What the **** is wrong with me. Need someone to vent to/talk to/help me now please. Watch

Anonymous #1
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I am emotionally unstable. I've just had an argument with my boyfriend, and ended up in tears feeling like my life is over. Every time this happens, I get the urge to self destruct. Even if it's not a full blown argument. At the slightest hint something is off, I end up getting upset and angry, because I feel rejected and unloved. It's like my whole self worth depends on him. And the anger I feel when I feel rejected is ridiculous. I go from feeling fine and even really happy to being filled with rage and hating the world. It is horrible. He tends to go quiet when he's annoyed with me, and I can't deal with that. That's what sets me off. I'd rather he scream and shout at me. The quiet is like a rejection of me, and I feel unloved and worthless. It's the worst feeling

This is a problem with ME. I've been like this in every relationship I've had, including platonic and familial relationships. At the slightest hint of rejection, I react like a big angry crying ball of idek. It's caused me to do some ****ed up stuff in the past, and end up getting arrested a couple of times for self destructive behaviour. This has been going on since I was 12.

I'm diagnosed bipolar, which explains some of it, but not how my emotions change so quickly and how I can't seem to find any self worth in myself. I don't even know what to do any more. No therapist I've ever seen has made it better. No one I've ever spoken to has made it better. I can't write what I really feel because this wouldn't get posted and I'd get a nice message giving me a helpline number or something, but I literally feel ****ty.

Anyone with any advice or even just to tell me I'm a pathetic sack of crap, please comment. I just need to vent to someone who isn't my boyfriend because he's getting annoyed with his ****ed in the head girlfriend.
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katyness
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Do you get any professional help for your condition at all? Do you get counselling or something?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by katyness)
Do you get any professional help for your condition at all? Do you get counselling or something?
I used to but I don't anymore
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Anonymous #1
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I also don't know what the **** I'm doing at university. I can't write essays. I can't do this. Why the **** have I done this? Everyone else is clever and can do it.

I just feel like m emotions are everyone else's feelings on crack. From happiness to sadness, I feel much more deeply than other people. I cry when reading the news FFS. On the flipside, I can empathise fantastically. But I also absorb all the **** flying around and end up feeling like this
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Anonymous #1
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Anyone???
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Eva.Gregoria
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Borderline personality disorder, this sounds like.

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-s...lity-disorder/

But tell the GP exactly this and get a professional diagnosis.

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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Eva.Gregoria)
Borderline personality disorder, this sounds like.

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-s...lity-disorder/

But tell the GP exactly this and get a professional diagnosis.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Thank you. Looking at this it does sound like me, I think I'm going to go back to my GP
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03ashtonjonesr
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you. Looking at this it does sound like me, I think I'm going to go back to my GP
Yeah, I have a friend who was suicidal - not bi-polar though, but most of what you say rings very similar to what he says. I think talking to your GP is a good idea, as you may need therapy/ a new therapist (you need to feel ,as much as you can, comfortable around your therapist. Every person finds some therapists work for others and not them and vice versa).

If you do go to a therapist it will never be a quick fix.... but you will get better quicker if your honest with them (as in my experience people lie about mental illness, mostly because they are embarrassed/don't think there's anything wrong, even though they feel like rubbish etc. - don't lie if you can help it, I know easier said then done!)

I hope that's at least vaguely useful...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 03ashtonjonesr)
Yeah, I have a friend who was suicidal - not bi-polar though, but most of what you say rings very similar to what he says. I think talking to your GP is a good idea, as you may need therapy/ a new therapist (you need to feel ,as much as you can, comfortable around your therapist. Every person finds some therapists work for others and not them and vice versa).

If you do go to a therapist it will never be a quick fix.... but you will get better quicker if your honest with them (as in my experience people lie about mental illness, mostly because they are embarrassed/don't think there's anything wrong, even though they feel like rubbish etc. - don't lie if you can help it, I know easier said then done!)

I hope that's at least vaguely useful...
Thanks,it is useful. I've never really spoken fully to any therapist about this because it's only now I recognise it. Before I would take it as everyone being horrible and trying to hurt me without realising that was my perception of it

I'm going to try and get a new therapist
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Anonymous #1
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Bumppp any other advice?
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03ashtonjonesr
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Yeah but it's usually family that tell you that sort of thing, so it gets dismissed (by you) because it comes from them! Its common, I mean how many children do you know that don't argue with their parents over pretty much everything, why would it be any different with this! Perception is a massive cause of depression, and as stupid as it sounds try not to look at things negatively.Put positive spins on it. You'll feel stupid at first, but after time it'll become second nature to think positively instead of dragging yourself down.

I hope therapy goes better this time, depression is usually caused by a feeling isolated. So if you do feel like its only you going through it, read a book called Shoot The Damn Dog by Sally Brampton. It's horrible at times, but it explains what it is like, for people inside as well as people close to people who have depression. It's heavy going (emotionally) so maybe only read it if you're feeling good enough to cope.

