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    Thank you for replying. The fog in my mind is slowly stealing away...

    I relied a lot on the fact that the greats had a kind of guidance, an environment that fostered their motivation like a cot does to a growing child who is curious about its surroundings.

    Environment. Not only the profs, but the fellow students. I looked into the halls of some of my local universities, and they're full of people who study just because they want to get a job, a degree, or to satisfy their parents, or their own ego.

    Actually, it was more or less the same at my school, and I thought that the difference of Oxbridge/elites is that the people attending those courses really like what they study.They want to contribute to what they study and not just get a name.
    I wanted to enter such an environment of people similar like me... and who would get a competitive education. Not "competitive" to be better than others, but competitive in the sense that it's highest standards of the field, best equipment, etc. "up to date". How can you "change the world" if you don't know yet what has already been changed?

    I know I'm sounding un-independent. But I think that the best thing about those unis is that they are the right guidance. It would be wasted energy to be a genius working all alone...

    You have a very weird style of writing...

    To be honest OP, I think your perception of Oxbridge is very warped, you've built it up to be something it's not.. the majority of people who go there, they're just normal people, yes they have enthusiasm for their subject but they also work really hard and are not all geniuses, they're not even all the best in the world.
    Most of them graduate to follow a regular career, and many people who go to 'regular' unis turn out to be 'one of the greats' or to 'change the world.'

    I think, that possibly not getting in can be the best thing that could have happened to you at this stage in your life. You judge everything you are by this university, and if you went there, you'd realise it couldn't really fufill your hapiness and you would have never had the chance to realise who you really are, and what you really want from life. Think about it.
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