Life seems so dull if you don't know what you want to do
I'm just reflecting on life. I went uni at 19 but wasn't ready and dropped out after a year. I'm 23 now and have spent about 4 years working and doing other bits and bobs and almost certainly going back again next September. That said I don't know for sure what I want to do in life but I do feel it's good for me to go uni.
Are there others out there not sure of what they want to truly pursue? It's really frustrating not having a purpose as such. I'm envious of people who are striving to do their thing, I just don't know where they get such orientation from. My parents brought me up but never had any career orientation. There wasn't any emphasis on career. My dad was an alcoholic who lay in bed all his life when not drinking (well not completely true but you get my drift). My mother spent alot of attention to my brother who is disabled and had to cater for his needs.
I grew up feeling alone and not sure where I'm headed. And now I'm 23 I feel really old just slogging it out in sales/retail and I don't feel like I'm where I could/should be at. For whatever reason, my development is stunted. When I look at other people they all look so successful, happy, full of friends, experiences, having girlfriend(s). And then I look at myself and I'm just not there even though on the surface you would think so. Everything has gone so wrong.
Please tell me I'm not alone ... sorry just having a late night reflective moment.
Are there others out there not sure of what they want to truly pursue? It's really frustrating not having a purpose as such. I'm envious of people who are striving to do their thing, I just don't know where they get such orientation from. My parents brought me up but never had any career orientation. There wasn't any emphasis on career. My dad was an alcoholic who lay in bed all his life when not drinking (well not completely true but you get my drift). My mother spent alot of attention to my brother who is disabled and had to cater for his needs.
I grew up feeling alone and not sure where I'm headed. And now I'm 23 I feel really old just slogging it out in sales/retail and I don't feel like I'm where I could/should be at. For whatever reason, my development is stunted. When I look at other people they all look so successful, happy, full of friends, experiences, having girlfriend(s). And then I look at myself and I'm just not there even though on the surface you would think so. Everything has gone so wrong.
Please tell me I'm not alone ... sorry just having a late night reflective moment.
A lot of people don't know what they want to do, but they find motivation in things like hobbies, friends, gfs/bfs and impressing the opposite sex.
Many people go into a job or career that they never especially wanted to do when they were younger, but they understand they have to do something which gives them a good salary and good security for the future. Many will have been influenced by their parents or school to go down the university route and work in a corporate role, or as a doctor or lawyer, because 'thats what everyone else does'. What 10 year old says to themselves 'I want to become an investment banker when I grow older'. No 10 year old says that, it's ridiculous. They want to be popstars, sports professionals, celebrities etc. but as you grow older, you become more realistic in your expectations and you do things because you have to, not because you want to.
Many people go into a job or career that they never especially wanted to do when they were younger, but they understand they have to do something which gives them a good salary and good security for the future. Many will have been influenced by their parents or school to go down the university route and work in a corporate role, or as a doctor or lawyer, because 'thats what everyone else does'. What 10 year old says to themselves 'I want to become an investment banker when I grow older'. No 10 year old says that, it's ridiculous. They want to be popstars, sports professionals, celebrities etc. but as you grow older, you become more realistic in your expectations and you do things because you have to, not because you want to.
You're definitely not alone. I think this is much more prevalent than you think.
It's hard to obvious advise you in terms of your future career. All i would say is, start off by analysing what types of activities interest you.
For example, do you enjoy writing (Journalist)? Are you good with numbers (Finance)? Are you a creative sort (Marketing)?
Another thing you can do is think of job titles/descriptions, and Google them, to find out more about that type of job. You even go to sites like Monster.co.uk and read about job descriptions, just to get an idea of what a certain job would be like. The purpose here is to see if something interests you or excites you.
It really might give you some clarification, or, if nothing else, eliminate certain possibilities.
Good luck.
It's hard to obvious advise you in terms of your future career. All i would say is, start off by analysing what types of activities interest you.
For example, do you enjoy writing (Journalist)? Are you good with numbers (Finance)? Are you a creative sort (Marketing)?
