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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just can't see him ever being "dangerous". I think it was more he lost his temper - and his temper is too bad/short!

    I agree with you - my side of the argument doesn't equate with what he did. And his damn reaction.
    He went for your neck - it doesn't take much to break one of those - how is that not dangerous?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thing is, I guess I'm hurt/angry with his aswell because I come from a violent family (v.violent) and what turned out to be a violent ex-boyfriend (just my luck!) and my current boyfriend knows all this - so how could be resort to the same thing?
    I guess if he lost his temper - and he wanted to get through to me - he could have reacted like that in the heat of the moment without meaning it. Like you said, he could have hurt me A LOT more and he didn't.

    But if it was so in-the-moment, why didn't he instantly apologise? I know I would if I'd done that.
    Who knows? This is the sort of thing you need to ask him. I could speculate as well as you could, but only he knows.
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    I think general attitudes in society are a bit biased against men in regards to relationship violence. It can be completely infuriating sometimes in arguments and sometimes a person can lose their temper and lash out. I'm not remotely violence but sometimes in arguments I've been so angry that I wanted to lash out. Granted I never did but I can see how people can make mistakes. And my girlfriend certainly lashed out physically at me several times. Though there's no excusing it - it's wrong - I don't think we need to assume he is a typical wife-beater.

    If it's the first sign you've ever seen of this side of him and think you can trust him to not do it again, then I think you should talk about it and move on. However if you ever get a repeat performance then you should be worried.

    I'd wait for him to apologise though rather than making the first move.
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    Ignore all the brain-washed idiots who are coming on here telling you to leave him. Life is a bit more complicated than that and sometimes people do make mistakes in the heat of the argument. He obviously didn't mean to hurt you and he has not shown any violence towards you before. I can't believe how stupid some of the people on here are, they just assume that as soon as a man touches a women he is automatically going to turn into a violene wife-beater. Sometimes men and women make mistakes and lash out, it is natural human behaviour. Remember this is a long-term relationship and they probably have strong feelings for each other. I advise you to wait until he comes and try to sort it out with him, you were both in the wrong.
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    As someone who used to live with an angel who turned into a violent thug and broke most of my ribs, I'm telling you it's just not worth it. We'd been together for several years before he raised a fist to me, and it took a lot of guts and several beatings to leave.

    He put his next girlfriend in hospital...
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    (Original post by Fluffy)
    As someone who used to live with an angel who turned into a violent thug and broke most of my ribs, I'm telling you it's just not worth it. We'd been together for several years before he raised a fist to me, and it took a lot of guts and several beatings to leave.

    He put his next girlfriend in hospital...
    And just because you're boyfriend turned into a thug automatically means that this guy will turn into one as well. Sometimes people make mistakes and lash out (women as well as men)- he clearly wasn't trying to hurt her and has never been violent before. I wish people would stop giving bad advice and jumping to silly conclusions and actually look at the situation in a bit more detail.
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    I think that lashing out due to anger shows immaturity and insecurity.

    Plently of people don't lash out. The easiest thing to do is just walk away.

    To the OP, it'll probably be very uncomfortable when he comes back but I would sit him down and have a calm discussion about it. You may find that he's horrified that he did such a thing, or that he has some serious issues with the relationship.

    What I'm finding hard to fathom is why he was so cold to you after the event itself.
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    Having had a childhood overshadowed by domestic violence and seen the effects it has, I would say it leave now while its relatively easy e.g. no children involved. But then again people CAN change and if your boyfriend accepts what he has done as very wrong and shows a willingness to change, then you could see how it goes. But I have to say your relationship will never be the same after this.
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    All this guy did was lash out and grab her neck, he didn't beat her up. People make mistakes and sometimes they do lash out in anger. My girlfriend has done that to me plenty of times. The fact is that if he has not done it before, he didn't hurt you and he comes back and recognises he made a mistake then you should give him another chance. If he shows any more serious violence or does it again then you have more solid grounds to consider leaving him. I advise you to speak to him and settle the argument like grown-ups. Ignore the rash advice on here, this was not domestic violence.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But I have to say your relationship will never be the same after this.
    Oh that's such *******s. Once my girlfriend sprayed me in the face with insect repellant and I retaliated by throwing a stapler at her. We were both over it by the next day and when we look back at it we laugh.

    I empathise with the people who've experienced domestic violence first hand but not everyone is like that. And don't listen to the people who take their opinions on relationships from agony aunts and soap operas.
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    (Original post by Amnesia)
    All this guy did was lash out and grab her neck, he didn't beat her up. People make mistakes and sometimes they do lash out in anger. My girlfriend has done that to me plenty of times. The fact is that if he has not done it before, he didn't hurt you and he comes back and recognises he made a mistake then you should give him another chance. If he shows any more serious violence or does it again then you have more solid grounds to consider leaving him. I advise you to speak to him and settle the argument like grown-ups. Ignore the rash advice on here, this was not domestic violence.
    What do you mean all he did - he left finger marks! And believe me it does not take much to throttle someone, or limit the bloody supply to the head sufficiently enough to induce brain damage....
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    (Original post by Laika)
    Oh that's such *******s. Once my girlfriend sprayed me in the face with insect repellant and I retaliated by throwing a stapler at her. We were both over it by the next day and when we look back at it we laugh.

