Should I ask roommate to leave?

I rent a house and have two room mates.

One I adore and the other I want to ask to move.

1) She invited us out for a dinner in Chinatown with her friends, I could't go but housemate could. Couple of days before the dinner Laura asked Ashley where the dinner was, what time to meet etc - apparently there wasn't enough room - its at a restaurant in China Town. So you feel like she excluded the other housemate on purpose? Just to clarify, basically she said Laura could go but then Laura couldn't all of a sudden?

2) She had four friends sleep over - didn't ask us for permission for anything. I knew they were coming and asked where they were staying (she has a few other friends hereA friend in your room, whatever, but 4 friends sleeping in the living room? Was this just for a night? Were they a pain? It doesn't seem too much of a big deal IMO, though she should have asked permission. Could she not have had one or two in her room?

3) Her boyfriend dumped her and I said "shall we go for a movie as I had free tickets". We agreed on a date and time. I didn't confirm on the day but neither did she. She changed her number (and didn't tell us) and I messaged the wrong number. She came home in the evening and I asked what happened regarding the cinema - apparently she didn't think setting a time and a date was set in stone??? Did she just forget to tell you her number? Was the time and date pretty much decided on btw?

4) There are other things like she puts the blender on at silly o clock in the morning and hogs the bathroom to dry her hair… these things I don't mind so much. Annoying but whatever we are all like that. What time in the morning? Also, if it bothers you ask her to dry her hair in her room? If she has a blow dryer she can use it there

5) It is her birthday and the only way we found out was by her getting sent an a letter from the gym. I asked her what date it was on "she said in a few weeks" wouldn't give a definite day… I said we should do something as a flat - she said she wasn't celebrating it with her friends etc as her social calendar is too busy etc. However she asked our other housemate to invite her other friends over for food one night - isn't that a slap in the face to us? How do you know she wouldn't have told you anyway? Maybe she feels like you two are ganging up on her, hence she doesn't want you to celebrate with her? Is the inviting friends over for food thing birthday related or just like a normal dinner thing?

I feel maybe it is my problem that I need to get over? I can't stand her being around and having to make small talk and she's just annoying. She emails saying "what are you doing this weekend" looking for things to do with me or the other housemate when she got dumped. She just angers me and annoys me.

You sound like you quite resent her. Were you friends before you moved in? Did you get on OK at the start? Why can't you stand her being around, do you find her annoying etc.?

Also, at the risk of stating the obvious don't go backbiting and gossiping about her (not saying you are, but if you are), this will only make matters worse.

Thanks for the reply.

1) I am not sure why Laura was un-invited - initially I said I could go, but than my circumstances changed. Laura said she was always going - but the start of the week (so maybe Monday/Tuesday) the BYO on Friday Laura asked about time/location etc but was told there wasn't space. In Ashleys defence she did tell her later in the week there was space - but why invite and than uninvite and than invite someone? Yeah, that's weird - had she booked already before inviting Laura? If not, maybe there really was no space, although she could have just been excluding her if the restaurant is usually not busy.

I don't know why she would purposely exclude her - so I am guessing they didn't have space - but at the same time Laura was annoyed about it at the time and I did try and make excuses for Amy. I have not known BYO not to have spaces for groups and there was no apology or "we will try someplace else" or "I will keep you informed if someone drops out".

2) There were at our house for a total of four nights. We were not asked if it was ok and because she had only just moved in I didn't say anything - they were not noisy but it was imposing. Sorry the original post didn't make sense. I knew they were coming as she talked about it - but she didn't ask us both if it is ok if they stay over X nights. They were sleeping on the couch and a spare mattress that was being recycled. That's definitely OTT in my opinion, did you speak to her about it afterwards? I can imagine especially after you've moved in you don't want loads of people bothering you, yeah, especially in a common area. She should really have people in her room and asked permission.

3) Number yes, however she had my number saved in her new phone so I guess she forgot. I think by going through all the days and working out what day we were both available and setting a location and what to do - surely that is set in stone? Yeah, forgetting not to give you her new number is understandable, blowing off plans you've made already is not on as you could have been doing something else.