Another thing you can do is think of job titles/descriptions, and Google them, to find out more about that type of job. You even go to sites like Monster.co.uk and read about job descriptions, just to get an idea of what a certain job would be like. The purpose here is to see if something interests you or excites you.
It really might give you some clarification, or, if nothing else, eliminate certain possibilities.
Good luck.
Your definitely not alone. When your really successful, it doesn't guarantee you friends. Almost every good kid, the kind that doesn't end up with coals in their stockings for Christmas, struggle with forming friendships with people and after a point in your life when you look at yourself and see all that you have achieved you only want to hang out with ppl who have done the same, because in school kids always go for kids that they have more in common with, from hobbies to grades.
When your really successful, sometimes maintaining friendships can become difficult and not everyone can do it, so it has the potential to fizzle out, and losing a good friend is worse than never having ever made one. Those who say its better to have "loved and lost" don't know about the pain of being a solitary figure most of their lives because they have settled for sth less than what their heart truly desires because they cannot be strong and battle on.
Being alone isn't everyone's piece of cake
!
So to put it plainly, I think it is very commendable that your going to uni once more because when you look at a lot of how content other people are and you question as to why you do not have what they have you have to keep in mind that your personal life & career trajectory is entirely your own. This isn't wanting a Tesco Chicken & Bacon Sandwich when you see someone else having it
because you know wanting that is simple: just drop over at Tesco and get yourself some. Don't have the pennies to afford it ? Then work harder, you know you will be able to afford it in a few days time so practice having some patience and treat yourself to some scones & jam till then.
Success takes time. Meanwhile, hop to it, those items will not sell themselves & impress your boss on their own...
When your really successful, sometimes maintaining friendships can become difficult and not everyone can do it, so it has the potential to fizzle out, and losing a good friend is worse than never having ever made one. Those who say its better to have "loved and lost" don't know about the pain of being a solitary figure most of their lives because they have settled for sth less than what their heart truly desires because they cannot be strong and battle on.
Being alone isn't everyone's piece of cake
!So to put it plainly, I think it is very commendable that your going to uni once more because when you look at a lot of how content other people are and you question as to why you do not have what they have you have to keep in mind that your personal life & career trajectory is entirely your own. This isn't wanting a Tesco Chicken & Bacon Sandwich when you see someone else having it
because you know wanting that is simple: just drop over at Tesco and get yourself some. Don't have the pennies to afford it ? Then work harder, you know you will be able to afford it in a few days time so practice having some patience and treat yourself to some scones & jam till then.Success takes time. Meanwhile, hop to it, those items will not sell themselves & impress your boss on their own...
(edited 10 years ago)
it's all about experience and introspection.. you have to be brave enough to try things.
i went travelling for a year and still do whenever i can, i've tried almost every low-wage job under the sun (fundraising, fruit picking, social care, catering, etc.), and at uni i do as many societies as possible. it's all about that experience- i would say at least 3/4 of the things i try don't work out, but because i try so many things, i've got so much more variety in my experiences than other people, and sometimes finding out you don't like a certain thing allows you to make choices that much more easily. when i was 18/19 i made my mind up that my early 20s would be all about experiences, because once i got to the stage where i would be making life choices i wanted a solid foundation, a detailed picture, from which to base those decisions.
now if i want to think "what are my strengths and weaknesses?", "what makes me happy?"- i can plan my life out so much more easily. it's also about not being restricted by comfort zones- i've never been naturally adventurous, but i've pushed myself to attack anything that i feel uncomfortable about, so that my choices are not restricted. if you never do that then who knows, maybe there is a certain life path that would make you happy, but because it seems so out-there to you it ends up being something you don't consider. for example, i'll probably have kayaking as a hobby that stays with me, and i try every adventure sport i can these days, but there was a time when the idea of me doing something things like that seemed well out of character.
just, in terms of the experiences you already have, figure out which ones make you happy and which have made you unhappy and try to incorporate that in your career plans. at the same time, if you're going to uni you still have a few "non-responsibility" years left, so use them to gain experiences you normally wouldn't do.
