My boyfriend seems to think i'm dumb. Watch

This discussion is closed.
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
Having read the post regarding a girl who finds her boyfriend to be thick, I wanted to write this as I have a similar story, but it's me who's on the receiving end, and I have a partner who seems to find me that way.

I went to a redbrick uni, completed a more 'traditional' degree, with a decent grade, and now work in the teaching profession. I also have quite a good level of speaking in a foreign language. When it comes to spelling, grammar, etc. I am fine with that, my problem is that I seem to have no common sense at all.

I am not a great cook; I don't know why but I often seem to mess something up. I can be clumsy and spill things, muddle things up, and the like. I sometimes come out with daft comments, for example yesterday I completely forgot what a square root was and my boyfriend laughed at me.

I read about current affairs, watch a lot of films, etc. But i'm not particularly talented at anything. I enjoy art and singing, but i'm not that good at either of them, whereas my boyfriend is talented in many things, and there is no way I can ever compare.

I am not envious of this, I am very happy for him and try to help him celebrate his achievements, but I feel like I can never impress him or teach him anything new.

He jokes I'm rubbish at everything, and I go along with it, but it hurts. It's silly but now if we see a girl on TV singing, playing an instrument, or someone's art, etc. he always seems really impressed, and I feel a bit insecure.

He gets annoyed with me a lot because of clumsy stuff I do, and I am really trying to become better, but I feel like I can't help it. This has caused a lot of arguments, and he recently told me he feels like he's living with his daughter, he can't trust me, etc. which hurt me immensely.

I even announced that I was going to leave, because he was clearly sick of me, and he agreed and said he was fed up etc. We had been having so many arguments, I had ended up getting upset, and I was sick of him having a go at me.

Then at the last moment, he told me he didn't want me to leave, he'd miss me, and he was sorry. We're still together, but sometimes I don't know for how long. I know he loves me and he's with me, but if he thinks i'm an idiot, is that really going to make him happy in the long-term? How can I change? Thanks so much.
0
lNurl
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#2
Report 5 years ago
#2
Hi

You don't really need to have a talent to do something. You can learn how to play music instrument, dance and basic music knowledge without being "gifted". I think you should start doing something, challenge yourself (not accept that you don't have common sense), of course if you want it, if you want to change, but if you are happy how you are, then I don't see this relationship going far. I don't think he is allowed to change you, if your are happy how you are, then there will be people accepting you.
0
Viva Emptiness
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#3
Report 5 years ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Having read the post regarding a girl who finds her boyfriend to be thick, I wanted to write this as I have a similar story, but it's me who's on the receiving end, and I have a partner who seems to find me that way.

I went to a redbrick uni, completed a more 'traditional' degree, with a decent grade, and now work in the teaching profession. I also have quite a good level of speaking in a foreign language. When it comes to spelling, grammar, etc. I am fine with that, my problem is that I seem to have no common sense at all.

I am not a great cook; I don't know why but I often seem to mess something up. I can be clumsy and spill things, muddle things up, and the like. I sometimes come out with daft comments, for example yesterday I completely forgot what a square root was and my boyfriend laughed at me.

I read about current affairs, watch a lot of films, etc. But i'm not particularly talented at anything. I enjoy art and singing, but i'm not that good at either of them, whereas my boyfriend is talented in many things, and there is no way I can ever compare.

I am not envious of this, I am very happy for him and try to help him celebrate his achievements, but I feel like I can never impress him or teach him anything new.

He jokes I'm rubbish at everything, and I go along with it, but it hurts. It's silly but now if we see a girl on TV singing, playing an instrument, or someone's art, etc. he always seems really impressed, and I feel a bit insecure.

He gets annoyed with me a lot because of clumsy stuff I do, and I am really trying to become better, but I feel like I can't help it. This has caused a lot of arguments, and he recently told me he feels like he's living with his daughter, he can't trust me, etc. which hurt me immensely.

