Just a moan really

I have a food allergy, and everybody knows this. The other day, someone cooked a meal for me, and I specifically asked whether they'd checked that I could eat it. They said they had, but it turns out they hadn't.

Now I'm really ill, have been for a few days, and probably will be for the next few days.

They've said they're really sorry, and want me to forgive them, but I don't think I want to/can. They keep telling me they're really sorry, and it was an accident, and I don't know what to say to that. I can't say something like, "Oh it's OK, it doesn't matter" because it obviously does. And I can't seem to make them understand the severity of this.

I just want to moan really, because I'm very ill and it could've been avoided.

Reply 1

subterfuge

1

what was it you couldnt eat that was in it?

Reply 2

generalebriety

16

Anonymous

They've said they're really sorry, and want me to forgive them, but I don't think I want to/can. They keep telling me they're really sorry, and it was an accident, and I don't know what to say to that.

Bit dramatic? You're clearly not hospitalised or dying. Also they've said it was an accident which is something you're ignoring because you have no reply to that, which normally means you've lost the argument. Stop being dramatic - what they didn't wasn't nice and food allergies are bad, but come on, it's really not worth all this drama over, is it? You can't forgive someone who cooked you a meal because it made you ill for a week... after which you will be absolutely fine again?

Ever had food poisoning? It's more or less the same thing except that really is lack of giving a **** on the part of the person cooking, not just an 'accident' - "ooh, I forgot to cook the meat". There are worse things that could've happened.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

generalebriety

Bit dramatic? You're clearly not hospitalised or dying. Also they've said it was an accident which is something you're ignoring because you have no reply to that, which normally means you've lost the argument. Stop being dramatic - what they didn't wasn't nice and food allergies are bad, but come on, it's really not worth all this drama over, is it? You can't forgive someone who cooked you a meal because it made you ill for a week... after which you will be absolutely fine again?

Ever had food poisoning? It's more or less the same thing except that really is lack of giving a **** on the part of the person cooking, not just an 'accident' - "ooh, I forgot to cook the meat". There are worse things that could've happened.

Actually, it's a lot worse than that. The only reason I'm not in hospital is because there's nothing they could do.

It's gonna mess up my digestion for at least a month, and may have longer term health risks.

Reply 4

generalebriety

16

Wow. Well in that case, just kill them.

How dare an accident occur. Those bastards.

Reply 5

frost105

14

If the person is has actually apologised then you should accept it if your a real friend. Its not like they did it on purpose. I agree with the other posters you should move on and stop being so dramatic.

Reply 6

generalebriety

16

englishstudent

Yeah, don't ever forgive them. Change your phone number so you're no longer contactable. Cut them off totally. Change school/university. When they die go and piss on their grave and laugh.

Edit: Actually no, that would be ridiculous. I don't know what I was thinking. Before that you should fashion a voodoo doll of them and stick pins in it so that they Never. Ever. EVER. Make another GODDAMNED mistake! Erm, you should probably also report them to the police so that they never do anything so horrendous again. What else, what else? Hmmm, you could throw rocks - but that doesn't really fully convey the severity of the crime they committed. I'm sure you'll think of something! :smile:

Precisely. :smile:

Edit: oh, this has been deleted. Oh well. Traitor.

Reply 7

ImperceptibleNinja

13

Maybe you need to put more of an emphasis on the consequences of eating whatever it is you're allergic to. If people are more aware of how serious your allergy is, they'll probably take more care in checking things properly.
It's also useful to mention things like that pretty early on - when I turned veggie, I foolishly assumed my friend's mum knew, so was a bit surprised and guilty when faced with a home-made ham pizza. Of course, that's not on a comparable scale to an allergy, but it illustrates the point that you're responsible for letting people know what you can't eat, and why it's so important that you don't eat it [if they don't listen and keep on interupting, tell them to sit down, shut up, and wait for you to finish speaking because it's important, thank-you-very-much :smile:

]. If they fail to grasp that concept, don't ditch them as friends, but maybe don't let them cook for you again?

Reply 8

Chase Me

8

Anonymous

I have a food allergy, and everybody knows this. The other day, someone cooked a meal for me, and I specifically asked whether they'd checked that I could eat it. They said they had, but it turns out they hadn't.

Now I'm really ill, have been for a few days, and probably will be for the next few days.

They've said they're really sorry, and want me to forgive them, but I don't think I want to/can. They keep telling me they're really sorry, and it was an accident, and I don't know what to say to that. I can't say something like, "Oh it's OK, it doesn't matter" because it obviously does. And I can't seem to make them understand the severity of this.

I just want to moan really, because I'm very ill and it could've been avoided.

It's a bit harsh of you really. They didn't do it on purpose, and went to great lengths to cook you a nice dinner. If you're allergic to a good number of foods then it must have been hard for them. I think you're being a bit stubborn about it.

Hehe, I once fed a vegan tuna by accident.