i went travelling for a year and still do whenever i can, i've tried almost every low-wage job under the sun (fundraising, fruit picking, social care, catering, etc.), and at uni i do as many societies as possible. it's all about that experience- i would say at least 3/4 of the things i try don't work out, but because i try so many things, i've got so much more variety in my experiences than other people, and sometimes finding out you don't like a certain thing allows you to make choices that much more easily. when i was 18/19 i made my mind up that my early 20s would be all about experiences, because once i got to the stage where i would be making life choices i wanted a solid foundation, a detailed picture, from which to base those decisions.
now if i want to think "what are my strengths and weaknesses?", "what makes me happy?"- i can plan my life out so much more easily. it's also about not being restricted by comfort zones- i've never been naturally adventurous, but i've pushed myself to attack anything that i feel uncomfortable about, so that my choices are not restricted. if you never do that then who knows, maybe there is a certain life path that would make you happy, but because it seems so out-there to you it ends up being something you don't consider. for example, i'll probably have kayaking as a hobby that stays with me, and i try every adventure sport i can these days, but there was a time when the idea of me doing something things like that seemed well out of character.
just, in terms of the experiences you already have, figure out which ones make you happy and which have made you unhappy and try to incorporate that in your career plans. at the same time, if you're going to uni you still have a few "non-responsibility" years left, so use them to gain experiences you normally wouldn't do.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Tridentus
it's all about experience and introspection.. you have to be brave enough to try things.
i went travelling for a year and still do whenever i can, i've tried almost every low-wage job under the sun (fundraising, fruit picking, social care, catering, etc.), and at uni i do as many societies as possible. it's all about that experience- i would say at least 3/4 of the things i try don't work out, but because i try so many things, i've got so much more variety in my experiences than other people, and sometimes finding out you don't like a certain thing allows you to make choices that much more easily. when i was 18/19 i made my mind up that my early 20s would be all about experiences, because once i got to the stage where i would be making life choices i wanted a solid foundation, a detailed picture, from which to base those decisions.
now if i want to think "what are my strengths and weaknesses?", "what makes me happy?"- i can plan my life out so much more easily. it's also about not being restricted by comfort zones- i've never been naturally adventurous, but i've pushed myself to attack anything that i feel uncomfortable about, so that my choices are not restricted. if you never do that then who knows, maybe there is a certain life path that would make you happy, but because it seems so out-there to you it ends up being something you don't consider. for example, i'll probably have kayaking as a hobby that stays with me, and i try every adventure sport i can these days, but there was a time when the idea of me doing something things like that seemed well out of character.
just, in terms of the experiences you already have, figure out which ones make you happy and which have made you unhappy and try to incorporate that in your career plans. at the same time, if you're going to uni you still have a few "non-responsibility" years left, so use them to gain experiences you normally wouldn't do.
i went travelling for a year and still do whenever i can, i've tried almost every low-wage job under the sun (fundraising, fruit picking, social care, catering, etc.), and at uni i do as many societies as possible. it's all about that experience- i would say at least 3/4 of the things i try don't work out, but because i try so many things, i've got so much more variety in my experiences than other people, and sometimes finding out you don't like a certain thing allows you to make choices that much more easily. when i was 18/19 i made my mind up that my early 20s would be all about experiences, because once i got to the stage where i would be making life choices i wanted a solid foundation, a detailed picture, from which to base those decisions.
now if i want to think "what are my strengths and weaknesses?", "what makes me happy?"- i can plan my life out so much more easily. it's also about not being restricted by comfort zones- i've never been naturally adventurous, but i've pushed myself to attack anything that i feel uncomfortable about, so that my choices are not restricted. if you never do that then who knows, maybe there is a certain life path that would make you happy, but because it seems so out-there to you it ends up being something you don't consider. for example, i'll probably have kayaking as a hobby that stays with me, and i try every adventure sport i can these days, but there was a time when the idea of me doing something things like that seemed well out of character.
just, in terms of the experiences you already have, figure out which ones make you happy and which have made you unhappy and try to incorporate that in your career plans. at the same time, if you're going to uni you still have a few "non-responsibility" years left, so use them to gain experiences you normally wouldn't do.
Wow, that was an inspiring post. I had Chariots of Fire in my mind as I was reading that
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