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    (Original post by generalebriety)
    Under this definition, I would say every household underwent some sort of domestic violence. You are trying to define it and yet say all domestic violence is unforgivable, when clearly some is perfectly forgivable, based on the levels of trust floating around and the situation and the gravity of the violence. This may be forgivable. Actually throttling her wouldn't have been. Launching himself at her for no reason wouldn't have been.

    If you're going to use logical arguments don't use poor ones - you can't say any violence in a domestic situation is "domestic violence", then say all domestic violence is unforgivable, when clearly there are times when mild violence can be forgivable in context.
    Huh? Where did I say anything about it being forgivable or not? Jesus christ. Did you even read my post? :confused: :rolleyes: Way to argue a point by pretending I said something I blatantly didn't!

    My household has never underwent any sort of domestic violence...
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    Once is an accident, twice is unforgivable.
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    (Original post by more adventurous)
    Huh? Where did I say anything about it being forgivable or not? Jesus christ. Did you even read my post? :confused: :rolleyes: Way to argue a point by pretending I said something I blatantly didn't!

    My household has never underwent any sort of domestic violence...
    Of course I didn't read your post. I regularly come on here and **** people off for things they didn't say.

    I'm aware you didn't say it in words (that sounds stupid ), but you were obviously backing up the claims of people who said she should dump him for the absolutely terrible things that he did - basically, the people who said it was unforgivable. And yes, I can tell your household has never undergone any domestic violence - it's you people who are the least tolerant of those who have been brought up in violent families. My mum, and her mum, were regularly beaten by my mum's stepdad from the minute they all lived together. He forced her to start smoking at the age of 8 and so on. So my mum is fairly violent. My dad is violent too for whatever reasons that I've never bothered to find out and he's never bothered to tell me. So I'm "naturally" violent - and having come a long way from that I sympathise entirely with those who haven't managed to curb their violent tendencies.

    Give people a break. He didn't hurt her.
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    How am I "backing up the claims of people who said she should dump him" by asking how is domestic violence defined, if not as violence in a domestic setting?

    Jesus. Talk about a strawman argument, to the extreme. Why don't you direct your argument to the people who've made the argument you're actually arguing against?
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    (Original post by more adventurous)
    How am I "backing up the claims of people who said she should dump him" by asking how is domestic violence defined, if not as violence in a domestic setting?

    Jesus. Talk about a strawman argument, to the extreme. Why don't you direct your argument to the people who've made the argument you're actually arguing against?
    I have, and they've ignored it, and you looked like you were on their side. In fact I still fail to see how you weren't quite firmly on their side.

    Either way, I've made my point and you've made yours. No offence intended.

    Edit: oh, you (or someone) negative repped me for it. In that case, every offence possible was intended.
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    I have, and they've ignored it, and you looked like you were on their side. In fact I still fail to see how you weren't quite firmly on their side.
    I'll try to put this quite simply.

    I have only expressed one opinion in this thread (either implicitly or explicitly). One. That being that "domestic violence" is violence in a domestic setting.

    How you have determined from that one opinion (which is really only a repitition of a dictionary definition) that I am one of "you people" and that I am "quite firmly on their side" and that I think she should dump him, I will never, ever know.
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    TBH, I reckon quite a lot of this advice is crap.

    It doesn't matter whether people on here think it's domestic violence or not, what matters is how you feel. Do you feel safe with him anymore? If not, then it's clear what you have to do. If you do feel safe and still trust him then perhaps you should give him a chance to explain and see what happens from there.

    Actually, I think you should talk to him either way before making any decisions. It might help you clarify things in your head.
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    (Original post by amie)
    TBH, I reckon quite a lot of this advice is crap.
    The only crap advice on here are those people who are just rushing in saying that she should dump him, without even thinking about the situation in any detail or the circumstances surrounding it.
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    you lot are quick to dump people. if you are that fast why are you with him/her in the first place. it means you dont love him/her. thats y relationships dont last. cos everyone is quick to walk. You are also to blame for his actions. the blame is always the guys fault. why must he appologize. you also have to appologize as you started it. have you forgotten that?

    you guys should sit down and talk. work it out. if you want to have a successful relationship now and in the future. if u leave or take these peoples advice on here, i dont think you will ever have a successful relationship ie one that lasts.

    work it out, k babe. you are too good to become another statistic
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    (Original post by andyj72)
    You are also to blame for his actions. the blame is always the guys fault. why must he appologize. you also have to appologize as you started it. have you forgotten that?
    Yes, when she was being immature and argumentative she certainly intended for him to lash out and grab her around the neck. Yep, totally her fault.

    Umm...what a load of bull! She should apologise for starting it, he should apologise for crossing a line.
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    the blame is always the guys fault. why must he appologize. you also have to appologize as you started it. have you forgotten that?
    So suggesting the blame is her fault (even though he was the one who was violent) is somehow better than saying the blame is the guy's fault?

    How does that work?
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    nooooooooooo, i dont think i have to spell out everything. i didnt mention that he shouldnt appologize. she should as well for starting it. she will eventually do so for lashing out at her. that is unacceptable but still she isnt above appologizing and i dont think any girl is if she also had a part to play.
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    (Original post by andyj72)
    nooooooooooo, i dont think i have to spell out everything. i didnt mention that he shouldnt appologize. she should as well for starting it. she will eventually do so for lashing out at her. that is unacceptable but still she isnt above appologizing and i dont think any girl is if she also had a part to play.
    I agree with you, but next time I suggest you miss out the "why must he appologize" part!
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    Well I reckon you deserved it a bit. At least it scared you enough to stop your ****ing whinging for a minute or so.

    It could have been worse, I'd have punched you.
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    (Original post by Chase Me)
    Well I reckon you deserved it a bit. At least it scared you enough to stop your ****ing whinging for a minute or so.

    It could have been worse, I'd have punched you.
    Well, aren't you a treat? Certainly know how to charm the ladies :rolleyes:
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    You said "why must he appologize." which seems to suggest that he shouldn't apologise.

    She can apologise for being immature. He can apologise for being violent, which is clearly the worse crime.
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    (Original post by amie)
    Yes, when she was being immature and argumentative she certainly intended for him to lash out and grab her around the neck. Yep, totally her fault.

    Umm...what a load of bull! She should apologise for starting it, he should apologise for crossing a line.
    "Crossing a line"? Yes, when he was sitting there minding his own business, he certainly intended for her to be immature and have a go at him over nothing. Yep, totally his fault. In what way did he "cross a line" when she didn't?

    Both of these people should apologise, as you said, as I have said before, and as andyj72 said (note the word "also" in your quote). They both "crossed a line". They are both equally to blame for whatever ensued since none of this would've happened if either of those actions (her shouting at him, him grabbing her) hadn't happened. What he did was worse, but she started it. I'd say that balanced out quite nicely.
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    (Original post by more adventurous)
    She can apologise for being immature. He can apologise for being violent, which is clearly the worse crime.
    I don't know like.
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    (Original post by Chase Me)
    I don't know like.
    Is that supposed to mean something? :confused:
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    Unless he is down on his knees apologising next time you see him, I'd say dump him, and if anything remotely like this happens again, end it. It could have been a once in a lifetime thing, but I'd be very careful if I were you. Basically, unless you feel very confident that it will never happen again you ought to dump him, and if it does happen again then its really not worth the risk. If you feel the slightest worried about it then noone has the right to blaim you if you decide to dump him. You may have acted badly or immature, but that is no excuse for something like this, and your boyfriend is responsible for his own actions just as much as you are for yours. Just be careful not to put yourself in danger, and know that there is no reason why you should have to accept anything like this.
 
 
 
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