Girl was in LDR, Now single... Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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This girl I recently met on my course was in an LDR on my course. I was quite gutted when I found out because we were getting along quite well and she was always up for going out and such. She also isn't a stuck up, up her arse, slutty ***** that my University seems to be full of.

Anyway yeah so her LDR was quite a distance away in another country and she recently went to go visit him. Came back and they'd broken up (her decision.) I could see she was visibly upset (holding back tears) so I broke my usual demeanor of "be a bit of a **** to girls then throw some niceness in towards the end of the meet" and told her that if she feels down or needs a cry then she can call me anytime and I'll do my best to cheer her up.

So the main reason I'm posting is that I am ****ing terrible with girls I actually like. I've had 5 girlfriends, multiple **** buddies and ONS. None of my relationships have EVER started from me telling the girl I want to take her out or whatever. They've started from her liking me, me not noticing then on a night out getting together. Having sex, then casual sex, then the girl telling me she wants it to be exclusive and wants to be called my girlfriend.

However I'm 25 now, I want to do things properly. I want to take her out and such but I also want to be considerate that she needs time to get over her LDR (which was a long relationship too) but also don't want to be thrown into the dreaded friendzone.
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pinkbullets
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This girl I recently met on my course was in an LDR on my course. I was quite gutted when I found out because we were getting along quite well and she was always up for going out and such. She also isn't a stuck up, up her arse, slutty ***** that my University seems to be full of.

Anyway yeah so her LDR was quite a distance away in another country and she recently went to go visit him. Came back and they'd broken up (her decision.) I could see she was visibly upset (holding back tears) so I broke my usual demeanor of "be a bit of a **** to girls then throw some niceness in towards the end of the meet" and told her that if she feels down or needs a cry then she can call me anytime and I'll do my best to cheer her up.

So the main reason I'm posting is that I am ****ing terrible with girls I actually like. I've had 5 girlfriends, multiple **** buddies and ONS. None of my relationships have EVER started from me telling the girl I want to take her out or whatever. They've started from her liking me, me not noticing then on a night out getting together. Having sex, then casual sex, then the girl telling me she wants it to be exclusive and wants to be called my girlfriend.

However I'm 25 now, I want to do things properly. I want to take her out and such but I also want to be considerate that she needs time to get over her LDR (which was a long relationship too) but also don't want to be thrown into the dreaded friendzone.
Well, she's probably going to need a while to get over her last relationship. You don't want to end up being her rebound, which rarely ever works out. Likewise, you will end up getting friend zoned if she takes you up on your offer for being a shoulder to cry on. A girl who has feelings for a guy will never ever cry about another guy in front of him.

I'd advise you to keep a respectable distance for a month or so. Obviously still be friendly and talk to her in university and stuff but leave her to get over her ex. Then, you can pursue her.
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Lotus_Eater
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This girl I recently met on my course was in an LDR on my course. I was quite gutted when I found out because we were getting along quite well and she was always up for going out and such. She also isn't a stuck up, up her arse, slutty ***** that my University seems to be full of.
Is it just impossible for some people to start a thread without including a misogynistic rant? Given that you are effectively asking for help then it would probably improve the quality of replies if you didn't launch in with sweeping statements that frankly make me think you have serious issues with women and that this girl is better off without you.

I'm sorry to be blunt but we shouldn't accept the normalisation of this sort of abuse.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Lotus_Eater)
Is it just impossible for some people to start a thread without including a misogynistic rant? Given that you are effectively asking for help then it would probably improve the quality of replies if you didn't launch in with sweeping statements that frankly make me think you have serious issues with women and that this girl is better off without you.

I'm sorry to be blunt but we shouldn't accept the normalisation of this sort of abuse.
I have no problem with women, they're awesome. 2 of my best friends are girls and the majority of my friend group here is full of girls. I also work at a pub and love the bar girls because they are genuine.

I however do have a problem with girls that consider themselves to be on a "higher level" or believe that everyone else owes them something just because they have a pretty face and a nice body.

For example: One of my mates Eric has an awesome personality, he is ridiculously funny and isn't a bad looking guy however he is pretty short. He pulled a genuine nice looking girl on a night out but one of her stuckupherarse friends literally said infront of everyone "Woah wait...you aren't going home with him are you...oh dear you need to get some standards Frankie" I had to hold my friend Emily back from slapping her round the face.

I've been warned off females at my university by OTHER FEMALES because of how disgusting they are. One girl at halls slept with 18 different guys IN A WEEK Aparrently she averaged about 10 a week, was ridiculously loud and was found multiple times bent over the kitchen (shared) table getting pounded by some guy.

sorry but thats just disgusting.
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Studentus-anonymous
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Girls lie about other girls.
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Quilt
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At the moment I'd suggest just being friendly, maybe offer to take her out but not as a date, as a way of taking her mind off her break up and cheering her up. Don't make it seem like you're jumping in her exes grave!

Just a random thought that might be so far from the truth, but I'm just wondering, did she tell you why they broke up? Maybe it was because she feels she's getting closer with you?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Quilt)
At the moment I'd suggest just being friendly, maybe offer to take her out but not as a date, as a way of taking her mind off her break up and cheering her up. Don't make it seem like you're jumping in her exes grave!
Thats essentially what I've done so far. I haven't said "Hey, so whats hurting you about your ex or whatever" as I don't want to remind her about it. I've stated that if she needs a distraction then to give me a call.

[QUOTE=Quilt;45244032Just a random thought that might be so far from the truth, but I'm just wondering, did she tell you why they broke up? Maybe it was because she feels she's getting closer with you?[/QUOTE]

No she didn't, she just said they'd broken up. I doubt it, i've seen her outside of work once, possibly twice. She's invited me round hers once but that was because I couldn't get home. We do drink/chat after work.