Reply 9

Tyler Durden

17

generalebriety

Precisely. :smile:

Edit: oh, this has been deleted. Oh well. Traitor.

Ah well - you saved a shadow of it! I felt mean and vindictive. :p:

Reply 10

generalebriety

16

Chase Me

It's a bit harsh of you really. They didn't do it on purpose, and went to great lengths to cook you a nice dinner.

Exactly. On reading this post I felt so bad for the people who had gone out of their way to cook you a meal and then, to compound the guilt they must have felt, had/will have to deal with you being aggressive and cold towards them for a mistake they made while specifically trying to be nice to you. :frown:

Leave them alone, they seem well-intentioned and innocent, and they're probably beating themselves up over it.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Chase Me

It's a bit harsh of you really. They didn't do it on purpose, and went to great lengths to cook you a nice dinner. If you're allergic to a good number of foods then it must have been hard for them. I think you're being a bit stubborn about it.

Hehe, I once fed a vegan tuna by accident.

Hence why I specifically checked it was OK for me to eat. They lied to me by saying they had checked.

Reply 12

la fille danse

17

Anonymous

Hence why I specifically checked it was OK for me to eat. They lied to me by saying they had checked.

Maybe they had, and overlooked something.

Reply 13

supertramp

9

what was it you couldnt eat that was in it?

That.

Reply 14

generalebriety

16

Anonymous

Hence why I specifically checked it was OK for me to eat. They lied to me by saying they had checked.

Well, it's not commendable behaviour at all, but suppose they had been cooking the meal for an hour and now had to throw it all away and start again because they had forgotten to check? Either way you're being extremely nasty to people who were going out of their way to be nice to you. Also maybe they overlooked something, as has been said, which I thought was the obvious possibility anyway.

Reply 15

Happy_Rocker

1

omg this has happened to me a few time, i understand how DAMN annoying it is, once during a field trip 'has this got aubergines in it?' 'no no, it'll be fine' and it was full of aubergines
in Gregg's are you sure this has just got vegetables in it, i cant eat dairy 'yes yes just vegetables' and it was full of cheese
These days at the risk of being rude i dont let people cook for me unless i really trust them. its not worth the rashes and the stomach cramps, diarrhoea........

Reply 16

Sopheh

13

Actually, when I first read it I thought that the person who cooked it should have checked. It's all very well cooking you a meal, but if they cook it with something that they KNOW you're allergic to then there's no point in doing it!

I understand why you're so upset over it, and I don't think you're overreacting. Or maybe I would over react in the same way.

It's the fact that they KNEW you had a food allergy, not that they did it deliberately or anything, but you even asked them to double check! It's either laziness or stupidity.

Maybe I'm being a little harsh now :O

But I agree with the ninja :biggrin:

- tell them what happens when you eat whatever it is... then maybe they'll take special care over things.

Oh, and I would accept their apology, but secretly dislike them for a little while... and then get over it. Ahhh, to be a passive-aggressive! :biggrin:

Reply 17

Pseudomuse

1

I think you should shun him for at least 3 weeks. what he did endangered your life, i mean worse case scenareo is that you went in to anaphalatic shock, he could have seriously injured you because of his neglegence.

have you explained how dangerous it was and how irresponsible he was

Reply 18

generalebriety

16

Happy_Rocker

omg this has happened to me a few time, i understand how DAMN annoying it is, once during a field trip 'has this got aubergines in it?' 'no no, it'll be fine' and it was full of aubergines
in Gregg's are you sure this has just got vegetables in it, i cant eat dairy 'yes yes just vegetables' and it was full of cheese
These days at the risk of being rude i dont let people cook for me unless i really trust them. its not worth the rashes and the stomach cramps, diarrhoea........

These people probably didn't spend an hour in the kitchen cooking solely for you as their guest... the situation is different. Someone else probably cooked it and the person didn't have a clue whether it had cheese in or not and really wasn't arsed enough to phone the person who cooked them.

Reply 19

bunthulhu

14

Some people here are being incredibly ignorant and insensitive. Food allergies can be extremely serious. Nut allergy is a type of food allergy, and that can kill people, comprende? Apparently this type isn't fatal but clearly it's still a big health problem. I cook for people and if I gave a plate of food to someone with an allergy and lied about having checked it, I'd completely expect them to be furious with me. So what if I cooked them a meal? I've just made them incredibly ill through my own insensitivity and I shouldn't have bothered cooking the meal in the first place if I wasn't going to be careful enough; so that's my own problem.

I'd imagine it would be quite difficult for it to be an accident - you just watch the ingredients you're putting in. Unless it's some very elusive substance in which case I could understand more. You haven't said what was in it so I can't elaborate on that. I think you should try and forgive them but make sure you let them know how ill it has made you; don't be mean or vindictive about it but make sure they're aware, and don't let them cook for you again!

Just a moan really

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