed isnt bad in moderation. its about as dangerous as alcohol.
and weed smokers are on a different wavelength?? weed isnt bad in moderation. its about as dangerous as alcohol.
Its not so easy as to just leave him, im in the same situation my bf cant function in the morning untill he has a spliff. He will have at least two a day and drinks and takes other stuff on top of it. But i cant leave him because when we together we get on amazingly and he makes me so so happy, i cant just walk away.
Elipsis
Its only a psycological addiction as appose to a genuine one
A psychological addiction IS a genuine addiction. Many people appear to believe that a physical addiction is much worse than a psychological one. This is not true. Physical addiction is due to the body forming extra neural receptors in response to a drug, making it painful to stop using it, whereas a psychological addiction arises because the drug disturbes the brain's dopamin and/or serotonin balance, making it extremely tempting to use the drug again. Probably surprising to many people here, cocaine , a very addictive drug, is mainly psychologically addictive (i.e the brain doesn't develop more receptors in response to the drug) . That doesn't make the addiction less of a concern however. On the contrary, giving up cocaine is concidered way harder than giving up nicotine. Don't be fooled. If a drug is "just" psychologicaly addictive and not physically addictive, it could still be extremely habbit forming and difficult to quit.
That something is "not physically addictive" does not mean that it doesn't affect the neurochemistry of the brain. It simply means that the numbers of receptors responding to the drug does not tend to increase as a result of the abuse. Similairly, it could still cause very painful withdrawal sympthoms.
Jonatan
Many people appear to believe that a physical addiction is much worse than a psychological one. This is not true.
Actually, a physical addiction is worse because the withdrawal symptoms are far worse.
Anonymous
Actually, a physical addiction is worse because the withdrawal symptoms are far worse.
Did you read my post? It depends on the drug in question, and is not simply a matter of wether it is "Physical" or "Psychological" addiction. Furthermore, the withdrawal sympthoms are not a simple consequence of how physically addictive a drug is. As an example, nicotine is more addictive than alcohol in the sense that it forms and addiction more rapidly, however, once addicted to alcohol, the withdrawal sympthoms are usually much worse than what they are for cigarettes. The brain's response to drugs is very complicated, and it is definately not the case that you can deduce how bad an addiction is from the type of addiction alone.
Anonymous
Its not so easy as to just leave him, im in the same situation my bf cant function in the morning untill he has a spliff. He will have at least two a day and drinks and takes other stuff on top of it. But i cant leave him because when we together we get on amazingly and he makes me so so happy, i cant just walk away.
Youre preaching to the choir right here sugar! I was in exactly the same situation 2 years ago with a boy 2 years older than me, he was in the same way, couldnt function without weed. It didnt bother me at first cause i used to smoke it with him but his habit got worse and worse and i realised that for me it was just a phase but for him it was literally becoming his life. He also did cocain for a short period of time. However, i started to realise that, even though on the surface i felt we were really similar, all of the things i wanted out of my life were totally different to him. He'd tell me he wanted to get a good job and have a family but said he wanted to also carry on living the way he does with his drugs habit-whenever i tell him he cant have the best of both worlds (if there really is a 'best' part of his excessive cannabis use) he would get aggressive and defensive and thats when i realised we had nothing in common anymore. Even though i know hes a really nice, good, kind person underneath its the weed that defines him-whenever anyone he knows thinks of him they think of weed and i think thats fairly upsetting.
My point is that i know how hard it can be when you know a person really well and you feel really strongly about them but their flaws repeatedly let you down-it hurts. I'm still quite close to this boy and i feel like a horrible human being because he still cares a lot for me but i push him away because i cant deal with his problems and that i should support him more but it wouldnt do him any good to encourage him in what he does and hide how i feel about it. Hopefully, your lad will reach a turning point where he realises what hes doing isnt good for him (or anyone else) but it'll probably take something pretty huge to make him do that. However, i really think you should get out of it if, like me, you realise that maybe you werent as happy as you thought you were with him.
Either way i hope things work out well for you and youre happy with the choices you make
x x
LostRiot
First off, he's not addicted like you can get addicted to alcohol or nicotine, so there is physical reason why if it's a real problem for you and he really wants to stay with you, (more than he wants to smoke) he won't drop the weed and jump into your arms.
So bluntly, he doesn't need to be "supported" because he's deciding to do it, if it's a problem and you tell him why you don't like it and he won't stop then he's choosing drugs over you so maybe you don't have the best relationship in the world...
So bluntly, he doesn't need to be "supported" because he's deciding to do it, if it's a problem and you tell him why you don't like it and he won't stop then he's choosing drugs over you so maybe you don't have the best relationship in the world...
nice pun
If he carries on with the drugs, he's going to make you unhappy.
If he is going to make you happy, he has to quit the drugs.
So it basically comes down to the drugs or his girlfriend. Try and make him see what he's doing to you, and his friends and family too. Most weed users don't consider it a problem, even if everyone around them does. It's a horrid waste.
