Can't get over girlfriend and flatmate Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
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Basically me and this girl have recently started going out after being very close over the summer, however in the first few weeks at uni while we were still talking she got with one of her flatmates.

She told me that this made her realise that she wanted to be with me properly, and exclusively, but tbh before we even had that chat I didn't get with anyone for months as we were so close.

I agreed to the relationship at the time but now it plays on my mind so much, she's in his display picture on facebook and she retweets like all his tweets. I know what she did was before we were properly in a relationship, so I can't be mad, I just need help getting over it as atm I don't even want to visit her as I think I may kick the **** out of the lad if I have a few drinks in me.

Help.
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SteelCookie
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So what is it that you need help with..?
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Paralove
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(Original post by SteelCookie)
So what is it that you need help with..?
Anger issues if he'd beat up the guy if he sees him, apparently...

OP, get over it. You weren't together. You have no say. It's going to be very similar with other girls in future and it's not like she was your first (I assume) nor you hers, so if you're gonna worry about one guy she's slept with you might as well obsess over the others too. Which of course does absolutely nothing but ruin your relationship.


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pennyyy
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I've always got on with lads and love being good mates with them. I enjoy being around lads. Maybe your girlfriend is the same? I like having mates that are lads, but I will never cheat on my boyfriend
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Viva Emptiness
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Basically me and this girl have recently started going out after being very close over the summer, however in the first few weeks at uni while we were still talking she got with one of her flatmates.

She told me that this made her realise that she wanted to be with me properly, and exclusively, but tbh before we even had that chat I didn't get with anyone for months as we were so close.

I agreed to the relationship at the time but now it plays on my mind so much, she's in his display picture on facebook and she retweets like all his tweets. I know what she did was before we were properly in a relationship, so I can't be mad, I just need help getting over it as atm I don't even want to visit her as I think I may kick the **** out of the lad if I have a few drinks in me.

Help.
Guys, I think OP is upset because there seems to be an imbalance of feelings. He already stated that he didn't get with anyone even during the initial stages because he liked her, but then found out that she didn't feel the same way about him.

All I can suggest is that you take what she says at face value (all you can do really), and trust that the experience cemented her feelings for you and try to be happy together
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pennyyy
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Maybe she needed the distance and the time apart to realise how she felt about you. Me and my boyfriend got closer when I left to uni, cause I felt a hundred miles away, it made me realise how I feel about him. Maybe that's what she's been though. Also, she could have thought you didn't like her that much, that could have been why she got with someone, cause she didn't know what was going on between you two.
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Spongebob'sPants
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Talk to her perhaps? If she knows how you feel, maybe she'll take your feelings into consideration (i.e. not retweet all his tweets)
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DeveenaS
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At the end of the day, she's come to you and said she wants to be with YOU. And YOU ONLY. Surely that sets alarm bells off in your head? If she had feelings for this guy she wouldn't have come to you and said all of that, she would've continued as you were and carried on getting with the guy. She obviously cares about you so don't stress about the bad, look for the good.

And when you see the guy, be overly nice to him just to show your girlfriend how mature you can be about the situation.

YOU GOT THIS BRO xo
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Lotus_Eater
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I feel for the OP. I was once in a similar situation where I had just assumed I was in an exclusive relationship and only discovered we weren't after a couple of months when she suggested that we should be. She had only been with a FWB twice during our time dating so in the great scheme of things it wasn't a massive deal. However I handled it really badly and we split up. Which was stupid of me because it was going really quite well apart from that.

It isn't particularly edifying but the fact is until a couple decide to be exclusive then you can't really object to the other person regarding the relationship as more casual. If you can't deal with that then it might be best to break up. I would strongly recommend trying to get over it though. It's in the past, just like any other of her exes, and the only person bringing it into the present is you.

Attacking the other person would, I suggest, not help the situation! Especially as he hasn't done anything wrong. If the situation really upsets you to that extent then I slightly wonder whether you will manage to get over this. I maintain it's worth trying. Just give it time and if you're still brooding on it by Christmas then you should cut your losses and leave.
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Bale90
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It was all in the past and during that time you both weren't even together. I know how you feel and it's difficult to get over it but you'll just have to. Focus on the good moments you both are having together instead of that flatmate. Good luck!
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Knighted
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The longer you stay jealous about this guy the further your relationship with this girl will deteriorate and eventually fall apart.

That's for certain.
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superwolf
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I'd talk to her about it but bear in mind that this is your problem - she's done nothing wrong, and she's entitled to have a life and a past of her own. But if you want this relationship to work you're going to have to get over this fixation, and it's probably best to talk it through in a very non-accusatory manner.

Also, people work in different ways, and monogamy may mean a lot more to you than to her. She might have felt just as much for you back then as you did for her, but she could still have felt comfortable sleeping with other people. Doesn't mean that she's any more likely to cheat on you now, or that she cared any less about you then, just that back then you hadn't made any promises to each other and now you have. She decided to commit to you and give up sleeping with other people, and you should appreciate that. :yep:
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Studentus-anonymous
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(Original post by DeveenaS)
At the end of the day, she's come to you and said she wants to be with YOU. And YOU ONLY. Surely that sets alarm bells off in your head? If she had feelings for this guy she wouldn't have come to you and said all of that, she would've continued as you were and carried on getting with the guy. She obviously cares about you so don't stress about the bad, look for the good.

And when you see the guy, be overly nice to him just to show your girlfriend how mature you can be about the situation.

YOU GOT THIS BRO xo
This, unless your absolute gut feeling tells you she isn't trustworthy, you have no issue. If she ISN'T trustworthy then why date her?

Simple really.
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nopenopenope
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Kick the **** into the guy because the girl was in the wrong

ok

that only makes sense if he knew and even then it still wouldnt make sense unless you kick the **** into both of them

ok

you either deal with it or you break up with her, but do you really trust some girl who did that in the first place?

how does it take sex to realise who she likes
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