    I empathise with the people who've experienced domestic violence first hand but not everyone is like that. And don't listen to the people who take their opinions on relationships from agony aunts and soap operas.
    I agree with this. My girlfriend has lashed out at me loads of times. People make mistakes and lash out sometimes in arguments. It is not as if he hurt her or beat her up, he probably just lost control Too many people on here just seem to have been brain-washed by all the feminist crap about doemstic violence. And I have seen real domestic violence first hand as well and I can guarantee people that this was not domestic violence.
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    (Original post by Amnesia)
    I can guarantee people that this was not domestic violence.
    Bull****...

    It's one thing to throw things in anger etc, but quite another to use your own body as a weapon.

    The guy sounds like a ****** He's done it once, even if he deeply regrets it, it's always going to be there everytime they have a fight - and he'll probably be so fixated on not trying to repeat his actions that the first thing he'll do when he losing control is copy it. Humans are simple beasts...
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    (Original post by Fluffy)
    What do you mean all he did - he left finger marks! And believe me it does not take much to throttle someone, or limit the bloody supply to the head sufficiently enough to induce brain damage....
    She has already said it didn't leave any marks and it didn't hurt her. Read the first post. The fact is that he lost his temper and made a mistake- like everyone does at times. Stop trying to exaggerate the incident, this was not domestic violence. If this was domestic violence then my girlfriend committed it yesterday as she pushed me during an argument. Get some perspective and analyse each individual situation rather than trying to pretend every man is a wife-beater.
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    is he back yet?

    dumb him. He isn't worth ur time. Get a new boyfriend and make sure the Ex knows u have a new1 just to pisshim off/upset him even more. Hahaha
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm upset with what he did and how he reacted afterwards (no apology or recognition that it was very wrong) and I don't know what to do about this.
    In my opinion, nothing should justify physical violence - it's just wrong. His attitude towards the situation could potentially be dangerous in the future. However, his reaction (no apology or recognition) could be because he realised what he did and feels deeply ashamed of himself and truly sorry for what he did. Talk things through with him and your close friends/family members before deciding your next move. All the best.
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    (Original post by Amnesia)
    She has already said it didn't leave any marks and it didn't hurt her. Read the first post. The fact is that he lost his temper and made a mistake- like everyone does at times. Stop trying to exaggerate the incident, this was not domestic violence. If this was domestic violence then my girlfriend committed it yesterday as she pushed me during an argument. Get some perspective and analyse each individual situation rather than trying to pretend every man is a wife-beater.
    So what's "domestic violence," if not violence in a domestic setting? :confused:
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    (Original post by Fluffy)
    What do you mean all he did - he left finger marks! And believe me it does not take much to throttle someone, or limit the bloody supply to the head sufficiently enough to induce brain damage....
    He didn't leave finger marks, so he clearly didn't do it hard enough to throttle her, and it would take about four minutes for brain damage to begin.

    (Original post by Fluffy)
    The guy sounds like a ****** He's done it once, even if he deeply regrets it, it's always going to be there everytime they have a fight - and he'll probably be so fixated on not trying to repeat his actions that the first thing he'll do when he losing control is copy it. Humans are simple beasts...
    What the hell? :confused:

    I agree with Amnesia. Genetics and upbringing have a lot to do with how violent you are, and this guy is clearly slightly violent, but he's not a wife-beater, and this was not abuse or domestic violence. Those of you who haven't had a fairly violent upbringing clearly don't know how hard it is for those who have. There will be exceptions on both sides, but this is a clear case of someone losing their temper then storming off to be alone, not domestic abuse followed by leaving the other person for dead.
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    (Original post by more adventurous)
    So what's "domestic violence," if not violence in a domestic setting? :confused:
    Under this definition, I would say every household underwent some sort of domestic violence. You are trying to define it and yet say all domestic violence is unforgivable, when clearly some is perfectly forgivable, based on the levels of trust floating around and the situation and the gravity of the violence. This may be forgivable. Actually throttling her wouldn't have been. Launching himself at her for no reason wouldn't have been.

    If you're going to use logical arguments don't use poor ones - you can't say any violence in a domestic situation is "domestic violence", then say all domestic violence is unforgivable, when clearly there are times when mild violence can be forgivable in context.
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    (Original post by more adventurous)
    So what's "domestic violence," if not violence in a domestic setting? :confused:
    I was brought up in a house that had a lot of domestic violence and I would define it as a systematic violence towards one partner. This was just him lashing out in anger, as we all do sometimes. Yes, I agree that what he did was wrong and violent, but if he regrets his actions, has never done it before and didn't hurt her I don't think we should be branding him as a wife-beater. For me domestic violence is systematic abuse.
 
 
 
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