I even announced that I was going to leave, because he was clearly sick of me, and he agreed and said he was fed up etc. We had been having so many arguments, I had ended up getting upset, and I was sick of him having a go at me.

Then at the last moment, he told me he didn't want me to leave, he'd miss me, and he was sorry. We're still together, but sometimes I don't know for how long. I know he loves me and he's with me, but if he thinks i'm an idiot, is that really going to make him happy in the long-term? How can I change? Thanks so much.
Until the last couple of paragraphs I was going to try and reassure you that maybe that's just the way your boyfriend is - he's having a laugh at your expense but doesn't realise you find it so hurtful and humiliating. However, since you mentioned the argument and subsequent walking out, it does sound like maybe you guys just aren't compatible but he's scared of being alone/breaking the habit of being with you and it stringing you along until something better comes his way.

Sorry to be blunt, but that's how I see it
1
gr8wizard10
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#4
Report 5 years ago
#4
That guy seems like a douche, tbh. You're not there for his personal entertainment whenever he feels.
0
Hellcat12
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#5
Report 5 years ago
#5
Your boyfriend Is a JERK and a SICKO
and I mean it, if he were mine, I would kick him out of my life for ever making fun of my dumbness or my clumsiness or even saying he is fed up of my mentality.

YOU don't have to change yourself for anyone. Just try to focus a bit on your coordination, be active in physical works for yourself..not for him or anyone.
0
Lotus_Eater
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#6
Report 5 years ago
#6
You are who you are. If your boyfriend mistakes 'ability to cook without dropping things' with 'intelligence' then that's not your fault. Frankly it sounds like he's the one with intelligence issues - if he keeps behaving like he does then obviously you're going to leave. Whatever 'skills' he has, he seems like he is urgently lacking in a major one: how to make your partner feel valued. People who can't master that one end up alone.

Hopefully the recent near-break-up will sort him out.

Don't be tempted to give him too much power. You ask 'how can I change?' I say you shouldn't have to.
0
Lotus_Eater
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#7
Report 5 years ago
#7
(Original post by Hellcat12)
Your boyfriend Is a JERK and a SICKO
and I mean it, if he were mine, I would kick him out of my life for ever making fun of my dumbness or my clumsiness or even saying he is fed up of my mentality.

YOU don't have to change yourself for anyone. Just try to focus a bit on your coordination, be active in physical works for yourself..not for him or anyone.
Whenever I write a post I'm always nervous that in the time it takes me to finish it, someone else will come in and make my point far more eloquently. Like this!!
0
Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#8
Thanks a lot for all of your replies, i'm very grateful. I haven't mentioned this, but he smokes cannabis daily, and I am wondering if that has any effects at all on his temperament? Sorry if it sounds stupid, I don't take any sort of drug myself so I don't really know much about the effects this could have.
0
Viva Emptiness
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#9
Report 5 years ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks a lot for all of your replies, i'm very grateful. I haven't mentioned this, but he smokes cannabis daily, and I am wondering if that has any effects at all on his temperament? Sorry if it sounds stupid, I don't take any sort of drug myself so I don't really know much about the effects this could have.
Well, it certainly can't help. We all know pot makes you anxious, edgy and paranoid, perhaps that's why he's quick to temper lately?
0
Hellcat12
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#10
Report 5 years ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks a lot for all of your replies, i'm very grateful. I haven't mentioned this, but he smokes cannabis daily, and I am wondering if that has any effects at all on his temperament? Sorry if it sounds stupid, I don't take any sort of drug myself so I don't really know much about the effects this could have.
Cannabis....no wonder he has emotional intelligence bordering to a toothpick.
I don't want to be mean but this guy is using you as a shield against his insecurities about himself. He insults you to balm his own faults, why should you be the Dummy?
This is the guy who is impressed by women showing talent on the screen but doesn't see how teaching is a demanding profession, the one his girlfriend has chosen.
You are probably mistaking his talents as being great.
everyone has talents, numerous ones...he should learn to respect you rather than joke about it. If he fails to do that, just walk away.....
1
Hellcat12
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#11
Report 5 years ago
#11
(Original post by Lotus_Eater)
Whenever I write a post I'm always nervous that in the time it takes me to finish it, someone else will come in and make my point far more eloquently. Like this!!
Nevertheless, I enjoy reading your posts more, they are persuasive and logical.
0
Lotus_Eater
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#12
Report 5 years ago
#12
(Original post by Hellcat12)
Nevertheless, I enjoy reading your posts more, they are persuasive and logical.
Thank you! Though I maintain you can't beat the use of the word 'sicko' to make a point emphatically! I also second your reaction to the cannabis revelation. The OP's boyfriend sounds less impressive by the minute...

