My boyfriend's parents won't let him move in with me! Watch

beccagood95
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So me, 2 of my uni friends (1 female, 1 male) and my boyfriend were going to share a flat next September, and found an amazing 3 bedroom flat. It's pretty inexpensive, beautifully decorated, great location and an amazing view from the windows.

So we're all ready to go, we've all signed contracts, although my boyfriend is yet to hand his in. This is due to the fact that he phoned his parents, and at first, when they thought it was 4 bedrooms, they were fine with it, but now they've learned that it's three bedrooms, they're not happy about it and won't sign his guarantor form.

He's pretty upset about this. He's scared that if he gets my parents to sign it for him, that his parents will never speak to him again, and he's getting pretty upset about this whole situation.

We've already discussed all the issues that could come about with living together, we've thought about it for a while, and by the time we move in together we'll have been together for 3 1/2 years and both be 19, and we would both really want to do this.
Since he's planning to go for a year abroad, living together would only be for a year anyway, and this way the rest of us can still live in the same flat since we won't need to find a new tenant.

He's been talking to his parents on the phone about this all evening, and apparently, his parents are going to phone mine? I think that's pretty ridiculous. I'm 18 years old...

It's frustrating. What can we do??!
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dazzer19
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Forge it
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Crumpet1
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They're probably concerned that if he's sharing a room with you, it will impact on both of your abilities to study. Why doesn't he get his own room in another nearby house, especially as it seems his parents are more than happy to pay for that. I'm sure he'll spend much of the time at your house anyway, but (a) both of you have a private place to study; and (b) you keep the in-laws happy. Win-win.
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PC2852
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Like you said, you're 18, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. If they fall out over a pathetic small thing like this then what else are they going to moan about? Just get your parents to sign it.
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beccagood95
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(Original post by Crumpet1)
They're probably concerned that if he's sharing a room with you, it will impact on both of your abilities to study. Why doesn't he get his own room in another nearby house, especially as it seems his parents are more than happy to pay for that. I'm sure he'll spend much of the time at your house anyway, but (a) both of you have a private place to study; and (b) you keep the in-laws happy. Win-win.
We'd already discussed study spaces.
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FlavaFavourFruit
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There's nothing you can really do apart from forge it but that will create further problems if caught out...is there a deadline to hand the signature in? If they call your parents then they may be hope that they'll change their decision.
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FlavaFavourFruit
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(Original post by PC2852)
Like you said, you're 18, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. If they fall out over a pathetic small thing like this then what else are they going to moan about? Just get your parents to sign it.
You haven't read the OP properly...
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Crumpet1
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(Original post by beccagood95)
We'd already discussed study spaces.
Okay, you are them. Your son is paying fees of £9,000 per year, and much the same in accommodation in living expenses per year, to be at university. He says he wants to live in the same room as his girlfriend next year. What are your concerns?
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beccagood95
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(Original post by Crumpet1)
Okay, you are them. Your son is paying fees of £9,000 per year, and much the same in accommodation in living expenses per year, to be at university. He says he wants to live in the same room as his girlfriend next year. What are your concerns?
I understand that they're concerned about him messing up his education (they had said this on the phone) and they only want what's best for him, but we have discussed this already. He is 18, and he should be allowed to make his own decisions. When I mentioned the possibility of us moving in together to my parents, they asked me a few questions about it, I talked it through with them and they said it was my decision and the only people that would know if this would work out is us.
I just feel like they're not discussing this with him, they're TELLING him and not letting him make his own decision... He's an adult, not a child, and while we're only 18, we are still old enough to think about this for ourselves.
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nic-nac
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Are his parents religious? Even if they're not they're right to have some concerns although you have been together for quite a while. I went on holiday with my boyfriend for 2 weeks and we needed our own space, let alone living together, especially if you're in a student house share with limited communal space. This will add stress onto the already stressful situation of moving and starting 2nd year of uni when they start piling the work on ! How did they find out it was only 3 rooms?
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Alfissti
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(Original post by beccagood95)
I just feel like they're not discussing this with him, they're TELLING him and not letting him make his own decision... He's an adult, not a child, and while we're only 18, we are still old enough to think about this for ourselves.
Who pays the rent and with what money?
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beccagood95
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(Original post by Alfissti)
Who pays the rent and with what money?
He pays the rent with his student loan...
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Alfissti
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(Original post by beccagood95)
He pays the rent with his student loan...
Get him to sit down and speak with his parents in a diplomatic manner, try to understand his parents point of view and address their concerns, he may be an adult by age but in his parents eyes he will always be their baby.

Being combative about it isn't going to win you or him any favours but rather reinforce in their minds that he isn't ready for something like this.

Though it is his money eventually they would have to pick up the pieces if it fails.
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beccagood95
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(Original post by Alfissti)
Get him to sit down and speak with his parents in a diplomatic manner, try to understand his parents point of view and address their concerns, he may be an adult by age but in his parents eyes he will always be their baby.

Being combative about it isn't going to win you or him any favours but rather reinforce in their minds that he isn't ready for something like this.

Though it is his money eventually they would have to pick up the pieces if it fails.
Yeah, I discussed this situation with my mother and she basically said that he needed to go home for the weekend and speak to his parents about this. (Although going home is a bit expensive, we're pretty far away.)
I think that might be the only way that they'll stop treating him like a child and more like an adult.
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little_wizard123
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Why do both of you have to get a guarantor when you're sharing a room? Seems a little odd. If you really want him to live with you, just sign it yourself as the three of you and get him to pay you half of whatever you pay. I presumed this is what you would've done anyway!
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Spongebob'sPants
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To be fair, i can see why his parents are against this.

To actually live together in the same room doesnt sound the best of ideas while studying, as fun as it may seem for you both.
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PC2852
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(Original post by FlavaFavourFruit)
You haven't read the OP properly...
I read it just fine.
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FlavaFavourFruit
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(Original post by PC2852)
I read it just fine.
Her parents have already signed it, it's the bf parents that haven't signed it.

Read it again.
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superwolf
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(Original post by FlavaFavourFruit)
Her parents have already signed it, it's the bf parents that haven't signed it.

Read it again.
Suggest you reread it yourself - PC2852 means (I presume) 'just get OP's parents to sign for her boyfriend', not for her parents to sign her own guarantor form, which has already been done.

OP I agree with your mum - your boyfriend needs to talk this over with his parents, preferably in person, and make sure they all know where each other stands before any major decisions are made.
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FlavaFavourFruit
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(Original post by superwolf)
Suggest you reread it yourself - PC2852 means (I presume) 'just get OP's parents to sign for her boyfriend', not for her parents to sign her own guarantor form, which has already been done.

OP I agree with your mum - your boyfriend needs to talk this over with his parents, preferably in person, and make sure they all know where each other stands before any major decisions are made.
Well I interpreted it differently...
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