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Stalking

Firstly I’m sorry for posting anonymously but I’m worried people will know me.

Basically, a few years ago I was stalked by a guy, he wouldn’t leave me alone and nothing I did would stop him. This included the police, my college at the time, friends or work colleagues. No matter where I went he was always there and it ended up in me feeling as though I was cracking up.

I felt like I had to be constantly aware of the people around me. It was as though he had taken over me, life wasn’t about me anymore, it was more about where he might be/do/say and how to avoid it all. I literally became stuck in my own house so I didn’t see him. It got so bad though that he was phoning, sending stuff, waiting outside my house for me or following me about. I was terrified. In the end we moved house.

It went away for a few years but just lately I’ve been getting dodgy emails, really nasty phone calls and awful things though the post. I know it could be all coincidental but I’m petrified that it’s him again. I’m getting panic attacks and I’m getting to the point where I don’t want to leave my house again. I’m petrified.

I know I’m pathetic. I know I’m probably over-reacting. I know I should probably just slap myself and get on with stuff, but I am so scared, and that’s hard to admit :redface:

It’s as thought it’s ruined my life and I don’t want it to. I find it pretty much impossible to trust people, especially guys, and I can’t talk to people openly about myself. How am I meant to make life bearable? I’ve tried counselling and it didn’t work. I’m just so scared it’s all happening again, and I can’t cope, I have nobody and I've never felt this alone :bawling:

Reply 1

WokSz

Well, you should contact the police. They are, at this very moment, your best solution. You are correct to feel petrified as this may be serious. You're not crazy, and panicking is what I would also do. Just call the police and give them a copy of the emails and mail you've been getting. Tell them that you also placed a report on a stalker previously.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I've already contacted the police, was completely pointless. Basically if I don't provide solid evidence I have no case - he'll get away with it again, providing it's the same person.

The emails are sent by an anon emailer, and I've had to change my mobile.

I feel like I've done everything I can do, but I still feel scared. I thought I was over this and I'm simply now, how hard is that to admit?! I'm weaker than I thought and I'm not coping very well at all. :frown:

Reply 3

victoria52

For a start you are not being daft or silly nor are you weak. You have a genuine reason to be scared over these recent incidents. I would advise that you report these to the police as well as making sure they know the history between you and this guy give them copies of the emails letters etc. they might not be able to do anything now but they can keep it on record and build up a case if it is the same guy. Dont tell yourself that your overreacting or there is no point as there is. you are scared its as good a reason as any. You say councilling didnt help in the past but maybe you could try again? Or if you feel professionals dont help try confiding in someone you trust, keeping your fears and concerns to your self will not help you in the long run. please feel free to contact me if you wish to confide in someone you dont know i promise to listen and advise where i can but i really cant emphasise enough to get this documented with the police at least.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Thanks for the reply Victoria. Like I say the police are less than helpful, and at the moment I feel like I have no friends to confide in - I'm so alone :frown:

I try to tell myself it *can't* be him, not twice, but it's getting harder and harder to believe that, so it's getting more impossible to cope.

I guess with the way things are with other stuff I'm finding it hard to cope. I feel like it's all happening again and I can't deal with it. I just don't know what to do anymore :bawling:

Reply 5

Roll-The-Dice-And-Win

hire a PC expert and u can trace the emails...
and with phone calls call ure provider and explain them the situation

Reply 6

victoria52

Right have you kept everything you have been sent? If yes good if not start keeping it and build up a folder. It is awful that the police are being less than supportive but keep in mind the more you have to show them the less they can ignore it. With your previous experiance i can understand why this is so terrifying for you and why you feel that you cant cope. Dont rule out professional input even if you keep it as an emergancy measure (ie if you feel like ending it all) Perhaps you could find a womens self defence class in your area to build up your security and ability to get away from a potential situation. Relaxation sessions may also be an idea as you will be highly stressed by current events and relaxation (used regularly) can reduce your stress and anxiety levels making it eaiser to cope. And again confide in someone even if it is just to vent your frustrations as this in itself can reduce anxiety levels!

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Can't deny I've never thought about ending it all, I seriously feel as thought he's going to get the better of me no matter what I do. I haven't kept the emails as sometimes it's just easier to delete them than read them :redface:

I've changed my phone number too so I haven't had any nasty texts as of yet.

I've tried Tai Chi for relaxation as well as self defence but I went to the classes alone cos nobody would come and in the end it wasn't worth it cos I was worried about walking home alone afterwards.

I know I sound ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC but I basically have no idea what I can do. Sometimes it just seems easier to move away and start afresh but I feel a little bit of me is yelling at me telling me not to let him and what happened affect me, but I'm afraid it still does and the fact that it always will scares me :frown:

I'm just stupid and it all seems pointless right now.

Reply 8

victoria52

You are not stupid and you are not being pathetic please take that in! what you are going through is difficult at best and i can understand why you feel like giving up. Please dont. Take control by keeping the letters/emails you get (you dont have to read them just save them to a file on your computer or in a folder) With the classes contact the centre they are being held in and ask if they can arrange for someone in your area to "chum" you(for lack of a better word) to and from sessions. im sure they will be understanding and realise you have a reason for this (you dont have to explain why) Perhaps assertiveness and self confidence training would be an idea. This could be done via a psychologist or mental health nurse at your home (though there could be a waiting list) or at a centre where they could arrange transport to and from. i know that involvement with mental health services can be daunting but they are there to help you deal with what you are going through (they may even be able to help with your dealings with the police) And once again please seek immediate help if thoughts of self harm or suicide become more intense and frequent

Reply 9

victoria52

just as a wee add on the only way he will maintain control over you is if you stop fighting it. just by starting this thread shows you wish to fight the influence which is very positive.

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