[just a note to the pro-pot lobby, of which I'm nominally a member, nobody is saying he shouldn't smoke, only that it sounds like it's exacerbating some weaknesses in his character and jeopardising the relationship]
0
Get_Lucky_606
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#13
Report 5 years ago
#13
Find some-one who actually appreciates you, he sounds rude and demeaning! You shouldn't be made to feel like that by the person who's supposed to be your boyfriend.
0
Plumstone
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#14
Report 5 years ago
#14
I thought he sounded like an insensitive idiot from the first post and now we hear that he smokes cannabis. What exactly does this guy have going for him?!

You deserve so much better; partners should make their other half feel valued and respected, not treat them like this!
0
someonesomewherexx
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#15
Report 5 years ago
#15
You don't have to sit there and be treated so badly you know, break it up..
0
annie_
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#16
Report 5 years ago
#16
The most intelligent people have no common sense. I work with academics and most of them have no concept of how to do simple everyday tasks. I am similar to this (not saying I am Einstein, of course) but to be honest I embrace it - why not? Common sense isn't the be all and end all. My boyfriend laughs at some of the silly things I say but in a nice way, because he knows I'm not actually 'thick' - he just finds it amusing and endearing.

Your boyfriend doesn't sound like he appreciates you or sees the good in you, and I wouldn't want to be with someone like that.
0
Freier._.lance
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#17
Report 5 years ago
#17
The only thing that makes you dumb, is the fact you choose to remain with him.
0
Freier._.lance
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#18
Report 5 years ago
#18
(Original post by annie_)
The most intelligent people have no common sense. I work with academics and most of them have no concept of how to do simple everyday tasks. I am similar to this (not saying I am Einstein, of course) but to be honest I embrace it - why not? Common sense isn't the be all and end all. My boyfriend laughs at some of the silly things I say but in a nice way, because he knows I'm not actually 'thick' - he just finds it amusing and endearing.

Your boyfriend doesn't sound like he appreciates you or sees the good in you, and I wouldn't want to be with someone like that.
I completely disagree!

These people you speak of are simply talented in one thing.
0
Brit_Miller
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#19
Report 5 years ago
#19
(Original post by annie_)
The most intelligent people have no common sense. I work with academics and most of them have no concept of how to do simple everyday tasks.
Who on earth are you working with!

(Original post by Anonymous)
...
Probably echoing others in saying intelligence doesn't really link to common sense. My girlfriend is intelligent, but comes out with some really stupid questions sometimes! She's not stupid in the slightest - but maybe a bit comical at times. :lol:
0
annie_
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#20
Report 5 years ago
#20
(Original post by Brit_Miller)
Who on earth are you working with!
Well I may have exaggerated, I mean they ask silly questions such as how to use a plastic punch pocket (you know, the ones you use in folders).
0
X
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How did your AQA GCSE Physics Paper 1 go?

Loved the paper - Feeling positive (189)
30.19%
The paper was reasonable (252)
40.26%
Not feeling great about that exam... (109)
17.41%
It was TERRIBLE (76)
12.14%

Watched Threads

View All