I saw my biological dad on the train today

Hi

Im 17 and basically havent seen my biological father since I was 4 (13 years). I dont think of him as my dad at all, so dont really care about it. Anyway, I was on the train today and I saw him walk down the train straight past me and sit behind me. At first, it was one of those things where you recognise, but dont really know who it is and then I realised. He obviously didnt recognise me. I was contemplating for ages going and speaking to him, but I decided not to. On the way off the train I caught his eye and i could tell he recognised my face somewhat, but obviously couldnt think where he knew me from. Anyway I just walked off and that was it. It was weird.

Should I have spoken to him?

Reply 1

generalebriety

Well... you seem to be regretting not having spoken to him. Anyway, he hasn't seen you since you were 4. Not only is that 13 years you've been apart, it's 13 years you've had to change, and unless you're like me (I look exactly the same as I did when I was 4, except now I wear glasses :biggrin:

), he probably won't have recognised you at all.

If you don't care about him, why are you asking if you should've spoken to him?

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Well you said you dont see him as a dad...does that mean that u guys dont like each other? what im basically trying to say is that if u both dont get along then i think its ok that u didnt say hi to him...if i hadnt spoken to someone in such a long time and i didnt particularly like them, i personally wouldnt have spoken to him/her. however, if you two are civil with each other then i think a "hello, how are you?" would have been nice. it doesnt really make a difference now and i dont think that you should worry about it but i hope what i have written will help you in the future if u ever see him again.

Reply 3

History_is...

I dont think so. It would have been difficult and you may not have enjoyed it - you don't say why you haven't seen him so i don't know how it was left, but i imagine there may have been tension? In my opinion if you managed without him for that long you dont need to speak to him now. Just don't think about what you should/not have done now, there is no point stressing yourself out xx

Reply 4

~nat~

That must have been hard for you, but the immediate thing that struck me was you 'don't really care about it'... it seems you do, you care enough to post about it here, as well as to question as to whether you should have spoken to him.

The question is do you feel guilty for not approaching him? Do you think that had he have recognised you, he would have approached you? I don't know the circumstances as to him no longer being your dad, but don't ever feel compelled to speak to him just because of biological links: you've both clearly moved on with your lives.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

I meant I dont care about not seeing him for 13 years. Either way, I still found it a bit weird.

Reply 6

History_is...

Understandably. I don't really feel comfortable discussing it but I saw a relative in a random shop after many years and even though i didn't speak to them it just brings back memories. Hope your ok, try not to think about it xx

Reply 7

Sithius

I haven't seen my dad in about 3 years now, and I'm your age. However, if he saw me he would instantly recognise me. I would think he maybe knew it was you but felt awkward?

Reply 8

generalebriety

Sithius

I haven't seen my dad in about 3 years now, and I'm your age. However, if he saw me he would instantly recognise me. I would think he maybe knew it was you but felt awkward?

Maybe you misread. His/her dad hasn't seen him/her since the age of 4... not for 4 years.

Reply 9

Sithius

Ah, I'm tired. I read it since 13, for 4 years.

Reply 10

Ghetto_Princess12

That must have been a quite big shock for you. Even though you haven’t actually spoken to him it might come across a relief to you that you got the chance see him. You might have wondered for a long time how he looked like face to face. That’s really hard to accept the fact that he didn’t recognise you.

Try not think about as it only going cause a you distress. I think you should move with your life. Try and think of it as another obstacle in your life. There’s no point in trying to think about it as it only going to question his acts or cause you stress.

Reply 11

Bluelight

Its probably one of those things where you think it was your duty to speak to him or that you "should have" because its the type of thing that happens in the movies and tv. I would have probably thought the same thing had I been in the same situation. But you probably did the right thing, i can't imagine it being a particularly comfortable reconciliation, I think you're just thinking about it too much, its all for the best, you've managed to go this long without seeing him and are seemingly fine with it, so you should be able to carry on that way.