Last couple of things, before I bore you to death (I'd rather you have too much info than not enough), find something you want to do in the future of your life (a Job, a Holiday) and make roads towards reaching it. Even if it is slowly. It will help you make you feel better about yourself, as you accomplish stuff that YOU are interested in. Finally, and this is important, don't make your boyfriend the sole reason for you wanting to get better. As it is self destructive in itself. You should want to get better so YOU don't feel ****.

I hope you feel better and apologies for the possible information overload!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 03ashtonjonesr)
Yeah but it's usually family that tell you that sort of thing, so it gets dismissed (by you) because it comes from them! Its common, I mean how many children do you know that don't argue with their parents over pretty much everything, why would it be any different with this! Perception is a massive cause of depression, and as stupid as it sounds try not to look at things negatively.Put positive spins on it. You'll feel stupid at first, but after time it'll become second nature to think positively instead of dragging yourself down.

I hope therapy goes better this time, depression is usually caused by a feeling isolated. So if you do feel like its only you going through it, read a book called Shoot The Damn Dog by Sally Brampton. It's horrible at times, but it explains what it is like, for people inside as well as people close to people who have depression. It's heavy going (emotionally) so maybe only read it if you're feeling good enough to cope.

Last couple of things, before I bore you to death (I'd rather you have too much info than not enough), find something you want to do in the future of your life (a Job, a Holiday) and make roads towards reaching it. Even if it is slowly. It will help you make you feel better about yourself, as you accomplish stuff that YOU are interested in. Finally, and this is important, don't make your boyfriend the sole reason for you wanting to get better. As it is self destructive in itself. You should want to get better so YOU don't feel ****.

I hope you feel better and apologies for the possible information overload!
Thanks! Don'tworry about overload, I need someone totalk to and something to focus on so I feel I'm doing something about this
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mimi112
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am emotionally unstable. I've just had an argument with my boyfriend, and ended up in tears feeling like my life is over. Every time this happens, I get the urge to self destruct. Even if it's not a full blown argument. At the slightest hint something is off, I end up getting upset and angry, because I feel rejected and unloved. It's like my whole self worth depends on him. And the anger I feel when I feel rejected is ridiculous. I go from feeling fine and even really happy to being filled with rage and hating the world. It is horrible. He tends to go quiet when he's annoyed with me, and I can't deal with that. That's what sets me off. I'd rather he scream and shout at me. The quiet is like a rejection of me, and I feel unloved and worthless. It's the worst feeling

This is a problem with ME. I've been like this in every relationship I've had, including platonic and familial relationships. At the slightest hint of rejection, I react like a big angry crying ball of idek. It's caused me to do some ****ed up stuff in the past, and end up getting arrested a couple of times for self destructive behaviour. This has been going on since I was 12.

I'm diagnosed bipolar, which explains some of it, but not how my emotions change so quickly and how I can't seem to find any self worth in myself. I don't even know what to do any more. No therapist I've ever seen has made it better. No one I've ever spoken to has made it better. I can't write what I really feel because this wouldn't get posted and I'd get a nice message giving me a helpline number or something, but I literally feel ****ty.

Anyone with any advice or even just to tell me I'm a pathetic sack of crap, please comment. I just need to vent to someone who isn't my boyfriend because he's getting annoyed with his ****ed in the head girlfriend.
cliffs?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mimi112)
cliffs?
What does that mean
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SoftPunch
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am emotionally unstable. I've just had an argument with my boyfriend, and ended up in tears feeling like my life is over. Every time this happens, I get the urge to self destruct. Even if it's not a full blown argument. At the slightest hint something is off, I end up getting upset and angry, because I feel rejected and unloved. It's like my whole self worth depends on him. And the anger I feel when I feel rejected is ridiculous. I go from feeling fine and even really happy to being filled with rage and hating the world. It is horrible. He tends to go quiet when he's annoyed with me, and I can't deal with that. That's what sets me off. I'd rather he scream and shout at me. The quiet is like a rejection of me, and I feel unloved and worthless. It's the worst feeling

This is a problem with ME. I've been like this in every relationship I've had, including platonic and familial relationships. At the slightest hint of rejection, I react like a big angry crying ball of idek. It's caused me to do some ****ed up stuff in the past, and end up getting arrested a couple of times for self destructive behaviour. This has been going on since I was 12.

I'm diagnosed bipolar, which explains some of it, but not how my emotions change so quickly and how I can't seem to find any self worth in myself. I don't even know what to do any more. No therapist I've ever seen has made it better. No one I've ever spoken to has made it better. I can't write what I really feel because this wouldn't get posted and I'd get a nice message giving me a helpline number or something, but I literally feel ****ty.

Anyone with any advice or even just to tell me I'm a pathetic sack of crap, please comment. I just need to vent to someone who isn't my boyfriend because he's getting annoyed with his ****ed in the head girlfriend.
I cannot make a diagnosis as I am not a psychiatrist. However, I think you should calm down and book yourself for a therapy with a professional psychologist. Try to find the one with good reviews. Alternatively, maybe your doctor can advise on some medications.
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