can you REALLY get over the person you LOVE? Watch

bethany-emma
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I was in a relationship that lasted 2 and a half years and ended around 2 years ago.. words cannot describe how much i loved this guy, i feel like NO ONE understands me when i try to describe the love i had for him, but if you have been in this position im sure you can sympathize.

Anyway, since then I have been with other people on and off for a few months here and there / been on dates here and there.. but i just feel like NO ONE will ever compare to him, and even if they do I feel like i will never be able to love them as much as i loved him, meaning i will never find TRUE love again. We still talk here and there and have 'met up' a few times.. but to be honest hes a complete D**K to me, yet I would take him back in a heartbeat. I know we will NEVER be together again, too much has happened, but WILL I EVER GET OVER HIM? Its been over 2 years and my feelings are still the same!!? I feel like these feelings will be with me for life!
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Spongebob'sPants
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You're not helping yourself by putting him up on a pedestal and by remaining in contact with him.

Once you cut him out, and realise he was never right for you, you'll be able to move on. Its not an easy road though.

Best of luck.
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GeorgieGee
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It's REALLY hard, and I understand right now it feels like he is the only one, and will be the only one.

I thought I 'loved' someone else after a break up, and then realised it was just a rebound. It took me telling my ex how I still felt, and him messing me around to realise I am just worth more then that.

He is a D**K, but unfortunately only time will help you see that. As above post, cut all contact as best you can. It took me wiping my phone completely, and blocking him and all his friends from every social network to finally be able to ignore him. It didn't help that he lives in the accommodation block next to mine.

The final straw for me, was actually seeing him out, and how he treated other people. Throwing a drink over my friend and telling her to F-off, when she had said nothing to him was just rude. I realised I didn't want to associate myself with someone like that, I would never even be aqquantices with someone so rude. It took me nearly a year to get over him, and even now, I am not completely.

I guess feelings for someone never really go away completely. You will always feel something for him, but in fact, you are in love with the old memories. Imagine if you had met him now, would you have seriously gone out? You broke up for a reason, and whatever that reason, you are almost definitely two different people to when you first met, nearly 4 years ago right?

My mum has always said, there is no one person for you. There could be 10 different people in the world perfect for you, but it HAS to be the right time. 4 years ago, it was the right person and right time. Now is no longer the right time for you and him. You will meet someone new who is even more perfect, and that will be the right time again. You grow and evolve as a person, and so do relationships. Don't get hung up on this guy. It's hard, but you are about to find something better, I promise. You just need time to open yourself up to the possibility again. And after such a long time, it's probably a shock to your system to not be with him. Work on you.

Don't reserve a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make the effort to stay there.
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bethany-emma
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(Original post by GeorgieGee)
It's REALLY hard, and I understand right now it feels like he is the only one, and will be the only one.

I thought I 'loved' someone else after a break up, and then realised it was just a rebound. It took me telling my ex how I still felt, and him messing me around to realise I am just worth more then that.

He is a D**K, but unfortunately only time will help you see that. As above post, cut all contact as best you can. It took me wiping my phone completely, and blocking him and all his friends from every social network to finally be able to ignore him. It didn't help that he lives in the accommodation block next to mine.

The final straw for me, was actually seeing him out, and how he treated other people. Throwing a drink over my friend and telling her to F-off, when she had said nothing to him was just rude. I realised I didn't want to associate myself with someone like that, I would never even be aqquantices with someone so rude. It took me nearly a year to get over him, and even now, I am not completely.

I guess feelings for someone never really go away completely. You will always feel something for him, but in fact, you are in love with the old memories. Imagine if you had met him now, would you have seriously gone out? You broke up for a reason, and whatever that reason, you are almost definitely two different people to when you first met, nearly 4 years ago right?

My mum has always said, there is no one person for you. There could be 10 different people in the world perfect for you, but it HAS to be the right time. 4 years ago, it was the right person and right time. Now is no longer the right time for you and him. You will meet someone new who is even more perfect, and that will be the right time again. You grow and evolve as a person, and so do relationships. Don't get hung up on this guy. It's hard, but you are about to find something better, I promise. You just need time to open yourself up to the possibility again. And after such a long time, it's probably a shock to your system to not be with him. Work on you.

Don't reserve a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make the effort to stay there.
Thank you so much for your reply! I have read it over and over and you are totally right, I had never thought about things in the way you have explained them, your reply has given me a completely different outlook on the situation and I now feel like it will be so much easier for me to move on with everything you have said in my mind. I cannot thank you enough for this X
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Jjj90
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I simply cannot. I met a girl, we had everything in common... everything... she loved the music I love, she even supports the same football team as me...

