My boyfriend is a bit....thick Watch

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Sherlock-05
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Hi fellow students

I'm 20 years old and my boyfriend, of almost a year, is 21.
We were friends for 2 years and met in University.
And i love him to pieces!
But recently i've noticed something that has been shocking me.

I've always known that my boyfriend is dyslexic and i've been totally fine with that. I even help him with his essay writing. He wants to be a teacher, which I think, is BRILLIANT! and i totally support his brave and noble decision.

I know a few dyslexics, and all are very intelligent. But my boyfriend isn't as intelligent and i DONT think its due to dyslexia....

Recently i realised that he thought Queen Victoria was our current queen!
And he isnt aware of any history, geography, or much science.

I love him still, but i cant help think deep down i would want my children to have more of a grasp than him, I hate thinking this but sometimes what comes out of his mouth shocks me. Its almost as if i have to teach him things myself, for example; how to iron a shirt, how to use a cooker and a tumble dryer, and how to actually speak properly. Because sometimes in public, when he says things, people look at us and laugh.. Its so embarrassing and my heart breaks when i see him oblivious to it.

He comes from a working class background and i come from a middle class background. Ive met his family and they are worse than him, i don't think they care much for education, but in my family it was firmly disciplined. I also believe that his family are dyslexic too.Their English is quite bad.
I feel awful bringing this up but i tried to gently put it to him, that if we had kids, (which he is eager to have) i would want them to have a proper education and to achieve good grades, and to not be limited by his family's background of no education.

He gets very defensive of his family, and i find it very hard to put it to him that his family aren't exactly Einsteins.

I only achieved a few A's, then more B's and C's, so i don't expect him to be a genius.

This is putting a real strain on our relationship and i feel that in the future, we might end up being an uneducated chav family, like his family if i don't try and push him to reach his full potential which i really believe he has.

Help!
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-TheSpecialOne-
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This is so rude lol.

Posted from TSR Mobile
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Plumstone
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First rule of being in a relationship: you have to be happy with the person you're with, not the person they could be.

I've known a few people who wanted their partners to change, often they thought they were trying to help them reach their full potential, but it never works out.

I'm not saying that either of you are wrong or bad, you just don't sound particularly compatible, largely because your values seem so out of sync.
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thatrollingstone
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Honestly speaking, I don't see much of a future in this. There's nothing you can do to drastically change the way he is. Either you would have to accept him and his family and be completely happy with it, or you break up nicely and find someone of a more equal intelligence/knowledge level.
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natninja
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knowledge=/=intelligence. Maybe he doesn't know much because he has been kept ignorant due to poor education and lack of access to information about current affairs?
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Quilt
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You don't need to tell him how his family are, he probably already knows, after all they're HIS family! That'd be a pretty insensitive and unnecessary thing to do, telling him his family is thick doesn't change anything for you and will only make him feel down and degraded by you no matter how you say it.

I'm dyslexic and often find that people point out things I've said wrong and I've not even realised, it's a common thing and dyslexia can often be found to run in families, which would explain why you feel his parents don't speak proper English.

You say his family doesn't much concern themselves with Education, so maybe that's why your boyfriend isn't as book-smart as you because he wasn't pushed to be, but I think worrying about your children is silly. A huge (imo, I agree with Nurture over Nature) part of somebodies intellect is based on how they're brought up and taught.

Not everybody in the world is book smart, and it doesn't matter at all. I'm sure you love him for other reasons, so focus on that and I wouldn't bring this up because it's quite mean.
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Lotus_Eater
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(Original post by Sherlock-05)

He gets very defensive of his family, and i find it very hard to put it to him that his family aren't exactly Einsteins.

I only achieved a few A's, then more B's and C's, so i don't expect him to be a genius.

This is putting a real strain on our relationship and i feel that in the future, we might end up being an uneducated chav family, like his family if i don't try and push him to reach his full potential which i really believe he has.

Help!
I can see why he gets defensive! And this from an email that opens with a declaration that you 'love him to pieces'. I'd dread to think what you write about people you don't like!

Rather than criticise him for what he doesn't know, why not celebrate what he does know? He's come from a background where academic success isn't the norm yet managed to get himself to University and is considering a career in teaching. That sounds like a considerable achievement to me.

Okay there's gaps in his knowledge, but it doesn't sound like he's wilfully stupid. And I imagine some very bright men couldn't iron a shirt to save their lives.

You can want your children to do well without having it be about his family background. If he succeeds at becoming a teacher then it seems unlikely that your children would be discouraged from doing well at school.

I think you should lay off him. You're talking about children and a future together, and that's super. But don't end up haranguing him. Otherwise he might be susceptible to the charms of someone else who doesn't belittle him and those non-academic children will became decidedly academic. But not in a good way!
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Daniellejo.
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(Original post by Sherlock-05)
Hi fellow students

I'm 20 years old and my boyfriend, of almost a year, is 21.
We were friends for 2 years and met in University.
And i love him to pieces!
But recently i've noticed something that has been shocking me.