If he is going to make you happy, he has to quit the drugs.
So it basically comes down to the drugs or his girlfriend. Try and make him see what he's doing to you, and his friends and family too. Most weed users don't consider it a problem, even if everyone around them does. It's a horrid waste.
flowergirl
(sorry this is really long - needed to get off my chest i guess!)
So i've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, and he's smoked weed since he was 16 (he's 22 now, im 18) - but when our relationship started he completely cut down - once every 3 weeks or so, not much, with his friends etc. He said that he'd never do it in front of me, not cause i didn't like it particularly (I really didn't care then), i think it was just because i dont do it so he didn't want to exclude me.
Recently, however, he's started to do a lot more, every day, and started making excuses not to see me because he wants to smoke without the 'guilt' of me being there and not liking it. His friend who is completely addicted dropped out of uni and came home, so he spends all his time smoking with him - even when I'm round he'll invite him over so he can smoke, which means we don't get that much time alone together.
I didn't say anything at first, but then i started suggesting that we maybe could do some things alone, as he's moving away, and I'm going to uni, so i feel like we should value the time we have. At first he agreed, even saying that he wouldn't smoke as his avoidance of me because of it was hurting so much - but now he's developed an 'I mayaswell smoke loads before i move as i won't be doing it there' attitude so I feel even more pushed away.
I am aware that it's an addiction, and so I can't just expect him to stop, but I'm finding it really hard to be supportive as he doesn't really want to try.
Basically my dilemma is this - I'm meant to be going to live with him in his new house this summer, but now we're really not getting on. Does his unwillingness to compromise with me show that he's not worth going to live with, and being really serious about, or will it all change when he stops smoking, and go back to the way things were (amazing).
Apart from all the class C drugs stuff he really is a lovely guy, his addiction just seems to have taken over. I really need advice - do I stay with him or get out of the relationship before it turns long-distance, although I love him, is he worth the effort?
So i've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, and he's smoked weed since he was 16 (he's 22 now, im 18) - but when our relationship started he completely cut down - once every 3 weeks or so, not much, with his friends etc. He said that he'd never do it in front of me, not cause i didn't like it particularly (I really didn't care then), i think it was just because i dont do it so he didn't want to exclude me.
Recently, however, he's started to do a lot more, every day, and started making excuses not to see me because he wants to smoke without the 'guilt' of me being there and not liking it. His friend who is completely addicted dropped out of uni and came home, so he spends all his time smoking with him - even when I'm round he'll invite him over so he can smoke, which means we don't get that much time alone together.
I didn't say anything at first, but then i started suggesting that we maybe could do some things alone, as he's moving away, and I'm going to uni, so i feel like we should value the time we have. At first he agreed, even saying that he wouldn't smoke as his avoidance of me because of it was hurting so much - but now he's developed an 'I mayaswell smoke loads before i move as i won't be doing it there' attitude so I feel even more pushed away.
I am aware that it's an addiction, and so I can't just expect him to stop, but I'm finding it really hard to be supportive as he doesn't really want to try.
Basically my dilemma is this - I'm meant to be going to live with him in his new house this summer, but now we're really not getting on. Does his unwillingness to compromise with me show that he's not worth going to live with, and being really serious about, or will it all change when he stops smoking, and go back to the way things were (amazing).
Apart from all the class C drugs stuff he really is a lovely guy, his addiction just seems to have taken over. I really need advice - do I stay with him or get out of the relationship before it turns long-distance, although I love him, is he worth the effort?
Hmm....
A friend of mine used to do hash every three months but he can quite easily go without it. Now, his brother used to take it and it mucked him up concerning his memory and psyche. He's a really nice guy his brother and has just given up.
I gathered the impression that cannabis is not an addictive drug but then again, I'm not sure. Some people react differently to drugs than others. Take my mum and dad. Both smoked at some point before I was born. (cigarettes not hash, lol) My mum found it hard to give it up and my dad could just stop like that.
Anyhow, I'm not quite addressing the issue. Your boyfriend needs some serious professional help and he needs to be willing to receive it. In the end, I think it quite sadly comes down to an ultimatum of you and the drug.
So tempted to call the guy a loser 'cause he reminds me of my first boyfriend in a sense but I won't. I don't know the guy.
Dez
If he carries on with the drugs, he's going to make you unhappy.
If he is going to make you happy, he has to quit the drugs.
So it basically comes down to the drugs or his girlfriend. Try and make him see what he's doing to you, and his friends and family too. Most weed users don't consider it a problem, even if everyone around them does. It's a horrid waste.
If he is going to make you happy, he has to quit the drugs.
So it basically comes down to the drugs or his girlfriend. Try and make him see what he's doing to you, and his friends and family too. Most weed users don't consider it a problem, even if everyone around them does. It's a horrid waste.
Abosolutely! Thats why its so hard to try and make them see how you feel
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