The most thats happened is that me, her and a coupe others went to a party after uni (when she still had an LDR) she got far too drunk then took MD. I've been doing it for awhile so can handle the amount we had but she started slurring/eyes rolling back and collapsing on the floor/unable to get up.

One of the older mature guys kept trying to get off with her so I essentially got lairy at him saying she's in no state for that and that he was a **** as she has a boyfriend and all that. We squared off but I think he realized he was far too ****ed to fight and backed off. I looked after her after that but yeah I doubt she remembers that.

Anyway she's just invited me out tomorrow night so hopefully that will go well
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Quilt
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thats essentially what I've done so far. I haven't said "Hey, so whats hurting you about your ex or whatever" as I don't want to remind her about it. I've stated that if she needs a distraction then to give me a call.



No she didn't, she just said they'd broken up. I doubt it, i've seen her outside of work once, possibly twice. She's invited me round hers once but that was because I couldn't get home. We do drink/chat after work.

The most thats happened is that me, her and a coupe others went to a party after uni (when she still had an LDR) she got far too drunk then took MD. I've been doing it for awhile so can handle the amount we had but she started slurring/eyes rolling back and collapsing on the floor/unable to get up.

One of the older mature guys kept trying to get off with her so I essentially got lairy at him saying she's in no state for that and that he was a **** as she has a boyfriend and all that. We squared off but I think he realized he was far too ****ed to fight and backed off. I looked after her after that but yeah I doubt she remembers that.

Anyway she's just invited me out tomorrow night so hopefully that will go well
That's good then, you don't wanna be the rebound guy but she clearly likes you and you like her, so maybe there's a possibility for something in the future when her breakup isn't so fresh.

That's really good of you, I'm sure she heard about it from the other people that were with you and really appreciated it .

Good luck!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by nopenopenope)
holy **** not sherrif srs

dat der whiteknight

brb jumping on gleaming white horse
brb saving damsels
Nope, I just have 3 sisters and know what happens/how horrible it is for them if they get taken advantage of whilst they have boyfriends. Also I'm not a ****

(Original post by pinkbullets)
A girl who has feelings for a guy will never ever cry about another guy in front of him.
She hasn't done that but has asked me if I think she's done the right thing regarding her boyfriend. I just stated that its not anyones decision but hers so I won't be answering the question.
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Daniellejo.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This girl I recently met on my course was in an LDR on my course. I was quite gutted when I found out because we were getting along quite well and she was always up for going out and such. She also isn't a stuck up, up her arse, slutty ***** that my University seems to be full of.

Anyway yeah so her LDR was quite a distance away in another country and she recently went to go visit him. Came back and they'd broken up (her decision.) I could see she was visibly upset (holding back tears) so I broke my usual demeanor of "be a bit of a **** to girls then throw some niceness in towards the end of the meet" and told her that if she feels down or needs a cry then she can call me anytime and I'll do my best to cheer her up.

So the main reason I'm posting is that I am ****ing terrible with girls I actually like. I've had 5 girlfriends, multiple **** buddies and ONS. None of my relationships have EVER started from me telling the girl I want to take her out or whatever. They've started from her liking me, me not noticing then on a night out getting together. Having sex, then casual sex, then the girl telling me she wants it to be exclusive and wants to be called my girlfriend.

However I'm 25 now, I want to do things properly. I want to take her out and such but I also want to be considerate that she needs time to get over her LDR (which was a long relationship too) but also don't want to be thrown into the dreaded friendzone.
"I am ****ing terrible with girls I actually like"
I don't understand why, you sound lovely.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Daniellejo.)
"I am ****ing terrible with girls I actually like"
I don't understand why, you sound lovely.
I treat girls how they treat me. Simple, I was seeing a girl last year that I actually quite liked and thought she did too but then she started sending me texts such as "You're a ****ing ****" and "Don't need you anymore, found another guy tonight. He's amazing."

These sort of situations happen to every guy at my uni because the MAJORITY (not all) of the girls there are very beautiful but are arrogant about it.
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Rock Fan
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Keep this sensible and on topic, any spam posts will be removed and it will result in this thread being locked, thanks.
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SoftPunch
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This girl I recently met on my course was in an LDR on my course. I was quite gutted when I found out because we were getting along quite well and she was always up for going out and such. She also isn't a stuck up, up her arse, slutty ***** that my University seems to be full of.

Anyway yeah so her LDR was quite a distance away in another country and she recently went to go visit him. Came back and they'd broken up (her decision.) I could see she was visibly upset (holding back tears) so I broke my usual demeanor of "be a bit of a **** to girls then throw some niceness in towards the end of the meet" and told her that if she feels down or needs a cry then she can call me anytime and I'll do my best to cheer her up.

So the main reason I'm posting is that I am ****ing terrible with girls I actually like. I've had 5 girlfriends, multiple **** buddies and ONS. None of my relationships have EVER started from me telling the girl I want to take her out or whatever. They've started from her liking me, me not noticing then on a night out getting together. Having sex, then casual sex, then the girl telling me she wants it to be exclusive and wants to be called my girlfriend.

However I'm 25 now, I want to do things properly. I want to take her out and such but I also want to be considerate that she needs time to get over her LDR (which was a long relationship too) but also don't want to be thrown into the dreaded friendzone.
Okay, but how can I help here? What's the question? :dontknow:
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It's****ingWOODY
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Rule #1 of avoiding the friendzone: NEVER offer a "shoulder to cry on".
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