I've always known that my boyfriend is dyslexic and i've been totally fine with that. I even help him with his essay writing. He wants to be a teacher, which I think, is BRILLIANT! and i totally support his brave and noble decision.

I know a few dyslexics, and all are very intelligent. But my boyfriend isn't as intelligent and i DONT think its due to dyslexia....

Recently i realised that he thought Queen Victoria was our current queen!
And he isnt aware of any history, geography, or much science.

I love him still, but i cant help think deep down i would want my children to have more of a grasp than him, I hate thinking this but sometimes what comes out of his mouth shocks me. Its almost as if i have to teach him things myself, for example; how to iron a shirt, how to use a cooker and a tumble dryer, and how to actually speak properly. Because sometimes in public, when he says things, people look at us and laugh.. Its so embarrassing and my heart breaks when i see him oblivious to it.

He comes from a working class background and i come from a middle class background. Ive met his family and they are worse than him, i don't think they care much for education, but in my family it was firmly disciplined. I also believe that his family are dyslexic too.Their English is quite bad.
I feel awful bringing this up but i tried to gently put it to him, that if we had kids, (which he is eager to have) i would want them to have a proper education and to achieve good grades, and to not be limited by his family's background of no education.

He gets very defensive of his family, and i find it very hard to put it to him that his family aren't exactly Einsteins.

I only achieved a few A's, then more B's and C's, so i don't expect him to be a genius.

This is putting a real strain on our relationship and i feel that in the future, we might end up being an uneducated chav family, like his family if i don't try and push him to reach his full potential which i really believe he has.

Help!
What the hell is saying to make strangers point and laugh at him, assuming that he doesn't have some kind of disability (not including dyslexia)?
I really can't believe this is true unless you're hanging around some really pretentious people.
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chocolatesauce
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are you sure he's not Joey Essex?
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Pedd
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Everyone has their knowledge gaps. I for one am absolutely awful at Geography and any 'common-sense activities'.

You probably don't know what you yourself don't know; it's likely that you have a deficit of knowledge in a certain area that your boyfriend could probably gap.

Regardless, if this is an issue that infuriates you so much then you really have three options:

1) break up with him

2) buy a chalkboard and teach him

3) realise that it is actually such an insignificant thing and move on from the issue

Best of luck!
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member1201401
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This isn't book smarts, it's common knowledge. An old friend of mine was somewhat intelligent, got good grades (A's/A*'s) and had a good education, yet he was as thick--didn't know what the Commonwealth is, where Alaska is (despite having an A Level Geography exam focusing on it a few hours later), thought South Africa was a continent etc. He also had dyslexia (and Aspergers).

Without knowing the guy I don't think the situation would improve.
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Guy Secretan
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give other examples of stupid things he has said
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Seathestars
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If you can't tolerate his flaws then yeah it's probably better you're not with him.
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DorianGrayism
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(Original post by Sherlock-05)
Help!
I am not sure how we can stop you from being a snob. Sorry.
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A5ko
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Can I just point out that general knowledge is not a good indicator of intelligence.

He may know nothing of the Monarchy (or give a crap about it) but he may have a sound understanding of astrophysics.

Some people don't know things because they have no desire to find out the answers. To some, basic geography isn't at all interesting.
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Al-Mudaari
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Sorry, but not knowing something as insignificant and boring as who the Queen of England is doesn't necessarily equate to a lack of intelligence.
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a10
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lol wth, and you say you love him?

yeah okay then.
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stargirl63
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OP I understand where you're coming from. For me intelligence and being able to debate and share knowledge is a big thing. They don't have to be super smart, but they do need to be someone that I can learn from, whether in educational, life or emotional aspects. I would date someone on that sort of level.

You knew he was dyslexic when you first got together, why is it suddenly getting to you now?

If you have issues, I would recommend that you just break it off, if you can't get over the fact that he carries himself in a different way to you.
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Alpha brah
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(Original post by Sherlock-05)
I feel awful bringing this up but i tried to gently put it to him, that if we had kids, (which he is eager to have) i would want them to have a proper education and to achieve good grades, and to not be limited by his family's background of no education.

He gets very defensive of his family, and i find it very hard to put it to him that his family aren't exactly Einsteins.
Why would you need to "put that to him" in the first place? What do you think is going to happen if you have kids, you're going to send them to a good school and his parents and siblings are somehow going to drag them out and erase all the knowledge from their minds? Jesus Christ :facepalm:

And why would you need to "put it to him that his family aren't exactly Einsteins?" You sound like you're being ridiculously snobby TBH.

I can completely see why he's "getting defensive," because you're being arrogant. I am all for good education, but you are turning stuff that does not need to be an issue (like his family background) into an issue.

And then why come and ***** about him on TSR? Do you expect most people here to have any sympathy this guy you profess to love so much "is a bit... thick?"

I find it hard to see how you love him as much as you claim if you can't even respect him.
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EmmaJaneTaylor
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You've just humiliated your boyfriend on the internet for everyone to see and he doesn't even know. What if he gets an account, sees this and kicks your a** to the pavement? That'd be a shame.
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