can all mistakes be forgiven? (inlcuding cheating?)

My GF of 6 months cheated on me when on holiday. She got drunk, got talking to this guy who was a friend of her friend. Ended up kissing him and then passed out during sex.

I found out, gave her chance to explain, she denied more than kissing. That was enough for cheating for me. So I broke up with her. Its been 5 months, yet I miss her tremendously!

I will never be able to take her back. But I can't even forgive or forget what she's done, and how it's changed the way I am. It's changed my whole life.

Should/will I ever forgive her?

Reply 1

pinkbullets

Original post by ahha

No, if she can't remain faithful to you after just six months (when technically you're still in the honeymoon period) it's highly unlikely that she'll remain faithful to you in the long run. You'd never be comfortable with her going out clubbing with her friends or going on holiday without you ever again, and with good reason. I love my boyfriend and can't imagine my life without him but if he ever cheated it would mean that he doesn't feel as strongly about me as I do him, and I'd get rid of him straight away. Cheating is a choice, even when you're drunk. Find yourself a nice girl who won't ever dream of hurting you for the sake of drunken sex that she probably won't even remember the next day.

Reply 2

Metropolis

don't fall into the trap. lets her go, she doesn't deserve you, she is an inferior human being.

there's a whole world out there!

Reply 3

forevercharlotte

Original post by ahha

relationships are all about trust so its down to you if you can ever trust her again. Also the fact she cheated suggests how selfish she is and not caring about the relationship she was in

good luck with you decision :smile:

Reply 4

reapingunicorn32

Original post by ahha

NO! You should NOT get back with her. If she's made you feel so crap, why do you want to go through that again? Especially because she cheated on you. I could NEVER forgive someone who cheated on me. I can relate to changing your life as I felt like my life changed during being with my ex and now I feel lost as I've lost her.

The best thing for you to do is move on. All it's doing is hurting you and no one wants to be hurt more than the need to be. Go out on a lash and enjoy yourself :smile:

Reply 5

battycatlady

Don't take her back. Relationships are about trust and she broke it.

Do try and forgive her though. It will make you feel a lot better about things.

Reply 6

LightBlueSoldier

Original post by ahha

I wouldn't. Everyone's different though.

Reply 7

whatisthis47

Eventually, yeah, but that's only if you allow yourself to move on. You don't need to forgive her, but keeping your mind on her isn't healthy at all so you do need to find a way of forgetting her and what she's done. Just think of her as a glitch in your life.

When things like this happen in my life I tell myself "it's just a glitch in the matrix" because at the end of the day you do forget, and you do move on, and in the long run, a glitch is all it is. Your life may have changed, but it'll find some form of normality. Hell, I'm starting to speak from my own experience now -- my entire life changed when something similar happened; I had a nervous breakdown and **** hit the fan. At the time I just felt like my life could end at any moment because I was spiralling down so fast but it's been almost 7 months since I was at the peak of this feeling. Now, when I look back, it just seems like a "glitch in the matrix" because although those few months changed my entire life, life found a way to bounce back just like it always does.

Reply 8

batboy113

Of course they can. It all depends on your capacity and willingness to forgive. Instead of harboring hatred and spitefulness, try to exhibit forgiveness man. Your mind will be at ease and, in time, you'll reach a renewed sense of equilibrium. All in good time my friend. It's difficult, but doable. It just takes a lot of mental strength and perseverance, but you can do it.

My current girlfriend did something similar (though she didn't technically 'cheat'), and I was an absolute mess. Eventually, we got back together. I asked myself whether I loved her enough to forgive her, and chose to do so. It's been around 9 months since the 'incident' happened, and I can finally say that I think I'm over it! It's so refreshing to be able to say that. I, like you, was marred by harrowing thoughts. But, in the end, you have to let compassion override your ego. Just a warning: your ego will (and is) play(ing) many tricks on you, but, try to negate it dude. Try to remember that the only person that it's doing harm to is yourself. And, moreover, remind yourself that you're getting worked up over something that was nothing more than a miniscule, transient (in the grand scheme of things) experience. Good luck.

Reply 9

jm925

I think there is a bit of a grey area (if they didn't initiate it etc.) and obviously it's entirely up to you, but for me sex would be way over the line. I think more than the jealousy and trust issues that it can bring up, it just shows a kind of lack of thought and respect that I couldn't deal with.

Reply 10

Lotus_Eater

Should you forgive her? Only you can answer that, definitely don't let anyone else's advice sway you though.

Can you forgive her? It really doesn't sound like it. If you can't then it would just be to waste everyone's time to try again.

What you emphatically should do is make a real effort not to let this experience leave you embittered and mistrustful. Easier said than done, but if you end up approaching your next relationship with cynicism, it makes infidelity actually more likely. Good luck.

Reply 11

joker12345

Original post by pinkbullets

I hardly think the first sentence is true - if anything I'd say it's the other way around, in the beginning there's less love and commitment and less to lose. After a long time you're throwing away a lot more.
If you really can't imagine your life without someone and love them all that much, I'd say you'd at least consider forgiving them IF they were honest about it and very apologetic - because after all, people make mistakes.