I cannot get over her.
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GeorgieGee
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(Original post by bethany-emma)
Thank you so much for your reply! I have read it over and over and you are totally right, I had never thought about things in the way you have explained them, your reply has given me a completely different outlook on the situation and I now feel like it will be so much easier for me to move on with everything you have said in my mind. I cannot thank you enough for this X
You're welcome! Glad I could help, wish someone would have made me look at my situation differently sooner! I hope everythign is going well for you now. Remember, it is normal to still think about him, you have lost a large part of your life, it's not easy. I'll openly admit I do sometimes still get the occasional dream about my ex. It's just a case of waking up in the morning and reminding myself that it was a dream, and that my life is much better off without him now! The grass isn't always greener! X
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0le
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Dunno what to say. I guess stop talking to the ex would help for starters. It takes time to forget. Sometimes you need to just stop looking for all the answers (i.e. don't get involved with anyone else) and just get on with other stuff which will hopefully make you gradually forget things. I think by continuing to date when you still have feelings for your ex, it isn't helping you forget, because things you do with new partners will keep reminding you of your ex until you fully let go.
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Tomsta
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(Original post by bethany-emma)
I was in a relationship that lasted 2 and a half years and ended around 2 years ago.. words cannot describe how much i loved this guy, i feel like NO ONE understands me when i try to describe the love i had for him, but if you have been in this position im sure you can sympathize.

Anyway, since then I have been with other people on and off for a few months here and there / been on dates here and there.. but i just feel like NO ONE will ever compare to him, and even if they do I feel like i will never be able to love them as much as i loved him, meaning i will never find TRUE love again. We still talk here and there and have 'met up' a few times.. but to be honest hes a complete D**K to me, yet I would take him back in a heartbeat. I know we will NEVER be together again, too much has happened, but WILL I EVER GET OVER HIM? Its been over 2 years and my feelings are still the same!!? I feel like these feelings will be with me for life!
It can be done, won't be easy there will be many tough days ahead, but you CAN and WILL do it. How do i know? Been trying to get over my first love (who i never had) for the past year and a half
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frostyy
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Of course you can, it just takes time.
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Themoonandstars
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I think they always hold a place in your heart. But you meet someone else and those feelings over take everything else.

I have never actually totally stopped loving anybody. But when I meet someone new the feelings are still there but become irrelevant.
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donutaud15
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eventually you'll get over this person. Give it time

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Future African game vet
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yes. I thought I never would, but after 3 years - this past week I saw him around a few times and just thought... meh.
I was shocked, and dug a little deeper, wondering if I was just trying to be brave, but nope, I genuinely am not interested in him and his life any more.

When we lose the people we love, we tend to look at things through rose tinted specs. But I have found that the less you cling, the less you wonder and think, the BETTER things get. Don't wallow in the loss, allow yourself time to grieve but realise it probably ended for a reason, and you should be with someone who wants you as much as you want them.

Time is a great healer.
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summer26
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Time heals everything
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username1277215
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I honestly believe that after a while you can.
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elixira
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I hear what you're saying. With my first love we were so compatible, completely on the same wavelength and I consider him to be *a* soulmate... it just didn't last though, sometimes love has an expiration date. I do look back and think will I ever have that bond with someone ever again. I've had a two year relationship since where I was totally infatuated but in terms of chemistry and love it didn't compare, looking back.

It is so easy when someone's not really in your life to form a different vision of them... there was one guy I used to be in total lust with despite rarely seeing him, and I realised it was because I'd built this vision of him in my head. Sometimes you're in love with what a person used to be, what you want a person to be, what a person can be sometimes but isn't always... it's not the same as being in love with a person, truly.

I had a similar thing with the guy I just mentioned, thought I loved him for years, was utterly weak whenever I saw him. Then one day last year, I was out and he was out, we were chatting and I realised I no longer felt it. Haven't felt it since.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by bethany-emma)
I was in a relationship that lasted 2 and a half years and ended around 2 years ago.. words cannot describe how much i loved this guy, i feel like NO ONE understands me when i try to describe the love i had for him, but if you have been in this position im sure you can sympathize.

Anyway, since then I have been with other people on and off for a few months here and there / been on dates here and there.. but i just feel like NO ONE will ever compare to him, and even if they do I feel like i will never be able to love them as much as i loved him, meaning i will never find TRUE love again. We still talk here and there and have 'met up' a few times.. but to be honest hes a complete D**K to me, yet I would take him back in a heartbeat. I know we will NEVER be together again, too much has happened, but WILL I EVER GET OVER HIM? Its been over 2 years and my feelings are still the same!!? I feel like these feelings will be with me for life!

Aawww, I can totally understand your position but I need to ask you a few questions before I can give a real answer because I am in THE SAME SITUATION.
Did he leave you or you left him? If he did, did you try to get back together initially like convince him or something or just cut off contact for a period of time? If you cut off contact did you wait for him to contact or you or you initiated the contact? How did it go from breaking up and then being friends again? And when you guys met was it his idea or yours and lastly how does he treat you now and does he have a gf now?
If you can give a more detailed reply it will help us to give you better advice if its time to move on or if there's still hope.
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bethany-emma
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(Original post by Themoonandstars)
I think they always hold a place in your heart. But you meet someone else and those feelings over take everything else.

I have never actually totally stopped loving anybody. But when I meet someone new the feelings are still there but become irrelevant.
This is very true, I am finally seeing someone new who is perfect for me in every way, i still think about my ex sometimes, but as you mentioned he is now irrelevant. My feelings for the new guy have totally over taken any feelings i thought i still had for my ex, and being treated so nicely and with so much respect has opened my eyes to what i would NEVER want to go back to.
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