4) She apparently can't see her mirror in her room… it is just one of those problems that you have living with someone. She is not considerate. She prob gets annoyed when myself and Laura talk when she is in bed at 9.15pm. Not such a big deal (is it just like 5 minutes extra in the bathroom) but rather silly IMO, why wouldn't you want to dry your hair in your room anyway?

5) Lauras friends are being invited over as just a dinner thing - she was talking to Laura and said "you should invite X and Y over for dinner one night". Laura is a nice girl so I don't think she would feel that way - we are rarely all home but having your two housemates ask to take you out for your birthday is ganging up? No, I meant if you guys generally dislike her (and talk about it) she might have seen you as ganging up. Why do you feel like it's a slap in the face if it's not a birthday thing out of curiosity? I presume you guys are invited too?

6) Yeah I prob feel rejected and feel like I am back to square one with housemate. The other housemate we had no issue with, but neither did I do/Laura do much with her either. I hang out with Laura a few times a month - I have my own life but at the same time I want to make friends with my housemates. Personally, if she doesn't want to be friends that's her problem? Be civil to her and obv draw boundaries regarding having friends over and how long people are in the bathroom and all that, but even if you're not going to be besties I wouldn't worry about it too much.

7) She is pleasant when she is at home, just invites us to stuff (but not her birthday) and doesn't follow through. It annoys me that she goes to bed at 9.15pm but she doesn't complain about our noise so I guess there is no problem. Well, it's up to her if she wants to go to bed early. How do you know she's doing anything for her birthday btw? Some people don't celebrate them, bit weird I know but it doesn't mean she's not inviting you on purpose.

I don't think you should ask her to leave. Other than anything else, it's not your decision. She has as much right to be there as you - if anything if you're the one with the problem you should leave!

It's okay NOT to get on with who you live with. I wouldn't have socialised with everyone I lived with at uni. I can understand why this girl wouldn't have wanted one of you to go without the other - because it was with her other group of friends and may have felt the odd one out.

The cinema thing is a bit rude but if she'd just broken up with her boyfriend, her head will have been all over the place.

Nothing wrong with inviting people to the house, although if you're bothered about not getting notice then you could ask her to agree to let you know in advance next time.

The hair dryer / blender thing is inconsiderate, so mention that. She might not have realised you could hear it.

She doesn't have to tell you when her birthday is, or invite you to it. Just because you're sharing a house doesn't mean you have to be best friends. Of course it would be easier if everyone got on, but if you don't then you'll start having much more fun once you realise that and stop trying to force a friendship!

Thanks.

It is my flat, my lease… ultimately if anything ****s up it is my problem. Maybe I didn't make that clear?

I guess I don't like being invited to stuff, uninvited and than looking like a **** when I suggest we do stuff.

It was her birthday on Wednesday and she now has a shrine with her cards etc in the living room - she started that on Friday. I just find it weird that she would display her birthday cards yet when I make an effort to branch out and be her friend she is dismissive… and treats me like a fool.

How did you arrange to have her living there then if it's your flat? Does she not have a contract? If it's just a spoken agreement and you're not happy then ask her to leave. It being YOUR lease changes things considerably. Depending on how it was arranged that she should live there in the first place, of course.

I rent the flat (as per my opening post) so I can partly sublet to anyone… I have this in writing.

You said you rent a house, and people will just assume that you mean you rent a room in the house.

If you can get rid of her, do it. I wouldn't have anyone living with me who I wasn't comfortable with. It completely changes it that it's your contract.

She sounds like a bit of a dick.

I wouldn't choose to socialise with a dick, let alone live with one.

Get rid.

Making noise early and having friends sleeping in the living room are the things that you could speak to her about because that's inconsiderate, tell her how you feel and she might change her behaviour. But you can't expect her to want to be friends with you if she doesn't want to be. You agreed for her to sublet and you need to treat that like a contract and stop trying to be her friend.


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OP, you're not nice. Just thought you should know that.

Sure…. but why does she be a dick like uninvite people to things… not show up etc… Thats rude.