How to get over this?

My relationship of 5 years ended a year ago. We were each other's first loves & childhood sweethearts, unfortunately when it came to it, our universities ended up being the other side of the country & in the end, the distance got the better of us.

I ended it, over the phone as I couldn't face seeing him. We met up 2 weeks later & was a very messy ending, resulting in an argument.

We were going to meet up in the summer when uni finished to talk, I stayed at uni for a few extra weeks & when I got back, a mutual friend told me he just packed his bags & went travelling for the year.

Since then, I've felt that I've had no closure. I don't know if I can move on & feel as though he's holding me back because this talk never happened. Did he want to reconcile & thought I was ignoring him? (A family member passed away & I let him know, told him not to contact me I needed time). Do I contact him now? I want him to enjoy his time away not be bothered by this but it's really holding me back.

Any support would be really appreciated.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Bore off, love.

A year... a whole year and you're still wanting to talk about why the relationship ended...

A relationship you finished.

Reply 3

MrSuavetopia

Considering your break up wasn't exactly amicable, I'm not sure why contacting him now after a year would make a difference? What exactly would you say?

Reply 4

DeveenaS

Okay I can completely understand what you're talking about. I know what it's like to break up with your first-love/childhood sweetheart. In all honesty we got back together.

I know there's a small part of you that thinks there's potential for you to get back together and hey you never know there is. I would say call him, because if you don't it will bug you for such a long time. The "what ifs.." in your mind will drive you mad...and they clearly have been playing at your mind considering it's been a whole year.

When you do call him though, don't expect violins or anything like that. Always expect the worst...and hope for the best. It's one of my life mottos. And btw you shouldn't feel guilty for calling him, at the end of the day he was your boyfriend and still your friend. If you are civil with him I'm sure he'd appreciate the call as it shows you still care for him.

And if he's away. Maybe drop him an email or a fb message to start with to see how he responds to your contact. Just relax and take the plunge (y)

Reply 5

Spongebob'sPants

If he has gone travelling for the year, i doubt he'd want to hear from you.

At the most, i'd contact him via FB or something similar and just keep it light. Acknowledge you know he has gone travelling, ask him how it is, if he is enjoying it, the people he has met, etc. If he contacts you back, then at least he is willing to talk with you.

If he doesnt reply, just leave him be for now.

In any case, im not entirely sure why you're talking about closure when you're the one who ended things....over the phone no less. I dont get this. You were with him for 5 years...he deserved better than that.

Reply 6

bloke

You got all the advice needed above and also can I just call you a p*ssy for breaking up over the phone. That's just one of the lowest things ever.

Reply 7

Zarek

Let the dust settle for longer, move on, and maybe you can be friends in due course.

Reply 8

Nods73

To end the relationship was your choice. It was also your choice to do it over the phone as you said, you couldnt face him. When you did, there was an argument, probably anger from him because you broke up with him on the phone. Then you said you would meet up but stayed longer at UNI, was this to avoid him and face another confrontation?

You need to put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if he had done that to you. Pretty low I would assume. He has no doubt gone away to seek his own closure, him assuming that you have closure as you were the one who ended it and did it the manner you did.

Sometimes when a relationship ends, it is what is. Lives move on and head in different directions and so should you. I dont think its closure that you feel, but maybe regret and guilt for the way it did. You had closure when you made the decision to end it.

Leave him now and let him sort himself out and for him to find his closure, he doesnt need reminding of what happened. he obviously loved you and when something like that happens to you, something that you have not experienced yet, it takes time but it is his time to deal with it.

Reply 9

Ali xo

We ended it over the phone because we were discussing our relationship & it just happened that way. It was not planned whatsoever & to highlight- he was not innocent in this break up whatsoever. Thank you to the people who have responded with effective advice.

The rest of you I just don't understand why you would purposely want to come on here & make someone feel worse. Childish.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 10

Viva Emptiness

Original post by christopher23

Bore off, love.

I wish more people were full of useful, insightful advice like this. You sir, are a beacon of light in a stormy night.

Reply 11

Nods73

Ali xo, just ignore any negative comments.

Obviously there was more to it than you put in your original thread. Its probably now best left. You both probably wish it was different to the way it is now. You both need to get your perspectives and that is easier to do without contact. I do feel that you main feeling here is more of guilt for how it ended and I am not attributing blame to you here. The relationship obviously meant a lot to you and did not end in the way you would have wanted it to. If you still have strong feelings, these will take time to deal with. Only until you have learnt how to deal with this feelings, will you then have closure. You dont need him for that.

Someone once said to me, some things you will never get over, but you will learn to deal with it. Its true.

Reply 12

christopher23

Original post by Viva Emptiness

I wish more people were full of useful, insightful advice like this. You sir, are a beacon of light in a stormy night.

Stop, your making me blush :colondollar:

Reply 13

Viva Emptiness

Original post by christopher23

Stop, your making me blush :colondollar:

Your poor grammar's making me hot :sexface:

Reply 14

tinshed

you should contact him asap. I broke up with my bf also cause of being too far apart and several months later I wrote him a massive letter which went unanswered. then another few months later I contacted him on fb and he replied. we passed a few messages to each other but that was it. It gave me all the closure I needed and I can't say I am over him but I can defo say I am on the right track even though it looks like it is going to be a while yet. contact him now. there is never going to be a good time for this so might as well get it done.